August 19, 2010

Last gasp

Well, our last blast of summer was certainly memorable.

We went to a Great Wolf Lodge nearby in Grapevine. We thought it would be great for all three kids, since it looked like it had something for everyone. And it's all indoors, so no sweating like a horse, slathering ourselves in sunscreen and trying to escape the sun. On top of that, they have some indoor activities that aren't water related, so when we got all pruney there would be something to do besides sit in the room and watch tv.

Our first afternoon started out well. The water was a tad chilly, but the kids were getting a kick out of the whole place. Sure, the girls weren't interested in any but the smallest slides, and Owen freaked out going down one of the infant pool slides and never went down another before we left, but overall they just love being wet. After a couple hours, I had a bit of a headache from the humidity or the chemicals or just because I'm me. Rex took the girls out to find cheap snacks and dinner, and I took Owen to our room for a much needed nap. We spent the evening on a rather confusing high tech scavenger hunt (during which Jamie tripped or misjudged or something and went chin first into a giant window), took in some ice cream, the clock tower show and storytime, and headed to bed. The kids were out cold post haste.

This is where I would normally start complaining about how early the kids got us up, but the
fire alarms beat us to it. At 5:15, strobes started going off in the bedroom, with that annoying fire alarm sound and a recording asking us to escape through the nearest exit. We spent an hour outside, wondering what was going on, and nearly another hour waiting in the lobby restaurant waiting for the all clear to go back to our room. We never saw any evidence of fire, unless you count the long line of fire trucks and the fans on the first floor blowing out a smoke-machine-scented haze.

We spent a couple hours "resting," which is code for "Rex and I dozed while the kids watched PBS." Rex took our stuff out to the car while I checked out, and then we hit the water park again. We were comped breakfast for our "trouble," but since we had already eaten, we had an early lunch of breakfast all over again. Rex ran out to the van to get some cash for a tip, where he found out back window shattered, but still mostly intact. Sure, why not? Might as well get this months crap all over with in one day. I called our insurance, but our deductible is way more than the cost of a new window, so I locked our valuables in the floor storage and went back in for a few more hours at the water park (the girls actually rode the big slides, although Katie was the only one who really enjoyed them). We were about done anyway when Jamie had some kind of teary meltdown, so we headed out to the van to clear the largest part of the glass out of the window and head home.

I wouldn't exactly put this down as our best family vacation, but in spite of everything that happened, I wouldn't call it a bust, either. I think the kids had fun, the room was nice, the towels (in the room, anyway) were nice and fluffy, and the waterpark was fun, in good shape and had enough different activities to keep us all entertained.

Overall, a win.

Posted by me at 10:24 PM | Comments (0)

June 10, 2010

Update in pictures

I was going to write a little ode to Katie turning 5, but since her birthday was over a month ago and that hasn't happened (but a lot of other stuff has), I'm going to take you on a photographic journey instead. Here goes:

Five!

Belt test

Jamie earned red, Katie earned blue!

I baked...

And baked...

For the bounce house party. (Easiest and most awesome party EVER.)

There was puking (I'll spare you a picture), then a gymnastics exhibition. Jamie was awesome!

Katie won the trophy for her age group! I was so proud I may have teared up a bit. (Shhh, don't tell anyone that I really have a heart!)

Katie had a music program and graduation ceremony.

And everybody sat down at the same time.

Katie's last day of preschool...EVER!

I wanted to include Owen, and found this awesome picture of him, taken by Jamie! She even caught her reflection in her sunglasses!

The end!

Posted by me at 9:16 PM | Comments (1)

April 1, 2010

Suck

Last night, Owen threw a big ol' fit at bedtime. It started when I didn't let him play with his water cup, got worse when I took him at his word when he yelled "NO" when I asked him if he wanted his story and paci, and hit supersonic when he punched me in the neck with the paci when I gave it to him and I put him to bed without it.

Normally, I would have given the paci back to him when he calmed down enough to be reasonable about taking it, but it occurred to me that he shouldn't have the damn thing anyway. I had promised myself that I'd have him weaned off it by the time he was two, but I've been selfishly enjoying my sleep too much to mess with it. In the last few months he seems to have grown more attached to the thing, making me think this whole process isn't going to be pleasant.

I'm feeling a bit guilty (me, feel guilty?) about the way I started this, on a tantrum and not with a reasonable explanation and a big hug. The end result would probably have been the same though, some screeching and begging and hours later some sad calls for Daddy. And things have worked out well since then, with the reasonable explanation happening at naptime today (about half a dozen times), followed by 10 minutes or so of halfhearted complaints. Tonight, Rex only had to tell him the paci's were gone once or twice, and that was the end of it. I'm not fool enough to think that this is the end of the story, but it seems to be going well so far.

And yes, I still wish I had done last night a little differently. Maybe we could have avoided some of the screaming. But I don't think he's going to be permanently scarred, and I do think that it needed to be done.

Now, I have to go hide those damn pacifiers before he sees one.

Posted by me at 10:27 PM | Comments (0)

March 30, 2010

It's going to be just fine

Jamie and her friend K have been planning a playdate for weeks. Jamie asked a couple times, and when I didn't jump fast enough, she brought home her friend's phone number (and sent ours home with K). K's mom emailed me, but the days didn't work, and then there was Spring Break and grandparents and stuff and finally we've gotten our shit together and we've got a date.

Jamie will be going to K's house, which is only a few blocks away. Her mom has offered to just pick Jamie up at school with K, letting me know that she has an extra booster seat. She's asked about food allergies and issues, if a snack is ok, and how the school wants us to handle the change in transportation. Jamie and K were in Kindergarten together, I've talked to her mom on the phone and through email several times, and we've met in person, although we haven't exchanged more than pleasantries. K and her dad were recently here for Jamie's birthday party. I'm totally comfortable with this.

And then this afternoon, it occurred to me that I've never been to their house. It didn't even cross my mind until I was arranging for Jamie to ride to their house. And I can't even peek in the door, since I won't be taking her.

The thing is, I'm pretty sure this not checking thing makes me a bad mom. I mean, for all I know they do lines of coke on the coffee table and have a gun propped by the door. I should probably be going with her for at least part of this first date. Maybe I should be asking some deep, it-shouldn't-offend-you-cause-I'm-just-looking-out-for-my-kid questions.

My gut, though, is not concerned. I'm confident that I'm sending her to normal, safe house for an afternoon of fun. I am feeling a little guilty and weird, but it's because I haven't met the gold standard of parenting. And then I worry that I'm just justifying my laziness and fear of offending someone by claiming that I'm having faith in humanity and my instincts. I'm worried that K's mom will think I'm not a good mother because I didn't background check her before sending my kid off with her.

And then I think, just let go already.

Posted by me at 4:01 PM | Comments (3)

March 22, 2010

Two

I can't believe it's been two years since this happened to me. Two years since the boy I was scared I wouldn't love enough arrived. Two years since my sweet little man was born.

Owen slays me with his cuteness every day. He has the shortest tantrums I've ever seen, and they always end with a huge grin. He never stops talking, and constantly amazes me with the words he remembers and the connections he makes. He can entertain himself for long stretches at a time, but loves to follow along with whatever game his sisters rope him into. He loves wearing "princess" shoes and Pirate Pete, his lentil-stuffed buddy. When I tell him it's naptime, he says "No!" and within 5 minutes comes and tells me it's time for him to take a nap. This weekend, he slept in until 8 and 8:30. (This currently makes him my favorite child. It would be swell if the girls could take turns trying to take the title away from him.) He is sweet and snuggly and he gives the best hugs and "I love you, Mama"s.

Of course, he also talks all. the. time. He repeats "Mama" over and over, never actually getting to any point. He eats yogurt, cheese, crackers, milk and a smattering of fruits. He still uses a pacifier, in spite of my pledge that he be done by age 2. (To be fair, I haven't pushed the issue. See sleeping, above.) He's an incredibly agreeable child, as long as he's getting exactly what he wants. He has no interest in the potty.

He's the little man I never knew I needed.

Happy Birthday, Stinkbug!

Posted by me at 10:13 PM | Comments (0)

March 18, 2010

I'm in absolute denial that my baby is going to turn 2 on Monday.

WILL. NOT. HAPPEN.

Posted by me at 8:54 PM | Comments (0)

March 17, 2010

Seven

Seven is appreciative of each gift, instead of the volume of gifts.

Seven can read her own birthday cards.

Seven is patient and careful with her craft, and turns out beautiful work.

Seven has a posse of friends, with their own inside jokes.

Seven hosts the party, while the adults watch and assist.

Seven has come so very, very far, in the blink of an eye.

Posted by me at 9:50 PM | Comments (0)

March 13, 2010

Think pink

No, I'm not pregnant.

No, really!

On Thursday, Owen had a green eye booger, followed by another green eye booger. I knew something was coming.

Friday morning, he woke up with one eye puffy and gooped shut. I started working a doctor's appointment into my day, but by the time the office opened his eyes were clearer and the puffiness less apparent.

At 11 on Friday, as my dad was preparing lunch so he and Katie could run over to the school to eat with Jamie, the nurse called. Jamie's eyes were goopy, and could I come get her?

The earliest appointment I could get was four hours out, by which time Owen's eyes were filled with green slime, and Jamie's were clearer, but she looked like she was just coming in from a hard night on the town, including possible illegal substances. A diagnoses of pink eye was no surprise.

Owen's 3am wake up scream was less expected. Poor kid woke up with his eyes stuck shut and was a little, uh, disturbed.

Luckily, a day and a half of eye drops has made all the difference. The down side is that I'm becoming a hypochrondriac, thinking that with every itch of my eyes, I'm being dragged down like a chubby, out-of-shape gazelle by the hyena of pink eye. And Katie has so far avoided any eye goo, but is instead running a fever and looking all wrung out. Is it possible to get pink eye of the whole body?

Posted by me at 9:43 PM | Comments (0)

January 13, 2010

I settled for wine

I'm hoping this post makes sense, but I'm writing it after I opened a bottle of wine. And since I don't want to waste any of it, who knows what kind of mental state I'll be in by the time I finish writing.

I hadn't really thought of this week as being too trying, and I guess as a week, it wasn't too bad. Even today started off improving the week, but it ended with something of a bang. Or sort of a squish.

On Tuesday, Owen got the runs. Not the normal, ate-too-much-fruit-and-his-diaper-exploded run, although I didn't know that at the time. I didn't really get it until it ate the skin off his butt, and he learned the work "Ow." Until I was trying to dry his skin and realized the reason it wasn't drying was because it was weeping puss. He woke up over and over after bedtime, because he would go a drop or two and it would burn so bad he would cry for me.

Wednesday was better, but still heartbreaking. He still cried at every diaper change, but there weren't so many of them. He still fought being wiped, but he didn't freak out every time a drop of something hit his diaper.

By today, he was red and sad, but not in pain anymore, thank goodness.

And then Katie woke up with a frog in her throat and a god-awful sounding cough. Within ten minutes, she was sounding a hundred times better. I had already prepped her for staying home, but it wasn't long after she woke up, she was asking for breakfast and sounding nearly normal. She had no temperature, and when I asked her, she wanted to go to school.

At dinner, she didn't do much eating. Then she started coughing up her milk. Then she started looking so rough I was afraid she wasn't breathing. (She was, but WHOA.) She wouldn't talk, but I got her to admit her throat hurt. I got her up from the table and took her straight to the after hours clinic. By the time we got there, she looked a lot better, although she still wouldn't talk. As soon as the doctor confirmed a sore throat and a prescription and walked out the door, she started chatting like we were on some sort of girl's day out. She wanted to go with me to pick up her prescription, instead of go home.

THAT was a mistake. I realized halfway to Target that they have a $10 gift card with new prescription coupon online. I figured we could at least drop the thing off, and maybe they would let me use a copy of the coupon if they had one around. Instead, the lady at the pharmacy said that I could print a copy from the registry computers up front, which I could have, if they had the coupon-printer software installed. And also, if I hadn't been interrupted THREE times to run Katie to the bathroom. If I hadn't had to bag a pair of underwear.

In the end, it turns out the coupon was in this week's flyer, which they happened to have a copy of behind the counter. We got our prescription. And the gift card. We got home without having to wash the car seat cover. Katie can talk and breathe and her back end isn't weeping (yet).

I need chocolate.

Posted by me at 10:46 AM | Comments (0)

January 7, 2010

End of story

I thought I had talked more about our dealings with Katie's stomach aches, but i can't find any reference to the GI doc, blood work and other labs, abdominal ultrasound or trying to get an appointment with a pediatric urologist. Damn Twitter and FaceBook and it's simple little updates!

This whole saga started with Katie's repeated complaints of stomach aches. To us, to her teachers, even to my dad when she spent time with him last summer. That touched off a flurry of appointments, tests and medication, starting with her pediatrician, and x-ray, and a prescription for a reflux medication. When that didn't work, we were sent to a pediatric gastroenterologist where she was swabbed, had vials of blood drawn, urine and stool samples taken, and eventually fasting ultrasound to look at her GI tract. All but the ultrasound returned (refreshingly) normal results. The US was a little more troubling. I was driving when the doctor called to tell me his concerns, and the notes I jotted on a scrap of paper while sitting at a derelict gas station say "bladder reflux" and "blunting on kidney." (There's also a note follow up after we see the urologist.) I'm not entirely sure what those notes mean (I get reflux, but what is blunting?), but from what he explained it sounded like she was probably fine, but if the abnormality was severe enough it could cause her problems later on in life. Sold! I'll get right on it.

It took a couple weeks to actually get an appointment. There were several calls that weren't returned, and apparently non-emergency cases were getting booked months out. By the end of October, I finally had an appointment scheduled for early January.

I pretty much put the whole thing out of my mind. I didn't really want to waste my worry on a possible maybe, and there wasn't anything I could do about it (whatever "it" was) anyway. By the first of the year, I'd forgotten all the details of this whole saga, and Katie hadn't mentioned a stomach ache in so long, I couldn't remember the last time she brought it up.

Which pretty much made me look like an idiot at yesterday's appointment. I couldn't remember dates or doctor's names, they were asking me questions about urination and bowel movements that I haven't had the answer to since Katie stopped doing them in her pants, and even those memories have faded. The PA asked tons of questions I barely had answers to, then laid Katie down for a quick ultrasound of her bladder, etc. In the middle, the doctor walked in, told me he had seen the previous US, and everything was fine. Just for kicks, he showed me her left kidney, measured the fluid spot, pronounced it no big deal, shook my hand and left. He was nice, answered the few questions I could come up with, came off as an expert and was still out the door in under 10 minutes.

Well, then.

I guess we're done.

Posted by me at 9:59 PM | Comments (0)

December 8, 2009

The key to getting your preschooler to sleep in

I was startled awake at 3:30 this morning when Katie shoved her hand in my face and said, "it stings." Even in the dark, I could tell what the problem was: massive pruning. I ran my hand down her leg to confirm, and then we headed upstairs to change her pj's and make her bed sleepable.

I'll admit, I don't always change the sheets when the kids wet the bed. In the middle of the night, I mean. I always wash them once everyone is up and awake. In most cases, though, you can just throw a towel over the offending damp spot and everyone gets to go back to sleep.

Not last night. Last night was a two pillow, quilt, blanket, buddy, whole bed kinda night. All that exercise and the effort not to curse when I discovered I was putting a twin fitted sheet on a double bed woke me up and has left me with an alcohol-free hangover and three loads of laundry.

Posted by me at 12:50 PM | Comments (0)

December 7, 2009

Clip clop

Friday night we went to our HOA's annual Christmas thing. Santa and Mrs. Claus are there to hear what kids want for Christmas, read a story and sing carols, cookies and hot chocolate are noshed upon, and a horse drawn wagon does laps around the neighborhood to show off the Christmas lights.

I asked each girl to write a letter to Santa: Jamie jotted off a quick note asking for more princess dress up gear, Katie asked Santa what kind of cookies he would like us to put out. I don't think she quite gets the gimme gimme concept of Santa yet, and for that I'm grateful. (I did tell her she could ask for something from Santa, and she wrote "Barbie." She left off the Barbie car that I had already told her was too much. Apparently her dreams are easily shot down.)

We got there right at the shindig started, hoping to avoid waiting in line for the horse ride like we did last year. It was freezing cold, and we didn't want to hang out outside any longer than we had to. Santa was there right on time, and Owen ran right up to him and sat on his lap like he owned him. The girls followed, listing their wants with a surprising lack of greed. Santa kept asking Owen if he wanted a truck, and Owen kept insisting that he wanted a Barbie. *sigh* We spent some time catching up with some of our neighbors and friends and promising the kids that we would finish up soon and go get dinner.

The guy with the horse showed up half an hour late, and we ended up waiting in line for another half an hour (outside! freezing!) while he hitched the horse up. The ride itself was lovely and uneventful, aside from Owen's obsession with the "neigh." He spent most of the ride leaning almost prone so he could see around the driver and catch glimpses of the horse's ass. The driver was kind enough to let Owen hold one of the reins, and every time it slipped from his hand he would pitch himself forward over the rail to get to it. I think the only word he said during the entire ride was "neigh," his word for horse.

I guess it was worth freezing our asses off, since what I remember about the night was the fun the kids had.

Posted by me at 10:12 PM | Comments (0)

November 28, 2009

4.28: Fairy fingers

Most of the time, Owen is more than happy to play with his sisters. They're running around the house like chickens with their heads cut off? He's right there with them. They hide, he goes looking for them. They sit with me to read a book, he climbs over top of them to get to my lap and be right in the center of it all. When the girls go upstairs to play in the game room, he roams around downstairs, calling their names and trying to get them to join in a nice game of "Run, Piggy, Run."

Since, he's the youngest, Owen is usually happy to follow the girls' lead. The only time he really gets to be in front is when he's chasing after the girls and they come up behind him to lap him. He's ok to let them make up the rules, as long as they aren't too complicated and they don't take too long. Other than that, he's ok with pretending to put on make up, dancing with Cinderella's stepsisters, and marrying both of them in a hurried ceremony that ends with a shrieky rendition of Ring Around the Rosy. He loves to try to copy their gymnastics moves, even though his legs are still too short to push him over through even the simplest forward roll. He does much better running behind them as they relevé and chassé down the hall, holding his arms up in the "pretty" position.

Owen may not end up the most masculine of men, but I imagine his future wife will be grateful that he grew up in a house full of sisters.

Posted by me at 9:43 PM | Comments (0)

November 19, 2009

4.19: I admit, I was wrong about the vapors

But I still think he's a delicate flower.

So yesterday, after running the afternoon activities from my warm spot on the couch, I finally took Rex up on his offer and climbed into bed at 4:30. At 6:30, I rolled over and watched him give the girls their showers, and then I invited everyone up on the bed until it was time for the kids to go to bed.

By 8, Rex and I were both in bed with the lights off.

Sadly, not long after I was up, making repeat trips between the bathroom and the couch. Owen was restless, too, and with the addition of a yowling cat and sore back, not much rest was had before 3.

Then this morning, Jamie didn't want to eat her breakfast (!?!) saying her stomach hurt. I was a little suspicious, but the not eating clinched if for her. Hopefully she won't make the connection for the next time she wants a day off school.

Owen woke up a bit later than usual, which I thought was fitting after his restless night, but apparently should have aroused concern. His first words were "Smoothie! Smoothie!" Ten minutes later Rex was mopping smoothie off the floor while I ran Owen upstairs for a bath. The mess was preceded by a burp, which is how Owen now describes throwing up.

Right now, all three kids are sleeping. (Silver lining, right?) Owen threw up a second time this morning, and then ate Cheerios and drank for 45 minutes straight with no ill effects. I know better than to hope that this is over for him, but it won't stop me. Jamie ate a smidge at lunchtime, but was still complaining of stomach pain before she fell asleep. I'm guessing the expulsion stage is still to come for her. I'm wishing I had some diapers in her size, because I know she's going to be surprised at least once. Katie said she was hungry, but ate like a bird at lunch time. She's not showing any signs of falling like the rest of the herd, but what are the odds she can escape our germs?

Posted by me at 2:47 PM | Comments (0)

November 17, 2009

4.17: So there!

Rex and I were having a discussion about turning Owen's car seat forward facing. Calling it a discussion makes it sound way more heated than it was. Really, Rex mocked me a little and laughed at me for "babying" my baby.

And to be fair, there are ways in which I try to keep my youngest child a baby as long as I can. I nursed him longer than the other two. I probably carry him more than I did the girls at this age. I feed him, rather than letting him wield the spoon more often than I did with my older kids. (Although, to be fair, part of that is that he still lets me, most of the time. The rest is a matter of practicality: If I let Owen have the spoon and applesauce, a bath becomes a certainty. I'm too lazy for all that.)

I retorted that I waited at least as long, if not longer, to turn each of the girls. Hell, Katie didn't even make legal weight until she was 18 months! And I knew that I had waited quite a while with Jamie, that she was almost two.

And because I can never let anything go (Just ask Rex!) I spent an hour tonight looking through my old blog for references to turning car seats.

Jamie got to face forward at 21.5 months.

Katie was just a hair over 20 months.

Owen won't be 20 months until next week, and I plan to turn his seat as soon as the weather gets warm enough for me to want to stay outside.

Take that, Mama mocker!

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go rock my little man to sleep.

Posted by me at 9:02 PM | Comments (0)

November 10, 2009

4.10: Fingernails

A while ago, I noticed that Jamie's nails weren't just short, they were bitten-down-past-the-quick short. I tried having a few talks with Jamie about her habit causing pain and infection. I was about to start down the road of threats and punishments when I had an epiphany: I could reward her for good behavior.

At first, I started with a contest. I bite my nails, too, so I thought we could keep after and encourage each other. I quickly realized that I was too competitive to let my kid beat me, so I put an end to the bet in favor of manicures for both of us when we had a few weeks growth.

Somewhere around here is when Katie started piping up with "I don't bite my nails!" and "Look how long my nails are, Mama!" She certainly shouldn't miss out on the fun because she never had the bad habit in the first place, so I agreed that she could get in on the manicure.

Here's where things go wrong. For weeks, maybe a month, I didn't bite my nails a single time. Jamie made it about a week, got a second chance and blew it, for a third chance and lied about blowing it, and lost her chance at her manicure, at least this go round.

So Katie and I are due to get a manicure, but it's been a good month and we just haven't had the time for the two of us to take off. In that time, most of my nails have broken off and aren't really worth painting. Plus, I bit one. Just one, I swear!

I still owe Katie her manicure, and I'm fine with that, although a little chagrinned at having let things go so long. But I also need a different plan to break Jamie's habit. Anybody have any suggestions?

Posted by me at 10:12 PM | Comments (0)

November 8, 2009

4.8: Revisiting

This morning, we had breakfast at Panera at the mall, and then wandered around, checking out what had changed since the last time we visited, and letting Owen run in the footsteps of his sisters.

It's always odd to wander around that mall, the place where I spent hours letting Jamie become a confident walker, following slowly behind her as she explored. The padded play area that we christened the "Germ Tree" is still there, exactly the same except for 5 years of wear. Katie, too, spent some time soaking in the A/C of our indoor park, following her by then running sister into the Children's Museum that took over one of the department stores. The pet store, upstairs in the back corner, still has kittens in the front window. Owen loved peeking in at them just like the girls did.

On our way back to Grandma's, we drove through our old neighborhood. The first one, with the house Rex and I moved into the week after our wedding. The house brought our first child home to. The house that I could barely see as I cried on our way to the airport when we moved to Maryland. I had pushed for that move, wanted it badly, dreamed about it, but it was crushing to leave all those first memories behind.

And now? That house looks familiar, but it long ago lost any feeling of being mine. I planted those Iris, we replaced a dead tree with that now-giant Bradford Pear, and I drilled into that pristine brink wall to screw in that hose hanger, but it feels like it was a million years ago, a different lifetime. If Rex hadn't gotten that job in Maryland, we could very well still be living there, but I can't picture the life I have now as an extension of the life we had then.

Posted by me at 8:12 PM | Comments (0)

November 6, 2009

4.6: Evolution

Six years ago, I spent every waking minute of every day with Jamie.

Today, she and I occupied the same space for less than two hours.

I still can't believe that in six short years, my tiny, helpless baby has grown into this capable, independent girl child who barely needs me for the everyday details of her life. All those things that I feared I would do for her forever: getting dressed, brushing her teeth, picking up her stuff, wiping her ass. Especially wiping her ass.

She can fetch her own food, even make smart choices nutritionally. I can't tell you how proud I was the day she came home and told me she had chosen a salad over chocolate cake at lunch. I'm not so strong. She reads, to her sister and brother, to me. She writes and illustrates books. She does homework and chores.

She helps me.

Six years ago, I couldn't foresee the day when I wouldn't spend every waking minute with my daughter.

Today, I'm afraid I can see the day where I don't spend a single minute of every day with her.

Posted by me at 9:11 PM | Comments (0)

November 5, 2009

4.5: From her mouth...

On the way home from TKD tonight, the girls started talking about the future. Specifically, going to the same school together again, Owen going to preschool alone, and what grade they'll each be in when Owen starts school. We talked some about me wanting girls or boys, and what I got (usually the opposite), and how I obviously didn't know what I wanted, because I got the perfect kids for me.

Katie started talking about how Owen would be a big brother when he got older, and I explained to her that for Owen to be a big brother, he would have to have a little brother or sister. I told her that since I was done having kids, that would never happen.

She told me that it was up to God if we would have more kids.

Uh.

I explained to her that the crotch surgery Rex had last year was to make sure that we couldn't have any more kids. Still, she told me, God would decide if we were going to have more kids.

I'm starting to wonder if she has a direct line to God.

And if I should have gotten rid of all that baby gear.

Posted by me at 8:30 PM | Comments (0)

November 4, 2009

4.4: Jamie and the Purple Belt

On Saturday morning, Jamie tested for (and passed!) purple belt. I haven't spent much time watching her work out in a long time, that's something Rex has taken over, since he's also learning TKD. I stay home where it's acceptable for Owen to run wildly around the house, shouting and carrying odd objects from room to room.

When Jamie first started learning katas, the process was a nightmare for everyone. She just wasn't catching on, I had issues with the teaching process (for once someone else's!), and Rex just couldn't understand why she didn't get it already. She finally mastered Cheon-Ji after months of struggles on all our parts. And when I say mastered, I mean she had learned the pattern, not that she did it crisply, with power or intent.

The next kata, Dan-Gun, went much faster. It was as if something clicked in her, and she was finally putting her amazing memory to use. Still, she moved sloppily, running movements together and pathetically extending her arm instead of punching with power.

She's now in the process of learning her sixth kata. I'm not sure when the change happened, like I said, I haven't watched her work out much lately. But she is AMAZING. She made each movement separately, crisply, powerfully. It was like watching a different kid.

Way to go, Jamie. You EARNED this, and I'm so incredibly proud of you!

Posted by me at 11:23 AM | Comments (0)

November 2, 2009

4.2: Halloween

Halloween was a little rushed this year. Last week was downright crazy, making up for Rex and I being out of town half the week and the weekend before. I thought I had things well in hand, but I just hadn't looked carefully enough at the calendar to see what was ahead. On top of that, it was cold and rainy most of the week, making decorating ahead of time impossible.

On the up side, everything that had to be done got that way. We had friends come on Saturday that go above and beyond even our usual heathen celebration. No one lost their shit (except Owen, when I tried to get all three kids in one picture. And even that made me laugh a bit.) There was tons of candy.

And we had FUN.

Owen really got into Trick-or-Treating this year. At the very first house, he managed to get up to the front of our herd of kids, but wasn't sure what to do after something was dropped into his bag. He just stood there, staring at the man who had given him something. After about 30 seconds, the man asked if Owen wanted more. "More?" Owen repeated, after the man generously dropped in another treat.

After that, he tried his best to run with the big kids. He held his bag out expectantly, and he said thank you when prompted.

And every now and then, he'd pipe up with an adorable little "More?"

Posted by me at 12:18 PM | Comments (0)

October 26, 2009

Refreshed

How is it that 2 minutes after we left the airport to drive home, our vacation already felt like a dream, like it happened so long ago I can barely remember the details?

Good thing I took a ton of pictures. Too many to even want to start sifting through, so many that for some events, I nearly have a video of stills.

When we walked in the door, we were appropriately loved, and then tossed over again for Grandpa as though we had never left. I hear that means my children are independent and well adjusted and confident in our love.

I'm glad they're so well off.

When Owen had his customary fit this morning over Rex taking Jamie to school and leaving him behind, then ran past my open arms to fling himself at my dad, I was about crushed. For the rest of the morning, he treated me like the visitor.

So I punished him by taking him for his repeat flu shot, and he fell right back into my arms again. I guess he likes the tough love.

I'm glad the kids enjoyed their time without us. We got glowing reports for each of them, and they've offered no complaints of their own.

And I'm glad that Rex and I enjoyed our time without them. Much of the time, I didn't even really miss them, although I was past eager to get home and hold them again.

There's something to be said for time apart, even from the ones you love the most.

Posted by me at 7:51 PM | Comments (0)

October 13, 2009

Sorry, plain flavor only

It's been 3 weeks since Owen consumed his last human dairy product, and I'm still producing at least enough milk to cream your morning coffee. Apparently all his nipple poking and boob cupping is keeping his pump primed, just in case I decide to give in.

Posted by me at 10:44 PM | Comments (0)

September 26, 2009

Unleashed

All my kids start out shy. Polite, sweet, but quiet when we're out in the world. Katie sort of took that description to extremes.

After a year of attending TKD three times a week, every week, she would still only greet the instructor verbally about half the time.

At preschool, she was hesitant to tell the teachers (whom she professed to love, at home) that she needed to go to the bathroom. She never wanted to interrupt. I'd be willing to bet she never said a word that wasn't an answer to a direct question.

In gymnastics, her coach told me excitedly that she had finally starting talking, that when the other girls would cut in front of her in line, she might actually mention to the coach that Katie thought it was her turn. She had only been attending regularly for 9 months or so.

And then, about a month ago, she decided to become outgoing.

I was shocked at her behavior in gymnastics. She was (slightly obnoxiously) calling "Look at me! Look at me Miss Amanda!" Loud enough that you could hear her all over the gym. Repeatedly. Out of turn, even.

I've never heard her do such a thing in public, except to family.

When I asked her about it on the way home, she matter of factly said "I'm not going to be shy anymore."

Since that day, she's been more outgoing at school. She's still described as "sweet," "cuddle bug," "well behaved" and "good listener", but she's also gone from "soft spoken" to "talks more and more." She's proudly informed me that she's asked to go to the bathroom when she needs to go.

Of course, the Katie I see hasn't changed much. The one that hasn't stopped talking to me since the first day we dropped Jamie off at preschool. The one that can be funny, or bratty, that yells at her sister when things don't go her way. I'm proud of the way she's coming into herself, growing up, growing out.

And now I get to share her, the good and the bad, with the rest of the world. Go out and get 'em, girl!

Posted by me at 9:56 PM | Comments (1)

September 24, 2009

It is done.

I just nursed Owen for the last time.

I should have just put him down without nursing him, but when I fed him yesterday I didn't know that that might be the last time, and I didn't take the time to really appreciate it.

I think it may have been worse, knowing that this time was the last. The last time he'll snuggle in the crook of my arm, contentedly sucking away. Letting me rub his back and his belly and kiss his head without wiggling or protesting. The last time we'll share the one thing that no one else has been able to give him, to do with him.

I'm not ready for this.

Posted by me at 9:50 AM | Comments (0)

September 22, 2009

Eighteen months

Today, Owen is 18 months old.

My baby disappears more and more every day. He becomes less my sweet and innocent little baby nugget and more an opinionated, stubborn bundle of active personality every day.

The last few weeks in particular have seen a lot of change. His sleeping habits have gone in the toilet, with him waking up early, and then needing a nap soon after, which leaves him overtired at bedtime, which isn't helping him sleep later. He's being weaned, bit by bit, and it's making him angry, crabby and cranky. He's started throwing tantrums, which are likely fueled by tiredness, that last longer are harder to short circuit than before. Add to that last week's chipped tooth, this afternoon's bonk on a sharp edged shelf and tonight's teeth through the lip (AGAIN), and it feels like I'm caring for a screaming, abusive, accident prone little sex maniac.

Which isn't to say that Owen doesn't have his redeeming qualities. He's still cute as hell, and he can be quite the charmer when he wants to be. He's extremely well behaved, as long as he wants to do what you want him to do. He's thoughtful enough to throw food on the floor for the cat, and as a little snack for himself for later. He's sleeping through the night, at least right up until about an hour before he needs to be up. And he often blows me kisses without prompt as he's carried up to bed.

Owen is picking up new words every day. He loves to mimic the sounds we make, the ows, mmmms, yums and oofs. His verbal skills seem to be progressing more slowly than the girls', but then Jamie was a late talker who exploded verbally once she started talking. Owen started saying actual words a bit later than average, I guess, and while he is regularly picking up words, he hasn't started putting two words together except on rare occasions. He's polite enough to repeat the word "please," but amost never offers it on his own.

Food-wise, he's still crazy picky. What he loves one day he may refuse outright the next. With the exception of yogurt, I can't think of a single thing that he's guaranteed to eat. Applesauce, oyster crackers, eggs, Cheerios (preferably on the floor) and more recently grapes are high on his list.

He's picky, mercurial, loud, violent, exhausted, and when he holds my cheeks in his hands and plants a kiss on my lips he is my sweet, sweet baby boy.

Posted by me at 10:15 PM | Comments (0)

September 17, 2009

Cracked

You know how you do the same thing, day after day, and you get so bored you wish something would happen that would shake things up?

And then something happens, and all you want is your boring routine back?

The morning started off as usual: Owen was up too early, Jamie went off to school, I took a shower while Owen and Katie tortured the cat in the bathroom, then I dropped Katie off at school and Owen and I went straight to Target for some groceries. Even his fussiness at being forced to shop when he was tired was becoming commonplace.

When he tripped, it was nothing new. It looked like he might have hit his mouth when he fell so he was crying, but that happens at least once a week, too.

Now the large chunk of his left front tooth that was missing? THAT was new.

It didn't bleed, the crying stopped more quickly than I expected (especially since I was still looking for a wound when he stopped) and within a minute he was back to his usual self, if still a bit grumpy that I wouldn't let him empty the shelves of chocolate bits.

I wasn't quite sure what to do next. I went ahead and left a message with his ped, since I wasn't sure if at that age I had to deal with a doctor or a dentist, although my biggest question was really about the little sharp point the break had created. Could I file that down with an emery board, or would that do some kind of damage? (No wonder my ped calls me an underreactor.) Long story short, I was referred to a children's dentist in our town, although I didn't actually get a name or number, just a location in our town's shopping center.

When Owen woke up early from his nap (Yay! Still not enough sleep!) I figured we might as well drop by and see if we needed an appointment on our way to pick up Katie. Instead, we ended up being seen, getting two x-rays, got the pointy bit filed down and a flouride treatment. All in under 30 minutes. Those people are my new best friends. They didn't even laugh at me for not knowing who we had dental insurance through.

Whether or not Owen will keep the tooth is still up in the air. We have to watch to see if the tooth dies or becomes infected, and apply flouride treatments for the next couple months. If nothing changes, he'll just have a snaggle tooth for the next 5 years or so and a very unique smile.

Posted by me at 8:20 PM | Comments (0)

September 16, 2009

Weighty matters

I know it's only been a couple of weeks, but this whole weight/exercise thing is really starting to bring me down. After another week of doing some form of exercise every day, and carefully watching what I eat (and resisting, oh, the resisting!) I've managed to gain another .2 pounds. The hell?!?

I know everyone (including me!) says that muscle weighs more than fat, yada yada yada, and your clothes are fitting better, right?

NO!

If anything, my shorts are more snug, and I appear no smaller, tighter or toner in the mirror than I did two weeks ago. The only benefit I've seen so far is that I don't want to cry so much after I do the plank or those sit-up things where you keep your legs off the ground the whole time. I know that should be some sort of victory, but dammit, I WANT RESULTS.

Here's where I stand on the goals:

1. I think I'm going to have to add to the exercise. Maybe add more to the ab toning workout I do every other day.
2. I can't eat much less. As it is, I'm wondering if I'm not eating enough, and between that and the nursing, my body is trying to hold on to some fat. Stupid body LISTEN TO WHAT THE MOUTH IS SAYING. I could eat better, more fruits and veggies. For some reason, I'm totally off healthy food right now, and while I'm fairly sure it's a phase, I need to grow out of it.
3. I've cut the boy down to two feedings a day. He's not happy about the lack of boobie, but at least he isn't asking for it in the morning. I'll try to drop another one in the next week or so, although it's going to be tough since we're having some sleeping issues right now.
4. Lose 5 pounds in 5 weeks. It's possible, but that sure is cutting it close.

And here are my stats so far:

• 9/3 139.4
• 9/9 140.6
• 9/16 140.8

Posted by me at 11:23 AM | Comments (0)

September 4, 2009

Cloudy with a chance of barf

It's been one hell of a week.

Actually, it didn't start out so bad. Jamie still admits to loving school, Katie had her first day of preschool without a hint of anxiety (that I could see. And I was really looking!) Tae Kwon Do, Ice Cream Social at the school...

And then I had to plunge the downstairs toilet. I'm still not sure what clogged it. It actually looked like something came up, as opposed to something big being forced down. But after a couple minutes of scrambling, trying to find the plunger, everything worked it's way down just fine. Minor inconvenience.

Not going to let a tiny little white puffy cloud spoil my sunshiney week.

It was just after midnight when I heard my name being called from upstairs. Just once or twice, enough to wake me up and get me moving, but without any real urgency. In fact, by the time I was halfway up the stairs, I wondered if I had dreamed being called at all. I peeked my head in the girls room, anyway, just to make sure. That's when Jamie told me she had puked in her bed.

Oh, boy, had she puked in her bed.

How can a meal pass entirely through your GI tract in under 24 hours, but still be swirling around in your stomach in it's entirety 6 hours after you ate it? The upside is that most of the mess was in the middle of the bed, with just some minor drippage off the one side that landed on Katie's bed. Way better than the night of down-the-ladder. (I really do like bunk beds, most of the time.

I started stripping and remaking Jamie's bed while she changed, and then laid out on the floor. I was halfway through yanking the bottom sheet into place when I realized making the bed was stupid, since Jamie should really be sleeping somewhere more, uh, toilet accessible. Right about that time, Jamie made my point by running to the bathroom. I finished anyway, since I was already up there sweating, banged the crap out of my knee on the ladder, and stripped (and made) Katie's bed.

I sent Jamie on her way to the couch and bent to gather enough laundry to keep my washer busy most of the next day. That's when Katie started crying that she wanted someone to sleep with her. Oh, for... Talked Katie into having a good dream about butterflies, and then finally went down and got Jamie settled, then, uh, yeah, and then I got her settled again. She's apparently quite ok with barfing alone in the middle of the night, as long as she has her bowl, so I think I got to sleep in until 5, when Owen woke up the first time.

Jamie was pretty rung out the next morning, going so far as to fall asleep on the couch again before I had to take Katie to preschool. Luckily, she woke up before we had to leave, but I had to make the poor kid ride in the van (with barf bag). With as much energy as she showed, I probably could have left her home for the 20 minutes or so I was gone, but then I couldn't have blogged about it for fear CPS would be a knockin' at my door. As it was, I parked the van in front of the front door, asked the director to keep an eye out on the van, and Owen and I ran Katie into class. Cannot wait for the dropoff/pickup line to start. I was glad I didn't leave her in the middle of the parking lot, since I saw not one but TWO cops dropping kids off. I was nervous enough with the director on my side.

Around lunchtime, Jamie felt good enough to have some milk, and then some water and a bit of bread. Thank goodness she made it to the bathroom before that came back up, although I wish she had made the extra two feet to the toilet. By the time I was done, that entire bathroom had been scrubbed in ways it hadn't since we moved in.

Luckily, that was the last of yesterday's barf. It wasn't the last of the drama, thought. Owen managed to dump a cup of milk all over the couch and the carpet (I'm hoping I got that up, because I'm not fond of the smell of rotting milk in my living room.) and there was a bit of a poop incident with Katie. We generated 5 loads of laundry in 12 hours yesterday. Thank god I don't have to beat it on a rock.

I'm happy to say that in hindsight, I totally should have just sent Jamie to school today. The fever is gone, no one but the cat puked today, and eating and complaining have returned to normal levels.

Posted by me at 5:52 PM | Comments (1)

September 2, 2009

Tummy trouble

Monday night I was going to post a rant about how Katie had a stomach ache that somehow turned into an issue with the insurance company over a $200+ prescription, but in the end, the whole thing worked out for the price of a $35 copay and a return trip to Target that I needed to make anyway. Goody for me and my checkbook, but not so much fun to write.

I suppose I may as well document the visit, in any case. It's that or tell you about the way my husband avoids doing things by pretending that HE CAN'T EVEN HEAR ME.

Anyway.

Last spring, Katie had mentioned a couple times that her stomach hurt. She even told her preschool teachers once or twice (which is astounding in itself, since she wouldn't even tell them when she had to pee.) It only happened occasionally, and at the time, I chalked it up to the stress of the boy she was concerned about.

She still mentioned her stomach a few times after summer break started, though, and even brought it up to her grandpa a few times while she was in Maryland visiting him.

In the meantime, she got an ear infection, and then swimmer's ear. She would mention ear pain maybe once a day, even several days into the infections. I'm sure her ears must have been quite painful, but apparently she's incredibly stoic.

So that clinched it. I'm normally hesitant to make doctor's appointments for things like a stomach ache, because really, how can you pin that down? I don't want to waste my time to hear that it's gas pain or a plea for attention (and to be fair, I'm not sure that some of her complaints weren't for the attention factor. Especially after she came bouncing into my office one day and told me it hurt pretty bad, with a giant smile on her face.) but at this point, I'm starting to get concerned.

Luckily, our doctor knows me well enough to realize that if I'm concerned, there's probably a good reason. He took me seriously enough to follow up a "relatively benign" physical exam with an x-ray (that showed that her colon was enlarged on the left side, which would have been expected if she were "backed up," something Katie, uh, never is). We're going to try a 3-4 week course of Prevacid, and if that doesn't help, he'll refer us to a gastroenterologist.

It took a couple days to get everything straightened out with Katie's prescription, during which time she kept walking around saying things like "Do you have my medicine yet, Mama? I need my medicine." like a tiny little addict. I'm starting to wonder if I could have fixed the whole thing with a week's worth of sugar pills.

Posted by me at 11:46 AM | Comments (0)

August 26, 2009

I'm totally going to take the credit for her

Ahhh, the kids are in bed. My favorite time of the day.

Today was Jamie's third day of school, and I think I'm mostly adjusted to the fact that on one random day, then for the next nine months, I shove her out the door at earlyfreakingthirty in the morning to play and learn with others for the next seven hours. Somehow, that seemed even odder to me this year than last. What I haven't adjusted to is the crazy early wake-up we've had to return to. For the first time since I had kids, I was finally getting to sleep in a reasonable amount almost every day, thanks to the combination of summer vacation, PBS and Owen's ability to actually sleep in if he's tired.

I finally understand why parents like summer break.

Back to Jamie's first day. Jamie loves school. The kids, the teachers, the special activities. She has no hesitation or nervousness or social anxiety. She actually said, "and tomorrow I get to wake up EARLY!"

Had I not heaved her from my body, I would not believe that child is mine.

I cried every night before the first day of school. Would my friends still like me? What if I didn't know anybody? What if everything I knew about school was different this year.

It's a wonder I'm not on mood enhancers.

I still have the same issues today. If I'm invited to a girl's night, I worry no one else will show up. (The horror is just as bad if I'm hosting, since I've actually *had* no one show up.) The house isn't lit like a Christmas tree? Maybe I came on the wrong night. What if no one wants to talk to me? What if I say something incredibly stupid? (Again, I have precedent.)

Jamie is so confident that she just assumes that everyone will like her, that they will want to play her games, her way, and listen to her go on and on with all the rules. I keep worrying that some mean kid (or let's face it, one that just gets fed up with her bossy bossiness) is going to take her down a peg, but I'm not entirely sure Jamie has any pegs below freakishly overconfident.

I'm so glad that she doesn't seem to have many worries, that her fears are usually simple and short-lived. I'm not sure how I created that creature, through my amazing genetics or my stellar parenting or through sheer dumb luck, but I'm so grateful that she's mine.

Posted by me at 8:03 PM | Comments (0)

August 23, 2009

Summer's last hurrah

We spent last week in Gulf Shores, Al, enjoying the sand, surf and Tropical Storm Claudette with family friends. Rather than try to recap a whole lot of laying around and hole digging, I'm just going to do a The Numbers: Gulf Shores 2009 a la Chris.

Without further ado:

States visited: 5
Hours in the car: 25
Days spent in swimsuits: 7
Tropical storms headed our way: 1
Times we ordered pizza for dinner: 2
Pounds gained (by me): 4
Days the kids slept in: 1
Days the kids claimed they slept in: 7
Times kids got up in middle of night: 0
Sand castles built: 4
Pictures taken: 487
Clams caught: 1,386
Clams released alive: 1,385
Clams found the next day in the beach bag: 1
Times we talked about doing this again next year: 6
Hours spent talking to other adults while Apple products entertained the children: 9
Hours enjoyed: All of them

Next up: Jamie's first day of 1^st grade. Sometimes I can't believe that kid is mine!

Posted by me at 10:04 AM | Comments (0)

July 28, 2009

Fifteen

Wanna know how far behind I am on my little list of post ideas? Owen turned 16 months LAST WEEK.

That makes the title a little dated, to say the least.

At 15 months, Owen was starting to say a few words somewhat regularly. Some words he would say several times for a few days, and then they would disappear completely. Like, say, Mama.

At 16 months, Owen seems to be picking up new words every day. He has some standards, like Hi, Bye, Mamamamama (Always at the top of his lungs), Meow, Dog and Ice. Then he has his specialty words, the ones that start with "B" and "P". Poo, potty, Boo(bie), Poo(kie), Bike and Bird. He's constantly pointing out new things and inquiring as to what they might be called, although he can rarely make a sound that approximates the actual word.

Today, he learned to say Mine. Oh, goody.

He also waves (he likes to say hi to every car that passes, and people in stores, just after they get to the point where they can't see him. He doesn't seem to mind when they don't respond.) He waves bye after people leave. He blew kisses for a couple days, but apparently he's too manly for that now, and prefers a masculine "pat" that feels more like he's trying to dislodge a bon bon that's trapped in my esophagus. He likes to spin, last month in just one direction, but now he'll go either way. He flings his arm across his body to get the momentum going and then just keeps going. Today he discovered the comedy on falling down and saying Ow, before climbing back up to start all over again.

He's sleeping like a champ, which is still a wonder to me, after all the struggle in the first year. Only rarely does someone have to intervene before 6am, the time at which I'll drag my butt out of bed and nurse him. Depending on what time the urge to snack strikes him, I'll often get another hour or so of sleep before he's had enough of whatever he's doing up there. There are times I'm sure he's awake, but playing so quietly that no one is disturbed. In the last couple weeks, while the girls have been gone, he was doing a fairly good job of sleeping in til 7:30 or 8, a couple times until 8:30. I'm becoming freakishly well rested.

Owen has a mouthful of teeth, with new ones popping through every day, it seems. I'm blaming his few cranky days on the pain of his gums. He's generally very happy, if extremely loud and squealy. He shrieks every. single. time. he sees a bird, so loudly that I wonder why they still come into our yard. He adores the cats, and treats them like tackling dummies on a football field. He eats sporadically, sometimes downing ridiculous amounts of something one day, then never touching it again. I'm still pouring more milk down the drain than into his stomach, but he eats yoghurt with a passion. And don't get between the boy and his pancake: he'll just as soon cut you as look at you for such offense. I've recently unbent enough to let him start feeding himself the messy stuff with a spoon, and he surprises me every time with his skill and dexterity. He's great at getting a spoon or fork full of food into his mouth; he's also great at upending the bowl on top of his head before it's completely empty.

I can't imagine a time when this sweet boy wasn't part of my life, a time when I thought our family was complete without him. He's such a joy, an exercise in patience, the picture of giddy balls-to-the-wall life, my very own.

Posted by me at 8:23 PM | Comments (0)

Haircut achieved through the gratuitous use of grape lollipops

Posted by me at 4:27 PM | Comments (0)

July 20, 2009

Bruised and battered, but making progress

I'm slowly working my way through my to-do list while the girls are gone. I don't know why I can't seem to get some of this stuff done while they're here. It's not like they are the ones that can't be told to cork it while I may a phone call, after all. Heck, they're really quite good at occupying Owen for short periods during the day when I need to get stuff done.

Maybe I just needed an excuse to stop procrastinating.

This weekend, I finally got around to painting Owen's room. I think I bought the paint last November, and it's just been hanging around spewing insults at me and dragging me down. I did the majority of it on Saturday, and by Sunday afternoon I was so sore I could barely walk up and down the stairs. How I overworked so many muscles in my legs when it was my arms doing most of the work is beyond me, but one leg is still so sore than I'm using it as an excuse to skip exercising again, and I'm not even feeling horribly guilty about it.

I am feeling horribly guilty over poor Owen. He sidled up behind me while I was vacuuming, and I knocked the poor kid over on my back swing. When I picked him up, I saw the abrasion and swelling where the thing must have caught him just below the eye. I swear I looked behind me, saw nothing, and figured he'd gone into the dining room. Doesn't really make me feel much better about giving my kid a shiner.

And this was after he managed to trip over absolutely nothing walking through Target and smack his head into the floor. I still haven't figured out what he cut, but there was some blood in his mouth, and a cherry red spot on his forehead. Maybe he reopened the cut in his lip from where he put his teeth through last week. He's a fairly tough kid, but he made sure everyone in the store knew he was displeased.

Posted by me at 10:08 PM | Comments (0)

July 14, 2009

Alone. Ish.

The girls took off with my dad today for their annual summer extravaganza. They've been super excited and talking about going for weeks. I know they're going to have a fantastic time, which as usual makes me feel like the least fun mom on the planet. I've grown resigned to the fact that some moms are fun moms, and some moms find fun people to send their kids off to.

I excel in other areas. I'll let you know when I think of one.

As usual, I'm torn about the girls leaving. I mean, I really look forward to some peace and quiet, and some relief from the constant "what can we do now" and the guilt from not giving them enough to do or taking them places to expand their minds. Of course, then I feel a bit guilty for being happy to see them go. I'm also going to miss the ways they help me out, intentionally and otherwise. They're great big sisters to Owen, helping me keep him out of trouble and doing what they can for him, but they're also great big sisters, playing with him and providing unintentional entertainment.

It's easier getting over the guilt, knowing that they have an awesome time with Grandpa, and they learn and do all sorts of things that just aren't part of our suburban lifestyle. I'm also starting to realize that it's just plain OK to want some time away from the kids.

Now, who's going to come and play with the boy for me?

Posted by me at 7:46 PM | Comments (0)

June 16, 2009

Another first

As much as I might complain about my kids' behavior, they are really good kids. Sure, they talk more with their mouths full than empty, Jamie doesn't know when to shut her mouth for her own good, and Katie grunts like an adorable little neanderthal. Generally, though, they are destructive only to clothing, and let's face it, they learned from the best.

Jamie was spectacularly well behaved as a toddler. She never climbed or got into, well, anything that we didn't show her was hers. There were no funny stories about eating diaper cream, no shoving chairs around to climb onto the counter for a cookie. She never rolled off a bed, sat in the toilet or ate a crayon.

(She's starting to sound a little too good to be true. She may not have been a physical challenge, but she was always a mental one.)

So today, when she called me into the bathroom to show me how she had ripped the towel rod out of the wall by swinging from it, I was angry, yes. Especially since she admitted that she knew it was wrong.

Yes, very, very angry.

And sort of amused.

And maybe just a tiny bit...proud.

Posted by me at 8:16 PM | Comments (1)

June 15, 2009

Hairs cut

Last Monday, I finally took Owen to get his first hair cut. I suppose technically it was his second cut, since I removed the mullet myself a couple months ago. He cried his way through the entire thing, even though I was snuggling him on my lap the whole time. I'm really not sure what his issue was, but he was head turning and batting the lady's hand away and having a hard time taking a breath. It looks much better, though.

Before:

After:

And one more, because he's cute, and I can:

And yeah, he's wearing a Dora pull-up. What of it?

Posted by me at 10:13 AM | Comments (0)

May 29, 2009

Am I blue?

Jamie earned her Blue Belt tonight, the first of the advanced belts on her way to Black. I'm so proud of her! She may often be less than focused and totally lack my killer instinct, but that kid knows her stuff.

Posted by me at 10:06 PM | Comments (1)

May 21, 2009

TMI

A few days after I night weaned Owen, my body started going haywire. My weight is fluctuating wildly, daily. I've gone from Sahara to oasis, been bloaty and crampy and probably moody (although who would be able to tell?)

It's like I'm having my period, but without, well, the period.

I figured my hormones are adjusting to Owen finally eating less often than a newborn, but shouldn't that be over by now? I mean, I stopped feeding him overnight weeks ago, and the weight and bloating is still out of control.

Worse, I'm not sure he's getting enough to drink anymore. And I don't mean that I think he should still be getting a ton of calories from boob juice, but he doesn't do much drinking from cups, and he seems to be a bit parched in the diaper area, if you know what I mean. (Also, I would nurse him until he left for college if it would make/keep me skinny without the need for exercise.)(I don't kid.)

I'm about to call my doc and get my thyroid rechecked, since it's probably the most quantitative thing I can do (and I'm about due for a recheck, anyway, so I don't have to worry about looking like a hypochondriac, for once.)

What else would make my body go haywire like this?

Posted by me at 8:36 AM | Comments (0)

May 14, 2009

I totally could have taken him!

Today was Katie's last day of preschool for the year, and I'm pissed. And maybe feeling a little guilty, too.

See, for the last year and a half, Katie has been complaining about this kid in her class. Let's call him Heath(en). Heath is something of a wild child, disruptive, uncooperative and according to Katie, a bit mean. She would tell stories of him hitting or biting other kids (generally boys), although when I questioned her closely, never her. That didn't keep her from worrying that he was going to mistreat her, to the point that I actually asked a couple of the other parents if they had heard about any of Heath's misdeeds from their own kids, and if the other girls shared Katie's fears. None of the other kids seemed to have any major concerns, so I figured Katie was blowing things a bit out of proportion.

Meanwhile, I made sure Katie knew to tell her teacher if Heath ever hurt her in any way, and told her it was perfectly acceptable to use her TKD training to block him and protect herself FIRST. He was a frequent topic of conversation, and for that reason I felt like we were on top of the situation. Of course, with Heath being such a worry to her, I've also resolved to make sure they're in different classes next year.

Today, Rex and I were at the school for the end of the year party. We brought (UGH!) more cupcakes. Anyway, after eating, the kids listened to a story about bubbles, and then we all went outside so they could blow some themselves. After the fun, they all lined up to go back inside, and son of a bitch if the little boy in front of Katie wasn't repeatedly kicking her in the ankle! I told him to stop, of course, but I really wanted to take that kid behind a woodpile and have a few "words" with him.

When we got inside, I took Katie aside and told her the next time someone hurt her to yell STOP HURTING ME as loud as she can. I really wanted to tell her to punch the kid in the nose, but with my luck she'd get kicked out of school for protecting herself (although honestly? The teachers think she's SO SWEET they probably wouldn't believe anyone who said Katie hit them.)

And ironically, the kid that finally hurt her for real? Wasn't even Heath!

Posted by me at 9:38 PM | Comments (0)

May 13, 2009

I felt a tiny fissure in my rock hard heart

Katie had her 4 month well check today, and let's just say it didn't go so well.

I'm not normally a very sympathetic parent. I mean, I love my kids to death, but if they do something for the 47th time after I've told them they're going to get hurt, and then they get hurt, I give them a quick hug and an "I told you so." I mean, really, how much sympathy do I have to have after giving regular warnings? If something unexpected and unavoidable happens, I'm much more likely to feel sad and pity them and all that, but I'm still not really all that squishy. I mean, there's a certain amount of life that involves pain and sucking it up and moving on, and the older they get, the more I'm inclined to let them learn that lesson.

The same goes for pain for your own good. I know a lot of people who are all "I can't stand to watch my kid gets shots," but I'm not one of them. Do I like pinning my kids down while they get stabbed with tiny needles and screech in pain and indignation? Hell no! But neither do I consider for one second letting them skip out on two minutes of scary ouchies for something I consider a Greater Good.

For the most part, my kids take it well. As babies, they didn't know to anticipate the pain, and they always seemed way more pissed at being held down than in real pain. I think Jamie was 3 when she first got a shot and knew what was coming. We talked it over, and then she sat quietly and took it in the arm. She still talks about how brave she was and how it was no big deal.

I thought I was home free. After all, Jamie has always been my drama queen.

Katie had her 4 year well check today, and I wasn't even sure she was going to need a shot. I thought maybe one. I was off by three! Poor kid! We had talked about it some beforehand, and she occasionally got sad and a little fragile, but I was hoping for the best. Unfortunately, things went downhill fast between the doctor leaving and the nurses coming in with what must have been GIANT ELEPHANT NEEDLES in Katie's mind. I really wish they hadn't given her so much time to anticipate.

I sat her on my lap and hugged her the whole time, but this was by far, in 6 years and three kids, the worst shots experience of my life. She was sobbing and pathetically calling for me, Owen was crying in sympathy next to us, and it started way before and ended way after the actual shots. Twenty minutes later she would think about it and tear up again.

My poor baby girl, who learned to ride a bike without a single tear, is just too sensitive for her own good sometimes.

Posted by me at 8:34 PM | Comments (0)

May 11, 2009

Accomplishments

I probably shouldn't write this, because if a single nap and a late bedtime don't ruin it, I'm sure my blog will, but Owen has slept through the night for the past three nights. And by slept through, I mean nary a peep from 7:30ish to our arbitrary definition of morning, 6am.

Say it with me. Aaaahhhhhhh.

I even woke up this morning feeling vaguely refreshed. I can't remember the last time that happened that didn't involve an excess of medication.

Also, Katie got a two wheel bike on Thursday. By Friday, she could ride in a straight line to the grass with just a push to get her started. Well, not exactly straight, but she wasn't running into the garage every third try anymore. As of today, she can get herself started, ride in circles around our driveway, and brake when needed.

And she only ran into the garage once!

Posted by me at 10:28 PM | Comments (0)

In which I use parentheses (a lot!)

Last week was crazy busy, and my mom was in town, so any spare time we had from dealing with the crazy went to her.

I think I spent most of the week in the kitchen, making desserts for the PTA for Teacher Appreciation Week, mini cupcakes for Katie's preschool for her birthday (which doubled for her birthday party on Saturday, and all the extras went to the teachers, too. One batch made 96 cupcakes!), a double batch of chili for the teachers, tiny cutout sandwiches for Katie's "tea party" and about 3 million cupcake "balls" (they were actually squares) for party favors, of which 7 went to actual kids.

Rex and I also had our date night, went out to dinner for Katie's birthday day (where Owen ate nothing but ice for his entire meal. The boy is living on air, I tell ya.) and hosted 5 girls for Katie's "Tea Party" themed birthday party. The party went well, except for the part where I only had an hours worth of activities for a two hour party. Thank goodness one of the kids suggested bubbles and I had a ton, because that kept them going for another 45 minutes. I may cave next year and outsource the party to some bounce/pizza/gamey type place to save my sanity. Rex will be so happy to get out of listening to me bitch and beg for ideas for the month prior. We seem to be in the minority with this party-at-home thing, anyway.

I would say I'm looking forward to this being a more relaxed week, but we have school programs, doctor's appointments, field days, teacher gifts to buy, school parties (more cupcakes! Yay!) and a gymnastics exhibition.

Do they still make Calgon?

Posted by me at 10:10 PM | Comments (0)

May 3, 2009

And I can't wait

Three nights ago, Owen accidently sort of slept through the night. I say accidently, because I didn't plan to withhold the boob (although we've been planning to do that when his sleeping evened out again), and I say sort of because I had to go up there at 11:30 and put him back down. After that, though, he slept til 6 so YAY! my boy went dry.

Since he did that on his own, and we were planning to night wean anyway (FINALLY), we continued on. He hasn't slept solidly through without intervention, but he hasn't had a nighttime hit in three nights.

How pathetic am I that I'm a little sad about that?

I'm sure I'll be less sad when he stops waking up a couple times a night, and I get some real sleep. Seriously, I'm potentially days away from sleeping through the night like a big girl.

Posted by me at 7:41 PM | Comments (0)

April 30, 2009

I can't believe I didn't get it on video

I had a few extra minutes yesterday while I was waiting for Rex and the girls to meet me for dinner, so Owen and I stopped into Payless. The boy needs some shoes. He's always walking around in public barefoot, making me look all trashy. I strapped some little fake leather sandals on him and let him loose, and then I about died laughing. He was taking these giant, exaggerated steps like he was walking on the moon.

It almost made up for his Godzilla-like behavior in the bookstore, and the way he shrieked like a little girl in Party City every time I picked him up. Lucky for me, the girls pretty much broke me of the OMG-my-kid-is-screeching embarrassment, so he's SOL until he starts cussing.

Posted by me at 10:07 AM | Comments (0)

April 24, 2009

Wishing I had earplugs

I wonder how badly Owen is going to make us pay for keeping him up until nearly 10 tonight? I somehow doubt it's going to be worth the hot fudge sundae I got out of the evening.

On a happier note, Katie earned her orange belt in TKD tonight. I'm really quite proud of that kid.

Posted by me at 9:50 PM | Comments (0)

April 12, 2009

Happy Easter. Is it over yet?

Yesterday was our nephews 2nd birthday, so we made plans to drive down to Houston to attend the party. I still feel bad that we missed last year, even though we had some great excuses: Owen was less than 3 weeks old, he had developed a passionate hatred of all things car, they had changed the date several times, and we had made other plans in the meantime. Still, I wanted to be there.

I figured we should be out the door by 9 Saturday morning. That would leave us enough time for the drive, plus a few minutes to stop by and see good ol' Mattress Mac and educate ourselves on the true price of living room furniture. After a leisurely morning, we were ready to get going at 8:30. I told you the kids get up too damn early! We had an easy drive, snacked on some cookies at the furniture store, and arrived in time to help a wee bit with the boys and the decorating. Party, party, party, and then we retired to the in-laws house for pizza, talk and what passes for relaxation when you have kids. Apparently it was quite the exhausting day for the kids, because by 9, Jamie was asking to go to the hotel to go to bed, and that girl is usually willing to shut any party down. They were all passed out as soon as the van started moving, and were down for the count as soon as their heads touched their pillows. Well, except for Owen, who had to spend a while SHRIEKING and refusing to go back to sleep until he was damn good and ready.

Owen got me up at 2, and I was just climbing back in bed when I realized we had never gone back out to the van and gotten the Easter baskets out. I thought about blowing it off, but I had even smuggled a dozen hardboiled eggs in a cooler into the back of the van, and damn if I was going to carry all that crap all the way to Houston and not get some kiddie payoff. So there I am, 2 in the morning in the parking lot of a hotel, making up Easter baskets in the back of a van. I managed to sneak back into the room and set everything up without waking the baby, and then I turned to get back in bed and there was Ninja Boy, standing in the Pack'n'Play silently watching me. I'm fairly sure he wasn't really awake, but that didn't stop him from putting up a fight.

All the kids were up bright and early this morning. Somehow we managed to do Easter, get breakfast, swim on the pool, shower, dress, and Play Doh and were still out of the room before 11. The ride home was full of (way too short) naps, peeing by the side of the road, diaper changes in my lap and most of a bag of peanut butter M&M's. I'm not complaining, it wasn't a bad drive. The bad part was arriving home at 3, and realizing I still had HOURS and HOURS before bedtime. We usually end up leaving for home later than planned, and putting the kids straight to bed so we can crash. We managed to kill some time watching golf and playing Mario Kart, and then it was FINALLY late enough to justify putting them to bed.

Which is exactly where I'm going. Happy Easter, folks!

Posted by me at 9:26 PM | Comments (1)

April 6, 2009

Now, where's my free Flip?

Ugh. This is totally one of those days where I did lots of stuff, but I didn't finish a single thing. The dishwasher hasn't been emptied, the clothes didn't get folded. I spent precious, child free time working on the taxes, and while I made headway, they aren't even close to done. I attempted to blow Vista off the kids computer and replace it with XP, and got absolutely nowhere. We bought and I assembled an IKEA piece yesterday, but it hasn't been bolted to the wall, so I can't load it with crap and make things tidy tidy.

I'm giving myself a pass, though, because Oprah and her guests said I could.

Posted by me at 9:29 PM | Comments (0)

April 3, 2009

Officially a toddler

Owen started taking steps the day he turned 11 months old, but he's made it clear that walking was more of a novelty than a form of transportation. For the most part, he would only walk *to* someone, always with a huge grin on his face, and always crash landing into someone's arms. Oh, he started making a lone step or two between pieces of furniture, but when faced with distances over two feet, he almost always dropped to his knees without bothering to try to walk.

Yesterday, he made the turn. If he was already standing and wanted to get somewhere, he walked until he lost his balance. He walked to the door, to toys, to the stairs, to everywhere. Today, he even started walking around the living room while we Wii'd, just for the fun of it. As much fun as it is to watch him discover his legs, I'm sad that the slap slap of his hands on the tile is coming to an end, and not just because I won't be able to hear him coming.

Posted by me at 8:55 PM | Comments (0)

April 1, 2009

Future CEO

While I'm in the shower, Owen turns the tub water on full blast, then pulls my breast pads out of the cupboard and flings them into flow.

It's all money down the drain.

Posted by me at 9:09 AM | Comments (0)

March 27, 2009

This and that

I'm trying to get back into the swing of this writing thing, and tonight seems like a good night, since Rex and the girls are at TKD, and Owen's in bed. I'm mostly caught up on the DVR, and there's nothing good on tonight, so I might as well be in here typing, right? (Actually, I should be working on a friend's page, but that entails getting up and going to another room, which leads to eating another cookie, and then I might sit on the couch, and we all know where *that* leads. Some stupid show about something I don't care about until it's time to drag my ass off to bed.)

I'm going to start off easy, with some nice bullets.

• Rex took my van in on Wednesday to get a new tire. Apparently I had one that was treadless, and the rest are fine, mostly due to the number of flats I've gotten in the last three years. When he brought it back, he said the left rear turn signal was out. He thinks it's a coincidence, I think it's more likely someone knocked something loose, we barked at each other a bit, and then we both went on about our days. I completely forgot about figuring out how to fix it until I was heading out to pick up Katie on Thursday. Halfway to preschool, it started to work again. I have no idea what's going on, but that was the cheapest and easiest repair I've ever made.
• I'm also having an on-again-off-again problem with my lovely, adored washing machine. Every now and then, just often enough to wonder if I'm imagining it, the tub fills with water between loads. I'm guessing it's a leak where the water line hooks up to the washer, but if so, its a totally random leak. I hate paying repair men to tell me a) nothing's wrong or b) it's a 2 minute fix, so I'll probably just wait until it floods, and then deal with a much bigger, more expensive problem.
• I desperately needs to scrub my kitchen floor. Only, every time I get ready to do it, I think about how pointless it is. I mean, I basically have to get it scrubbed between meals, but as soon as we sit down, three kids are going to drop crap on it. Why even bother? I mean, aside from the fact that Owen and the cat compete to see who can eat the leftovers off the floor first. (Owen has even started leaning over and sucking the Cheerios off the floor like the cat, you know, save that extra step of picking it up and moving his hand to his mouth.)
• Owen has developed opinions and attitude lately. Which he expresses at DEFCON 2. His most frustrating opinions occur during mealtimes, when he waves off the first 18 things I'm trying to get him to try like an ump gesticulating "safe" to a crowd of nearsighted geriatrics. Then he indicates his desires by pointing and grunting at some common carb across the kitchen. Today we had yet another battle of wills over pureed squash (which I *know* he likes), and, well, anything else. I was finally winning the battle at dinnertime, when he spied the beer battered fish sticks the rest of us were having. Nevermind that I have never succeeded in getting that boy to eat any form of meat, he wanted fish, and he wanted it NOW. Not exactly what I wanted to serve for his first exposure to seafood. I spent my entire dinner frantically trying to scrape off greasy breading and blow burning hot fish cool enough for him to eat, while he shrieked like his fingers were being torn off one by one.
• There's also the saga of the cat pee, but I'll leave that for another day...

Posted by me at 8:06 PM | Comments (0)

March 26, 2009

RIP Lefty

It's funny, the relationship each of my kids have had with my boobs. Jamie was always willing to nurse, held on until you made her pop off, and loved both boobs equally. Katie nursed constantly, fell asleep almost every time, and would shriek and refuse to nurse on the left side by two and a half months. At some point, I just gave up and fed her only on the right. Owen loves the boobs, but nurses fast, and pops off when he's done. He almost never falls asleep nursing, and while he's shown a preference for the right side for a long time, he was always willing to oblige and give lefty some love.

Now that he's a year, and I can start giving him milk, I decided to stop trying to be so even with the boobs. I figured if he was going to fight nursing on the left, I'd just stop worrying about it. He got on board with that real quick, and now he won't even help a Mama out when Ol' Lefty starts to hurt. Ungrateful little creature!

There are only two things that bother me about the new status quo: I'll be going from sorta lopsided to ridiculously lopsided, and I'm afraid this might be the beginning of the end of nursing. I'm not quite ready to give up that time with my last baby, and more importantly, I don't want to give up all the extra food he allows me to eat.

Posted by me at 9:49 PM | Comments (0)

March 22, 2009

Cake demolition

My baby isn't a baby anymore. I'm so sad that this whole baby era is over for him, for me, and for us, but I'm also excited to see the little boy he's becoming. I'm trying so hard to hold on to every giggle, every discovery, the squishy baby looks and chubby baby cheeks. I've been through this twice before, I know how fast it goes, and I know how quickly the memories fade.

Posted by me at 10:36 PM | Comments (3)

March 19, 2009

I have three children, nearly one, almost four, and freshly six.

You would think at least one of them would be in a phase where they could follow some simple fucking directions.

Posted by me at 10:10 AM | Comments (1)

March 18, 2009

Love and kisses

We were riding in the car today, and apropos of nothing, Jamie states that she's never going to fall in love. She also announced that boys were going to want to kiss her, but she was just going to run away.

Rex will be thrilled.

Katie, on the other hand, can't wait to fall in love.

With her brother.

I'm going to start a therapy fund. At least one of us is going to need it.

Posted by me at 8:05 PM | Comments (0)

March 17, 2009

Half a dozen

Who the hell gave my kid permission to be 6? I swear there are a couple years in there that I must have been sleeping or something, because I just can't believe I've been aware of 6 years worth of days going by since I shoved this girl into the world.

Happy Birthday, Bunny. I'm sure you'll be 10 before either of us knows it!

Posted by me at 10:18 PM | Comments (0)

March 15, 2009

Black and white

A perfect example of the difference between my two girls.

They go outside to say goodbye to Daddy, and when they came back into the house, I'm nowhere to be seen. I hear them wandering around downstairs looking for me, and then Katie says she bets I'm upstairs putting Owen to bed. She quietly creeps up the stairs and peeks into Owen's room, where I am in fact nursing him for a nap.

Downstairs, I hear Jamie moan about where Mama could be, and start to cry.

Posted by me at 3:50 PM | Comments (0)

March 2, 2009

Enough with the Mondays already

Two weeks ago on Monday, I was puking my guts up.

One week ago on Monday, Jamie was puking her guts up, and I had to put my cat down.

Today, Jamie fell off the monkey bars at school and broke her arm. And just to rub in the Bad Mommy title, I didn't realize it was the school calling me, so I didn't bother to answer the phone. (I was driving and trying to be responsible, because I didn't want to get sucked into a long conversation with who I *thought* it was while I was on the road.)

She's going to be fine, although I got a little worried when her regular doctor was concerned about the location of the break and sent us to Children's Medical Center to get a more knowledgeable opinion. In the end, they splinted her arm, and sent us home. She goes to an orthopaedist in 3-5 days for follow up, and I assume a real cast.

Jamie was such a trooper today. I haven't seen a single tear, and most of her complaints of pain have been when someone was moving her arm for x-rays. I'm really proud of the way she's handled herself.

Still. I'm pretty sure I'm skipping Monday next week.

Posted by me at 9:19 PM | Comments (0)

February 28, 2009

Continuing with the bad mommy theme...

Katie's been telling me for a couple of days that her ear hurts. She's also mentioned several times that a couple boys in her class were trying to hit each other, and hit her by accident in the ear. (This is totally my justification for not taking her to the doctor sooner, you know, if anyone asks.) The first day, I just assumed the ear thing was a con. I mean, they say stuff all the time because they heard someone else say it first. And when she didn't bring it up again, I figured it was just one of those things.

Yesterday (or maybe it was the day before?) I noticed her forehead was a bit warm, but since she's my little space heater, I figured she was just having a hot moment. She had mentioned the ear thing once or twice, but never with any real urgency, and usually after someone got a little rough with it brushing her hair or giving her a bath. I really meant to break out the thermometer, but I figured I was probably being paranoid, so I didn't freak out when I realized I had forgotten. Plus, they (who the hell are they, anyway?) say that most ear infections clear on their own, and just give Tylenol for the pain. I went ahead and gave her some before she went to bed, just to be on the safe side.

I should also point out that during this time, she's been acting totally normal. And I can't really tell if the mentions about the the ear pain were really related to the ear, or yet another way for her to drill in that she's concerned about this one boy at school who has some behavior issues. I mean, she brings him up regularly, worried about him hurting her, in spite of the fact that he never actually has. Then he actually does hurt her, (an accident, in her own words,) so I would totally expect her to escalate her concern.

So anyway, tonight, problems with Jamie, yada yada yada, Owen went to bed early, and Katie and I got to spend some time talking uninterrupted. The topic of her ear came up again, and she still felt on the warm side, so I went ahead and took her temp. And yeah, well, the kid has probably had a high end low grade fever for the last two days. I mean, nothing major, and she's still acting totally normal, but how could I not know that?

Mommy of the Year, I tell ya.

Posted by me at 8:30 PM | Comments (0)

February 26, 2009

Maybe next week will be better

This has been one of those days when I totally feel like Mommy of the Year.

I set Owen on the bed to change his pants or some such, and once I wrangled him dressed, he sat up and started playing with my nightshirt. I stood right in front of him by the edge of the bed, in case he got any wild ideas about jumping headfirst to the floor, but he was totally absorbed in that damn shirt. While I was standing there, I changed into a pair of jeans, and then for some reason thought I should check out how they looked in the mirror on our dresser. So I walked around to the foot of the bed, and in the 20 seconds I wasn't watching the boy, he freaking took a header off the bed. I heard that sickening sound of skull on floor through the carpet. Ugh. I'm still not sure what finally made him move, I mean, where he fell to the floor wasn't even on his way to me, which was the one direction I could picture him moving (and also, a great sea of down comforter that DOESN'T LEAVE BRUISES.)

At first, I could only see a small mark on his forehead, and after a minute or two of crying, he suddenly looked up at me and smiled. An hour or so later, I noticed that he has some scuffs on the tip of his nose, and what might be a bruise just under. I kept an eye on him all afternoon, but aside from having an idiot for a mother, I was pretty sure he was going to be fine.

---

This evening, Jamie had her first big school program. The whole Kindergarten did a bunch of songs about friendship. Jamie did great, aside from the meltdown she had right before she had to go meet in the gym. Apparently, the 5 seconds it would take to get a picture of her smiling in her dress was going to make her SO LATE. I ended up making her stay until she calmed down, which kept making her later, because she would calm down, and then get all WAH again. Kid drives me nuts. Anyway, she stood up there on the risers and sang and did her arm movements and was totally awesome.

I, on the other hand, was totally annoyed. We were surrounded by kids who stood on the chairs so we couldn't see, kicked things, talked in their outdoor voices, performed acrobatics across their mother, and generally made it hard to see/hear/enjoy. I was talking to some fellow PTA'ers afterward, and they were all "weren't you just in tears at that last song?" and all I could think was that I must be dead inside, because I enjoyed it, but I was at all emotional about it. Apparently sappiness is totally cancelled out by annoyance.

Posted by me at 9:02 PM | Comments (0)

February 24, 2009

Yesterday was a really shitty day

Let me count the ways...

On Friday, I packed up the van and as soon as Jamie got home from school, we picked Rex up at work and headed to Houston. This becomes important later, although it's really just a footnote on the whole shitty day.

See, we had a nice weekend, delivered a bunch of Girl Scout cookies, saw all the family, spent some nice catch-up time with friends, and then headed back to Dallas, later than planned, as usual. And it wasn't until we pulled into the driveway and Rex said, "Where's my car?" that either of us remembered that it was still at work. With three sleeping kids in the van, we opted to wait until morning. It was unfortunate that it was one of few days that Rex had to be there right at eight, but at least we would still be able to get Jamie off to school before we had to leave.

So we put the kids in bed, unpacked our bags, noted the dried cat puke in the dining room, watched some tv, and headed off to bed. Rex slid under the covers and then immediately jumped back up. Bubba had peed on his side of the bed. (All weekend long, I'm guessing, since I could see about half a dozen dried spots when I washed the sheets.) So we stripped the bed, Rex cursed the cat, and I cried myself to sleep, because I knew what this meant. Bubba only managed to stay around this long because we've kept him in our bedroom, and aside from the odd basket of laundry, he's kept his pee to himself. Whether this particular incident was another UTI/inflamed bladder or just a behavioral problem, it was two straws past the last. I've tried pretty much every humane treatment the vet and I came up with, and none of them do more than borderline manage his urinary issues. It was time.

God, I can't stand thinking about it even now.

Rex and I alternated getting up with the boy, and then somewhere around 5, Jamie puked. I pretty much have two fears revolving around that bed, and one is the obvious kid falling off and getting hurt. The other is trying to clean puke that's dripping from step to step off the ladder. Surprisingly, it wasn't as bad as I thought, although I still have to try and move the damn thing so I can clean puke spray off the carpet.

We installed Jamie on the couch, started a load of laundry (Katie's bed was collateral damage), and tried to go back to sleep.

Puke.

Puke.

Hmm. I don't want to put a puking kid in the car for an hour drive, how 'bout you? Rex thought about catching a ride to work with a co-worker, but of course he's on a different schedule this week. So Rex took off in the van, with the understanding that he could be called back at any moment in case of medical emergency.

We settled in on the couch for a long day of tv watching and oh, my, what's that smell? Cat pee, you say? Well, crap. So I took the cover off the couch cushion for washing, and did what I could to mitigate the smell in the cushion, alternating between laundry, hair holding, cat puke cleaning (from the dining room), crying and baby needs.

That pretty much sums up my morning. At some point I sent Jamie upstairs to change her pants, and when I went up to check on her, I found her pantsless and asleep face down in a pile of stuffed animals. I got her to bed, forced Katie to take a nap soon after before her attitude was the death of her.

And this is the part where I have to call the vet to make an appointment for Bubba. Rex came home a bit early so I could have the van and take Bubba in alone. There was just no way I could have done that with the kids around. As it was, I think I made the staff a little uncomfortable with the amount of tears and snot I exuded. I had hoped to be in and out of there quickly, because frankly I just couldn't keep it together, and every minute of delay was just another minute to say another goodbye and as horrible as this sounds, at some point you just need to GO. Halfway through the waiting, I almost grabbed him and left, but that wouldn't have solved anything. (To be fair here, the clinic didn't do anything wrong. Bubba wasn't a patient of theirs, and they wanted to confirm that he had issues. They were being morally responsible. The vet consulted with me for a long time before he was ready to take this step.) Finally, it was done, and I cried my way home.

And the final clincher of the day was that I cried myself right into a migraine and let Rex put me to bed right after the kids.

Posted by me at 8:21 PM | Comments (1)

January 26, 2009

Starting now

I've been noticing lately that I don't really spend a lot of time with my kids. I mean, I'm always here, they're (mostly) always here, but they go off and play together, or by themselves, or I'm cooking or showering or in here on the computer or doing one of the many Owen things that requires both hands (nursing, changing, dressing, removing inedible crap from his mouth). What I'm not doing is holding the girls, tickling them, snuggling with them and hearing them talk their silly talk.

Don't get me wrong, I hear them talk all the time. And (as much as I can) I listen to what they have to say and try to answer with real though, and not just a distracted "Yes, dear." Which is really hard, considering the sheer volume of words that come out of those kids' mouths. And I do hug them, and kiss them, and tell them I love them.

I guess what I'm getting at is that I rarely get to give them undivided attention. Pure, unadulterated, me.

I've been feeling it for a while, and trying to add in some games or reading while Owen naps, but something just isn't right.

And then last night, when Katie came down after her bath, Jamie wasn't finished yet, and Owen was already in bed, I got it. I held Katie in a way I realized I hadn't held her in a long time, curled up on my chest and tummy, snuggled in with kisses and silly talk no distractions, even in my head. I didn't feel like I needed to be somewhere, do something, say something.

I can't remember the last time I felt like that, so happy and connected. How long have I been missing out on my kids? I know I used to be so connected to Jamie that we were too close, and now sometimes I feel like I barely know her.

I'm not sure how to get that magic back, but I'm going to try to find it with each of the kids. Not just for them, but for me, too.

Posted by me at 9:24 AM | Comments (0)

January 23, 2009

Nostradamus I'm not

Owen slept two full nights in a row. It's probably a little too early to throw any parties, since this brings his total to...three nights. Still, though, it's progress. I'll take any progress, at this point.

Also, he's currently in the middle of one of the longest naps he's taken since he slept 18 hours in one day as a newborn, and I thought I finally had a kid who loves sleep.

I'm going to stop making predictions.

Posted by me at 10:06 AM | Comments (0)

January 21, 2009

Baby steps

After weeks of swearing Owen was going to get that third tooth any day now, I bet it will be here tomorrow, surely it will break through today, it's finally broken through. I'm not convinced that that had anything to do with him being awake basically all night last night, but at least he accomplished something.

Now if he would stop making a liar of me about this walking thing...

Posted by me at 9:10 AM | Comments (0)

January 14, 2009

Cat chasing the laser pointer? Funny.

Baby chasing the laser pointer? Really funny.

Three year old chasing the laser pointer? Priceless.

And the first one to figure out where the little red light was coming from? The baby.

Posted by me at 1:47 PM | Comments (0)

January 12, 2009

Movie night

Saturday night, I took the girls to see The Tale of Despereaux at Studio Movie Grill. We had a good time, although we were rushed to get there, Katie fell asleep on the way there and the way home, and I was working hard to keep Jamie awake on the way home. Totally could have planned that better.

Anyway, it was the girls first movie in a theater, which I didn't even think of until Katie gave me this awed look and said, "It's dark in here!" They were both really good about watching and not talking (food totally helped!), although I think the movie, combined with the giant screen and darkness, got a little intense for Katie. The tired probably didn't help, either.

I think they enjoyed it. The movie was good, at least for me. The princess didn't have a huge part, so that probably brought it down a couple notches for the girls. For kids who didn't know princesses existed until a year or so ago, they sure have become obsessed. It's like pink, tulle and twirls are embedded in their DNA. And it must be the DNA from their father, because they sure as hell didn't get it from me!

On Sunday, we bribed them to take a nap by telling them they could choose where we went to dinner if they slept, but we got to choose if they didn't. I learned my lesson the hard way not to say something like, "We won't go out if you don't nap!" since that punishes Rex and as more than it does them. They napped, and then we went to McDonald's. Lucky for us, Rex and my food tastes are quite lowbrow.

Posted by me at 9:11 PM | Comments (0)

January 10, 2009

Good, better, best

Last night, we watched our neighbor's daughter. I'm pretty sure she thinks she conned us into watching her for free (which I totally would have done anyway, she a good kid), but we totally made out on the deal. The three of them played quietly without so much as looking our direction for over an hour, and then it was time for her to go home. I'm fairly sure I should have paid her.

And then, last night, for the first time in at least a year, I slept through the night. I don't remember a single thing between 11:30pm and 6am. In fact, when I woke up to Owen whining at 6, I was sort of stiff. I'm fairly sure I didn't even move last night.

I was able to sleep through the night because for the first time ever, Owen slept through the night! Eleven whole hours during which no one had to intervene, I didn't have to lay in my bed wishing he would stop moaning or whining or crying in his sleep, and I didn't have to feel guilty.

And then I got to sleep in.

Posted by me at 1:23 PM | Comments (2)

January 4, 2009

9 months

I'm so freaking far behind.

Owen turned 9 months on December 22, and I took him for his well check the next day. He weighed in at 29.4 pounds, 27.5 inches tall, which makes him a large petite. Poor guy has gone from "Wow, what a big boy!" to "Man, I hope he grows into that butt!" Otherwise, all's good. Apparently, his ability to say "Mamama" to no one and everyone is quite advanced!

He's turned into quite the little Godzilla around here. No surface stays covered for long, he strips eveything within arm's reach right to the floor, and his arms are amazingly long! He's just figured out that the kitchen cabinets open, which means my kitchen is about to become a mine field. He hates to be out of sight of me, and screams when I leave the room, and then cries pitifully and tries to follow me around. He climbs, he pushes things in front of him as he walks, he holds things out to hand them to us (and then usually won't let them go), he claps, he squints when he sees the orange light on the camera that means it's going to flash, and sometimes, when I'm really lucky, he'll raise both hands over his head when I say "Tada!"

Posted by me at 8:20 PM | Comments (0)

January 3, 2009

Delayed

Today is one of those beautiful days that make me so grateful to live in Texas, even if it's not the part of Texas I love best. I think 80 degrees may just be the perfect temperature.

Shorts weather in January. LOVE IT.

---

Finding old friends on Facebook has some interesting side effects. You run across an old boyfriend and think about the choices you made back then, and how they affect who you are now. One guy I dated, who I loved dearly, just not in the get-married-have-babies kind of way was probably the best thing I could have done for my self-esteem at the time. Another guy should have become a giant boil on my psyche, based on the way he treated me, the way I treated myself, and the relationship I had. Turns out he was nothing more than a minor pimple.

I can't believe how much I've forgotten, how many people, the good times, the parties. I swear I wasn't so much of a lush that I should have forgotten the majority of four years of college.

---

My dad has been here for the past week and a half, just left yesterday. While he was here, we were going to break Owen of his nasty non-sleep habits. We had a few arguments and misunderstandings, but I did manage to cut out the one feeding I was still doing that, judging by the size of Owen's thighs, was totally unnecessary. Otherwise, I'm still awakened the same number of times per night, but I'm no longer getting the exercise of running up the stairs two or three times a night. The upside is that for all his squawking, Owen doesn't really seem to wake up. The bad news is that he appears to believe that morning begins right at 6, if not a little before.

Posted by me at 8:54 PM | Comments (0)

November 29, 2008

I could, but I won't

Content. Content. Content.

The word has lost all meaning.

I could write about how Owen thinks he will die if he isn't physically touching me. Or about how hard it is to get my chores and Rex's chores done with one hand. The alternative is full time baby screaming. There's been a lot of screaming this last week or two, between Owen being a bit sickly and the attachment thing. My ears hurt a little.

I could write about Thanksgiving, how my aunt, uncle, mom and grandmother joined us for a peaceful day of tv watching, puzzle assembly, turkey gorging and Wii playing. Even my grandmother Wii'd. Hell, she beat me at bowling! I might mention, for posterity, of course, that with a little help from my mom I managed to put together a nice spread, complete with perfectly roasted turkey, and got it all on the table at the same time. Owen slept through his first Thanksgiving feast, which meant I even got to sit and enjoy my meal with both hands.

I could write about my mom and uncle helping me get our tree set up, since Rex can't do the heavy lifting. How we decorated it with the kids today, and how pretty and perfect it looks, all glowing and covered in ornaments filled with memories.

I could write about how I'm thankful for my healthy kids, my wonderful husband, my parents and the mutual adoration between them and my kids, our home and financial situation and so much more I can't even begin. There's really so very little in my life I can point to as bad, in spite of all my bitching.

Posted by me at 10:10 PM | Comments (0)

November 25, 2008

Always with the sleep thing

Owen had what I'm starting to call a great night's sleep last night, even though technically it sucks for an eight month old. It somehow led to two awesome naps today, though, so I'm sticking with it for now. He's alternating between snotty and rattley breathing now, so I'm not pushing too hard, although when I put him down asleep and he woke up tonight I did let him cry because holy jesus, the boy needs to learn to put himself to sleep one of these days, since I screwed up and didn't make him learn before he became mobile.

I'm both determined and unsure of myself about this whole letting my baby cry thing, can you tell? It's making me less coherent than usual more than a little crazy.

Posted by me at 10:15 PM | Comments (0)

November 23, 2008

PSA

Snot sucks.

That is all.

Posted by me at 10:04 AM | Comments (0)

November 22, 2008

Really, I don't want to have this battle at all

I've decided that I'm going to put metal in Owen's mattress, and sew magnets into his pj's. He's become anti-gravity baby, and while I applaud his efforts at mobility during the day, he needs to lay down and sleep at night. Actually, I'd be ok with him getting up and moving around in the crib if he would do it quietly.

Last night he was walking around by the time I got up there. Later, he spent an hour sitting. There was a little crying, but most of the time he was playing with the aquarium, banging on things, or falling asleep sitting up. I was going to make him lay back down on his own, but eventually I gave in and tried doing it myself one more time. I'm a sucker. Actually, I was tired, and he got all snotty again, and I don't want to have this battle when he's sickly.

Posted by me at 7:39 PM | Comments (0)

November 21, 2008

Blah blah no sleep blah blah blah

I have a weird post to write about how Owen puked in his crib Wednesday night, and not only is it the first time in three kids that that crib has been puked in, but it was also the best night's sleep I've had all week, but my mom is here, so I guess I just summed the whole thing up. The odd part is that even with the puking (and the sitting in it and playing), and getting up to nurse, he didn't cry a single bit the whole night.

Last night sucked ass. He kept waking up, and when I'd go up there he'd be on his hands and knees or sitting or trying to stand up. I'd lay him back down and he'd go right to sleep. After like five tries of that, he stopped going back to sleep. I let him cry, since nothing else was working anyway. He went for two and a half hours. In fact, he cried right through when I had to get the girls up for school. I mean, he cried the night away and right into nap time. He spent a lot of that time sitting up, and I know he can lay himself back down, but he either didn't remember or was too pissed off to care. I figured y that point that he had to figure it out for himself, because I don't want to spend the next 8 months getting up five times a night to lay his ass back down. The last eight of poking a pacifier in his mouth and rolling him back onto his tummy have been bad enough. IT'S TIME TO SLEEP.

Then he slept for half an hour and was back up.

I can't tell you how badly I need a good night's sleep. For now, though, I'm going to ignore the backup on bloglines and eat cookie dough and catch up on my shows for the week. I have company for all of next week, so posting is probably going to be pretty pathetic until after Thanksgiving. Not that anyone would notice or anything :)

Posted by me at 7:38 PM | Comments (0)

November 17, 2008

They owe us

Last night Rex and I recklessly stayed up an hour past our usual bedtime. As punishment for our folly, the kids staged a sleep coup for the hour and a half after we turned the lights out. Owen didn't get the message, and after a brief night, resumed his attack.

Katie started off with crying (something about her knee). Then Bubba puked beside the bed (he may not like the kids, but he's always up for a fight, no matter who's being attacked). Just as I was recovering from the adrenaline surge from leaping out of bed to catch cat vomit, Owen was up. Then it was Jamie's turn, quietly coming in to tell me she wet the bed. After filling her reserves by sleeping through a sheet change, Katie was up again (pink bear was missing). Then it was Owen's turn. Then Owen again.

I'm fairly sure we earned ourselves an extra year in a nice nursing home.

Posted by me at 8:31 AM | Comments (0)

November 16, 2008

Woe is me

So. The boy started crawling on Thursday. He wasn't really getting anywhere, but he figured out the move hand, move knee sequence. Then he'd flop down and cry for someone to come do it for him. Cause he's lazy like that.

He's been making a little more progress every time he tries this whole locomotion thing, and he's at the point now where he he can get to what he wants within a limited space. He's not doing laps around the house yet, but at his current rate of learning, I won't be able to outrun him by, say, Wednesday.

Almost more disturbing is his ability to cruise. He would much rather locomote on his feet, and he's gotten quite good at pulling up. He easily makes the transition from one prop to the next, rarely pausing to think about the dangers of letting go. In fact, if I reach down to pick him up from standing, he'll let go with both hands to reach up to me. And the scooter that freaked him out a bit last week with it's ability to slide out from under him has become a useful tool to get from the Leap Table to the coffee table.

As much as he dislikes crawling, I'm thinking he's going to keep putting his energy and efforts into this walking thing.

Help me now!

Posted by me at 8:22 PM | Comments (0)

November 11, 2008

NabloPoMo 3.11: On my own

Rex and my dad left this morning for the airport, heading off to opposite coasts.

I got left in the middle with the kids.

I've done this before, and for longer. I'm not scared this time. I know I can handle it. In fact, it should be easier this time, since Owen is in a better place, and the girls are back in school.

Mostly, I'm annoyed. Annoyed that I'm going to have to get my ass out of bed at 6:15 and get up and feed the girls breakfast, and then put pants on and walk Jamie to school. I'm a big fan of more sleep, y'all.

I'm not gettin' it.

You'll find me on the couch after 8pm all week, eating frozen cookie dough to numb the pain.

Posted by me at 8:07 PM | Comments (0)

November 9, 2008

NabloPoMo 3.9: Breakthrough

Jamie got a two wheel bike for her 5th birthday. Rex and I debated whether we should let her start out with training wheels (can ride from the get-go, less whining/work for us) or suck it up and make her learn to ride right off the bat (more work at the onset, but won't have to overcome the dependence). After talking with a friend (Hi, Becky!), we decided to go big-girl style.

Anyone who knows us or has read this blog for a while can probably figure out why we were a little apprehensive about going this route. Jamie doesn't take direction well. She can be whiney and wussy and just a wee bit argumentative.

And she was.

But she was also motivated. Even though lessons often ended in crying fits (sometimes for both of us), and progress was slower than I expected, she kept on trying. After a minor spill that resulted in frustrated tears, I asked her if the ride was worth the fall, and she surprised me and said that it was. I fully expected her to give up, but she got back on and tried again.

We haven't been very consistent about getting her out to practice. Life is busy and it seems like a lot of things have to happen just so to have the time, temperament and available bodies present at once. First she mastered pedaling in a straight line. Dismounting, braking and finally big sweeping turns followed. Today, out with my dad, she figured out starting off on her own, and can do tighter turns and figure 8's.

She's so proud of herself, and I'm so proud of her. She's falling without crying, trying without fighting, proud of her accomplishment without a single "but." The breakthrough has nothing to do with riding a bike, and everything to do with finding out who she is and what she's capable of.

Posted by me at 10:19 PM | Comments (2)

November 8, 2008

NabloPoMo 3.8: Anyone else noticing a theme?

Another quick post, because I got almost no sleep last night, and I want to get in bed now so Owen can wake me up sooner.

Owen is congested. Not so much that he can't breath, just enough that you can hear him snurgle sometimes when he's sleeping. Apparently, this translates into an inability to let me sleep. He made up for his restless night by napping about 20 times today. Let's hope that doesn't keep him up all night tonight. It's Rex's turn, but the crying still keeps me up.

Katie got to wear her sparring gear and spar for the first time today. Cuteness abounds. She's so tiny and cute, it's hard to take her punches seriously.

Posted by me at 10:03 PM | Comments (0)

November 7, 2008

NaBloPoMo 3.7: I need a nap

Last night was good, Owen only got up the one time. I no longer feel like I got punched in the face today. I feel more like I got punched yesterday or maybe even a couple days ago. My blood donation bruise is surprisingly small considering the way my arm felt yesterday.

And yet I'm pooped. Wiped out. Ready to sleep for days and days.

---

My dad, Katie, Owen and I ate lunch at Jamie's school today. Dad and Katie decided to be brave and buy a school lunch. I've seen the school lunches, and I'd rather not think about my kid eating that kind of food. Sure enough, the meat in the burger didn't really taste any different from the bun.

There wasn't enough room near where Jamie was sitting for all of us, so I got to sit with Jamie and her friends while Dad and Katie ate at the other end of the table. I think the other kids talk to me more than Jamie does, most of the time. It's sort of odd. Also sort of cool, since the other kids treat me like a rock star. Quite a change from how my kids treat me!

Posted by me at 7:45 PM | Comments (0)

November 5, 2008

NaBloPoMo 3.5: First time all day I've had a minute to myself

This will be short, because my dad is here for a visit, and I want to watch him learn to play the Wii.

My neighbor's kid locked herself out of her house for half the day today. She was in tears when she came over. Of course we invited her in. She's really sweet kid, totally offered to help me make dinner, played with my kids and was just generally better-than-well behaved. We finally came up with a way to contact her mother as we were putting our girls to bed. Three and a half hours and her mom didn't even know she wasn't home.

I'm at a loss for words.

No, I'm not. But I'm not going to go off on a rant here, because I think what I have to say is more properly said to the mom, first. And I'm not sure I'll take it up with her, but I'm sure to rant about it here if I do.

Posted by me at 8:55 PM | Comments (1)

November 4, 2008

NaBloPoMo 3.4: Where I avoid talking about politics

Just a quick update so I can get back to watching the votes trickle in. Why I can't just watch a movie and get all the results in few hours is beyond me.

Owen has been cruising for a week or so now. I mean, totally wandering around as long as he has something to hold onto cruising. He tries to pull up on everything, but up until recently he most often ended up on his knees instead of is feet. He's been purposefully going from sitting to his belly (although more often going *mostly* to his belly, then returning to sitting), but until today had only gone from flat on his belly to sitting once or twice. Today, I watched him do that trick deliberately a few times.

The one thing he won't do? Crawl. He gets up on his hands and knees. Sometimes he straightens his legs and gets up on his toes. He cries and screams and screeches unhappily. He does not, however, move.

It's been a few weeks now that I figured he could crawl any day now, or he could wait a month. Apparently, he's going to wait a month. But it's looking dangerously like he's going to walk soon after.

Posted by me at 7:30 PM | Comments (0)

October 28, 2008

Moving up the ladder

I'm recovering from hosting Jamie's Daisy troop tonight. I'm ever amazed at how instantly comfortable kids you've never met before are with other people's things. It's like they truly believe that the whole world just belongs to them.

That said, the meeting went well. Jamie threw one little fit, and Katie lost it when she was left out of an activity, (but quickly recovered. Color me impressed.) but otherwise there were no tears, no blood, what needed to be accomplished was, and it only took me ten minutes to get the house back in order. Success, in my book.

And that success is somehow a little more important, now that I've been "promoted" to co-leader. Last Tuesday afternoon, the now-former co-leader called me to ask if I could step up. She was just too busy, and just couldn't get help with her younger two kids often enough to get things accomplished for the troop.

I feel her pain.

All of a sudden, what was going to be an hour or so every other week, plus some outings on the side, has become much more. And yet, I'm not all that upset about it. I had already sort of stuck my finger in the pie on my own. Besides, I like the leader, our daughters like each other, and friends are always welcome.

Someone remind me of all that before the next meeting, since it's going to be at my house again.

Posted by me at 10:04 PM | Comments (0)

October 21, 2008

Good grief, I'm getting sappy

Today was pumpkin day. Seriously, pretty much all day.

First, Jamie had her first field trip. The entire Kindergarten went to a pumpkin patch/petting zoo nearby. It about melted my cold, dead heart when she told me her favorite part of today was me going along. And I have to say, I pretty much love everything about her being in school, and not just because it gives me a break. Her teacher says nothing but wonderful things about her, she's ahead of the curriculum but still learning more every day, she seems to be a friend of and friends with just about every girl in the class (and even some boys!), and she's picking up a lot of good (and naturally some bad) habits and skills from the other kids. It's such a wonder to me to see a couple of the other girls in her class jockeying to sit next to her.

I left Jamie's trip a little bit early so that I could swing by the house and have lunch with Rex and feed the boy before I headed to Katie's pumpkin-patch-that-wasn't. Oddly, Owen was asleep when I got home, and was still sleeping when I left. In fact, he didn't wake up until a couple minutes before Katie and I got home. I'm hoping he's growing and not saving up to make tonight a living hell.

Anyway, last year the church that runs the preschool had a huge pile of pumpkins that they sold to the public. One day, they took the kids out for a "field trip" that included a story, talking about where pumpkins come from, what's inside, etc. and then they got to pick out a pumpkin. I went to help out with that, and of course had Katie with me. This year, apparently the church decided not to have the big patch, but the activity was still written in on Katie's calendar. Assuming they had something biggish planned, we hyped it a bit to Katie, and one of us planned to show up to watch or whatever.

Turns out, the big deal was sitting outside and talking for five minutes about pumpkins, then they each got to pick out a tiny little gourd. I was the only parent there, but Katie loved that I was with her, I took pictures and helped out a little, and I got to see a little bit of her day. In spite of the "pumpkin patch" activity being pretty much a bust, Katie was just as happy about the whole thing as if she had gone on a real field trip. In fact, the favorite part of her day was me visiting her at school.

The favorite part of my day?

Being the favorite part of theirs.

Posted by me at 10:17 PM | Comments (0)

October 20, 2008

I'm going to smell like curdled milk forever

We went out to dinner at The Cheesecake Factory on Saturday, and I got this chicken dish that was totally the YUM. It came with mashed potatoes, and I'm trying to get Owen a little more used to doing more than hoovering down pureed foods, so gave him a few nibbles of mashed potatoes (yes, I know that's close to the same thing. But these had flavor.) He kept opening his mouth and taking them in, so I thought he's eaten a fair amount until I got him out of the chair and found half a potato under his butt.

I also made the mistake of giving him a taste of the whipped cream off the piece of cheesecake we all shared. He got absolutely frantic if I didn't shove more in fast enough, and didn't let a bit of it escape. Well, not until he barfed some of it up later.

Posted by me at 10:00 PM | Comments (0)

October 15, 2008

Eew

If I were anyone else, I'd be required to wear a HAZMAT suit to handle all the biologicals I deal with in just one morning. As it is, I can't believe I haven't been asked to leave Target and escorted out by men in rubber suits.

Posted by me at 9:21 PM | Comments (0)

October 13, 2008

A long one

Saturday night, Owen slept for eight hours straight for the first time since the night we attended our street's block party.

That was in May.

After I fed him at 4am, he went back to sleep and then was up for a little around 6, then slept until 8. I haven't had that much sleep since he was born. In fact, I was so not exhausted when I went to bed last night I was wondering if I would be able to fall asleep.

I wasn't, but it wasn't because I was overrested, it was because Owen was up at least half a dozen times between 11 and 6. I'm back to being irritable and grouchy and unproductive. Go me.

The day wasn't a total bust. I taught the girls The Name Game this morning at breakfast, and managed to get some great shots of all three kids together.

Still, I could go for a nap.

Posted by me at 10:18 PM | Comments (0)

October 6, 2008

Last firsts

Owen decided that yesterday would be a good day to show off.

He started off by showing up with his very first tooth. Strangely, it caught me completely by surprise. There was no "Ahh, that's why he's been so cranky" moment, no bumps or blisters or signs. Saturday, there was no tooth, Sunday, a tooth. Hopefully all his teeth will come in with so little fanfare. (Unless his mouthing and gnawing everything under the sun was a sign of teeth, in which case we had four months of crappy teething, which is unlikely to stop anytime soon. I like the easy teether version better, even if it's all a beautiful lie.)

Next, he decided to cross rolling back to front off his list. Finally. Considering how active and coordinated he is, I can't believe he took this long. Frankly, I think it was all my fault, because when he would get stuck on his back and fuss, I'd roll him back over to his belly. I'm sure he really didn't see the point of taking care of it on his own. Does that mean I can chalk his lack of motivation up to genius? Why work when Mama can take care of it for you? He rolled three times over the afternoon, so I know this wasn't a one time fluke, although I think he would still prefer I take care of it for him. I mean, after all, I wipe his ass, I should be happy to just have to give him a little shove every now and then, right?

The most worrisome thing he did yesterday was push up onto his hands and knees and get his belly off the floor. That happened sort of suddenly, too, like the sitting, where one day you could kind of prop him in the position, and the next day he's just all taking care of it on his own. The difference is that sitting is a nice thing, it means I can put him down to do stuff, like, say, pee, and not have to wonder what I just set his face in. This pushing up thing, though, that means I have to start wondering where he's going and what he's eating while I pee. Hell, I'm going to have to start cleaning under the kitchen table. That right there is a full time job.

All in all, I'm fairly excited to see Owen grow and develop. Sure, I get a little teary to think that these are the last firsts I'm going to see, but there's so much to look forward to. I can't wait til next year when he and I will be able to participate in trips to the pool and the beach and not just be sitting on the sidelines, nursing and metabolizing.

Now someone just needs to tell Owen that it doesn't all have to be done in one day. After a day full of firsts, Owen kept me up half of last night practicing his new skills.

Posted by me at 8:50 PM | Comments (0)

September 27, 2008

Owen at 6 months

Owen turned 6 months old on Monday. On Tuesday, he started pulling up on things. I'm mostly impressed by his ability to hold his entire weight including his massive, attention getting thighs, off the ground. And yet he makes no effort to roll off his back, preferring to just screech until someone rescues him and sets him back on his ass. Go figure.

His night sleeping is still, well, unpredictable. He'll have enough good nights in a row that I start thinking he's finally mastered this whole not waking up thing, and then we'll have a night like last night where he was up every twenty minutes from 9:45 til 2. NOT COOL, Little Man.

On the other hand, his daytime sleeping is going freakishly well. He goes down fairly easily, stays asleep solidly, and wakes up happy. Should he experience nappus interruptus, he wakes up happy for a while, and then goes down for another nap earlier and sleeps longer.

On Thursday, he had his 6 month well check. He was 17 pounds 12 ounces fully clothed, although Rex swears the scale is wrong and he weighs at least 25 pounds. Height-wise, well, he shrank. The nurse measured him first at 25.5 inches, and then again at 26. I watched, she did a careful job, but that still puts him shorter than the 26.25 from 2 months ago. Ah, well, the boy was gonna be short anyway, might as well get him used to it now.

Then the boy got the requisite three shots. He of course screamed until I picked him up again, and then he snuggled into me, turned around and gave the nurses the stink eye. For the rest of the day he was fairly angry at the world and mostly only content when I held him close.

Owen's latest trick is biting. Me. In a rather delicate, but necessary for nourishment kinda place. Thank god he doesn't have any actual teeth yet, because this hurts bad enough. I think the girls each bit me once or twice before they got the message that Mama don't play that. Let's hope Owen is as bright as his sisters.

So basically the little guy is a happy, healthy, adorable Mama's boy. Who needs to let us sleep!

Posted by me at 10:48 AM | Comments (0)

September 18, 2008

Touch me and I'll kill you

Owen has been doing this thing lately where he cries/moans/makes this noise that makes me want to rip off my leg and beat myself with it pretty much every. single. time. I set him down. And I wouldn't normally mind holding him all the damn time (too much) if he weren't constantly pinching me and yanking on my shirt and shoving it into his mouth and then barfing.

Makes you want to be me, huh?

The combination of these two behaviors is making me nuts. I'm starting to act unfriendly toward him, which makes me feel horrible, because he's my sweet little boy. Also, he doesn't seem to be getting it, so what's the point? It drives me nuts that my two choices ALL DAY LONG were to be relentlessly touched/pinched/mouthed or listen to the hounds of hell. I'm not even able to bask in the glory of the sleep I got last night, since he only got up once (well, twice if you count when Rex got up with him at 5, but since I got to stay asleep in bed, I don't).

I'm going to try to work off some of my angst on the Wii. Last night, I ran farther than I have in years. It's possible that I went a whole quarter mile. Well, in place, that is. I wonder if it's significant that I've Fitted for two days, and had two days of Owen hell? If so, that's backasswards, since I thought exercise was supposed to reduce stress.

Posted by me at 8:34 PM | Comments (1)

September 15, 2008

Solo

I've been meaning for a while now to set up some sort of activity that I can do alone with each of the kids. Well, the girls, for now, since Owen gets all the Mommy time a kid could really want. It actually started out that I was going to take Jamie to see a movie, just my big girl and me. At the time, Owen was still eating every couple hours (who are we kidding? he still is!), so I figured I would pump a bottle so Rex wouldn't have to deal with two hours of ear piercing shriekage. Being the cautious sort, I wanted to try pumping a bottle ahead of time to make sure he would take it. I wasn't really worried because somewhere in my head I had decided that since he took a pacifier (unlike the girls) he would easily take a bottle (unlike the girls).

So I tried to give him a bottle. He refused. Rex tried. No deal. Each of the girls gave it a shot. Nada. We tried hungry and satisfied, with me around and without. Granted, this was all in one afternoon, but we did go through all the scenarios. So we gave up on the idea of Jamie and I going out for a little while, and got busy with our summer.

It's months later, and we still haven't managed to see that movie. On the up side, Jamie and I have managed a short outing or two, and Katie and I get more time "alone" together while Owen is sleeping. But still, neither of them really have something that is just theirs.

So last week, Katie tried out a gymnastics class. A real class that she gets to go to on her own, not the Mom and Tot open gym thing we've been to in the past. And she's loving it. I'm not entirely sure what she loves about it, that it's hers, that she does it on her own with me watching, the actual gymnastics, and I don't really care. I'm happy to see her happy.

Last weekend, Jamie and I got to go to a Girl Scouts recruitment fair together (and alone!) where she got to try out some activities and register for Daisy's. I'm not sure she knows exactly what she's getting into; I told her they would likely do crafts and learn skills. She, however, is fully aware that this will be something we do together, just her and I. And I'm hoping that once we get started, she'll love it for that, if nothing else.

I know I will.

Posted by me at 9:23 PM | Comments (0)

September 11, 2008

Slacking

I have all these notes of posts I want to make. Half of them become sort of obsolete after a while, like the first day of school post, or complaining about the colds the girls and I got that are almost gone now.

Of course, there's still the one about Owen and his crappy sleep habits, but then last night he slept a three and a half hour, then a four and a half hour stretch, which isn't exactly ideal, but it's more sleep than I've had in a long time. I have no idea if it was related to letting him cry for 45 minutes the night before because I just couldn't justify not doing it any more.

In any case, that's the post that I'm going to not write tonight, so I can go to bed instead.

Posted by me at 9:36 PM | Comments (0)

September 10, 2008

Deviation

I think I've mentioned before that we live right across the street from the elementary school Jamie attends. This has been great on days when one of the younger kids is asleep, since I can watch out the window until Jamie is almost to the corner, run out and meet her and be home before anyone notices. (In theory, anyway, since Owen seems to sense when I leave the house for real and always wakes up. I can stick my head out the door to look at something ten times and he won't even budge, but as soon as I walk towards the corner, he wakes up. Good thing I'm not gone long.)

Mornings, we've been walking Jamie almost to the door of the school, partly because until now, she's requested that when I give her the choice to walk from the corner, and partly because Rex enjoys walking her the whole way. In the afternoons, a teacher walks a huge herd of children up to the other side of the crosswalk, and half turn to the right and walk off to god knows where, while the other half cross in small packs to our side of the street. Of those, a bunch break off and cross again. (The stop sign is at a T intersection, if that helps.) I always wait on the corner on our side of the street, rather than cross and get all mixed up with the tiny little hooligans.

I've met a few parents who wait on the corner with me, but I don't actually know any of them or they're kids. On the other side of the other street across from the school (yeah, try to picture that. I should draw a map.) there lives a woman who I've hung out with several times, and several of her/our friends wait for their kids on her driveway. Most days I just smile and wave and stay on my side of the street.

Today I deviated.

I should never deviate. I spent a minute too long talking to them, and I missed Jamie crossing at the stop sign. She immediately turned toward home, and in hindsight, i should have just drug Katie and Owen along faster and caught up to her. Instead, I called to her to get her attention. She turned and started running back towards me, running right out into the street. Thank god the crossing guard already had all the traffic stopped, because in spite of me waving my arm and screeching GO BACK! GO BACK! she ran halfway across the street, then turned and looped across the center of the intersection, finally hit the first crosswalk, and then ran back to the group of kids.

I'm blushing just typing this. I'm not so much for drawing attention to myself and my parenting mishaps, yo.

The teacher walked her across the street back to me, at which point Jamie started bawling. I'm totally not blaming her for that, either. I mean, the kid can bawl at the drop of a hat over nothing, but I'm pretty sure she was truly freaked out by the whole experience. Running around in the middle of the street like a chicken with it's head cut off isn't her style. At home, yes, but not in the middle of the street.

I'm not sure if I should have waited, but I squatted down right there and hugged her, calmed her, and then talked calmly to her about what she should have done, and that when I yell stop, she should STOP RIGHT THERE. This is the point where she started alternating between pissed off and teary, so when she calmed down again, we walked home, and tried to have the discussion again. I had planned to go out this evening and play crossing guard with her to practice, but we were rained out.

I feel like the whole thing was somehow my fault (aside from the not being where I was supposed to be, because duh, totally my fault), but we've talked to her before about always waiting til the crossing guard says it's ok to walk, and I wouldn't expect her to be so wigged out at seeing me that she would totally lose control of her senses. She did ask that I let her walk to school tomorrow from the stop sign, so I don't think she was too traumatized.

But I don't think I'll be getting that picture out of my head for a while.

Posted by me at 9:09 PM | Comments (2)

August 28, 2008

Wish me luck!

Owen slept much better last night. Thank god. I just wish I knew what causes good vs bad nights, so I could at the very least predict when I'm going to go sleepless.

---

I've decided to flirt with disaster and do a fresh install of MT instead of keeping this upgrade. (Side note: I *just* upgraded to MT 4.2, and 4.21 has already been released. Come on, people!) The server 500 error is somewhat erratic, but there are other inconsistencies as well. I'm ready to just start fresh.

Tonight I'm going to make some backups and get things in place. I'll probably try to do the actual install tomorrow, and then it may take me a few days (who are we kidding? It could be weeks) to get the header, etc. back together. I'll pretty much be happy if I don't lose any content and the picture links still work.

Posted by me at 9:07 PM | Comments (0)

August 27, 2008

The good, the bad and the ugly, in reverse

Last night SUCKED. You would think by the third kid I would know why Owen keeps waking up, or have a better idea of what to do about it. Suggested/possible options so far include letting him cry til he falls asleep (I'm not ready yet) and nursing him back to sleep when he wakes up (doesn't really get me any more sleep, so I'm not really willing to continue feeding him when he really shouldn't need food). Adding solids hasn't helped, and I think may have something to do with the crankier waking (as opposed to pacifier pop-out and turtle wakings).

I actually fell asleep putting him down for a nap, which would have been wonderful if Katie hadn't come in to ask me to sharpen some pencils about 30 seconds later.

---

Since Jamie started school, Katie has been asking me what to do. All. Day. Long. She'll come up and say "I don't have anything in my head." The scary part is that she's the more independent of my girls. I haven't had a lot of errands to run, so we've been spending a lot of time at home, and I can't seem to come up with anything fun, either. Or at least, anything fun that lasts more than 5 minutes. We made Rice Krispies Treats today, which was a BIG mistake. By big, I'm referring to the size of my butt when I'm done eating the entire batch. I'm not even hungry after all that Brie cheese I had for lunch.

Did I mention my big ass?

Anyway, making the treats took all of 10 minutes. Chalk drawing, coloring, Old Maid and amusing the baby took another 8 and a half. I'm too tired to be more creative than that.

---

For Christmas, Rex gave me a card saying I could get a new computer. Specifically, an Apple product, since I had expressed an interest and he was impressed by the service and details when he went to the store to do some research. I didn't take him up on the offer right away, for a bunch of reasons. We were about to move, my laptop was still working fine in spite of it's small hard drive and failing battery, Apples cost about as much as a car, especially the laptops, and I would have to learn a whole new OS/change applications, etc.

I'm running out of excuses now. We're moved and I have an office all my own. I've so totally outgrown my hard drive it's ridiculous, the battery on this beast is toast, and I've lost a fan. The other fan comes on full speed when the laptop gets hot, but never shuts off. It sounds like a jet is taking off from the couch. I can't really justify the cost of an Macbook, but I really shouldn't need a computer on the couch anyway, right? At least, not in a few months when Owen stops sucking me dry so regularly. Plus, I just can't pass up the glory of the giant iMac screen. And then the applications. I'm concerned about the learning curve, but then, I haven't really gotten around to learning most of the photo editing/video editing apps I wanted to anyway. Might as well save time and just do it once.

And so, on it's way to my house from China, is a glorious 24" iMac. I can't believe I let Rex spend so much money on *me*, for something we don't really *need*.

I'm also so excited I could wet myself!

Posted by me at 1:40 PM | Comments (0)

August 25, 2008

Flying solo

Up until Jamie was about two, she was painfully shy. It took her weeks to get off my lap at our playgroup. She would hide behind me when I talked to anyone she didn't know well. It still took her a while to warm up to family on every visit.

Around two, she started turning around. I left her for an hour or so every week while I was at a women's group, and after a few weeks, she was happy to go to them. Sure, the childcare was two doors down from where I was and it was only an hour, but she left me with a smile. The MOMS Club I joined was full of little girls, and Jamie joined the pack. At the mall play area, she would buddy up with other girls without hesitation.

By the time we finally got Jamie into preschool, she was ready. Ready to make friends, ready to leave me, ready to be on her own. She didn't give us a second look the day we dropped her off, and I never once heard a peep about nerves or insecurity. Instead, I heard about how she chased the boys and played with the girls and can we have a playdate with her and her and her?

For weeks I've been hearing about how excited she is to start Kindergarten, and she totally delivered. There were no last minute bedtime nerves. She woke up with a smile, practically ran into the school, and I had to hold her back so I could get a picture of her outside her classroom. The only tears were the ones I was desperately trying to hold back.

When I collected her afterward, she was still smiling, still excited, still happy. She says she made a friend (although she can't remember her name), she made it across two monkey bars before she dropped to the ground, and she really wants to paint. She's ready to walk into the school alone.

I am so proud of my girl.

Posted by me at 9:18 PM | Comments (0)

August 21, 2008

Whoosh

I'm sure I've mentioned before how hard Jamie is to teach. At least, it's hard for Rex and I to teach her. She's apparently such a different person at school that I wouldn't be surprised if she was Super Sponge there. Honestly, I've avoided working with her on a lot of things I should be trying to teach her, from academics to shoe tying. We both get so frustrated that I think it does more harm to our relationship that the little bit she soaks in is worth.

So when it came time to teach her to ride a bike, I was glad I was pregnant. Then recovering. Then I was just always holding the baby. It's been 5 months (of inconsistent practice, I admit) and she still isn't really riding by herself. Actually, she rides by herself, but Rex has to start her, and I stand at the other end to "catch" her as she brakes. She has this interesting habit of flinging herself away the bike as she comes to a stop, instead of just putting her foot down and leaning. It's like she thinks the bike is going to explode when the mph drops to zero, a la Speed. Rex and I are in disagreement as to what comes next. I say you just have to let go, he's still willing to coddle her for a while. (Isn't that supposed to be the other way around? The mommy babies the kids, and the daddy tells them to buck up? Hmm...)

The somewhat surprising development is that she now asks to practice riding, whereas in the beginning she had to be told. She's taken a couple (minor) tumbles, and is willing to get up and try again after a little pep talk. She loves the part when she's whooshing through the air. In this, if nothing else, she wants to be the big girl.

I don't know if it's her maturing, or me, but in the last couple days we've tried some reading and pronunciation. It's been a while since the two of us have made an effort, and I was surprised at the number of words she knows by sight. I was also surprised at her willingness to pronouce letters and put them together, something she would normally flat out refuse. Don't get me wrong, she still balked at some of the words she considers difficult, and she can get really pissy and uncooperative, but I've seen improvement just between yesterday and today. I think she's getting ready to see the words whooshing through her mind.

And the closer she gets, the more she likes the feeling of growing up.

Posted by me at 9:15 PM | Comments (0)

August 20, 2008

I wonder what they would do if I cried all the time?

Tonight was not my finest parenting moment. I swear sometimes I can hear the way I'm talking to the kids, and I still can't stop it. In this case, I was totally justified, but still totally wrong.

Moving on!

Owen would not stay asleep last night. He would *go* to sleep. Then he would scream. And shriek. At least once he sounded like he was in pain. The rest of the time he just sounded pissed off. At one point in the middle of the night, when I had just gotten him to sleep again and he started crying AGAIN, Rex and I just stood there staring at each other.

I feel like I was much less effective last night, but I was still a better parent than I was tonight.

I'm too tired to be upbeat tonight. I'll give it a shot with this one bit from today.

Jamie has these workbooks for preschool skills. She's got all the skills mastered, but she still likes to do the pages. In fact, she seems to like completing pages more than she likes doing them right, but that's another story. So anyway, she can do all the skills, but she can't read the directions yet. Actually, she knows a lot of the words, but not the bigger ones, and she tends to see the first letter of a word and just fill in the rest with something likely. She's really good at faking it, too. If you aren't looking over her shoulder, you would totally think she was reading, when really only half the words are right.

I had the audacity to make her try to read the words for real.

It's always hard to get Jamie to pronounce words. She knows the letter sounds as well as she knows the letters themselves, but she refuses to put them together into a single sound. She finds the whole process hard, and she HATES to do anything hard. I'm not a particularly patient person, but I held myself well in check today. We powered through.

We learned the word pattern. And after that, we pronounced all the other words she didn't already know. And we got through them with relative ease.

And after all that hard work, I had to explain that some words just don't make sense, sound-wise.

Right? Right.

Posted by me at 10:02 PM | Comments (1)

August 18, 2008

It's raining, it's pouring, but only the cat is snoring

Owen is currently rejecting sleep. Loudly.

Also, he barfs more every day.

I've given him solids for four days now, and they seem to be making him sleep worse, not better.

Aren't babies supposed to get easier as they get older? You know, until they start with the back talk and the attitude?

Posted by me at 8:58 PM | Comments (0)

August 17, 2008

What I did on my summer vacation

While the girls were off galivanting around Maryland, I secretly redid their room. I had asked what kinds of things they would like before they left; Jamie said polka dots, and Katie said green. I did get Jamie to say that the pink from her last room would be nice, which was good, since I still had a gallon left :)

Anyway, this is what I came up with as a compromise. The dots are totally removable, thank goodness, so it won't be too hard to "redo" the room when Katie outgrows her love of green.

Posted by me at 9:23 PM | Comments (2)

August 15, 2008

Boy child

Owen has made so many big steps in the last month, I can hardly believe he was a smushy lump just a few short months ago. In just the last week, he's gone from slumping on his chest to full on sitting. He loves it! He'll sit for large chunks of time, playing with the same toys he's drooled on for weeks, but apparently they look new (and tastier!) from his new perspective. He loves the LeapFrog table, minus the legs, and he loves to drive me nuts by playing the alphabet song over and over and over. That kid really has a thing for his letters, since that the one song that's calmed him in the car and to sleep.

Just today, I tried feeding him rice cereal. He tried to convince me he was choking on his first bite, but actually ate a fair amount. He made the sour lemon face a few times, but who can blame him? Rice cereal tastes like cardboard. What an awful introduction to the world of solids. Then again, the kid puts absolutely anything that gets into his hands into his mouth, and he must have tasted something nastier by now.

He's becoming much more deliberate in his grabbing and manipulating. He's finally starting to pick up his pacifier and put it in the right way. Now if only he could put it back in his mouth by himself at night. Since we put him in his crib about a week ago, he's only been eating once a night, but we're up anywhere from a couple to half a dozen times a night putting that damn sucker back in. I'm still getting more sleep than before, partly because Rex is sharing recorking duties with me at night.

Socially, Owen is so much fun. He loves to smile, but when he meets someone new he gives them this emotionless stare. And he just keeps staring until something clicks in his head and he opens up into this big grin. He's been laughing for me for a while, but almost never for anyone else, until this week. He's now giving his father big belly laughs, too. He's much more willing to be set down, now that he's sitting. I can actually get stuff done!

For anyone who worried that I wouldn't love my son as much as my girls based on my posts while I was pregnant? Not to worry. I am absolutely head over heels in love with my little man!

Posted by me at 8:57 PM | Comments (0)

July 14, 2008

And well and truly in charge

It's time to face facts: Owen has become a crappy sleeper. This waking multiple times a night and requiring constant pacifier intervention has been going on too long to be just "a couple bad nights."

I don't know what happened. I was properly impressed by his ability to go 8 or 9 hours in a stretch without waking. I never took it for granted. I survived Katie, I know what sleep deprivation truly is. As far as I know, we didn't change anything that should affect nighttime sleep.

Owen has also learned some new sounds. His favorite: the piercing shriek. He uses it for both good and evil, and it's usually hard to tell the difference unless you're sitting next to him. I feel sorry for the people who sit near us on the airplane next week, since even the happy version is earsplitting.

He's very grabby these days, snatching anything he can get his little paws on and shoving it directly into his mouth. I'm convinced he could sit for short periods, if only he weren't always reaching for his toes and trying to consume them. When I do set him on his bottom and hover to catch him when he lists to one side or the other, he leans forward to suck on my shins, or to either side to latch onto my wrist. I'm starting to wonder if I ooze milk from every pore. One of his favorite positions is flat on his back, one hand in his mouth, the other pulling a foot toward his head. He has laughed, though just a time or two. It sounds like a donkey braying, and it is adorable.

He is beginning to adore his father, and will let Rex put him to sleep with very little fuss.

He is large.

Posted by me at 3:02 PM | Comments (0)

July 10, 2008

Two days in, and I'm ready to lower my standards

I have this huge list of things that I would like to get done while the girls are gone. Granted, most of them are things I wanted to get done even before they left, but the hope is that with two fewer kids it will be easier to knock stuff out. At the very least, running errands is simplier, since I have fewer kids to buckle and handhold and yell at them to STOP TOUCHING THINGS while we shop.

Unfortunately, most of the things on the list aren't errands, they're chores. Chores that require two hands. And some arms. Owen has yet to nap outside of my arms or the car since they left. Part of that is my fault, like today we ran a bunch or errands and so he caught a few catnaps in the car seat, or I let him sleep too long in my arms and he wakes up when I put him down. The rest is him. He's all about the one-on-one attention, even when he's asleep. On the up side, I don't have to divide my attention, and Owen has fairly simple and easy-to-meet needs. Also, I can eat all sorts of crap and I don't have to share.

All this boils down to a long list with way too few things crossed off. The things I have knocked off are the easy stuff. I haven't even bought the paint for either of the kids rooms, and I shudder to think how long it will take me to sort through all the crap in my office and file the box of papers.

Posted by me at 9:21 PM | Comments (0)

July 8, 2008

Freedom

My girls, they are gone.

This is the first time I wanted to follow discretely behind my dad as they were walking away from me at the airport to make sure everyone stayed safe. I know I'm a control freak, but that's bad, even for me.

I can't figure out why this trip is freaking me out so bad. Both girls have gone with my dad before, and for about the same length as this trip. I'm totally looking forward to the break, although it's really not that much of a break since Mr. High Maintenance is still right over there, contemplating his first nighttime snack break. (I should mention that he did awesome on the trips to and from the airport. It almost makes up for keeping me up for an hour after his second early morning feeding. It counts nothing toward prepayment of tonight's expected ordeal. That boy better keep smiling ALL DAY LONG.)

It might be that this is the first time I haven't been desperate for the break from the girls. They've been really good lately. Better than I've had any right to expect, considering the amount of time they have spent entertaining themselves around the house lately. I'm actually looking forward to them getting my dad's undivided attention, attention they so rightly deserve. There's a lot of guilt in me over the horribly uneven division of my attention. Yes, it's the natural progression of things, that older kids do more for themselves and by themselves. It's normal for babies to take lots of time (although my babies tend to be more attention hoggy than average, I think) and require some social concessions.

Still, I feel like I should do better. Could do better.

Bah. Guilt. What a useless, all consuming emotion.

For the next two weeks, the only thing I have to feel guilty about is not missing my girls enough. And the way I feel right now, that's not going to be a problem.

Posted by me at 9:49 PM | Comments (0)

June 30, 2008

High maintenance

Owen is going through this (it goddamn well better be a) phase where he's getting up two or three times a night. If that's not bad enough, on occasion he decides to not so much go right back to sleep. The word we're looking for is ung.

Have I mentioned the part where I get one nap out of him per day where he isn't being firmly held? That one glorious nap he will take laying on the bed only lasts about 30 minutes, but it's the most glorious part of my day. It's probably also the only 30 minutes during the whole day where NO ONE IS TOUCHING ME. I usually use that time to shower, and in spite of my desire to be good to the environment and conserve water and yada yada yada, sometimes I spend a good five minutes just standing there, enjoying the lack of touching.

All this to say, I'm a little tapped out these days. I spend all day long toting Owen's lily white butt around, and when Rex comes home and takes him for a few minutes, I actually wander around sort of aimlessly, trying to figure out what I should do with myself. Finish installing blinds? Laundry? Dishes? Pee? My brain is fried, I can barely speak in complete sentences, and I almost fell asleep in the middle of reading to Jamie this afternoon.

I need a long long nap on a breezy, blue-watered beach.

Posted by me at 10:37 PM | Comments (0)

June 27, 2008

Risk for reward

This post over at Wonderland, got me thinking. I mean, I've thought about our kids being overprotected before, from slapping helmets on kids every time they approach speeds of two miles an hour to outlawing tag in schools for whatever ridiculous reason they came up with.

What made me think was the part where the author chose not to admonish her son to be careful on the uneven sidewalk. I'm sure in the same situation, I would have let my girls run. But I'm also sure I would have called out to be careful, as if they couldn't see the dangers themselves. I just wouldn't be able to keep my mouth shut, wouldn't be able to not do anything I could to spare them pain (as if a warning like that really has any effect, aside from a prophetic one). She makes a good point, though, that not running would be more tragic, and more painful, lifelong, than a skinned knee.

It's so counterintuitive, but I think it's time to let go. It's time to let my kids get hurt.

Posted by me at 2:42 PM | Comments (0)

June 25, 2008

Full of surprises

This week hasn't exactly gone as planned.

It started Monday. Rex takes the girls to TKD, so I try to feed them dinner a little early so they aren't working out on full stomachs. I got fancy and made Mandajuice's roasted cauliflower and chicken cordon bleu that we got from one of those sells-meat-in-a-truck guys. We've had the chicken before, and while it wasn't great, it was edible and we needed to use it. I don't know what happened to it this time. I had the oven a little hotter than the directions called for, but the chicken still wasn't done in the prescribed amount of time, so we went ahead and ate the cauliflower. I pulled the chicken out and couldn't tell if it was done by looking at it and poking it, so I checked it with a thermometer. Done. Finally. I cut it open and watery juice spurted out. It stunk. And the chicken was GREY. It was a soggy breaded, grey ringed blob with a tuft of pink ham in the center.

I threw it out.

Then I got the rest of them out of the freezer and threw them out.

Then I cooked a second dinner. We gave up on TKD, which was fine, since it was test week and Rex had been planning to take the girls on an off night, anyway.

Tuesday started out great. Then I decided to try to put Owen down, instead of holding him through his nap all afternoon. That's where things went south. For the majority of the next three hours, he screamed. He screeched, fought, drooled, yelled and occasionally teased me with a smile. He fell asleep on the way to Rex's office, where I was going to drop off the girls so they could go to the TKD test. That's where the real weird started. As soon as Katie got in Rex's car, her face started to crumple. Just when I thought we had her calmed, she started to bawl outright. Fine, I'll take her home with me. That's when Jamie started to cry. FINE. They can skip the workout and just go for the test.

That's where things picked back up for me, cause I got Chick-Fil-A. I love that place. Sad, I know. Of course, Katie had to pee as soon as we sat down, but I was holding the baby, the get-out-of-potty-free card. Good thing, too, because she didn't go. Then she said she had to go again, but she had already wet her uniform. Kid is weird, she wets just enough to make some room, and then holds it some more. Three times she tried while we were there, and she never went. Well, except for in her pants.

Both girls happily went with Rex after dinner, even though Katie couldn't participate anymore because she wasn't in her uniform. Apparently, they were angels. Then they came home, and Jamie stood on this old chair that was mine when I was a kid. I'm not sure how many times I've told her not to stand on it in the last week, but enough that I sent her to bed without a story. Of course, she had to cry about that. And then she had to tell me she felt sick. She's been lying about that a lot lately.

Today went much better than I predicted, based on a late night with, as usual, no sleeping in. The girls spent hours entertaining themselves with a bucket of change and a couple stools. I didn't ask.

I wonder what tomorrow will bring?

Posted by me at 9:18 PM | Comments (0)

June 22, 2008

No pool for you!

We went to a pool party yesterday for Jamie's "best friend's" birthday. There were quite a few kids there, all under the age of six. There were also quite a few parents there, mostly the moms, sitting around talking, and a couple of the dads. In the maybe two hours the kids were swimming, there were three rescues, the last one being Katie. That party pretty much signed the death warrant on us getting a pool until the kids are entering teenhood.

Posted by me at 9:13 PM | Comments (0)

June 20, 2008

And when the hell did I forget how to smile?

That tweet this morning about losing my shit? I had no idea.

My meltdown was a combination of days of holding Owen with no relief, lack of sleep from his unusual nighttime habits, and yet another screaming fit that seemed to have no reason and no solution. It was just too much. I was trying to figure out who I could call to come help me, just for a few minutes, to entertain my poor daughters who have been so good and so neglected, to hold Owen for just a few minutes so I could *not* hold him and still not hear him scream. And I realized there was no one closer than 250 miles that I knew well enough to see me in the state I was in.

And then I cried harder. Cried because I feel so isolated and alone. Because apparently there's only one person in this town that I consider a good friend, and he was in California. Because I was completely incoherent, and not a single creature in the house even noticed.

I need to make some friends around here, and I know it. But aside from the fact that it's something I'm just not good at, calling people I don't know well to set up, uh, something, it's also something that takes time. There are a few women in this neighborhood that may someday be great friends, but I haven't known them long enough to know them well. We're still in the dating stage, where I don't reveal my true self for fear of alienating every woman withing spitting distance of our house. When do I let loose with the atheism and the computer addiction and the animal science degree that required activities that viewed the wrong way are illegal in some states? When do I let them know that I'm an oversharer, and reveal that I no longer have any hobbies or joys or personality, but I used to be loud and sarcastic and opinionated and obnoxious and I had FUN?

Posted by me at 9:11 PM | Comments (3)

June 18, 2008

Pooped, but not pooped on

I'm watching Jon & Kate, Plus 8, and I'm totally feeling grateful that I only have three kids. Lordy, that's a lot of toddlers.

I let the girls put on makeup tonight. They had a freaking blast! I put some lipstick, eyeshadow, blush and powder on them first, and then I let them go for it. Half an hour later, after about 50 applications of lipstick/gloss, I asked if they were done. The answer was a resounding NO! I don't know how they managed, but they put on a couple more layers of lip gloss before I took a few pictures and stuffed them in the shower. I told Jamie I though it would be a week before all the glitter in the shimmer powder wore off, and she's thrilled.

I put some makeup on too, for the first time in...I have no idea how long it's been. I may have applied gloss last year when we went to a wedding. Maybe. At this month's lady's night (Is that how the apostrophes go? I have a tenuous hold on those things when there's just one, I don't know what happens when they stack.), one of the women gave out some samples of May Kay. I think I applied the right products to the right places, but since I've never once applied eyeshadow and walked out of the house wearing it, I'm not betting any money on it. I actually really like the lipstick. So much so that if I thought I would ever wear *any* lipstick, I would totally buy that color.

Oh, and anyone hanging on the edge of their seats: Katie didn't have any incidents today (I can't call them accidents anymore, I think she knows what's up at this point), and for the first time since Rex left, Owen hasn't shat through an outfit.

Posted by me at 10:42 PM | Comments (1)

June 17, 2008

This is where I vent

I was looking forward to writing a well thought out and potentially amusing post, but since I've now put Owen to sleep for the fourth time tonight, all I have left in me are bullets.

• Owen woke up at 4 for his regularly scheduled feeding last night. Only, come 4:30ish, when I put him back down, he didn't go back to sleep. He didn't go back to sleep after I fed him some more, or after he burped, after he got quiet with the pacifier, or after I held him. I finally put him in bed with me and we were both out like a light. I had hoped the headache I woke up with at 4 would go away when I got back to sleep, but apparently the one hour and seven minutes of sleep I got before Jamie came in didn't cut it.
• Since we were up and ready to go earlier than usual this morning, we walked to the park while it was still cool and overcast. Jamie did a full on splat on the sidewalk. I have no idea what took her down, but oy! did it look painful. She got over it pretty quickly (for her), although she reminds me every now and then that it's still there.
• In spite of being THRILLED to go to the park, within five minutes of being there she was whining about being hot and hungry. Mind you, we haven't been outside in that kind of cool since summer started around here, and it was still nice and overcast.
• After the park, we came home, fed Owen, and then headed out to McDonald's. I asked Katie (twice, I think) to go to the bathroom before we left. Just as we started eating, she was chair dancing, so I took her again. Nothing. She ate, then played, and since she was running around with her knees together, I took her again. By then, her pants were damp, but she still didn't go. I put our afternoon shopping plans on hold (I just washed the carseat LAST NIGHT because she did the same thing to me at TKD), and we went home. I don't know what's up with her, if it's because Rex is out of town, and why she won't pee when she so obviously has to. I do know that threatening her with lost privledges isn't working. She hadn't had an accident in weeks before yesterday.
• Oh, and what's the deal with McDonald's chicken sandwiches? The Grilled Chicken Classic sandwich has MORE calories than the Southern Style Crispy Chicken Sandwich. So I got the Southern Style, cause I love me some fried, well, anything, and it has less calories, right? Except I still feel like I ate worse (worse to me is fattening, not less nutritious). The fries didn't help, but how can I got to McDonald's and not get fries?
• Then we came home and Jamie bitched at me for making her quit her game to go to McDonald's. She's an ungrateful little creature. I've had some talks with her about being grateful and happy with what she has and to stop always asking for more. (Earlier this week, she actually asked to do something again before we had finished doing it the first time.) I don't know how to make it sink in.
• The girls took super long naps today, so I let them stay up late and watch a movie. Wouldn't it be sweet if they would sleep in tomorrow?
• My reaction to any and all stress is to walk into the pantry and shove something in my pie hole. I've been in there a lot the last two days.

Posted by me at 10:54 PM | Comments (0)

June 16, 2008

Sisterly love

So these bunk beds we got the girls? The verdict is still out on whether they were a good idea. They certainly love the things. A little too much. I can't even count the number of times Rex or I have had to go up there and tell them to stop climbing the headboard (Katie, to pull things off the wall, or see Jamie), stop talking, get back in bed, stop passing stuffed animals back and forth and GO TO SLEEP.

Even though we have this huge house, we thought there were some important lessons for the girls to learn from sharing a room. Sharing, compromise, comradarie, how to fight and how to make up - all lessons that will serve them well throughout their lives. Of course, learning those lessons isn't going to come without some stress, on their parts and on ours. For them, it's a lack of alone time and later privacy, and learning to fight fair. For us, it's dealing with bickering and fights when they don't agree, and letting them have some bonding time after lights out that often leads to out and out play.

We tried giving them a few minutes each night to talk after we put them to bed. We would give them a time on the clock to talk until, and then they were supposed to be quiet. And for a while, that worked out fine. Then we would have to yell up to them that time was up. After that, someone would have to go up there. We called it quits when one of us would have to go lay the smack down two and three times a night before they either went to sleep or got smart enough and quiet enough to avoid detection.

Rex has threatened taking the beds apart if they can't go to bed quietly. I'm against that, since I spent months shopping for and agonizing over getting just the right quality and style of furniture. I may have been wrong about bunks being a good idea (and no, I'm not dumb enough that I didn't see some of the pitfalls. We had some of these problems when they were on mattresses on the floor, it's not all a bunk issue), but dammit, we're going to stick with them.

Posted by me at 10:27 PM | Comments (0)

June 13, 2008

And tomorrow, he'll leave for college

For some stupid reason, it took me two and a half months to figure out that when Owen fusses, just a little, he's tired. Snuggle him into my left arm, shove a pacifier in his mouth and he's out in two minutes or less. You would think, by the third kid, I would have gotten a clue just a little bit sooner.

On the other hand, he changes every day. It's been at least a week since he figured out that he can stuff his own hands in his mouth. He sucks and chews on his hands, my hands, my arm, my shoulder...you get the point. I'm expecting to see teeth any day now, and yet horribly aware that this teething thing can go on for months before you see a pearly white. When he's not screaming, he smiles all the time. He slept 9 hours straight last night, but didn't nap more than an hour at a time all day. He prefers to sleep only in someone's arms during the day, but sleeps all night beside the bed. He's given up putting himself to sleep on the floor while life goes on around him. He gets pissed when I turn my face away from him, but spent 20 minutes happily staring at Katie while I made dinner.

He is beautiful and sweet and snuggly.

Posted by me at 8:46 PM | Comments (0)

June 12, 2008

But a good one.

For not having anything to do, this has been a busy week.

Tuesday I got to go to another girl's night here in the neighborhood. I met a couple new women and got to talk to some that I met last month. This time I didn't have to leave early, and Owen doesn't eat until the wee hours of the morning, so I had two guilt-free tasty beverages and loads of conversation with ADULTS.

Wednesday, the kids were all angels. Owen was unscreamy in a way I haven't experienced in weeks. Jamie and Katie were agreeable, nearly tantrum free, and they put a hold on their eternal bickering. We even went to Kohl's and returned and shopped and they were still good. I don't know if I was just more patient since I had a night off and they reacted to it or if it was a fluke. Maybe a should have a few beverages every night for a week to test the theory.

Today is my birthday. Owen decided I should celebrate for extra hours, so he was up a little after 5. Even though he mostly went back to sleep, his presence in the bed kept me half awake for the rest of the morning. I put a movie in for the kids in the hopes of catching a wee nap. Katie was obviously, and Jamie was making noises about not feeling well, so I thought I might get all three kids to nap and I could doze. Turns out Jamie was lying about not feeling well, and spent most of the other kids' nap time squealing, "Look at me! Look at me!" I know the poor kid is a bit neglected, but she's also a huge attention whore. When Rex got home, we went out to dinner and then split TWO desserts. Yummy yum yum.

Maybe that's the key: Finish every day with a tasty beverage and a fancy dessert.

Posted by me at 9:07 PM | Comments (1)

June 9, 2008

Sometimes

Sometimes when I'm holding Owen up against my shoulder, he hooks one arm around my neck and the other around my shoulder. And even though I know it's totally unintentional, it feels just like a hug.

A sweet, wonderful hug.

Posted by me at 12:06 AM | Comments (0)

June 7, 2008

*censored*

I have something I desperately want to blog about, but I can't. It would ruin my kid's if anyone they knew ever read about it, and I just can't take the chance.

I really really want to write about it though, both for advice, and for it's sheer comic value.

Posted by me at 10:26 PM | Comments (0)

June 4, 2008

Scary cool

So most nights, when Owen is feeling the love, he falls asleep a little after 8, and we either hold him until we go to bed, or we stick him on the floor and he actually stays asleep. Wen we go to bed, usually around 10:30 or 11, I wake him up and feed him, hoping for maximum sleepage before he wakes me up for his one (usually) nighttime feeding.

Last night, Rex went to bed a while before me. I stayed up to sew a button back onto a pair of his shorts. How 50's housewife of me, right? Anyway, Owen had been sleeping on his chest, so when he went to bed, he put Owen in his bed. When I went in there half an hour later, I was tired and just didn't feel like getting Owen up. Of course, five minutes after I turned out the light, he started wiggling and snorting, and I thought for sure that his 11 o'clock snack habit was waking him up.

Next thing I knew, it was 3am, and Owen was dead silent. I poked my head in the Pack'n'Play and heard nothing. As much as I know better than to wake a sleeping baby, I put a hand on him. Every times he sleeps extra hours or unexpected times, I'm just sure something has happened. After all, I know better than to put a baby to sleep on his stomach. I know it increases the risk of SIDS. And even though I know the risks are slim, I'm sure that this time my luck has run out. Never mind that Katie was the same way, refusing to sleep on her back. Never mind that she turned out just fine. In a lot of ways, I become a more relaxed and better parent with each baby. In the middle of the night, though, I still sometimes feel this crushing weight of fear on my chest.

Of course as soon as I touched him, he moved just enough to let me know he was alive. He slept another two hours and woke up at pretty much his usual time. After he ate, he went back to sleep until 7:30. Makes me wonder how much more sleep I could be getting if I just shook things up a little every now and then. It also makes me wish he would roll back to front so I could stop being so paranoid.

Posted by me at 9:44 PM | Comments (0)

June 2, 2008

Now we're gonna be RICH

As of yesterday, our lease at our last house has ended. After this last round of utility bills, we'll be officially only supporting ONE household! Whatever will we do with all that extra money?

Oh, yeah, save it for property taxes.

And diapers. My we tiny baby is out of size 1 Pampers. Every time he outgrows a size, I get sad that I'll never use that size again. You'd think I'd be happy to see the end of my diaper days approaching, but I'm just sad that my wee baby is getting closer to angry preschooler, and I'm never going to have a baby again.

On the upside, every day brings him closer to being a real boy, instead of just a blob. Owen was a smiling FOOL today! Head control rules.

Bittersweet.

Posted by me at 10:20 PM | Comments (1)

May 30, 2008

A day in the life

We had an awesome start to the morning. We've apparently resorted to bribery to get the girls to let us sleep in in the morning. Last night, we stopped at Sonic on the way home from Rex and the girls' TKD test (Jamie made green, Rex orange, and Katie got her first orange stripe. So. Proud.) It was late, so I told them we would stop for ice cream if they promised to sleep in the next day.

And they did.

We didn't hear a sound out of them until 8, and it was 8:30 before Rex went to tell them we were up. They were playing quietly in the game room upstairs. On top of that, Owen slept in til almost 8:30. I'm still in shock!

After breakfast, I shaved Pookie again. He looks funny without most of his fur, but I'm drowning in fuzz, here. After I washed off all the extra hair in the shower, we walked over to the last house we lived in to drop off the keys and garage door openers. We are finally rid of that albatross! Three months of paying rent and utilities on a house we were happy to move out of. Rex ended up carrying Katie most of the way home. She was complaining about her stomach. I felt bad, because I had told Rex yesterday and today that she seemed a bit off her game, and then we went on a long, hot walk. In my defense, she was excited to go.

After lunch, Katie felt a bit hot, but she only napped for about two hours. She was really hot by the time she woke up. Of course, that's also about the time Owen decided he wasn't going to be quiet unless there was an actual boob in his mouth. He's normally pretty cool with the pacifier, and happy to lie on the floor as long as he's fed and well rested. Not so much today. Not a good day to get ambitious with dinner. I ate most of mine while walking laps around the kitchen.

Katie's fever broke after a dose of Tylenol, but I imagine I'll be up checking on her a few times tonight. Owen is finally asleep and has been for a couple hours. Better yet, he let me put him down, so I finally get to type with two hands!

Posted by me at 10:33 PM | Comments (0)

May 27, 2008

Because I'm not feeling witty enough for paragraphs

More bullets:

• Owen slept a glorious 8+ hours Saturday night. Six hour nights aren't all that rare these days. I love my boy!


• The girls refuse to sleep in, no matter how hard we run them into the ground, and how late we keep them up. Jamie was so tired she fell asleep while we were at the pool, but didn't sleep a minute past seven all weekend. She won't nap, either. Katie will at least cave in and take a nap, but that doesn't help me when I've stayed up too late playing with my friends, too.


• We had friends in this weekend. Between us, we have 6 kids. They have a lot of fun together (so do the adults!), but it's a little like herding cats. We mostly hung out and talked while the kids played, which is pretty much my idea of a good time, these days.


• We lost a Herman sometime late last week. At least this time I don't have to take the blame. I neither starved, dehydrated or cooked the crab. Katie has been pretty sentimental lately, so I was worried about breaking the news. As it turns out, the kids are so excited about going to get a new crab, they didn't even acknowledge the death of the old one.


• Rex is working nights this week, which means he and I will push our schedule back, but the kids won't. Which is why I'll be heading to bed now.

Posted by me at 10:37 PM | Comments (0)

May 22, 2008

I'll be getting my pink slip any day now

I have completely lost control.

Every night, I say tomorrow is another day. I'll do better tomorrow. And every day, they drive me so nuts I want to put my fist through a wall. I am so not cut out for parenting. I've lost all sense of humor. I don't know how to have fun or be fun. I hold a grudge against my kids for all the shit they put me through.

And then. AND THEN. When I try to do something nice or fun, they make me regret it. If I give them something once, as a treat, they badger me about doing it again forever. The nice stuff always seems to bite me in the ass. But what's life without the fun and nice and the treats?

I'd go into detail about today, but I think I want to forget it.

Posted by me at 10:50 PM | Comments (0)

May 21, 2008

Vacation for who?

I've been really exhausted the last few mornings, and I'm not sure if I'm still catching up from Owen's really bad night a few days back, adjusting to my new thyroid levels, or if it's just the cumulative effects of two months of night wakings. Last night, by the time I finished making teacher gifts, I was pooped. I made some comment about how nice it would be if Owen would just sleep through the night.

And then he did.

He slept for over six and a half hours, from when I finally got to bed until a reasonable (not desirable, reasonable) morning wake-up time. I slept pretty much straight through, too, except for an early morning something's-different alert and then an is-the-baby-dead check.

---

The girls had a field day for their last day of school. An ice cream truck with free popsicles, an Army Hummer, and some outdoor games. Katie was most impressed by getting to go outside to play twice in one day. Jamie was really excited about the two trucks, but I'm not sure what did it for her in the end. I think she really just likes running wilid with her friends and playing with all the little sisters.

I think I was more emotional about leaving the teachers than the girls were. Then again, I'm not sure Katie really has a concept of "summer vacation." Jamie has a better understanding of time, but I think she gets so caught up in the excitement of the moment that it doesn't occur to her to say goodbye.

Jamie has been talking about how now we can go anywhere we want, whenever we want. I don't think she gets that now every day is going to be like Friday's have been all year. Errands, catering to the baby, and occasional fun trips. She's told me that "babies sure are a lot of work," but I'm not sure she's getting that he's a lot of work all the time.

It's time to lower her expectations, and raise mine.

Posted by me at 9:02 PM | Comments (0)

May 20, 2008

Busy busy busy

More bullets, because we've been busy:

• Last night was Katie's music program. She did awesome! I'm always surprised at how well she does up in front of a crowd, considering how shy she is around strangers. Hell, she's shy with her teachers still, and she loves them.
• Flat Stanley has been visiting us for the last week. We didn't manage to go anywhere exciting, although he almost got sandwich at Jason's Deli one day. Katie totally fell for him, though. She's been in tears at least three times today because we have to send him back to Pennsylvania.
• Tonight was Jamie music program and graduation. I'm pretty much dead inside, but even I teared up seeing her on the stage with her cap on. I can't believe she's going to be in kindergarden next year! When did she stop being a baby and start being a kid?
• After graduation, we went to Sonic to get ice cream. Just as we ordered, Katie said she had to go to the bathroom. Yay! for her finally telling us. Boo for there not being any bathrooms nearby. We jumped in the van and got her home in time to go. She threw a fit when we made her go when we got home, which is just classic Katie.
• We finally got the kids in bed around 9:30. Everything was finally quiet (there was one more Flat Stanley fit), and then around 10:15 there was a really loud thump. I was halfway up the stairs by the time the crying started. Katie has now fallen out of her new bed for the first time. I'm guessing she's loving the thing a little less now.
• I've spent a good portion of today getting, assembling and assisting in getting teacher gifts ready. I wish I had come up with a good idea sooner!
• One of Rex's co-workers has invited us to a sort of wedding celebration. It's a formal affair, so of course, no kids. I really want to go, not beause I know the friend, but because it's been so long since we've gotten to go somewhere fancy. There's pretty much no way though, since we have no family and don't know any sitters here yet. Even if we did have a sitter, I'm not sure I'm ready to leave Owen with anyone but family. Even that would be difficult, what with his every five minutes nursing schedule. Le sigh.
• Tomorrow is the last day of preschool. I have some seriously mixed feelings about that. Mostly, I'm just scared.

Posted by me at 10:58 PM | Comments (2)

May 18, 2008

Tattletale

I'm much less angsty than I should be, considering how this evening went. I think perhaps I will sum up with bullets.

• Pretty much every time I've handed Owen over to Rex so I could take care of something, he has turned into a shrieking banshee. Like, completely inconsolable. It takes me a long time to calm him back down. I have no idea what's causing it. It's reminiscent of the carseat problem (that has improved dramatically), and just as frustrating to me.
• This potty thing? With Katie? It is infuriating. For a good month, she was perfect, which is why her continued refusal to hie herself to the bathroom is so frustrating. Tonight, she pooped herself, but it was, um, understandable? I'll let you fill in the blanks. It was when she peed in her room, while we were all up there finishing putting the room together, that got us. She apparently went while she was running around, there was even some on the bottom rung of the ladder. She had been sitting on the toilet not 30 minutes before. I'm stumped.
• Rex picked up Katie's mattress today, so she's getting to sleep in the bunk bed for the first time. She absolutely thrilled. Of course, that didn't stop her from climbing out of it when she was supposed to be going to sleep and picking up some trash the delivery guys left under the bed. Trash that had been there since Thursday, but suddenly needed removal TODAY. This was after they had been told to be quiet three times, including a visit from Daddy. That child is going to drive me insane. More insane, anyway.
• When we moved Katie's old bed (ok, twin mattress on the floor. At least it didn't hurt when she fell out!), I saw what she has done to the wall in the what, three months that we've lived here? I knew some of it was there, but I didn't expect it to be as gross as it was. Boogers, handprints, and I don't want to think about what else. It makes me want to paint.

Posted by me at 10:37 PM | Comments (0)

May 16, 2008

It's the end of a long, long week. Unfortunately, I don't think the worst of it is going to get better with the return of Daddy.

Posted by me at 9:18 PM | Comments (0)

May 15, 2008

It's opposite week

This has been a topsy turvy week.

Owen's been known to have crappy, sleepless days, but not two in a row. He made up for it by sleeping pretty much all day. That's the good part. The bad part is that after two days of him barely dozing, I wasn't about to set him down in case it woke him up. It probably wouldn't have, but I wasn't taking any chances. The result is that my back and butt hurt even more.

Jamie woke up this morning in a bad mood. The kid has been a morning person since the day she was born, but I think I'm finally starting to rub off on her. In addition to her grumpies, this morning she was complaining that her neck hurt. I'm pretty sure that she just slept on it wrong, since a neck rub and some ibuprofen seemed to help. On the way to school, she said she was tired. I told her she should have slept longer, and she said she just woke up too early. Uh, yeah. Whose fault is that? I'd be willing to pay the kids to sleep past 7, but no one's taking. I had every intention of getting her to nap this afternoon, but between needing to strip the room for the furniture delivery and early TKD, it just didn't happen. Which explains why she fell asleep in the van on the way to TKD.

Katie was such a grump this morning that I put her down for a nap less than an hour after dropping Jamie off at school. I was only slightly surprised that she actually went to sleep. I was shocked that I had to go up and get her three and a half hours later. She was just waking up when I went to get her to pick Jamie up.

As for me, well, all the crap comes when you don't have backup. Last night with Owen screaming and fussing. Then he wouldn't wake up when I tried to nurse him when I went to bed. Fourty-five minutes later, the cat yacking in the bathroom woke me up. I was just falling back to sleep when Owen woke up for his (literally) midnight snack. Then he woke up at six, apparently ready to face the day.

Just to screw everything up further, it was close to nine before the girls went to sleep. The excitement (and letdown) of the new furniture arriving. Jamie is thrilled to be up high in the new bunk bed, Katie is teary because we don't have the full mattress so she can sleep in the bottom.

Maybe, just to keep me on my toes, the girls will sleep in tomorrow morning.

Posted by me at 9:46 PM | Comments (0)

May 14, 2008

Even so, I'm ready for a break

Oh, my.

This has been quite a long day. Owen has been awake most of the day, AGAIN. It's not that he's particularly cranky, he's just not sleeping. Yesterday, it was just during the day, and by the time I put the girls to bed, he was ready to sleep. Tonight, I didn't even get that much out of him until about 9:30. He's out cold now, and I'm getting my first break all day. I need a little time to decompress, but at this point I have to choose between alone time and sleep. I haven't decided which will win yet.

The girls have actually been pretty good today. Sure, Katie was jumping on her bed this morning, and kept doing it in spite of me. This afternoon, while they were upstairs playing, Katie went into their bathroom and opened a jar of Eucerin cream. If you don't know what that is, just imagine a small tub of lard. When I went in there, she told me the water wouldn't turn on. Maybe because you're greased like a pig? Luckily, aside from some handprints in the bathroom, the sink area, and the box of wipes in her bedroom that she was trying to open when I went upstairs, she didn't decorate anything that couldn't be wiped up.

To kill time tonight, and mix up bath night a little, we had a little spa night. I mud-masked the three of us, and then we all took a shower while Owen watched. Hmm, that sounds dirty. Then we had a picnic of Lunchables in the living room and watched Cinderella. The whole evening was actually quite enjoyable, and for me, that's saying something.



Posted by me at 10:03 PM | Comments (0)

May 13, 2008

Procrastinator

I sent the girls upstairs with strict instructions to get in pjs, do not pass go, do not play, dance, twirl or frolick. Pottygoing is ok.

They did pretty good. Well, Jamie did great. Katie got stuck trying to get her shirt off because she refuses to do it my way, and hers doesn't always work. She wouldn't let Jamie help her, but she let me help when she was done shrieking. She was pretty quick about getting her diaper and nightgown on after that. I have no idea if she went potty or not. She finally came downstairs.

She climbed up to the table for her snack.

She got up to go potty (unsuccessfully).

She climbed up to the table.

She got down to get a drink.

She climbed up to the table.

I turned around, and she was climbing up to the table again.

That's when I took the snack away. Holy crap, that kid can put off anything.

Posted by me at 10:28 AM | Comments (0)

May 12, 2008

But how will we survive the summer?

Rex redeemed himself on Mother's Day this year. Then he left me alone with three kids while he jetted off to California.

Last year I was pissed not because Rex didn't get me anything, but because he didn't help the girls do something for me. Hell, he didn't even remind them to say Happy Mother's Day. I wasn't mad about the stuff, but because he didn't teach the girls that I'm important.

This year, he let them pick what they wanted to do, and helped them make it. They painted flower pots, and planted seeds for beautiful flowers that they picked out. Jamie brought home a photo album filled with pictures of her year at preschool, and Katie gave me a CD case with a picture, handprint and poem inside. And I got Sonic for breakfast. A vanilla Coke goes a long way towards forgiveness.

Also, all three kids napped. At the same time. I'm not telling the girls, but I think that may have been the best gift.

Now I have to come up with ways to keep the girls occupied and me sane. I'm not sure why an extra two and a half hours a day is so hard to push through, but by bedtime, I'm a shrew. I suspect it has more to do with juggling Owen than having the kids on my own for a week. After all, I used to do this a couple weeks a month, and it wasn't all that difficult. The good news is that adding him into our lives can only get easier as he gets older,

Posted by me at 10:22 PM | Comments (0)

May 7, 2008

Three!



Posted by me at 10:07 PM | Comments (0)

I am an idiot

Jamie has been getting so much more independent lately. Most afternoons when it's nice, she'll ask if she can go outside and blow bubbles, run, play, whatever. (SUCH a big change from the kid who wouldn't sit on the other side of a giant window from me and play in the sandbox! Today, she came in and asked if she could take her ball out to play with. Absolutely!

So why was I so pissed off when I saw that she got the pump out and was (successfully!) adding air to her ball? She wasn't hurting anything, wasn't in any danger, wasn't even making a mess, and yet my first reaction was to yell at her to put the pump away. Is it because I feel I'm being reproached for not having the ball at the correct state of pumpedness? Because I feel guilty for not having anticipated a need? Because I don't want her touching "my" stuff?

I had the same reaction the first time she took it upon herself to get her own snack. She chose something that I would not have chosen (and that, really, isn't supposed to be a regular snack) and for some reason, I was mad. I'm supposed to do that. If she does for herself, what's my job?

Duh. My job is to teach her to do things for herself.

Thank goodness for a sleepy nursing Owen and a closed door. They saved me from being stupid. This time.

Posted by me at 10:02 PM | Comments (2)

May 6, 2008

More monkeys off my back

I've been a little light on the posting. My dad came to visit for Katie's birthday last Wednesday, and he just left this morning. The result is a weird more time/less gets done phenomenon. Naturally, the last couple days, Owen has been sleeping up a storm, but today, when I want to get a few things done that require arms, he's been awake and fussy and only catnapping.

I have this chicken scratch list of things I wanted to blog about, but when I look at it now, each thing seems like it's only a sentence. That, or it happened so long ago, it no longer seems relevant. I have a whole pile of unpublished posts that are the same way, but somehow I just can't let them go. Guess who suffers? That's right, YOU.

Let's see...the Owen update. He's definately getting better about the car, although he still hates stopping, and he still sometimes loses it completely. HOWEVER, he has also slept through entire trips, and even been awake and content at times. He's finally started noticing and being amused by toys. Like, you can lay him on the floor with stuff dangling over him, and distract him from fussiness by jiggling the toys. My boobs are grateful for the distraction.

After 3 years of planning, searching, moving, cursing and procrastination, Jamie is finally getting bedroom furniture. And so is Katie. Lucky second kid! We finally decided on a set from Pottery Barn Kids. I feel so snooty! All of the other kids furniture we looked at was crap, though. I wanted something that would last until they left for college, and possibly beyond. Most of what we looked at didn't seem sturdy enough to make it until next year, much less through high school. Of course, we're paying for the quality, but at least I won't have to look anymore. I can't wait to stop sorting their clothes into piles on the floor.

Tonight, Jamie and I are going shopping for a birthday present for Katie, among other things. I'm going to try to leave Owen here. I can't remember the last time it was just Jamie and I. I think the last time we ended up bitching at each other, so I'm going to try to avoid that this time. I'd like her to remember Mama and Me time as a good thing, not the time where Mama bitches at me alone instead of sharing the angst with my sister.

Posted by me at 3:26 PM | Comments (0)

April 28, 2008

I have new kitten syndrome

My days (particularly ones like today) are filled with Owen, so he's getting a lot more blog time.

I didn't mention it before, because I wasn't sure that it wasn't just my imagination. I think Owen has different colored eyes. I thought they were a bit different, right from the start, but I figured they were just in the process of changing and were browning at different rates. I'm not convinced that isn't the case, but the longer they stay different, the more I wonder if they'll always be that way. I just wish I could get a good picture, but his eyes are so dark the differences just don't show.

The car thing has been getting better. Owen seems to be getting more patient with the positions he hates. He'll actually sit in the bouncer for a whole shower without freaking out, sometimes without vibrating his ass off. In the car, he'll refrain from going postal while we're moving. He totally loses it while we wait in the preschool pick-line, but then calms down again when we start moving. This is a major improvement!

The sleep thing has been hit or miss. He alternates between AWESOME! and bleh. Last night, he only got up once. Today? He's only taken one decent nap. The rest of the time, he wouldn't even stay asleep while I held him. I'm confounded, but I'm hoping I get another good night.

And on that note...

Posted by me at 9:58 PM | Comments (0)

Now if only I could get a picture of it

Owen started smiling!

Posted by me at 1:00 PM | Comments (0)

April 27, 2008

We used to play this game

What's grosser than gross?

Finding matted cat hair around the base of your newborns pacifier.

What's grosser than that?

Sticking it right back into his mouth.

Posted by me at 1:58 PM | Comments (0)

April 25, 2008

Not so much fun

Yesterday, Owen slept something like 19 or 20 hours. He slept in the car and on the floor and in my arms while I shopped. He slept through stoplights and preschool pickup and even in the carseat while we were at home. He slept so much that even with his usual awake time before bed, I was afraid he would be up half the night. He wasn't, though, he slept right on through that too.

Today, he *wanted* to sleep. But he wanted to sleep on me. Most of the times I set him down, he woke up immediately. A few times, he managed to sleep long enough for me to shower or make lunch, but no longer. Normally this wouldn't bother me, but I'm really trying to play with the girls more. I'm with them all the time, but rarely involved with them. I don't want to just be a presence in their lives, I want to be active in their lives. I'm not very good at that. A lot of day, by the time I'm done fetching and butt wiping and cleaning up after and feeding them, I pretty much just want to be left alone to do my thing. I'm not good at being fun and playful, and most of the time it just feels like more work.

So, anyway, both girls were home today, and I had high hopes that we would figure out something that would be fun for all of us. Instead, I spent most of the day holding Owen, feeding Owen, or telling the girls to be quiet so Owen would fall asleep.

Posted by me at 9:49 PM | Comments (0)

April 19, 2008

Having fun always seems to come at the price of our sleep

Last weekend, we went to a rodeo with a bunch of people from the TKD school. Dinner was at 6:30, and the rodeo didn't end until 10. No big deal, right? It's a weekend, the kids don't have to get up early, it's good to break out of your routine, let's have some fun!

Yeah, the little one came and got us up at 6:30. Are you freaking kidding me? I mean, not only did they NEED more sleep, but Rex and I got to bed late, too, and would have loved a little more peace and quiet.

Last night, I got to go to a girls night type thing at a neighbors house. I only knew one of the women there, and it wasn't even at her house, but I got up my nerve and went anyway. And I had a glass of wine or so, and a really nice time. I liked everyone I met (I'm paranoid enough to be nervously wondering if they liked me, too), and I hope I'm invited again, and that we can get us and our kids together in the meantime.

Good grief, I'm desperate-for-a-girlfriend girl in the friend-making dating world. Ugh.

I decided to leave Owen at home while I went out. Once he goes to sleep after an 8ish feeding, he's good til at least 10:30, which is when I usually wake him up to feed him and put him in pj's so we can go to bed. I took my phone just in case, but I wasn't expecting to be needed for a while. And I wasn't. He was still peaceful and sleeping when I got home.

And then I tried to go to bed. He just. wouldn't. stay. asleep. Around 3:00, after nursing him repeatedly and trying to get him to sleep alone, I gave in and let him sleep on me. That bought me three hours straight, and then he was up for the morning, and Rex took him when he got up with the girls.

Since as far as his night was concerned, nothing was out of the ordinary, I can only assume he sensed my fine mood and felt the need to knock me back down a peg.

Posted by me at 10:53 AM | Comments (1)

April 17, 2008

I'm just the bitchy, nagging maid who lives here

You know how sometimes you go back and read your old posts to see what the details of your life were back then, to see the hurdles you've overcome, to see how much things have changed? I started this post *years* ago, and it horrifies me. Horrifies me because every. single. word. still applies.

---

I've been just an observer in my family for a while now.

I take care of what needs to be done, try to make sure the kids have a little fun, but I don't really get involved. I watch them play in the driveway, but I sit and read while they frolic. I don't really play games with them, and while they get their fair share of hugs, I haven't wrestled with them and gotten involved.

I start out every day already on the edge. It only takes an annoyance or two to push me over into bitch mode. Crying is the one behavior that kills me, because I can't get them to stop. I mean, if she were hitting, I could physically stop them, but aside from gagging them, I can't make the crying stop.

I'm a nag. I hear myself correcting them about things that don't really matter, and I can't seem to stop. I take every opportunity that the kids give me to leave them alone (not ALONE alone, but uninvolved in what they're doing).

I spend too much time on the computer. Worse, half the time I'm not really doing anything, just refreshing hoping for something interesting to happen that I can read about.

I think I've decided that I'm entitled to my bad mood. But really, who's entitled to a bad mood that's lasted two or three years? My attitude isn't fair to my kids, it's not fair to my husband, and it isn't fair to me. I have good days, don't get me wrong, but when I look back over the weeks and months, I'm more gloom than sunshine. I tend to remember the bad things and forget the funny, happy times.

Someone needs to slap me outta this. I have the feeling that someone is supposed to be me.

Posted by me at 10:10 PM | Comments (2)

April 16, 2008

I can handle cranky, but I may never drive again

I don't know what's up with Owen today. He's been awake more than asleep, which was normal for my girls, but he's been a super-sleeper.He dozes off, but won't stay asleep. He fusses and cries and won't let go. He screamed for 20 minutes straight on the way home from dinner tonight. He never even stopped to take a breath, and when I finally got him out of the car seat, he was sweaty all over and I was a total wreck.

Posted by me at 8:44 PM | Comments (0)

April 15, 2008

Did I mention how happy I am about the warranty?

Owen must be some kind of baby genius, because he rolled from front to back tonight. Twice! On the floor, so he didn't have the help from uneven surfaces. Unless we have a foundation issue, which doesn't seem so unlikely after the last week.

Saturday night, I tried to turn the heat back on. I hate alternating between running the heat and A/C, but the weather has just been that variable. To avoid cooking the girls and freezing the boy (and me!), I had to do it. Anyway, soon after I turned the heat on, I noticed that what I thought had been a passing low-flying helicopter was actually one of the heating units in the attic. Rex narrowed it down to the downstairs unit, so at least the girls have been warm the last few days. Thank god for new home warranties!

Last week, we had a huge storm with some nice sideways rain. While the girls were waving goodbye to Rex as he drove off for work, I found puddles in the foyer. One of them was at least three feet in from the door. I couldn't figure out where the water came in from, but we're assuming there's a gap in the seal around the door. I'm going to hose the door down when I get a chance so I can tell the warranty guy exactly what he needs to fix. Oh, and the same storm uprooted our baby trees AGAIN.

Posted by me at 9:32 PM | Comments (0)

April 10, 2008

Oh, my

Who let my little girl grow up?



Jamie is officially registered for kindergarten.

Posted by me at 9:08 PM | Comments (2)

April 8, 2008

Just another manic, uh, Tuesday

Today was one of those days that seemed to be going great and then all of a sudden, I'm crying on Rex's shoulder while the kids that drove me to it go back to behaving like real little people again.

We had a play date with a friend of Jamie's from school and her little sister. They had a great time. Such a great time that Jamie was in tears most of the ride home, because she didn't want to leave. Owen was not screaming, for once, and then we got stopped at a light. He was just recovering from that bout of screaming when we hit another light. That pretty much sealed the fate of the rest of the trip home.

I should go back and talk about Katie and her pee. She seems to be regressing from being potty trained. I knew this could happen when we introduced the new baby, but I thought she was far enough from diapers that it wouldn't be a problem. Also, she hasn't started trying to act like a baby herself, so I'm not sure it's related. Anyway, today she leaked a bit before we went to pick Jamie up, so she got fresh panties. Then she wet her pants (she said leaked, but dude, she was soaked) at the friend's house. I could understand that, since we were at a strange place and she was probably involved and not paying attention. I asked her if she had to go more, several times, and she said no. She wet her pants again before we got home. THat would be not 30 minutes from the previous time. I told her if she wet her pants again, I would have to put her back in diapers, and if she's in diapers she can't go to TKD, which means no yellow belt. I thought that would be some good motivation. Less than two hours later, she was wearing wet pants again.

So coming home was a wee bit traumatic for the mother in me. Screaming kid, wet pants, and I was HUNGRY. Owen stopped crying the instant I got him out of his seat. He was even fine when I laid him on the floor so I could start dinner. Katie frickin' smiles at me while I tell her she's going to lose TKD. Jamie is trying to show me what she made in school before I've even set my purse down.

I doubt I'm even making sense any more. All I know is that I was still smiling until I walked in the door, and then I went straight to tears.

Posted by me at 9:36 PM | Comments (0)

April 7, 2008

Copycat

Jamie is such a lemming. I really want her to be an individual, express herself in her own way, but I think her early years of being parented by a control freak worked way too well.

Aside from demanding skirts or tights a lot, and telling me I'm wrong about the weather, she wants my input when she's getting dressed each day. I prefer to help on weekdays, so I know she'll be appropriately attired for preschool, but on the weekends I tell her to choose for herself. (I guide with "pants and long sleeves" or whatever so it's temperature appropriate.) Often, she'll still ask "what goes with a pink shirt," or something to that effect. Here I try to give her an opportunity to make decisions, and she tosses it back to me.

Today, we had the girls make birthday cards for their cousins. Rex wrote out the words for them, and they were supposed to copy them and then make pictures on the blank sides of the cards. Jamie did a good job writing out the whole sentence, Katie, of course needed some help. She ran out of room before they could write the names, so Rex helped her write K².



When Jamie finished her card, I had her bring it to me so I could see her picture. She had gone back and added 2's into her sentence (and not where they made sense.) I asked her why, and she started in with this long explanation that involved something about the twins and next year and then just petered off into nothing. I asked her if she did it because Daddy and Katie did, and after a wee bit of prodding, she finally answered yes.



I expect the monkey-see-monkey-do thing from her younger sister, but I keep hoping Jamie will step up and show some individuality, instead of always looking to others for her personality. I'm afraid that when she gets to school, she's going to be so easily led to do the wrong thing by peer pressure. How can I strengthen her uniqueness and personality to hold up to public school?

Posted by me at 9:38 PM | Comments (2)

April 4, 2008

I wasn't planning to bitch, but, well...

I just made what I thought was my worst pie crust ever. It's actually pretty damn good. Now if only I hadn't cut into the pie before the filling was cool (how the hell am I supposed to resist chocolate?) and set.

I probably should have skipped making the pie in favor of working on the taxes. Have I mentioned that I haven't done our taxes yet? I started, a while back, but stopped when I got to the part where I had to use more than 3 brain cells at once. Also, we're going to take a hit this year, because we made a wee bit of money selling our last house, and we didn't live in it long enough to be able to roll the money into this house. I'm not really excited to see how much we owe.

Wee man is losing his mellowness in favor of some nasty sleep habits. Actually, it's his falling asleep habits that are causing trouble. During the day, he is mostly unwilling to just drift off to sleep. Instead, he fights and screams and rejects everything until finally, he doesn't. Rex and I spend several hours each morning and/or evening trying to soothe him into sleepiness. The good news is that he's still doing pretty well at night, waking for two or three feedings and usually going right back to sleep. The last feeding, at 4 or 5am, is the crapshoot: will he go back to sleep, or stay up and scream for an hour? At this point, if he's asleep when I finish feeding him, I just slide down the bed and let him stay on me. Better than chancing him waking up and wanting to stay that way.

The girls are, well, driving me nuts. Jamie talks all the time, but says next to nothing. I've started calling her Captain Obvious, because, well, she is constantly putting into words what everyone can plainly see. If she isn't narrating our lives, she's asking for something, anything. We do 5 activities, she asks for 6. An hour after breakfast, she asking what she can have for dessert after lunch. I ask her not to do something, she just keeps TALKING and digging herself deeper and deeper into a hole. Katie has rediscovered her stubborn streak, in spades. I tell her to stop doing something and she says, "I didn't!" Ok, kid, I wouldn't have told you to stop if you hadn't done it. Send her to do a 2 minute task, and she comes back 15 minutes later and it's only half done. And yesterday? Four pairs of panties. I'm willing to take the blame for one of the accidents, at least partially, but the other three were all her.

Nuts, I tell you.

On the other hand, they are so sweet with Owen. Katie is constantly, if annoyingly, offering suggestions as to what he needs. They let me know when he's crying or waking up. They try to play with him, totally unaware that he can't figure out what the hell they're doing. When we talk to him, they remind us that he doesn't know how to talk.

Still, nuts

Posted by me at 9:46 PM | Comments (0)

April 3, 2008

I think I can. I think I can!

Have I mentioned that Owen hates his car seat?

I may have to revise that. I think he hates being on his back (unless he's in my arms, then he tolerates it just fine) so much, that the car seat turns him into a screaming devil child, at least some of the time. Putting him in the car is a real crapshoot. Sometimes, he shrieks the entire trip. Sometimes, he starts out fine and works up to screaming bloody murder. Rarely, he is quiet and thoughtful. on a couple spectacular occasions, he has fallen asleep, sometimes without making a peep. The screaming doesn't end in him passing out, which is to say there isn't a damn thing to look forward to when he starts up.

I'm really hoping this is a temporary thing. That he'll outgrow it, or become resigned or something. Today, he lost it while we did a quick run through the grocery store on the way to pick Jamie up from school. We made it about halfway through the store when he started up, but at least I could stuff a pacifier in his mouth and jiggle it to keep him interested. I didn't have time to pull him out of the seat and try to calm him, so I drove most of the way to the preschool with one hand behind me holding the paci in (my daughters refer to this as "skilz.") Why he spits the damn thing out just so he can scream about it is beyond me. He was mercifully quiet on the ride home. And he held it together for most of the trip to, TKD, and most of the trip home. Unfortunately, the last 10 minutes or so were unadulterated hell. The screaming distracted me so badly that I left half our dinner at the McDonald's drive thru, and had to go back. He was just slowing down when we got stopped at a traffic light, at which someone obviously poked him with needles. By the time we got home, I was in tears. I thought I was past that.

Next week, Rex goes back to work, regular hours. I'm terrified that I'm not going to be able to manage our mornings in a way that gets everyone fed, dressed and moderately clean in time for school. I'm going to have to take the boy with me every time I leave the house, something we've been avoiding whenever possible. I'm going to have to keep it together.

Trial by fire, baby!

Posted by me at 9:24 PM | Comments (1)

April 2, 2008

Really looking forward to that first smile

Owen rolled over tonight.

Ok, so I don't think I have some baby prodigy. I'm not even going to count this as officially rolling over, since he did it while he was on the couch, so there was probably some helpful slant. But still. The kid already has the strongest neck muscles of any newborn I've seen. It does mean that I probably shouldn't put him down to nap on on the couch anymore, which kind of sucks 'cause it's so convenient. And also, he's less likely (although not completely safe from) to be stepped on by a big sister.

Last night sucked pretty hard. Owen woke up every time I put him down in the pack'n'play. In just the few days he's slept in there, I've gotten spoiled. While he was in there, he would grunt and squirm and fart and then get quiet, so I never knew if he was waking up or falling asleep. Rex finally took him for an hour or so and got him to go to sleep (eventually) and I was smart and just let him sleep on me for the rest of the morning. That hour or so was the only solid block of sleep I got last night.

He also has a pretty regular fussy period every evening after dinner. I'd say from 6 or 7 until 9 or so. The upside is that he tends toward sleep during the making and eating of dinner. The downside is that there's just about nothing that really calms him down until he's good and ready to be soothed.

Posted by me at 9:11 PM | Comments (0)

March 31, 2008

Chirp chirp

I think three kids is one or two more than I can handle.

It was my turn to put the girls to bed tonight, and when I came downstairs it was to a shrieking, angry Owen. He shouldn't have been hungry, he was being lovingly held and had just rejected the services of the pacifier. So I did the only thing that consistently works: I stuck a boob in his mouth.

So Owen calmed down. And after a while, he took the pacifier and fell asleep, deeply enough that I was starting to think about setting him beside me on the couch.

That's about the time I heard Jamie start whimpering. The whimpering turned to crying and calling for me. Then Katie started crying. By this time, I'm trying to transfer Owen to the couch without waking him up, since the last thing I want is kids screaming at me on two different floors. I run upstairs and find both girls crunched up on their pillows. Apparently, there was a sound. One that Jamie didn't recognize. As far as I can tell, this sound, which may have been a cricket, scared Jamie so bad that her sqeaking and crying woke up Katie, who in typical monkey-see-monkey-do, also started squeaking and crying.

The hell. At least Owen was still sleeping peacefully on the couch when I came downstairs.

Posted by me at 9:15 PM | Comments (1)

March 29, 2008

One week

Owen is the gassiest little thing I've ever seen. A couple times a day, and usually once at night, he becomes impossible to console for any length of time. In fact, about the only thing that keeps him happy is nursing, even if there's no way he could be hungry. If we're lucky, he deflates multiple times and then he's happy as a clam again. If we're not we spend an hour and a half flipping him from one position to another, feeding him gas drops, rubbing his tummy and feeling like we're absolutely useless.

Also, I've never seen someone work so hard to poop. For someone who's emptying himself of a practically liquid product, he grunts and strains up a storm.

I suppose I need to start cutting things out of my diet, but I don't really eat a lot of gassy foods to start with. I'm not sure how I'll survive if I have to give up chocolate, since I'm unable to stop eating it even for the sake of my waistline, much less on the off chance that it's causing problems for Owen. I mean, if I *knew* I could stop, because I wouldn't knowingly cause him pain.

Speaking of chocolate, I still don't understand how I gave birth to a nearly 8 pounds of baby and his associated fluids and placenta, but when I came home I had only lost 11 pounds. And since I didn't have an IV at the hospital, I didn't even have the excuse of being pumped full of fluids. Up until this morning, I had only lost a couple pounds. As of this morning, I'm down 16. I don't know what I was doing in my sleep last night, but I like the results!

We finally had Jamie's birthday party today. It went well, the kids had fun, Jamie was fawned over, Katie was happily included and Owen slept.

Have I mentioned that life is good?

Posted by me at 10:21 PM | Comments (0)

March 28, 2008

Finally, the birth story

I need to get this written before I forget any more of the details. I’ve had a hard time getting anything typed, what with Owen permanently attached to me. So without further ado, the birth story:

I started having contractions around 11 on Friday night. From the beginning, they were more painful than anything I’d had in the past, although they were really just uncomfortable. It was a few hours before they kept me totally awake and I was sure that this was real labor. Around 2 or 2:30, I was uncomfortable enough to get out of bed and move around a bit. While I was sitting on the floor in front of my laptop, they seemed to ease off. I made a couple posts, shut everything down, and climbed back in bed, thinking I might get a little more rest. Even though the contractions had really slowed, I was still pretty sure this was it.

By 3, I was having more intense contractions. Rex woke up when I got back in bed, and I would squeeze his hand each time I had one. They started 11 or so minutes apart, but quickly became a pretty regular 8 minutes apart. They stayed 8 minutes apart until they drove me out of bed around 5:30. Around 6, I got in the shower. I was having more contractions at this point, but I didn’t think they were consistent any more. By the time Rex got out of the shower and packed the car, it was almost 7, so we hung around to hug Jamie. I was in some real pain at that point, and by the time we walked out to the car, I was vowing to reward myself with an epidural for just making it to the hospital, and to hell with this natural stuff.

We headed out in Rex’s Scion xA. He was going a touch over the speed limit, a testament to his concern. About 10 minutes into our 20-25 minute ride, he started running red lights. Apparently the sounds I was making had changed from “mewling cat” (Rex’s words) to something higher pitched and a lot louder. According to him, the contractions were like 3 minutes apart at that point. All I remember was trying not to grab his shifting arm, although at one point he said he was doing about 35 in second gear before I let go.

A few minutes later, I was in pretty much constant pain and losing it. I remember telling Rex that we were going to have to get the seats cleaned when I felt my water break. Next there was a feeling like I was pooping (I don’t think I actually did, this time), and then the feeling moved forward and I was feeling Owen’s head. I think I said something like “Honey, he’s coming! and then I unbuckled the seatbelt, yanked my pants down to my thighs, and pushed out a head. The cord was around Owen’s neck, not tightly, so I pulled it over and wondered what was coming next. The rest of him slid out, and I pulled him up onto my stomach. It was amazing how much better I felt right away. Rex asked if he should stop, and I told him to keep going to the hospital. Owen had cried just enough to let me know he was alive, but he was somewhat blue, and I didn’t have anything to cover him with. I just held on and hugged him until we pulled up to the Women’s Center entrance.

Rex ran in to get someone, and I remember seeing a whole herd of nurses, none of whom knew that I had already *had* the baby. One nurse took Owen from me and started to turn away to say something to someone. I reminded her that I was still attached! They helped me into a wheelchair, pants still around my thighs, and gave me Owen back while they wheeled me into an LDR room. I got to climb into the bed, and they broke the bed down and put up the stirrups like I was about to deliver. I was shaking a lot, aftermath, I guess, plus we were a little chilly. The nurses and doctor finally got clamps and scissors and cut the cord.

The rest was pretty standard. I had never gone through the “after” part without an epidural before. I was kind of surprised by how uncomfortable all that massaging was, but the local and stitches weren’t too bad. I got an Oxytocin shot in one thigh, and then a nasty burning shot of some antibiotic in the other. That thigh had a sore spot still the next day. After an hour or so “recovering,” I walked to the postpartum room. By then, even the other dad standing by the nursery knew that Owen was the car baby, and I was like a celebrity mom :)


Posted by me at 7:35 PM | Comments (4)

March 27, 2008

Owen's firsts

Owen had a few firsts today that give me hope and make me happy:

• For the first time, he fell asleep in the car seat. In the car. And without shrieking himself into exhaustion!
• He fell asleep and stayed asleep on the couch. Sure, he was on his tummy, but it's the first time he's slept NOT on a person since we came home from the hospital. I would feel better if I could put him to sleep on his back, but I got over the freak-out factor when Katie refused to sleep for more than 10 minutes at a time on her back. I don't generally fly in the face of what "they" say, but we all gotta sleep, right?
• He had his first bath. We got lucky and his stump fell off earlier in the day, so it was even a full bath. He wasn't thrilled, but he saved the worst screaming for getting dried and dressed.
• I got the biggest, most beautiful (completely unintentional) smile. And as much as I know he didn't mean it, I'm thrilled I got to see it.

Posted by me at 5:29 PM | Comments (0)

March 25, 2008

And it is good

We're mostly on our own, here.

My dad left on Sunday, before Owen and I got home from the hospital. He had to be back in Maryland to leave for New Jersey Tuesday morning.

My mom left this morning, heading out for an elder hostel in Arizona that starts at the end of the month. She could have stayed a little longer if we had needed her, but I guess we were all ready to sort of move on.

I'm going to miss their help. Hell, I'm going to miss having extra warm bodies that made it possible to leave a room/make lunch/go to the store alone/sleep/breathe. Not to mention the entertainment my parents provided every single day they were here. I'm going to have to figure out how to interact with my own kids again.

Luckily for me, Spring Break is finally over. Jamie went back to school today, and Katie will be back for the first time in two weeks tomorrow. I want to kiss every woman in that place in thankfulness.

Rex is off work for the rest of this week, and will be working nights from home next week, so I'm not totally on my own. This is also good, because I haven't yet figured out how to get the girls ready for school and myself dressed (and potentially clean, too!) in time to get out the door. We have quite a list of things to do this week, and it's going to take both of us to make it happen. Rex has some meetings at work, everyone but Katie has doctor appointments, we have Jamie's birthday party to replan, another birthday party to attend, it goes on and on.

Life goes on.

Posted by me at 8:40 PM | Comments (0)

March 23, 2008

I am a total badass

delivered a 7 pound 12 ounce baby without a single painkiller.

But that is not what makes me a badass. After all, women do that all the time all over the world. It doesn't mean I'm not damn proud, though.

What makes me a badass is that I delivered my own baby. In a car. As we were going through an intersection.

Right now, I am invincible.

Owen Gray
3/22/08, 7:20am
7 pounds, 12 ounces, 21.25 inches

I

Posted by me at 8:57 PM | Comments (4)

March 21, 2008

GET OUT

Wow. I've been really bad about posting. I keep thinking of things to post, and in my head I think I've written them, but apparently I've never actually typed them out.

My parents are still both here, so I've spent a lot less time in the evenings on the laptop, when I actually have time to write. I manage to keep up with email and blogs (sort of) during the day in little bursts.

I'm still pregnant. I'm now, what, 5 days overdue? I've never been in this position before. This kid has missed all the cool dates, too. His due date, his sister's birthday, his uncle's birthday (that would be today), not to mention ANY ONE OF THE DAYS IN BETWEEN.

The sickness that Katie had made it's way through the entire household, minus Rex. There were at least two days during which my biggest accomplishment was breathing. Thankfully, the ick hit us in staggered fashion and by the time it took my mom down, the rest of us were capable of feeding ourselves again. I have the feeling this kid has been hiding out from all the coughing, but I'm better now. I SWEAR.

Posted by me at 9:53 PM | Comments (0)

March 13, 2008

Spring Break starts today

I may be suffering from a severe lack of solitude and the ability to be lazy without guilt, but I'm still incredibly grateful that my parents are here.

Posted by me at 10:04 AM | Comments (0)

March 11, 2008

Yawn

Still no baby. I shouldn't be surprised. In fact, I'm fully expecting this kid to come sometime on Sunday, the way babycenter.com says he will. After all, that's what my other kids did!

Katie has been sick since last Friday. She gets a nightly fever and occasionally heats up at nap time, but otherwise acts normal. Well, normal plus a cough and runny nose. I kept her home from school on Monday, and I'm truly hoping that she doesn't heat up again tonight so she can go back tomorrow for her egg hunt. I really don't want to have to tell her she's missing her egg hunt.

We haven't heard from most of the girls we invited to Jamie's birthday party. The fer sure yes we had has turned into a maybe, I have a definite no, and I have a we-thought-we-couldn't-make-it,-but-now-we-can that I pray doesn't forget. Not a peep from the other three. Rex is considering paying little girls to come. Wow, that didn't sound bad til I typed it. Anyway, I'm going to attend the egg hunts tomorrow and see if I can corner some moms and beat an answer out of them.

Bubba is peeing blood again. Recurring UTI's, not good. I think this solves my dilemma, although it doesn't make it any easier.

I'm starting to wonder if I'm ever going to sleep again, between cat drama, sick kid, and pregnancy. And since I already know what to expect after the kid arrives, I know I'm screwed.

Posted by me at 10:09 PM | Comments (0)

March 6, 2008

It's all over but the waiting (and the packing of the bag)

My mom called last week and asked if I had any idea when the baby would be coming. As though the woman had not been through two pregnancies that ran long and had no idea that babies come when they want, and they rarely inform anyone ahead of time.

I had another appointment today. It sucked, but not because it was painful or embarrassing or I received bad news. It sucked because I only got two pages of my book read. TWO PAGES. Last week was so much better when my doctor was late for my appointment because she was in surgery. I think between the waiting room and the exam room, I had 45 minutes of almost uninterrupted alone time. Today, I was actually back in the van on the way home one minute after my appointment was scheduled to start.

On the upside, everything is looking good. I'm locked up tight, but that's nothing new. The baby is high (no kidding, I think an ENT could probably see feet), but then, Katie was up like that five hours after my water broke.

My dad is out of town for the weekend, and my mom hasn't arrived yet. Inclement weather is predicted for tonight. Maybe the inconvenience will bring him along.

Posted by me at 8:24 PM | Comments (2)

March 3, 2008

Bullets without dots

It was 70 yesterday. It is snowing tonight. Enough that we lost the satellite hours ago. And my dad is talking about snowmen. I'd post pictures, but my hard drive is so full I can barely open new applications, much less fit another picture on it. I need to burn some stuff and delete, but I end up talking/hanging out with the kids/trying to knock stuff off my list instead.

Katie started TKD. She's so tiny! And yet, she's good. Seriously, she can mimic the older kids well enough to correct minor mistakes in form. She can also spin circles like a Tasmanian devil.

I'm still pregnant. In spite of occassionally having contractions whose numbers give me hope, if not their strength. I'm ready to be done, even though I'm still not completely adjusted to the fact that when I'm done, there will be another kid in this house. A boy, to be sure. Hmm. I forgot to mention that. A little over two weeks ago, I had a sonogram to make sure the kid is butt up. He is, and he neglected to make use of the sex change opportunity provided to him by my overactive imagination. I guess that pretty much settles it. On a brighter note, I think we have a name. I'm less thrilled than I ought to be, because the name he'll go by is more a matter of default than a true decision. Not exactly the way I imagined we'd pick a kids name, but I guess what sticks in your head is, well, what sticks in your head.

Posted by me at 10:53 PM | Comments (2)

February 27, 2008

Disconnected

I have, so far, managed to stay within my weight gain goal for this pregnancy. I'm actually impressed, since it's not like I've been eating particularly well. My Sonic habit alone should be kicking my butt. Add that to my obsession with Cadbury Mini Eggs, and the fact that we keep M&M's around constantly to bribe Katie to use the potty. And the Valentine's candy. Oh, and Rex's birthday cake.

You can see why I'm surprised.

---

I spent my kids free hours today waiting at the rental house for the carpet cleaners to come. Not that they weren't well within their window, and once they got there, were quite quick. Too quick, in fact, to feel like I got what I was paying for. I mean, I'm sure I did, but since there was no furniture to move they arrived, cleaned, packed up and left in under 30 minutes.

---

Jamie is supposed to take a bug to school tomorrow. I had planned to look with her this afternoon, but I ended up saving my sanity by forcing a nap instead. By the time the girls woke up, they had to eat and run to TKD and didn't come home til well after bedtime. She and Rex remembered a (dead) grasshopper in the garage. I just went out to collect it. It's huge, nicely dead, and Rex ran over it's head when he brought the girls home. I'm not sending a juicy headless grasshopper to school with my kid. Unfortunately, it's cold outside, and not another bug to be seen.

---

Why is it that whenever you go into a salon to get, say, your lip waxed, they ask you if you want your eyebrows done? I don't think I've once gotten a lip wax without being asked as least once if I wanted my eyebrows done. I don't have faint line eyebrows, but it's not like I have fuzzy caterpillars crawling around up there.

Posted by me at 9:49 PM | Comments (1)

February 25, 2008

Bruised, a little bloody, but not a single contraction

Not that I would recommend twisting an ankle and taking a fall at any time, but I definately don't suggest doing it 37 weeks pregnant. The gimpy walk I developed as I stiffened up over the day just makes me feel more self-conscious than usual, with my leading belly.

On the up side, the baby finally has a carseat installed just for him and the girls are thrilled with their new seating arrangement.

Posted by me at 10:10 PM | Comments (0)

February 11, 2008

By jove, I think she's got it!

This whole thing happens while I'm in the shower.

Katie comes running in butt naked.

"I went pee pee in the potty, Mama!"

"Good job!"

"I get M a M!"

She runs off with the cup of M&M's.

A couple minutes later, she comes running back in, still naked.

"I did a pooper in the potty, Mama!"

"Great job!"

"You need to wipe me, Mama!"

"Can you try to wipe yourself?"

"OK."

She runs off.

A couple minutes later, she runs back in, still naked, carrying a piece of toilet paper.

"I wiped myself real good, Mama!"

"Great job! Now can you go get dressed?"

"OK!"

Posted by me at 12:25 PM | Comments (1)

He who shall remain nameless

Well, I'm now past 35 weeks, and I still don't have a name, or even a list of possible names, for this kid. In fact, I still refer to him as "she" frighteningly often. I still dream about him being a girl. I *know* he;s a boy, I really do. I accept it. I've been buying boy clothes to make it more real. But I can't seem to convince my subconscious.

I'm starting to get desperate. I don't want to go home with "Baby Boy," I don't want to call and email family and friends after the birth and tell them we have a new bundle of joy, and no, I don't know what we're going to call him. Unfortunately, desperation isn't leading to inspiration. Rex hasn't been a whole lot of help, either. I think I spoiled him by coming up with the girls' names on the first shot. We didn't really argue or discuss, we never even considered boys names and we always went with my first idea. I guess I'm spoiled, too.

Posted by me at 12:22 PM | Comments (1)

February 6, 2008

It's all good

Jamie still had a fever when I put her to bed last night, 103 when I checked it when I went to bed. I gave her some Tylenol and gave up hope of having both kids go to school for the day. She woke up cool, but acting uncharacteristically low. I was expecting the fever to come back at any minute. Instead, her funk wore off and she went from asking to stay home to being excited to go to school. Her fever has yet to reappear.

I was relieved, for several reasons. I mean, of course I was happy that my girl felt better. And also happy that I would be able to run the errands I had lined up for yesterday. Also important, though, is that Katie had her first non-crying drop-off this week, since her first two days. And when Jamie wasn't feeling well, Katie was talking about how *she* didn't feel well, so she could stay home, too. I really didn't want to try dropping Katie off without her beloved sister, since I'm sure that would cause some serious tears and trauma.

So I got lucky. Both girls went to school. Both were happy about it. I didn't get any calls from the school, telling me to take my sick kid back. Things got done.

Posted by me at 9:12 PM | Comments (0)

February 5, 2008

Topsy turvy

This has been a weird day. Jamie woke up with a good fever, but acting on the happy, perky side of normal. Katie was perky and happy, too, and NOT sick. I felt like crap, probably because I barely slept last night. The day started in the 60's and went up from there. Then Katie turned into a teary crank. Jamie's energy ran down. We watched a movie, had some lunch and then spent a few minutes outside, enjoying the sunny 70's. I started feeling better. They were obviously winding down. I put them to bed, and they both fell asleep. Then the storm hit. Pea sized hail, high winds, we've dropped 25 degrees so far. I wonder what this evening will bring?

Posted by me at 3:03 PM | Comments (0)

February 4, 2008

The sick has arrived

Jamie is going to miss her first day of school tomorrow. She complained that she didn't feel good "in her head" this afternoon, and fell asleep on the couch just before dinner. The nap alone wouldn't have tipped me off, but her behavior beforehand did. The child never lays on the couch for more than 30 seconds at a time unless something is wrong.

She seemed much better after a two hour nap, hungry, perky, and cool to the touch once again. I thought we might get lucky.

And we did. She made it to linoleum before she lost dinner.

Posted by me at 10:10 PM | Comments (0)

January 29, 2008

Cracking

I think the stress is starting to get to me, even though I don't actually think about all we have going on right now all the time.

Listening to Bubba yowl all day and half the night is driving me insane. I know that it's no picnic for him to be locked in that bathroom, but it's better than being dead, right? Except that he's getting so annoying I'm going to choke him to get him to shut up anyway.

Sunday afternoon, both kids finally took much needed naps. In fact, they SO needed naps that we decided not to wake them up, but I think Rex finally woke Katie up around 6. Naturally, that bit us in the ass when she came out of her room at 9:45 that night with a big smile on her face. Trying to avoid a repeat, when she zonked out this afternoon, I made sure to have her up around 5. I've had to wake her plenty in the past, and she usually wakes up pretty quickly and happily. Not so much today. It took me about 15 minutes to convince her to keep her eyes open, but soon after that she started an hour long crying jag that she wasn't giving up for anything, including dinner. I actually kept myself together much better than usual (read, with Jamie), but goddamn, I really wanted to scream.

And then Jamie. Ahh, Jamie. Remember that Gary Larson cartoon with the kid trying to get into the School for the Gifted? Can you picture a kid trying to put a square peg into a round hole? Over and over, for an hour? That was my evening. Jamie and I had played Uno, and I asked her to put the cards away. I had already stacked them in two even piles, so she really just needed to slide them into the box, but for some reason she just couldn't figure out how to get them in. She just kept doing the same thing over and over. And I held my patience very well, even after she started crying. She needs to learn to figure things out, though. And she needs to learn that just because something is hard, that doesn't mean someone is going to come and do it for her. She hates to work at things that are difficult for her, but she needs to learn to do it anyway.

The final straw for the day is probably the wind. Or maybe that's what put me on edge from the beginning. It finally warmed up around here, but the wind has been crazy. Today, the house lost probably a dozen shingles and something like six panels of the fence blew down. The wind caught the door of my van and smashed it into the mirror of the van next to me so hard it flattened a piece of the trim. Trash and leaves and crap flying around, and it's impossible to keep your hair out of your face. And then there's the sound, the constant whine and the rattle of windows. Today was an extreme day, but the wind blows a lot here. It's actually on my list of things to hate about Dallas.

Posted by me at 10:00 PM | Comments (0)

January 24, 2008

On the up side, they have yet to master a single babyproofing device

I really don't get toddlers.

At 18 months, Katie was desperate to "do it herself." She wanted to dress herself, feed herself and do everything her big sister did. By herself. Of course, she wasn't nearly as capable as she needed to be, so after getting frustrated trying, she would eventually give in and let us help.

Now she's going on three, and she swears she can't. Can't put her own pants on (I've seen you do it!) Will not eat rather than feed herself. Implies that without a hand to hold, she'll never make it down the stairs. Naturally, these are things she's been doing for quite some time, particularly the stairs and the food.

Ironically, she's still more independent that Jamie. We had nachos for dinner tonight, and Jamie actually held up two chips cheesed together with one hand and told me she couldn't get them apart. She looked offended when I told her to use her other hand.

Jamie actually went through some of this too, at least the original "I do it" part. She's never really gotten past the regression into wanting someone else to do it for her. I'm hoping that in Katie's case, this is a growing pain, much like I'm hoping that her going to school happily the first few times and then turning into a puddle of goo the last few times is just a transition state.

Honestly, I'm just not sure I can handle having to button their pants for them when they get to high school.

Posted by me at 3:22 PM | Comments (0)

January 23, 2008

Another action packed day.

When I woke up at 6:30 this morning, I was bummed because I barely had enough time to fall back asleep before the girls would be up. When I woke up at 7:30 and there wasn't a kid in sight, I was stunned. Both kids slept in, almost an extra hour, on the same day. And neither was sick enough to keep home!

Rex and I did the walk-through with the builder for our house today. A final walk-through and closing and we're homeowners again! It went well. There were a few minor problems on the inspection, and then some cosmetic repairs, but nothing that should cause any problems. This has been almost too easy.

In what seems to be a neverending saga involving Bubba and his pee, I made another trip to the vet today. I had fully intended to take him to another vet to get a urine sample, and my intent was hurried along when I found one of the vets I used to work for practicing in town and another bloody pee spot. Three hours of solid yowling later and I have a diagnosis of a nasty UTI but no crystals. A pill a day for two weeks, and then we see what happens. Poor Bubba has been locked in a bathroom for the last few days, and it looks like he'll be there a while longer. When I asked the doc how cruel that was, she said "Better than the alternative!" which is, of course, his demise. I had to agree. Rex may have a different opinion when he sees the bill.

Posted by me at 8:56 PM | Comments (0)

January 17, 2008

Wine would be better

I'm running out of patience. And energy. Motivation. Did I mention patience? I'm not quite 32 weeks yet. That's a lot of complaining time left. I hope my family can learn to ignore me.

It snowed today. Well, not really snowed so much as I saw a few dozen flakes. Jamie's teacher pointed them out, too, so I wasn't just hallucinating. Have I mentioned that I'm not really into cold?

We set up the bathroom to confine Bubba a day or so ago. Then yesterday, he spent the entire day sleeping in my presence, so I didn't have the heart to lock him up. He stayed with me most of last night, too, as per usual. I didn't find another pee spot until this afternoon, although it was dry by then. And then I found a wet spot this evening. Enough is enough. He'll be sleeping alone tonight.

Katie talked this morning. All morning. It wasn't that she was whiney or complaining or even demanding, although there was some of that, too. Mostly it was just that she was never, ever quiet. And she was less independent than I've come to expect, so she never even just wandered off and talked to herself. It's amazing how tiring all that listening and answering can be.

This post has degenerated far enough to whine. Goodnight!

Posted by me at 9:04 PM | Comments (0)

January 9, 2008

But at least I'm going to go nuts in a pretty house!

So much going on at once, all of it major, traumatizing, and yet most excellent.

Katie had a great day at school. Even Jamie's teacher noticed when the classes crossed paths. I never saw a tear or anything approaching sadness, and from what I gather she didn't shed one. She came home with a dry diaper and hadn't been changed once. She ate all of her lunch. She's excited about her name tags (for her backpack and the hangtag for my van.) She's ready to go back. I couldn't have asked for a better experience.

I had four hours in which I both got things done and had alone time, and didn't have to feel any guilt about neglecting my kids, aside from the holy-crap-my-baby-went-to-school. I somehow didn't manage to call the vets about Bubba's urine results, but he seems much better since the two days of pen injections. I really do need to call them tomorrow and figure out wtf is up.

Between Rex and I, we negotiated a price on the house and a rate with the lender (the builder's lender, otherwise all incentives were void, so we had each other over a barrel). Then we spent an hour or so signing contracts and paperwork and our lives away. We're set to close by the end of the month. In spite of the fact that I kind of want to throw up, I really want to start moving NOW NOW NOW. We'll be paying rent and mortgage at the same time for a while, which doesn't thrill me, but it sure does give us the time to make a leisurely move. I still can't believe I signed up to stay here. Just the wind in the last week has been enough to drive me insane, add in the cold and the lack of friends and family, and I'm probably one step from the funny farm.

Posted by me at 8:19 PM | Comments (1)

Backwards

Katie climbed out of the van and walked into school without a peep.

I cried the whole way home.

Posted by me at 9:15 AM | Comments (0)

January 8, 2008

Ramble, ramble, WHEE!

So today was the first full day with the kids back. I didn't start losing it until dinner time, in spite of some kid and non-kid provocation.

There was a little extra whining, and some gratutious crying, but I sort of expected that. We all have to readjust to the rhythms of this life. I'm personally am making an effort to stop sweating the small stuff, nag less and enjoy more. After lunch, we went out to run some errands. I suppose I should mention that my dad has been working on potty training Katie while they were up in Maryland, with quite a bit of success. It seems to be either a feast or famine or type of thing, where she either successfully goes completely on her own without reminding or assistance, or she totally forgets. During lunch today, she made three or four trips to the bathroom to "try," although I think after the first try she was playing some weird sort of potty/food dawdling game. We had some errands to run, so right before we left, I had her try one more time, without results. Of course, while we were in a model home talking to the sales person, she not only wet herself, but she pooped, too. Did I mention that the panties she was wearing were a couple sizes too big? There were turds falling out of the legs of her pants as I stripped her before I let her back in the carseat. We ran back home before we continued with our errands (um, duh, she was naked) only to discover that the garage door opener was broken. Luckily, I can still open it by hand, but I can't say I'm thrilled by the whole thing.

Yesterday, we got a call from Katie's preschool saying that they have a Monday/Wednesday opening, starting tomorrow. I'm pretty sure she's going to do fine, but I'm not ready anymore! I had gotten used to the idea of her being around this spring, and frankly, it didn't bother me at all. She can't stop talking about getting to go to school, though, so I guess I'm going to have to grow up and be ok too. We ran by the school to do a little paperwork, and she got to meet her teachers and see her room. She of course turned back into shygirl. I still think she's going to be fine, though. Really. *sigh* Believe me yet?

I was fine through all of that. What got me was dinner. The two trips to the bathroom Katie made without making anything. The nagging and complaining and the wanting of other people's food before she's bothered to eat any of her own. It's the little things *fake smile*

Tomorrow, I have 4 hours to myself, with the exception of meeting the garage repair guy. Whatever shall I do with myself?

Posted by me at 9:55 PM | Comments (0)

December 28, 2007

I could get used to this

The girls left yesterday for 12 days with my Dad. For some reason, I'm more worried about them enjoying their time up there. It's not the first time they've made this visit without me, and they've always done fine. I also felt a little guilty over how much I was looking forward to them going. I seem to be getting over that.

They called yesterday when they got to my dad's, and both kids were chipper and happy and not at all homesick. I'm sure that will come, too, but it usually hits them for just a few minutes and then they perk back up again.

In the meantime, what I thought was a short list of things to get done while they're out of my hair has turned into quite a list. It might be difficult to fit it all in, especially since "Sleep in as late as possible" is at the top of each day's list! In the day and a half they've been gone, we've already gotten service done on my van, had a problem diagnosed (the part is on backorder), taken down the Christmas tree and put the loot away, and cleaned up an ocean of cat pee. AND we've had time to be lazy and watch a movie.

Posted by me at 3:37 PM | Comments (1)

November 28, 2007

At least I'm still young and smart

On the way to preschool this morning, I was informed that one time, when Daddy took Jamie to school, he opened the wrong back door in the drop-off line. I think I need to work a little more on this "no tattling" thing. After the girls spent a few minutes collaborating each others stories, they started to speculate on WHY Daddy would do such a thing.

Apparently, it's because he's old. Old and forgetful.

I wonder what they say about me when I'm not around?

Posted by me at 9:56 AM | Comments (0)

November 26, 2007

For once, I just want her to acknowledge that I might know the answer

There's this commercial on the radio here that has caused undue angst for my family.

The commercial is for a car dealership, and at several points they have a group shout "Call Bankston!", only it does't sound like "Bankston," it sounds more like Freeston. I figured out the correct name by listening to the rest of the commercial, something Jamie doesn't bother to do.

The girls always shout out the part along with the group, and they were always shouting out the wrong word. Once I figured out the correct name, I tried to tell them what it really was. jamie didn't believe me, argued, and kept shouting the wrong things anyway, until one day I lost it and told her to say it right or say nothing at all. Not my finest moment, but I was pissed that she couldn't just take my word, for once.

The other day in the car, my mother asked Jamie what she was saying. Jamie told her that she says "Call Bankston," but that isn't what they really say. They really say something different, but Mama doesn't want her to say that.

Four years old, and my daughter is already telling me what I want to hear and thinking I'm an idiot.

Posted by me at 9:31 PM | Comments (1)

November 24, 2007

Second kid syndrome

It's been a while since I've brushed the girls' teeth regularly. When the morning sickness kicked in, my already stretched-thin evening patience went right out the window. Add the wonderous nausea, and I could handle reading the story at bedtime, but brushing the teeth was pushing me over the edge. Rex took over tooth duty, and then it became sort of a habit that I'm happy to let him strengthen.

Anyway, I've only had to brush on rare occasions, which is why I surprised last night to notice that Katie has finally gotten a couple of her two-year molars. So far she's only got the bottom two. I'm thrilled that we couldn't tell by her behavior that she was getting teeth, but a little ashamed that it's been so long since I've been on her mouth that I didn't even notice two new teeth. Worse, Rex, who brushes her teeth nightly, didn't notice it either.

Posted by me at 10:22 PM | Comments (0)

November 22, 2007

Happy Thanksgiving!

While I was putting the girls to bed, I asked the girls is they knew why we celebrate Thanksgiving. I got Jamie started, and then she remembered what they taught her at school and took over. After we finished the whole pilgrim and feast discussion, I asked Jamie what she was thankful for.

Oranges.

And Katie?

Milk.

I told them that I was thankful for my wonderful, healthy girls, and for their daddy and my family. Then I asked them what else they were thankful for.

Pretzels.

Grape juice.

Annnnnd goodnight.

Posted by me at 8:41 PM | Comments (0)

November 19, 2007

Ahhhhh

Katie hasn't taken a nap in two days, and we were already seeing the effects by the end of day 1. She's at the point where she doesn't nap every day, anymore, and she usually does fine. And unlike Jamie, she will sometimes sleep in late the next morning to make up for it. After a cranky, nap-free day yesterday, I was shocked and dismayed this morning when she was up right at 7. Especially since I could have used another hour or two myself!

Minutes after putting her down for her nap today, it became obvious that she was going to wiggle and amuse herself right out of another nap. I finally went into her room, laid down on her bed, and told her I needed help falling asleep. She immediately gave me her bunny to hug, wrapped and arm around me and snuggled in. The only downside of the whole thing was after she fell asleep, she wouldn't let go of me. Every time I tried to scooch out from inder her arm, she would hold on tighter. I finally managed to escape and gave her back her bunny to hug.

Posted by me at 1:47 PM | Comments (0)

November 17, 2007

Going more than a little insane

The week of the ill-behaved child continues. Jamie has become a whiney, needy, greedy, bossy, bratty attention whore this week. I have no idea what the hell is going on. It needs to stop, though, because she has no school next week, and I'm not going to make a whole week of this attitude without doing something desperate.

In anticipation, we're going to relax tonight with a movie and some treats. Hopefully, the ice cream can keep me cool all week long!

Posted by me at 8:11 PM | Comments (0)

November 13, 2007

I'm looking forward to years of these things

Tonight was our first in what I assume will be a long list of "programs" that we watch our kids perform in. And may I just say, it was the best free comedy show we've seen and better than a lot of paid entertainment. Did I mention that it wasn't a comedy?

They brought each class up individually to do three songs, starting with the two year olds. Fifteen two year olds on a brightly lit stage "dancing" and "singing" to music? Priceless, and yet still topped by the little boy with the riotous COCK-A-DOODLE-DO when asked what the rooster says.

In every class, there was at least one kid that froze. Not always in a bad, scared way. One little boy stood completely still, staring at something in the audience with a beauteous smile, for all of his group’s songs. By the time Jamie’s class mounted the stage, I was convinced Jamie was going to be that kid. She totally surprised me by performing AND singing, although she had us laughing when she chastised her bells for falling out of her hands. She was loud enough that I could hear her over the singing, and from the laughs, I think quite a few other people heard her, too.


Posted by me at 9:40 PM | Comments (1)

November 10, 2007

Ah, the joys of parenting

I don't know what my kids are trying to do to me.

Jamie has this cough that until recently only seemed to appear when she was in her room. As in, when she's supposed to be resting and ALL NIGHT LONG. After a couple weeks of that, she's finally throwing out a little hack or two during the day. No other symptoms, though, unless you count my lack of sleep. Also odd about this cough? Sitting next to her on the bed seems to calm it. Not a sip of water, or cough syrup, but sitting beside her in a daze.

Katie's torture is a more understandable. She just has a nice little cough with congestion. I'm leery of cough syrup because of recent warnings, and also because her cough seems productive, not just uncontrolled hacking. When I heard her start up last night, I went in to check on her and got a big hug. I propped up some pillows, and put her on my chest to elevate her, which really seemed to help the coughing. The real trouble started an hour or so later, when I tried to put her back on the bed. She kept rolling around, alligator death rolls that would start by me and end with her spinning against the wall. After several hours of tossing and turning, I pinned her down, she cried a little, and we were good. Minutes before I was planning to get up and go to my own bed, Jamie started again.

So far our reward for interrupted nights has been a few rare 8am wake-up calls. Today's reward was an early wake-up, followed by a napless afternoon.

Posted by me at 8:53 PM | Comments (0)

November 7, 2007

It's not looking good

I'm amazed at how one sentence can make me feel loved, guilty, and angry at the same time.

Just before they walked out the door, Jamie announced that she wanted me to take her to preschool instead of Rex. I was technically clothed, albeit in a pair of jeans that neither buttoned or zipped, but totally unprepared. Flattered to be asked, but peeved when she started crying when I told her I needed more than 20 seconds warning, while Rex stood by the door, keys already in hand. And guilty because it apparently meant enough for her to cry (ok, that's not really a good litmus test for "meaningful" for her), and while I probably could have gotten it together in time to get her to school, I didn't.

I'm hoping this doesn't mean we're in for a repeat of yesterday afternoon, which was hell with bells on.

Posted by me at 9:06 AM | Comments (0)

October 30, 2007

Fiesta in my mouth

I have a love hate relationship with our favorite Mexican restaurant here. I love love love the Chimichangas, and I love the staff that are kind enough to gringatize my meal to Yankee standards. They have yet to not satisfy me.

Unfortunately, from about halfway through the meal on, I'm so full I'm uncomfortable. By the time we get home, I'm doing my lamaze breathing to relax my stomach in an attempt to relieve the pressure. Lamaze has worked ever so much better for me in overeating situations than it ever did in labor.

The girls, at least, seem to love love the place. Of course, what's not to love? They eat a pile of chips and queso, have a couple bites of a vegetable-free meal, a chugger of milk, and then they return to the chips with gusto.

Mexican food: Everything that's wrong but oh, so right with America's eating habits!

Posted by me at 10:09 PM | Comments (0)

October 23, 2007

God help me the day I have to parallel park with them in the van

Jamie has become quite the little copper. I feel more and more like a 16 year old failing my driving test every day.

"You shouldn't have gone through that light, Mama."

"Daddy doesn't use his turn signals like he should, Mama."

"Mama, You didn't use your turn signal!"

"Mama, the light is red. You can't turn now." (This led to a discussion about right turn on red, and why you can't left turn on red. The two year old joined in.)

Posted by me at 9:18 AM | Comments (0)

October 22, 2007

Nightmares

Last night sucked. It translated into a morning that sucked, too. And since it's taken me all day to get this written, I can tell you that that which caused the suck has only gotten worse.

Jamie is afraid of the smoke detector in her room.

A couple weeks ago, we went to an open house at our town's fire department. Most of it was pretty benign fun, but there was trailer set up to simulate a smokey house. We went in, a fireman talked to the kids about what to do it the smoke detectors go off, and then they fill the trailer with smoke. The detectors start going off, and then we practice getting down and out. Katie was fine, but Jamie flipped out as soon as the talking part was over. We talked about it afterwards, and I haven't heard a peep about it since.

Until last night.

Last night she was up three times. The first two were because she was scared of the noise her smoke detector made. She swore she heard it, but I never heard a beep out of it. The third time, she came in to tell me that she wasn't scared anymore.

Right before naptime, she started freaking out again about spending time in her room. It took a couple tries, but she calmed down and fell asleep, only to wake up crying an hour later. I was running out of calming ideas, so I had Rex put her to bed. He's been into her room at least three times since then, calming her. I anticipate a wakeful night.

The only reason I can figure this is cropping up now is that firemen are visiting her school to talk about safety this week. She's been nothing but giddy about them coming, but maybe she thinks they're going to make her go through the trailer again.

Logic, talk and love seem to be getting us nowhere, at least for more than two minutes at a time. I'm running out of ideas. I'm hoping her date with the firemen either resolves the problem, or brings it to a point where we can deal with it.

Posted by me at 10:01 PM | Comments (1)

October 18, 2007

Sleep is underrated.

Sometimes I think I'm crazy and more than a little mean for not letting Katie quietly get out of bed and get books during her rest time. After all, she does so quietly, and stays in her bed for a goodly amount of time without bugging me, which is half the point of rest time.

And then there are days like yesterday, where I put her books away and never realized that she retrieved another stack. She rested for the requisite time, and then fell asleep half an hour later in the car on the way to TKD. She was so deeply asleep that she stayed that way while I carried her into the school and had a good thirty minutes of conversation with various other people.

Posted by me at 2:41 PM | Comments (0)

October 10, 2007

It comes from Sonic, too

Last night, we had chicken for dinner. Jamie proudly told me, "Chicken comes from chickens!"

So I asked her where beef comes from.

"Cows!"

And pork?

"Pigs!"

What about hamburger?

And Katie yelled, "McDonalds!"

Posted by me at 12:27 PM | Comments (0)

October 9, 2007

Normal and healthy goes without saying

Five years ago, I would have been thrilled.

Five years ago, I wanted boys. Only boys, no girls. It was a good thing we found out the sex (several times, actually) early, so I had plenty of time to get used to the idea. In the end, though, when they put her on my stomach, she could have been purple with eight eyes and one leg, and I wouldn't have cared a bit.

Today, I was desperately hoping to find out we're having another girl. I like them. I know them. I have all the clothes.

It's a damn boy. Now, when I want girls all girls, I get a boy.

Good thing I found out early. It's going to take months to get used to this!

Posted by me at 7:20 PM | Comments (2)

September 26, 2007

Even family has resisted

For the first time in almost two and a half pregnancies, my belly has been molested.

I'm not even really showing unless I'm naked, but this is one of the other parents from TKD, so she already knew. I'm still not getting the touching thing, though, since I don't have enough belly to be fondling baby, it's more like just rubbing some chicks stomach. And also, she rubbed way up by my rib cage, where there is definately no baby.

Posted by me at 9:15 PM | Comments (2)

September 18, 2007

I miss Coke so much I could cry

The girls and I all have our first colds of the season. At first I was going to blame preschool, then I heard Jamie's TKD teacher and realized he's as bad off as we are. Rex is, as usual, unaffected. The bastard.

I cannot believe how long this pregnancy is taking. I'd swear I've been pregnant for at least 6 months by now, and yet I'm just over 14 weeks. Maybe it's because this is one of the crappiest parts of pregnancy: I'm gaining weight, but I don't have a bump, it's too early to shop, I've been feeling like crap and couldn't complain about it because no one knews, and I haven't even had the comfort of an ultrasound. The good news is that most of that should be changing soon.

I'm starting to seriously consider making an offer on that foreclosure house again. They've dropped the price AGAIN, and interest rates should be falling since the Fed lowered interest rates again. The timing is a little off, since even with a November 1 closing and two months for repairs and an easy move, we would still be paying rent and mortage together for five months. That's a lot of wasted money right there. Plus, I'm just not sure I'm ready to give up the Austin dream yet, and buying here now pretty much locks us in.

So many things to think about, so little I can actually do.

Posted by me at 8:13 PM | Comments (3)

September 14, 2007

Ask and ye shall receive

It amazes me how sometimes the reason you aren't getting what you want from your kids is that you just didn't ask.

A couple days ago, I was putting Jamie down for her rest, and she lined up a piece of kleenex on her pillow with her buddy. I asked why, and she said it's for wiping her eyes when she has to cry, like sometimes when she wets the bed. I told her I thought it would be easier on both of us if instead of crying until I woke up, she just quietly came and got me. After all, there's no reason to cry over wetting the bed, it's not like she's doing something wrong.

Lo and behold, I was woken up at 4:30 this morning by a small person standing by my head, telling me she wet her bed. Even in my nearly comatose state, I was impressed by her restraint against the crying. Anyone who's known me long knows that Jamie rarely restrains her crying.

Apparently, all I had to do was ask!

Posted by me at 8:19 PM | Comments (0)

September 11, 2007

I'm pooped.

Last week, I would have guessed Katie was about 85% potty trained.

Today, I'd say more like 50%. If that.

This is frustrating, to say the least. She was totally poop trained, now she poops in her pants daily. She was peeing in her panties, now she seems to be catching herself more and more often. And then there was yesterday, when after the fourth time she told me she had to go and didn't produce so much as a drop (aside from a couple on the floor of the garage,) I had about had it. I also ask her to go a couple times a day, like before naptime and when we leave the house. This is usually met with a lot of complaining and "It not make me happy!"s, as though happiness is my concern. I'm more thinking about washing yet another load of sheet, or trying to clean pee out of my van. The naptime trip today was met with the grumpy face, and a distinct lack of tinkling. Half an hour later when I went to check on her, she has already wet her diaper. Grr!

I'm still not 100% she's ready for this. I know for certain I wasn't ready. She's stubborn enough to not pee just to be ornry, and smart enough to know what she's doing. We've been working on this long enough for her to work the kinks out, but it just doesn't seem to be happening. I can't see going back, though. She's just trained enough to NOT WANT diapers, and I suspect the fight to put them back on her would be almost as annoying as the extra loads of laundry..

Posted by me at 8:13 PM | Comments (0)

September 6, 2007

She's just plain pooped.

We had our preschool meltdown today, although not at preschool, and not even because of preschool.

I think Jamie finally got TIRED. Within seconds of putting her in the car, she was crying about something that hasn't even happened yet. The attitude and tantrums continued until I put her down for her rest, which she didn't have the decency to make use of.

I've talked to her numerous times today, and there was never a hint that something happened at school to make her unhappy, scared, or upset.

Posted by me at 8:20 PM | Comments (0)

September 4, 2007

Somebody missed her sister

Jamie's first day of preschool went swimmingly. We all walked her to her classroom, and then she practically kicked us out the door. On pickup, I was greeted with little fanfare, like she didn't even miss me. I'm proud that she's so well-adjusted and prepared, but even I was tearing up a little at getting her back, and I'm dead inside.

Katie, on the other hand, missed Jamie like I miss Coke. She didn't fuss until we got home from dropping Jamie off, and then I think she realized she was alone. I distracted her with lunch and shopping, but when we picked Jamie up, Katie lit up and spent the rest of the afternoon frolicking with her. And hugging her. And full-on body slamming her.

Posted by me at 8:53 PM | Comments (1)

August 30, 2007

Meet & greet

Tonight was Jamie's meet the teacher night at her preschool. I was proud of the fact that she didn't clam up and get shy, even though there were tons of people around, and she met a bunch of new adults. She's such a different kid than she was 3 years ago, when she would have just clung to me and ignored the world. I can barely remember her as that kid anymore.

She was a little nervous, but I really think she's more excited than anything. She's going to love the artwork. She's going to be so bad in the music class, but I'm hoping she loves it in spite of her lack of rhythm and tone. She's going to astound them with her memory, and frustrate her teacher's because she hates to do schoolwork that requires her to think. She's going to be thrilled to have so many kids to play with every. single. day.

And me? I'm a little nervous about turning my baby over to a group of people I barely know for the first time. But more than that, I can't wait to hear how much she loves school.

Posted by me at 9:21 PM | Comments (0)

August 27, 2007

Wishy washy

Man, one link to Picture This, and I get all the love I need for a week. Thanks for all the great comments, guys!

I went to the adults only meet the director meeting at Jamie's preschool tonight. Not only am I minutes away fromtrying to get Katie enrolled by next week, I'm considering asking the director if she would raise my kids. I like her, and if the school is run the way they say it will be, I want to live there.

Ok, I've spent like 5 minutes talking to my friend, and she's convinced me to ask if there are any spots left for this semester. No guarantee I'll take them up on it if they do, but I might as well find out before I put any more thought in to this.

Posted by me at 8:36 PM | Comments (0)

August 17, 2007

For which I had no words

Jamie has been sent to her room about 87 billion times today. Ok, I might be overstating a little. Maybe just 86 billion times.

She has cried for silly reasons, displayed attitude a 14 year old would be proud of, told me to go cook dinner and leave me alone, and talked with her mouth full.

The talking with your mouth full thing might seem a little harsh, but we've been working on that, and on eating over your plate, for so long that her little sister does it flawlessly. Hell, Katie has even made up a little song. "If you're happy and you know it, don't talk with your mouth full!"

Anyway, this is not the first time Jamie and I have had it out over talking with her mouth full of food. It was, however, the first time I've had to tell her not to talk with her mouth full... of WATER.

Posted by me at 9:34 PM | Comments (0)

June 21, 2007

Even though I really wanted to

It never fails that every time I think I have this parenting thing down, my kids throw something new at me.

I've had a few issues with both kids. Katie and her nasty night sleep habits. Jamie and her incessant crying. Jamie and her teenager attitude. Katie's eating habits. The one that has frustrated me the most and that seems to be lasting the longest is Jamie's crying. I think I've been on edge for the last two years, always wondering what innocuous thing was going to set off a crying jag of epic proportions. Discipline is really difficult, since any kind of punishment usually starts the crying, and once the crying starts, everything else flies out the window. I've also developed a very thin skin about the crying. What I used to be able to handle calmly now angers me deeply and so, so quickly.

For the last yearish, I've wondered what it would be like if Jamie were as easy to be around as Katie. Katie is generally happy. She cries, but quick little thundershowers that pass leaving nothing more than a couple of tears running down smiling-again cheeks. she's mischievous, and funny, snuggly and sweet.

But lately, lately she's been a little hellion. She refuses to do most anything I ask. Even when threatened. Even when punished. She smiles while she refuses. She smiles while I punish. She does not give in. No matter how serious I get, how overbearing, how at the end of my rope, she smiles.

I lost it tonight. She got sent to her room several times during dinner. She refused to eat, but cried when I started putting her food away. Finally she gave in and fed herself. Not long after, it was time to get into her pj's. She wouldn't come to me. When she finally did, she went limp. Then she started actively trying to thwart me. The last straw came when I was putting the pants on her, and she kept trying to kick off the leg I had gotten off while simultaneously kicking the other foot so I couldn't get them the rest of the way on. Oh, and kicking me. I gently slapped her leg. She smiled and kept kicking. I slapped harder, she smiled more. That's when I ripped her pants off, stormed into her room with her, and tossed her (gently but firmly) into her crib. And shut the door authoritatively. So much for the easy kid.

And as bad as it sounds, I'm proud of that. Because I was very close to doing something horribly, horribly bad, and I managed to remove myself from the situation before I did. I didn't even punch a wall or anything when I left.

Posted by me at 10:00 PM | Comments (1)

June 19, 2007

I get most of the crappy attitude, too

Rex is working nights this week, which means he was available to come along on the screamfest swim lessons have become.

Naturally, there wasn't a tear to be seen.

I love that the kids like showing off for Daddy. I certainly don't want them to misbehave for him just for the sake of being bad. But would it freaking kill them to show off for me once in a while? Or at the very least, behave in a wonderous screamless fashion they did for their father today?

Posted by me at 9:46 PM | Comments (0)

A serious commitment to naplessness

Apparently, we can no longer leave ponytails in Katie's hair when she goes to take a nap. She put the elastic around her big toe, like she was attempting a slow amputation. Or maybe just trying to get out of a nap.

Posted by me at 2:21 PM | Comments (0)

June 14, 2007

Full exposure

I finally got around to getting bloodwork done for Jamie and I. She was supposed to have her cholesterol rechecked, according to her Maryland ped. Our current ped doesn't seem to think it's necessary, but I can totally see where the former ped was coming from. After all, Rex has decently high cholesterol, and I tend to skate the line. At the very least, it's nice to have a baseline for her, and we can always make an effort to feed her an appropriate diet. Meh.

My bloodwork was a recheck for my thyroid. Since both of us had recently had full appointments, I thought we were just going to run through the lab. I certainly wouldn't have called the day of, asking for a quick appointment since we had to fast, had I realized we were both going to see the doctor.

Anyway, nothing exciting at the appointment, so we walked over to the lab. I offered to go first, so Jamie could see what was going to happen. She watched me get stuck with sort of a horrified fascination, but she was nervous without being terrified when it was her turn. She sat on my lap while the (very nice) tech explained what was going to happen. She started to cry just before she got stuck, but stopped about the same time the tech was finished. It wasn't even her most freaked out of cries. She didn't flinch or try to move. I am extremely proud of her, even though she now says she doesn't like needles :)

Then for some reason I had to give a urine sample. I've never had to before for thyroid work, so I'm not sure what they were looking for, but whatever, I don't mind gifting my pee. Of course, I got to demonstrate giving a urine sample for the girls as well. Katie was particularly full of questions, from, "What are you doing?" to "What's in the cup, Mama?" My only consolation is that at least it was a relatively private bathroom, and I wasn't trying to euphemistically explain menstruation while a stranger listened in the next stall.

Posted by me at 9:03 PM | Comments (0)

May 22, 2007

Catch-up with bullets

I think the only way I'm going to get this done is the short, bulleted version. Here goes:

• Rex graduated!
• We met our nephews. Within minutes of walking into their house, Katie found the sleeping twin, Karston, and said, "That MY baby." She spent the rest of our visit checking on him, and letting us know if he was awake or asleep. Jamie liked helping out, too. SO cute!
• Mother's Day, uh, wasn't. I'm still pissed about it, too. I know it's something I probably just need to get over, but even if I do, I still know something that I'll never be able to forget, and that's going to color our relationship for the rest of my life. That might be a little dramatic. I mean, I did learn some things that I can't unlearn, but they weren't all on Mother's Day.
• On our way back into town on Sunday, we dropped Rex off at the airport for a week of training in California.
• My van started randomly shutting off while we were in Hosuton. Five times in three days, once on the interstate. On Monday, I took it in to the shop while my dad watched the girls. Then he took Rex's car to the airport and took himself back off to Maryland. It took the dealer THREE DAYS to get my van back to me, two of those to figure out what was wrong with the van. And this was after I TOLD them what was wrong with it. Three days, completely alone, with no car. Yeesh. It wasn't nearly as bad as it could have been.
• Jamie has napped more in the past week than the past year.
• Jamie, and therefore Katie, has started calling me Mom instead of Mama. There was a time a while back where she tried to call me Mommy, which I totally shot down, but Mom doesn't bother me. It does make me feel a little more like a mature mother, and it makes her seem older too. Maybe we're both coming into our own.

Posted by me at 12:53 PM | Comments (2)

May 21, 2007

Empty husk

I've been in a grumpy, pissy, low-patience mood all day. I know what it's from, and it's totally legit, but it isn't the kids fault, and they're the ones who get stuck with me for a big part of the day.

Indigo Girl's post really struck a nerve with me the other day, because on my less than good days, of which I have many, that's how I feel. All done. Empty. Tired. I can't figure out how I got here.

I'm not really in the mood to get too deep right now, but that's how I've been feeling today. Used up, unsure of how I got into this, and why I stay. Taken for granted. Bitter. You know, all the things I don't want to teach my kids to be.

Posted by me at 9:40 PM | Comments (0)

May 10, 2007

I miss it, too

I can't remember what started it, but Jamie started talking about Houston today. She was hoping that the people who bought our house would rent it back to us. She wasn't impressed when I told her that the people who bought are house were living in it, and I doubted they wanted to leave. That they bought our house because they loved it as much as we did. She told me that she missed having a gate she could open and close (our backyard gate) and a great place to ride her trike.

She also asked why we couldn't go back to Houston, and I told her it was because Daddy had a new job here, and we moved here to be near Daddy. That's when she told me that she liked Daddy's old job. I told her that I did, too.

Jamie lets most things roll right off her back. I think this might be the second time she's brought up Houston since right after we moved up here, other than in the context of visits and family. I'm not sure what stirred her pot this time, if it was the little meltdown I had yesterday (although I didn't tell them anything, I just told them I was sad), or if she was just thinking about Houston since we'll be going there tomorrow.

Either way, I told her that I was pretty sure that when we rented a house here, soon, that there would be a place for her to ride her trike. For now, that seems to be enough.


---


My Dad came into town tonight. Tomorrow, we leave for Houston. Saturday, we meet our nephews for the first time, and then Rex graduates. Sunday, back to Dallas, where we drop Rex off at the airport for a week in Cali for training. Monday, my Dad goes back to Maryland.

Lots of stuff in a little time, most of it awesome.


Posted by me at 9:55 PM | Comments (0)

May 9, 2007

Copycat

Things Katie is learning from Jamie:

"That makes me angry!"

She threw herself on the floor and threw a fake tantrum to do what Jamie does.

Posted by me at 12:24 PM | Comments (0)

May 7, 2007

More motivation to move. As if I needed it.

This weekend was fun but exhausting.

Earlier in the week, a good friend of mine in Austin asked me if I had any interest in coming to a party at her house. Totally kid friendly, and while I'm not really friends with most of the people there, I had at least met most of them before. Even better? I think I WOULD be friends with a lot of them, if I saw them often enough.

I packed the girls up Saturday morning, and after Tae Kwon Do we made the three and a half hour drive to Austin. The girls were good, most of which I attribute to the movie they were glued to for the first two hours or so.

The party was awesome, a gathering of friends and family and friends with families. Jamie practically disappeared into a herd of girls. They spent so much time on the swings I'm surprised she wasn't walking funny the next day. Katie even wandered off to play, in spite of the crowd of strange kids and adults, either of which would typically have her hanging off my leg like a barnacle. And me, well, I got to talk and talk and talk to adults. There were enough people there that I could talk all night long without torturing any one particular person, except maybe my friend, who may not feel the urge to be near me for a while :)

Sunday, my kids woke up early, despite a three an a half hour sleep deficit for each. Typical. We hung around for a while, and then my friends took us out to find our first geocache. Rex, the girls and I had tried to find one using my navigation system, and when that wasn't accurate enough we bought a more suitable GPS. While that first cache was a bit hilly and muddy, and involved a couple fits out of Jamie, I think the hobby itself will be fun. And after Jamie found the "treasure," she immediately asked to go find another.

After lunch with our friends, we hit the road. The return was even more uneventful, since the girls spent most of it asleep.

And just because it was good to get back, that doesn't mean it's home.

Posted by me at 10:30 PM | Comments (0)

May 1, 2007

Very warm puppy

There are no words for my frustration with Jamie tonight.

Chick-Fil-A included these Mensa for kids puzzles in their kids meals. The cards have little questions, jokes or puzzles on them that you're supposed to decode with a key page. I don't think Jamie's really ready for that yet, so I was just asking her questions and telling her the jokes. Everything was going fine. Until.

The question was: What food do the coded words playfully define? The coded part was "very warm puppy," which I read to her straight off the answer section. She had nothing. And that's ok, it took me a second too. So I started asking her things like, "What's another word for puppy?" and, "What kind of animal is a puppy?" and, "A puppy is a baby...?" She finally got the word dog. Every so often I reminded her that we were looking for a food.

Then we started working on the hot part. I led her. I fed her hints. I got frustrated and we went to brush teeth and read a story. I gave it another try. I finally got her to say the word hot. I asked her what kind of food we could be talking about.

She said peas.

At this point, I was about to put my fist through a wall. I would lead her to say both words close together, but for some reason she still could get "hot dog." At some point, I stood up and told her I was going to take a little walk. As I left the room, she started to cry. Not about the freaking word puzzle, but because she thought I wasn't going to read to her.

That was the point where I lost it. The child will giggle one minute and be crying the next. I yelled a little. I threatened some. I gave her one quick spank. Then I yelled a little more, since spanking obviously didn't help the crying. She is irrational when she cries. I follow about 20 seconds later.

I am not proud.

I left and cooled off while she calmed down. Then I went back, and very nicely told her we were going to try again. And this time I kept my temper. For all the good it did me, since she still wouldn't put the words together. Finally I called Rex in. He failed. He went for something to write with. That pretty much failed. In the end, he basically had to tell her what we wanted.

If you can run Rex out of patience, you have a talent. We just need to find a way to market it.

There are days when I would swear my kid is a genius. She has a memory that amazes me every day. She sometimes says things that I would swear she pulled out of thin air. Other days, I wonder if she was deprived of oxygen in the womb. She can be incredibly obtuse. She hates to do anything "hard," which basically means anything that doesn't come easily to her, physically or mentally. We thought she was stubborn, but then we met Katie.

I love my kid. Really truly love her. But goddamn I can't wait until someone else has to take care of a big part ofher education.

Posted by me at 9:40 PM | Comments (0)

April 20, 2007

Too frustrated for words, and at a loss for action

I gave Jamie a real in-your-face kind of lecture today. Because she got Katie a napkin.

It wasn't *really* because she got her a napkin. I mean, that would be a good thing, right? But she did it minutes after I told her that Katie didn't need a napkin, no one did, because they were eating Goldfish, a napkin-free snack.

My kids are good kids, but I swear to god, sometimes think they're missing a key piece of anatomy required for hearing. I'm so sick of saying the same thing over and over. And I'm even more sick of saying them over and over, and still not being obeyed.

"Can I do this?"

"[Unequivocal] No."

"But I want to do this."

"I said no."

"Well, I really want to do this."

How the hell do you reply to that? I mean, by the third time I'm losing my patience. I didn't waffle, I didn't quiver. I'm not shy with the word, and I don't ever back down.

Or how about:

"Go downstairs, Katie"

"."

"Go downstairs, Katie"

"."

"Go downstairs, Katie!"

"."

Hi. Welcome to me.

Posted by me at 9:03 PM | Comments (0)

April 19, 2007

Lord knows what she'll pick up in preschool

Jamie's Tae Kwon Do class has gown by leaps and bounds. I think there may be 7 or 8 kids now, if they all came at the same time. Every last one of them is more rambunctious than Jamie, although a couple of them are close to her level. Several of them are so hyper they make Jack Russell terriers look laid back.

I remember when Jamie was the only student in the class, I told the teacher that one of the reasons we signed up was so that Jamie would get exposure to other kids. You know, learn the things you learn from other kids, like sharing and taking turns and standing in line. Those first, solo lessons were nice, though. Peaceful, educational. Then a few more kids joined, and things were slightly less peaceful, but still educational. And she had to take turns!

Then the real trouble joined. They are so hyper that they have to be constantly reprimanded. They distract. Several of them often arrive a couple minutes late, breaking into class. Their parents rarely stay to help crack the whip. I, on the other hand, am losing my shyness about yelling at other people's kids. And while Jamie is learning to handle herself around all kinds of kids, she's also picking up some of their less desirable behaviors.

I understand that one of the reasons parents put their kids into a class like this is to learn discipline and control. It's one of the reasons I put Jamie in the class, although her lacks in those areas manifest differently, and are less pronounced. I sometimes wonder, though, if these kids are chipping away at the discipline and control she already has.

There are still a lot of plusses to her attending. She's learning a skill. She's learning to deal with groups of kids, many very different from herself. She's getting exercise and out of the house. And I think she genuinely likes it.

And so we go.

Posted by me at 9:11 PM | Comments (0)

April 18, 2007

A little too reminiscent of Groundhog Day

I haven't had much to say this week.

My kids, on the other hand, are full of no. Not only will Jamie argue you into the ground, but now she'll instantly and strenuously contradict you while she's at it. In fact, when you tell her not to contradict you or she's going right to bed, she'll yell NO! I was impressed with Rex this evening, when she did that he had her off to her room so fast I hadn't even registered what she'd done before they were gone.

More frustrating to me, probably because it's been going on longer and both kids do it consistently, is the not doing it the first time. I repeat the same things over and over, day after day. I say it nicely, I lose my temper, sometimes I yell. It makes no difference, I still have to say it again.

I got so frustrated today I actually sent myself to my room. I was coming down too hard, getting irrationally angry. I mean, I certainly had excuses, but they weren't enough to justify my reaction.

I did manage not to yell at Jamie when she elbowed my in the lip at bedtime. And luckily Rex was here to tell Katie to stop crying and go to sleep the third time, because I don't think I could have done it again without losing my cool.

Now I'm going to go to bed, so I can wake up and try to do it again a little better tomorrow.

Posted by me at 9:54 PM | Comments (0)

April 12, 2007

Or maybe it's just me

I took the girls to Central Market yesterday, mostly because they have a nifty play area and it was a nice day. And, we needed millk and eggs.

We walked through the store to get to the play area, picking up two balloons and slowing us down considerably. I did spot the half price Cadbury Creme Eggs on the way, so it was worth it.

We finally made it outside, where I got to spend 10 minutes corralling balloons and figuring out a way to attach them to my purse. There was a church playgroup with stuff on most of the tables, which was fine, because we didn't need a table. I stuck my purse on the ground and hiked off to make sure Katie didn't plummet to her death on the climby thing.

One of the playgroup boys was almost instantly attracted to the balloons. I was a little occupied with my billy goat, and I was keeping an eye on him to make sure he wasn't a clepto, so I didn't make a big deal about it. Eventually, one of the mother's saw her kid, pried him off my purse, and then put it up on a table so he couldn't get to it anymore. Then she informed me, very nicely but with perhaps a hint of reproach that I put my purse in a place where children could reach it, that she moved my bag because her son was pulling things out of the pockets because of the attractive balloons.

How sad is it that the woman chose to move a stranger's purse rather than just tell her kid to leave it alone?


Posted by me at 9:34 PM | Comments (3)

April 10, 2007

Now I know...

The reason we'll keep putting the girls to bed together?

This morning, they got up (at two 7's), went into the living room, and played quietly for almost half an hour, until Rex went out to get breakfast.

You can't buy that kind of love.

Posted by me at 8:30 PM | Comments (0)

April 9, 2007

Sleeping together

For the entire two weeks the girls were in Maryland, they slept together. First in a double bed, then in a tent, and then back in the bed. They were amazingly great at it. No one had to lay with them until they fell asleep, they didn't stay up half the night chattering, and after a little talk, whoever woke up first didn't wake up the other. I was honestly shocked at how well it went.

When they came home, we figured it wouldn't be a bad idea to continue the habit. Jamie has a big bed in her room already, so we just pushed it up against the wall to keep Katie from falling out.

The first night they got home, Jamie didn't want Katie to sleep with her. I don't Katie was interested either. I think they were excited about the concept of their own rooms.

The second night, Jamie was ready, but Katie didn't want to sleep with Jamie. Jamie cried.

Third night, Katie refused again. At least this time there was no crying.

The fourth night, Katie agreed. There was some crying and fussing before bedtime, a crisis over teeth brushing on Katie's part. I put them down together, and then Katie cried every time I said goodnight. It was almost an hour, and Rex had to lay with them til they fell asleep, but they did sleep in til 7.

The fifth night, they slept together again. There was some chattering and giggling, and I think we went in once to tell them to quiet down, but otherwise all went well. Easter morning, I heard them up at 6:40, which is early for them these days. I opened the door to see Katie laying sideways across her pillow, gently poking Jamie in the ear with her foot. Jamie was giggling.

last night, Jamie was having some big fits. I think a couple nights with less sleep were catching up with her, and she got sent to bed early. Katie got to stay up, and we decided to put them to bed separately in the hopes that they would both get a good night's sleep. Why they won't just sleep in later in the morning when they're tired is beyond me. In any case, Katie started throwing a fit because she *couldn't* sleep with Jamie.

I'm not sure where to go from here. On the one hand, there's no need for them to sleep together. I think they get more rest alone, but maybe that's something they would adjust to. On the other, it's cute. It's a good skill for them to have when we travel. And Jamie keeps Katie in bed til two 7's.

Did I mention it's cute?




Posted by me at 3:03 PM | Comments (1)

April 4, 2007

Welcome home, girls!

I knew there would be an adjustment period when the girls came back from Maryland. I figured there would be some grumpiness, some tiredness, and a whole lot of clinginess. I was right on the qualities, but a little off on the proportions.

Katie is an incredibly stubborn kid, and there are a lot of things that have to be done on her schedule, or you can't get them done at all. Even her tantrums aren't done until she says they're done, even if the crying phase has come to it's conclusion. That can be a little mortifying if you're, say, in the doctor's tiny, echoing exam room. I'm pretty sure other patients thought Katie was being tortured, and it wasn't even her day to see the doctor! Oh, and the reason for the tantrum? I wouldn't let her lick the doctor's floor.

Aside from the crying, though, tired worked out in my favor. Both girls took extra long naps today. I kept thinking back to that peaceful time when Jamie flipped out because the receipt from Fry's didn't magically and instantly go from the cashier's hand to hers. And when Katie freaked out because Grandpa (I think she meant Daddy) wasn't the one who buckled her into her carseat on the way home.

The loud has been balanced by lots of unexpected hugs, a few Mama pile-ons, and one very sweet and touching choke-hold.

Posted by me at 8:38 PM | Comments (0)

March 15, 2007

On the road again

I've had a hard time coming up with anything to write this week. Which is odd, since we aren't doing anything more or less exciting than usual around here.

On Saturday, Jamie turns 4. Four! I already can barely remember her as a baby. Sometimes, I go back and look at pictures of her from a couple years ago, and she looks familiar, but I can't remember her at two. Everyone says it, but it's amazingly true. The days last forever, but the years go so fast.

Saturday, we'll be driving down to Houston for Jamie's party. This will be Jamie's first birthday party with actual kids attending, instead of just family. I was upset when we moved up here that once again, Jamie wouldn't have any friends attending. I'm sure she's thrilled with cake, no matter who is there to share it, but I'm starting to feel like Worst Mother in the World for not being able to give her what *I* think is a proper party.

Sunday, we return to Dallas, and then Monday morning, the girls and I are off to Maryland for a week. I'll be back Tuesday, and Wednesday, Rex and I head to Cozumel for a couple days.

In other words, don't expect to hear much outta me in the next two weeks :)

Posted by me at 9:41 PM | Comments (0)

March 14, 2007

DST

For the first time in 4 years, the time change has done me good.

Every other jump, forward or back, has wreaked havok on either the girl's sleep schedule or mine. It appeared this one was going to wreck me, too, as the girls got up half an hour before their unadjusted usual wake-up. I have no idea how they knew that Sunday was the day to screw with me, but it never fails.

But then on Monday Katie slept past 7:30, Jamie until 8. Tuesday, they didn't get up until 8:10! And even today, Jamie was up at 7:30, Katie 8:10. Oh, and Jamie even napped yesterday. Katie's naps, on the other hand, have taken a beating. Always a trade-off, I guess.

Now someone kill the damn bird that shoots his mouth off outside our window at 7am!

Posted by me at 9:55 PM | Comments (0)

March 9, 2007

Now I get it.

I was all set to write this post about my issues with my Hanes tagless shirt, but first I have to ask: Should I really have to tell my daughter more than once not to like the walls of her bedroom?

Seriously, this is the four year old I'm talking about. Jamie takes a rest every day, about 30 minutes where she is supposed to be lying in bed, "resting," and then another hour that she can read, play with the toys that are in there, or play her Leapster, which I take to her when I tell her she can get out of bed.

Yesterday, she was jumping on her bed and messing with the dresser drawers when I went in there. I made sure to remind her, very clearly, that she is supposed to be quiet, calm, and in bed til I open the door when I put her down today. And she was a gem, until I walked in and saw the big wet spot on the wall about three feet over her pillow.

And this was not the first time.

I used to wonder how kids managed to get lead poisoning from paint.


Posted by me at 1:01 PM | Comments (2)

March 8, 2007

Next week, she'll be joyriding in my minivan

Katie spent about 20 minutes this morning throwing fits and sending herself to her room, shutting (sometimes slamming!) the door behind her.

It was actually kind of funny the first time I saw her do it. When she recovered and came back into the living room, I asked her to put her milk away. That's when she screamed "NO!", said "Me room" and took off. I caught up with her just before the door shut, and then we actually had a little battle over the closing of the door. I won, mostly because I outweigh her by about 120 pounds. I carried her out screaming, handing her milk, and then followed her screaming, snotty little self to the fridge.

This is about the same age that Jamie went to the dark side. I obviously didn't handle it right back then, since we still have major problems with crying fits and running off to her room to avoid rebuke. (I actually know where that came from. I didn't look far enough ahead when I was disciplining her.) I may not do it right this time, but I'm at least going to try to make different mistakes!

Posted by me at 2:30 PM | Comments (0)

March 2, 2007

When did she become a teenager?

Katie was messing around in the laundry room.

"What are you doing in there?"

"Nothing, Mama. Bye-bye!"

Then she closed the door.

Posted by me at 9:57 PM | Comments (0)

February 28, 2007

I wonder if I can get them to give her a syringe after she gets blood drawn next month

Jamie had her first dentist appointment today.

I had hyped it a little beforehand, and she was excited, the way she is about pretty much anything that involves getting out of the house. The office was a little concerned about her age, since they don't usually treat kids under 6 or 7, but I wasn't too worried. The kid has been excitedly telling me about the doctor's appointment, (shot included!) she gets to go to when she turns 4.

And well it went. She wasn't at all scared, but I let her sit on my lap and watch while I had my teeth checked. Then she went off and got her own X-rays while I got cleaned and polished. Then she got her teeth cleaned, while I was getting my wallet cleaned out. Not really, but they want to schedule me for a $600 crown. Yay.

Anyway, she did great, her teeth look good, and she was thrilled that she got a toothbrush. Better yet, she'll likely be thrilled the next time I tell herit's time to go to the dentist.

Posted by me at 9:20 PM | Comments (0)

February 15, 2007

But they just keep growing up

I need to get a video of Katie and Jamie playing hide and seek. We were sitting in Jamie's room, and Katie would come in, cover her eyes and say "Un, oo, ee, go!" and then take off looking for her sister. So cute!

I'm always amazed when she says a whole sentence of things I understand, and I know she's saying so much more that I just can't decipher. I have no doubt that she's saying real stuff, she just can't form a lot of the letter sounds yet. She still calls Jamie JG (which is exactly how Jamie used to say it).

I think 12-24 months is my favorite kid stage. Especially if Katie starts getting all freaky emotional on me like Jamie did. All of this is really making me want another.

Posted by me at 9:44 PM | Comments (0)

February 12, 2007

And they smell better than preschoolers

I ditched the Yaz. After two days of breakthrough bleeding, I decided that a pill that let's me bleed mid-month just isn't worth it.

And also? We're thinking of going for three.

Up until yesterday, when I got Rex's acquiescence, I was pretty sure I was ready to fight for this. Then I got agreement, and now, suddenly, I'm terrified. I had this same feeling as soon as Rex and I started trying for Jamie.

We were driving back from Houston last night, and I was thinking of all the reasons our family was complete. I have two arms, there are two adults, we have two girls. Three is uneven. We could get two, I could get stretch marks this time, we're getting close to having two in preschool.

But damn, babies are so CUTE.

Posted by me at 9:30 PM | Comments (0)

January 30, 2007

She did it!

I'm working on a post about all the things we love about our house and the neighborhood and surrounding area. The realtor suggested we write that stuff down, in case it takes a while before we buy our next house. For once, I agree with her.

Right now, though, I have better news. Jamie took the Tae Kwon Do test, and made yellow belt! She did such a fantastic job, was focused and attentive, answered all the questions promptly and correctly and didn't screw around. She's never behaved better in class, and performed well to boot. I can't remember the last time I was so proud of her.




Posted by me at 8:25 PM | Comments (1)

January 8, 2007

The good, the bad and the ugly

My MIL's visit went way better than anticipated. I wasn't perfect, but I mostly kept the bitchy reined in. Also, she was much more interactive than the last time she stayed with us. Part of that is that Jamie won't let you stay disengaged anymore, but a big part is that my MIL seemed more willing to play. I think she just might not be a baby person, and I can understand, since I'm only a baby person with my own kids.

The house showed again this weekend, and apparently we're on someone's short list. I'm excited by the prospect of not paying a mortgage and rent at the same time (we've been double paying for almost a year and a half out of the last two and a half), but I don't want to sell it. I'm still holding out stupid hope that I'll get to go back.

In other news, my mom is travelling 2000 miles for a month long booty call. So. Proud.

Posted by me at 9:55 PM | Comments (0)

December 13, 2006

I should at least get a free cruise for this

I saw a segment on the Norovirus this morning. The news keeps telling us when it attacks cruise ship loads of people, but apparently it's much more common on land. It's terribly contagious, and causes stomach flu symptoms.

Apparently, it's so contagious Jamie got it through the tv.

I don't know if that's what she really has, but she had a headache before her nap, actually slept, thought she was gonna puke a couple times and then finally did around 5.

My stomach is feeling odd, but I don't know if it's just the power of suggestion or an actual issue.

Let's hope it was an isolated incident.

Posted by me at 10:40 PM | Comments (0)

November 21, 2006

I'm going to have to grow a pair so I can teach them not to be a wuss like me

I'm not sure which exciting incident of the day I should spew about. There were just so many!

I'm absolutely pooped, which is, I'm assuming, why I was starting to get short tempered this evening for no specific reason. I finally remembered that I had a wretched nights sleep last night, no fault of the kids, for once.

While at the park today, we encountered a couple older girls (10? 12? How the hell would I know?) Jamie went right up and introduced herself and her sister, and then kept up a running commentary. The girls kind of ignored her, although they weren't mean and Jamie didn't seem to notice. Katie climbed onto the equipment, but cried every time one of them moved toward her.

But that's not the interesting part.

One of the girls had half of one of those giant lollipops. At some point she tossed it to the other girl, who of course missed it and it broke on the slide. No biggie, the pieces would just brush off, and the girl who threw it did, at least the big pieces. Here's where I started to wonder if I should say something. I'm usually not big on disciplining other people's kids, or even really talking to them. She banged what was left of the lollipop on the slide farther up, breaking more big pieces of, but also some sugar dust, and this time, they didn't wipe anything off.

Soon after, they wandered back to their bikes and took off. I thought I'd try to make this a teaching moment for Jamie (I don't think it worked, but I figured I had to give it a try,) explaining that what those girls did wasn't nice, it was rude and ill-mannered and ruined the fun for everyone. I'm not sure if they heard me from the other side of the trees or what, but they came back a few minutes later and at least brushed off the big pieces. Then they sat down in the middle of the structure and started getting out drawing supplies, I think.

I went ahead and called it, figuring that they didn't really want Jamie talking to them while they were hanging out, and knowing that Katie wasn't going to do any climbing or sliding with strangers nearby.

So, should I have said something to the girls? I'm so not good with confrontation.

Posted by me at 8:20 PM | Comments (1)

November 18, 2006

They really know how to get you where it hurts

When Rex is around, the kids show me about as much attention as they would dirty dishes, which is to say, none. I was sort of on top of the world yesterday when Katie actually cried when I left to go out. I mean, I felt bad that she was crying, but I was glad to see that she noticed that I wasn't going to be there.

Tonight, Rex and I were sitting on the couch, each with a laptop on our laps, getting some work done. The kids were great for a while, but eventually demanded more attention than we could give and still get anything done. Katie brought a book over, and Rex promised to read it "in just a minute." Naturally, the delay in such a life-altering event deserved copious tears. I tried to offer to read to her instead, but that sent her into a new flurry of tears.

Back to chopped liver I am.

Posted by me at 6:47 PM | Comments (0)

November 16, 2006

If I were smart, I would just hit delete after I vent. NaBloPoMo makes you do some stupid shit

My children are driving me batshit today.

They drive me a little closer to the brink every day, but today I think I might slip over. Jamie's incessant whining and inability to STOP TALKING if she doesn't receive the answer she wants are going to earn her a lot of time in her room, where it's harder for me to get to her. I just don't understand why she can't stop talking, even when I threaten (and follow through. I'm the queen of following through) nasty consequences. Of course, I don't understand why she keeps asking over and over and over again when I've already told her no when I NEVER GIVE IN.

Katie was up at 5:30 this morning. I KNOW she's tired, but she's refusing to fall asleep. Jamie screeching about not wanting to take a rest isn't helping, but it's not the real problem, either. I don't know what the real problem is. *** Ahh, that helped. I went and sat with her for a while, and now she's out like a light.

Pampers sent me Jamie's 44 month milestone email. I'm not sure why they're still sending it, since I haven't bought diapers for her in nearly a year. This month they talked about crybabies, and how some kids are more sensitive than others.

They are often the newborns who startle easily, have difficulty adjusting to bright lights, or seem very sensitive to the texture of clothing and diapers.

That wasn't Jamie as a baby, not even close. Even now, she doesn't cry over the things you would expect, but will bust into tears over stuff that's so trivial you can't even believe she noticed it. And what causes tears one day just blows over the next.

I'm over my initial frustration, now that the kids are both quiet and I've done some venting. But my anger is always so close to the surface these days that it doesn't take much to set me off. Maybe Jamie's problem is that she's just too much like me, we're both on short fuses. I didn't used to be like this, though. Before I had kids, I was a little high strung, but not nearly this volatile. After Jamie was born, I had infinite patience with her, always, until she turned about 18 months. I think that's about when her crying started, and it's also when we moved to Maryland and was early in my pregnancy with Katie.

I care less about the trigger and more about the solution. Maybe I should go talk to a professional. I'm certainly doing a shitty job of fixing myself on my own.

Posted by me at 12:12 PM | Comments (0)

November 8, 2006

These children, they are expensive

Today was Katie's 18 months well check. I took two seemingly healthy kids to the doctor, and ended up paying two co-pays and filling two prescriptions.

$72.71.

And then we had to feed them LUNCH.

The good news is that Katie is finally gaining on her weight percentiles, her head has stopped growing and aside from a couple minor ear infections, she's in great shape. Another 6 months like this, and I may have to stop referring to her as my popsicle.

Posted by me at 7:02 PM | Comments (0)

November 6, 2006

NaBloPoMo day 6: Damn, my life is dull

Even when it's full, my life is kind of dull. Maybe it would be better to say that I don't have the gift to turn dull everyday events into scintillating prose. And when I'm pooped, I don't really have the motication to try.

We got back from Dallas about 10 last night. It was a long day, even longer for the kids, who spent way more hours in the car than was fair. It left them cranky and bitchy today, but also bought me some unexpected nappage. If they hadn't tag teamed their naps, I probably would have laid down myself.

Dallas is...different. Amazingly, I think it's flatter than Houston. The trees are scrubbier, the ground looks like rocks mixed with smaller rocks, limestone I assume, by it whiteness. It feels different in other ways than I can't quite quantify or describe.

House hunting is also difficult. There aren't a lot of houses for rent, and the ones we saw weren't right. It doesn't help that I don't want to leave the house we're in now. Having seen what we've seen, we're looking into apartments for a shorter term solution.

I'm sure this all sounds very wishy-washy, poorly planned, counter-productive. And it is.

Posted by me at 8:35 PM | Comments (0)

September 6, 2006

I'm *not* dead inside!

Jamie took off with Grandpa today. For ten days, we're on an adventure in separateness.

When I dropped her off at the airport, I gave her a hug. Before I could say anything, she told me she loved me. And after I told her I loved her back , she told me she was going to have fun. While I was tearing up, she was walking off, wearing her backpack and dragging her suitcase with a big smile on her face.

It's been amazingly quiet here today. Almost eerily quiet. I spent a lot of extra time entertaining Katie, since her big sister wasn't here to do it for me, but I saved some time not breaking up arguments. And there was way less screaming and crying. There were a few times that something happened and Jamie's usual commentary would go through my brain. I couldn't help but wonder how she was doing with my dad.

We didn't talk to Jamie tonight, but I got the full update from my dad. He thought she would be excited going down his driveway and seeing all the familiar sites, but that was the point where she said, "I miss my Mama." He said she got a bit weepy-faced, but didn't really cry. I feel bad about my baby's homesickness, but at the same time, it's nice to know she misses me. There are times when I would swear that she wouldn't really notice if I was gone, as long as her Daddy showed up.

Aside from a little sadness at bedtime, Jamie seems to be handling her first solo trip well.

I think I'm handling well, too. I've even managed to miss her, just a little bit.


Posted by me at 9:59 PM | Comments (0)

September 4, 2006

Freaky

September 6, 2006


To Whom It May Concern:

In the case of a medical emergency involving our daughter, Jamie (DOB 3/17/03), we authorize her maternal grandparent(s) Thomas and/or Charleen to make necessary medical decisions in our absence.


Regards,

Rebecca

Rex

Posted by me at 9:16 PM | Comments (0)

August 28, 2006

Hell week (part 1)

Stress levels are high.

Katie had her hernia repaired bright and early Monday morning (a week ago. Crap. I'm really behind!) We got up at 4:15 a!m! and had the kids in the car by 4:30. My wonderous tire monitoring system told me that one of my tires was low, though luckily not so flat I couldn't drive on it. Actually, that wouldn't have been that big a problem either, since i have run flat tires, but I didn't really want to drive downtown at 55mph on a flat. We stopped to put some air in the tires, and luckily it was a nice slow leak, so we put off the tire issue til Tuesday.

We continued on our merry way, arriving half an hour early at the surgery center. Of course, the place didn't open til 6, so we loitered in front of the door with the kids in their pjs. We're classy. Paperwork, questions, payment, waiting, and then they took my baby and sent us back to the waiting room. It was a comfort that even though she was awake when they took her, she didn't cry. Twenty minutes later, the surgeon came out to tell us that everything went fine, and we would able to see her in a couple minutes. The next 15 minutes were incredibly long. When they finally buzzed us back, we just followed the screaming. As soon as I picked Katie up, she snuggled into me and got quiet.

Other than sleeping way more than usual, Katie hasn't really seemed affected by the whole ordeal. We were back home by 9, and in between naps, she was climbing and carousing and running with her sister. By Tuesday, only the giant bruise and the dried blood gave any indication of trauma.

With any luck, the memory will fade like the bruise and all that will be left is a post and a few pictures.

Posted by me at 8:55 PM | Comments (0)

Hell week (part 1)

Stress levels are high.

Katie had her hernia repaired bright and early Monday morning (a week ago. Crap. I'm really behind!) We got up at 4:15 a!m! and had the kids in the car by 4:30. My wonderous tire monitoring system told me that one of my tires was low, though luckily not so flat I couldn't drive on it. Actually, that wouldn't have been that big a problem either, since i have run flat tires, but I didn't really want to drive downtown at 55mph on a flat. We stopped to put some air in the tires, and luckily it was a nice slow leak, so we put off the tire issue til Tuesday.

We continued on our merry way, arriving half an hour early at the surgery center. Of course, the place didn't open til 6, so we loitered in front of the door with the kids in their pjs. We're classy. Paperwork, questions, payment, waiting, and then they took my baby and sent us back to the waiting room. It was a comfort that even though she was awake when they took her, she didn't cry. Twenty minutes later, the surgeon came out to tell us that everything went fine, and we would able to see her in a couple minutes. The next 15 minutes were incredibly long. When they finally buzzed us back, we just followed the screaming. As soon as I picked Katie up, she snuggled into me and got quiet.

Other than sleeping way more than usual, Katie hasn't really seemed affected by the whole ordeal. We were back home by 9, and in between naps, she was climbing and carousing and running with her sister. By Tuesday, only the giant bruise and the dried blood gave any indication of trauma.

With any luck, the memory will fade like the bruise and all that will be left is a post and a few pictures.

Posted by me at 8:55 PM | Comments (0)

August 14, 2006

Well, this sucks

Katie has been crying for about 40 minutes in her crib. Shrieking, hyper, a-wolf-is-gnawing-my-arm-off cries. I went in there for a minutes to tell her to stop. Hey, I figured I'd give it a shot! I headed back into Jamie's room to finish putting her to bed, reading her a selection from her book of 5 Minute Stories. Hug, kiss, see you at two 7's. Left the book (it's been downstairs for the longest time) and left the room.

By then Katie was tired, but Rex was missing. I correctly deduced that Rex had gone in and picked her up, which would't be so bad if it didn't just restart the crying from wah one. Thirty seconds after I sat down on the couch, Jamie starts shrieking like the wolves have moved into her room. The problem? I left the book in her room.

I'm afraid I didn't handle the Jamie thing all that well. I was/am pissed that she made a HUGE production out of a book. And when it came down to it, it wasn't a scared thing, it was just that there was something different in her room. I told her how lucky she was that I left the book there so we could read her another story and she finally got over it.

Ah, silence. And in just under an hour. My nerves are shot.

Posted by me at 8:13 PM | Comments (0)

July 27, 2006

This can't be normal

I'm pretty sure I've brought up Jamie's crying before. I like to think things have been getting better, although it may just be that my outlook has finally changed for the better in the last few weeks.

Then today happened.

Don't get me wrong, she's still a crier. She still cries for stupid reasons, no reason, or for a valid reason with an over the top reaction. I've tried having her take a deep breath, asking her to calm down, telling her we only cry when we're hurt, sending her to her room, yelling, and even a spanking or two. So far, aside from shocking her into temporary silence on occasion, nothing has really helped.

To give you an idea of what sets off the tears, here are today's transgressions:

-She was trying to put a diaper on her stuffed dog. She wanted help, I wasked her to try. She got squeaky and said she didn't know how. Now, we have diapered doggie before. We have diapered her sister hundreds of times. She is nearly three and a half years old. She should be able to make a solid attempt. We tried this several times.

-Much later, we went out to play. When we came back inside, the power was out and we couldn't watch the Blue I had promised her before her rest. She didnt want to, but I got her up to bed with a little whining and complaining. A couple minutes after I came downstairs, she started screeching like she was neing attacked. I couldn't understand what she was yelling, so I went up to make sure she wasn't hurt. Her clock wasn't right because of the power outage.

To me, this seems like way more than just a case of out-of-control emotions. I don't know how to teach her to gain control.

I;m totally open to suggestions here.

Posted by me at 10:03 PM | Comments (0)

July 26, 2006

"Blogging"

Rex has been working from home a lot lately, especially since his part of the New Mexico contract is up. I joke with him a lot that he isn't working from home so much as "working" from home. Amazing how much more sarcastic air quotes look in person.

One day I was messing with him, telling him he should go to his "office" and "work" at his "job." Jamie followed him in to give him a hug and shut the door, as usual. Then she came out and told me that Daddy had started "working." It made me giggle, even though Rex confessed to coaching her.

He wasn't coaching her later, though when she came over to tell me that she had been entertaining herself jumping his "golf shoes." Still not sure what was up with that, since she really had been jumping golf shoes :)

Posted by me at 10:00 PM | Comments (0)

July 25, 2006

No way I'll be homeschooling this one

The other day I got out the broom to sweep the grass clippings off the sidewalk, then laid it down on the driveway while I chased Katie around. Jamie picked it up and started trying to push it sideways, effectively doing nothing. Since my job as a parent is to teach her how to do my dirty work, I figured it was my duty to teach her to sweep right.

I held the broom vertically, wrapped her hands around under mine, and showed her how to actually move grass with the bristles. After clearing one 10-inch swath, Jamie dropped to her knees crying about how she wanted to do it. She started pawing at the yard, trying to rake the grass we had just swept back onto the driveway, completely ignoring the fact that we have 50 more feet of unswept grass. As I was trying to talk her down from the cliffs of despair, she kept trying to take the broom from me, telling me to "Go sit down! Go sit down over there."

I suppose I should be applauding her independence, and I am. But would it kill her to let me try to teach her a thing or two every now and then?

Posted by me at 9:44 PM | Comments (0)

July 21, 2006

Literal, not lying

Me: What's that white stuff on your lips?

J: I don't know.

Me: Is it toothpaste? (It looks like what dries around her lips after she brushes her teeth, and she has recently been alone in her room resting, during which I heard some faint sounds that lead me to believe she didn't stay in her room like she was supposed to.)

J: I don't know.

Me: Did you brush your teeth while you were resting?

J: No.

Me: Were you eating toothpaste?

J: Yes.

Posted by me at 10:31 PM | Comments (0)

July 11, 2006

And then we had Krispy Kremes

We spent a night in Austin with friends this weekend. As usual, we had a wonderful time catching up with friends, watching the kids play happily (if not quietly) together, and not getting much sleep. Rex, the girls and I shared a room, which worked out just fine.

In spite of all the excitement and a late bedtime, Jamie woke up at 6:45. I convinced her to climb into bed with me and keep her mouth shut. For once she complied. Half an hour later, Katie woke up and then spent the next 15 minutes talking quietly to the skylight.

I brought Katie into the bed with the rest of us. She started fussing when I laid her down, but then I pulled up my shirt and she gave me the same smile her father does when the planets align, he's working from home, the kids nap together and I open for business. She lay on her side with one hand hovering above and one below my boob, as though afraid that touching it would cause it to take flight like a wild creature.

Except for the short night and early morning, it was the most perfect morning I can remember.

Posted by me at 10:20 PM | Comments (0)

July 6, 2006

Feminine products: The ultimate toddler entertainment

Tampons get all the credit for my daily shower escapes since 2003.

It's been a rare month that I've had use for products, so once Jamie learned to sit up and move around a bit, I made sure there was nothing dangerous in the vanity cupboards and I let her go to town.

By the time we got to Maryland, Jamie was old enough to occupy with Sesame Street, Clifford or Dragon Tails. Once Katie came along, I'd stuff the bouncer in the bathroom with me and pray that peeping through the shower curtain every 2 minutes would keep her happy. Then Katie learned to move, and I provided Jamie with all sorts of toys to entertain Katie with (packs of toilet paper worked best). Had there been enough room in the bathroom with me, you can bet I would have just opened the cabinets and let them go at it.

We're back in a house with a huge bathroom and cupboards filled with all sorts of booty that I still have no use for. Jamie spent days carrying the ob instruction page around with her, showing off her "list." Katie is learning about cleaning up your toys by helping put the tampons back in the box every day. Jamie counts panty liners. Today, they "scrubbed" the outside of the shower doors with panty liners. I just wish Jamie had had some Clorox Clean-Up.

They should just stock Tampax in the toy aisle at Walmart, as far as I'm concerned.

Posted by me at 9:39 PM | Comments (0)

July 3, 2006

Which do you think will be a bigger hit at the preschool kegger?

Sure some people's two year old can count to 50, and someone else's three-and-a-half year old can count to 100.

But mine? Mine can sing the Star Bangled Banner while she goes to the bathroom.

Beat THAT!

Posted by me at 5:47 PM | Comments (0)

June 19, 2006

Better late than never?

A hideous illness took down all the female members of our family on Saturday, and while the girls bounced back quickly, I'm making a slow recovery.

The good news is that Rex didn't get puked on on Father's Day.

The bad news is that that was probably the highlight of his day.

I haven't even had the time or energy to write about what a great father he is. And he is fantastic. Just this weekend, he got puked on more times than any one person should, while I rested in bed. He cleaned up mess after mess, did a metric ton of laundry and soothed freaked out kiddos. He never complained.

He's great under pressure, but he's also great day-to-day. He's kind, patient, silly and sweet.

Seeing my husband with our kids makes me fall just a little bit more in love with him every day. Happy Father's Day, Babe!

Posted by me at 10:06 PM | Comments (2)

June 7, 2006

One day she'll say it to the wrong person, and CPS will come collect the kids

The kids love pony rides.

I mean, sure, they love them on real horses, but they also like that thing where you cross your legs and they sit on your foot and you bounce them. Katie likes riding so much, she'll even do the bouncing for you.

I was sitting on the floor with my knees pulled up talking to Rex, and Katie came over, grabbed my knee and started bouncing. I laughingly commented to Rex that it looked like the baby was humping my leg, since, well, she was.

As usual, Jamie wanted what the baby wanted. "Let's do some of that baby humping!"

Hmm. Let's not.

Posted by me at 11:15 PM | Comments (0)

June 6, 2006

6.6.06

I don't know why the devil would take such an interest in ruining *my* children and *my* day.

First, there's the sleep thing. It took me an hour to get Katie to sleep, and the nap lasted less than 45 minutes. Not nearly long enough. There's no way a second nap is going to happen. I'm just praying I get to sleep tonight. Jamie didn't nap, either. Judging by the whiny ass bitch she's become this afternoon, she should have. More on the whiny ass bitch part to follow.

We decided to make a second try at the splash pad, this time with dinner out after. We went and asked the neighbor if she wanted to join us again, she couldn't make it because the mom had some mosquito collector coming over for samples. No biggie. We come back home to change and pack a little bag. Jamie couldn't fucking take her fucking shirt off by her fucking self or fucking ask for help without fucking crying about it. So, yeah, we ended up staying home. Ruined my fucking day, not to mention what should have been a fun trip out for all of us. I got the kitchen vacuumed and the dishes washed and dinner started instead. More on the dinner part to follow.

Jamie spent the next 30 minutes or so on the couch moping. (MOPE MOPE MOPE!) I got dinner set up and then we went outside for a while until I had to come in to actually cook dinner. Cornbread, fried zucchini and baked ravioli. Except the ravioli was still ice cold in the center by the time everything else was ready. I nuked some hot dogs. Katie scarfed the zucchini, liked the cornbread, and ate almost half a hot dog once I got the first bite into her mouth. Jamie sucked down her hot dog, liked the cornbread, and told me she didn't want the zucchini and could she have something "good." This is the kid that will a) eat anything and b) has always eaten zucchini. She's even making the appropriate gagging faces and sounds. Lovely.

Christ. She finally finished it, 15 minutes after I gave her 5 more minutes. You know how people chew and chew and chew on a piece of gristle, and it never gets smaller so you can swallow it? That's what she's trying to do with the damn squash.

As soon as she's done with the cornbread I told her she could have, we're going back outside. It will be harder for me to catch her to beat her out there.

***

The evening was mostly better. I distracted myself by calling my dad and letting the kids play in the swamp that the sandbox has become. Then we dumped the mosquito breeding ground the pool turned into, hosed off a bit and headed inside.

The kids ran wild and obnoxious while I finished talking. Then we called Rex back to say goodnight. Just as Rex and I were getting off the phone, Katie lost her balance and put her first set of teeth prints in the windowsill. Luckily she got away with just a little cut on her lip.

This is definately a wine night.

Posted by me at 10:30 PM | Comments (0)

June 5, 2006

Ice Princess

The little one is obsessed with ice.

Jamie and Katie both love to eat ice, but now Katie knows where it comes from. She'll stand under the counter and squeak for her cup, and then go over to the fridge and squeak until you get her the ice. Then she wanders around the house until her cup gets empty.

Last night, I had to stop refilling the cup so we could put Jamie to bed. She screamed bloody murder for maybe 10 minutes. She did the same thing every time I wouldn't refill her cup today. On the one hand, at least she's getting some fluid, since she won't drink from a sippy for shit. And it keeps her occupied. Very occupied. On the other hand, I'm wearing a path to the fridge trying to keep her in ice chips, and it's grating to hear the screams every time I have to put a stop to the ice for a while.

Not to mention all the little cold wet spots around the house from dropped ice chips.


Posted by me at 10:59 PM | Comments (1)

May 24, 2006

Next thing you know, I'll find out she worked her way through college stripping

My mind is slowly imploding, and I'm writing a record of it for all the world to read. Cry for help, or plea for attention?

More like I just need a place for my brain to vomit.

My mom admitted something to me today, while I was running around the house trying to get far enough away from screaming children to hear her.

She used to hit things to avoid beating us. You know, to blow off steam.

That is totally not the picture I had of my mother. She was never a physical person. I don't think I'd ever seen her sweat, until she took up swimming and then biking when I was a teen.

It might be time to set up a heavy bag in the garage.

Posted by me at 9:00 PM | Comments (1)

May 23, 2006

I've cleaned excretions from every orifice today, but that wasn't the bad part

I had a perky happy post roughed out for today, but I'm not in a perky happy place.

Jamie's crying and whining has brought me to a point where I'd be willing to spank her, but I'm afraid once I start I won't be able to stop. I'm that fed up.

As a sample of the earth-shattering incidents that brought her to tears today:


• I gave Katie half of my keys to play with in the car. She dropped them between the carseats, but where they were easy to see and reach.


• She and Katie were playing with a ball while I was showering. Katie didn't roll it back in a timely manner.


• Jamie was playing with her barrette last night. She said she was going to play with it more this morning, and she did. I asked her to give me the barrette so I could put it in her hair, she did, I did, she lost it because she wanted to play with it more. (Normally, she would be crying because it wasn't in her hair, and her hair was in her face while she was trying to eat.)

Add the whining, and my ears are practically bleeding. Some temporary deafness would also save me from Katie's ear-piercing shrieks when anyone/Jamie tries to take anything from her. Or gets close to something she wants. Oh, and she cries every time I get near my laptop. Apparently she knows what her competition is.

I don't know how to fight Jamie's crying anymore. I know whining is part of the program, and even a certain amount of the crying. I can often get her to suck it up and stop crying with threats, but I don't like threatening her constantly. Sending her to her room makes her screech like the demons of hell are exorcising themselves from her body, which is fine, because obviously I'd prefer she not be filled with demons. Hasn't decreased the frequency or length of the fits, though. I guess the demons just keep coming back.

Maybe I should go Costanza for a week, and just do the opposite. The results can't be any worse, can they?


Posted by me at 10:37 PM | Comments (0)

May 20, 2006

Yesterday's Bad Mommy Moment

I lost Jamie at the mall yesterday.

Even worse, I didn't know she was lost until she was found.

We spent the morning running errands in the shopping centers around the mall. I had one or two things to do in the mall itself, and the natives were getting restless, so we went to the food court for lunch and then wandered to the germ tree for some play time. For once, Katie was cooperating and riding in the stroller, so I sent Jamie into the play area and walked just past the entrance to the gumball machines for a little sweet treat.

I sat down right at the entrance to the play area and unstrapped Katie. I stood her up and pointed her toward the fun, so she immediately turned around so she could climb on the stoller. Like we couldn't have done that at home. Whatever.

I heard some kid crying and started looking around for Jamie. I was pretty sure she was behind a tree stump, but I couldn't move far enough to actually see her without letting go of the stroller that Katie was leaning on. I did look at the faces of the parents over by the tree, and none of them wore expressions that indicated there was a crying child near them. I shoved my foot under the wheel of the stroller and sat back down.

Next thing I know, a woman is carrying a distraught Jamie toward me, coming from the gumball machines. Did I mention I was sitting right beside the only exit to the play area? Apparently she ran past looking for me at the same time I was bending over wrangling Katie.

Luckily, Jamie got over her fright in a couple minutes and went back to playing and trying not to get run down by the older kids. I sat there feeling like an idiot, not so much for losing my kid, but for not even realizing it. I *knew* I should make visual contact with Jamie, but the kid takes sticking around to extremes, so it never occurred to me that she would have left the play area.

Lesson learned.

Posted by me at 11:07 PM | Comments (1)

April 13, 2006

If only the memory of summer lasted long enough to get me through the cold

I knew I should have saved before I stood up. Another post bites the dust.

***

I've decided that winter is like childbirth. The last few days have been so gorgeous, so green and sunny and gloriously warm, that I can't believe we're leaving. I've already forgotten how suck-ass the last 6 months were.

I took a walk with the girls yesterday to get the mail. The flat part of the driveway has trees growing on both sides. Deer are forever running across right in front of you, and if you look closely, you can see them wandering around in the trees. Sometimes they are close enough that you could hit them if you threw something out the car window.

Jamie was having a blast, picking up sticks and leaves, running her hands in the dirt, chattering and singing. Katie loved riding on the Toro the best, bouncing and cooing the entire ride (we rode partway - Katie is getting too heavy for me to carry 1.2 miles without a sling or anything, and sometimes even with.) She kept grabbing the steering wheel, which almost caused a few accidents, but made her giggle.

I can't believe that I'm giving up all this space. I love the green grass so much it hurts sometimes. (The grass in Texas isn't as foot friendly, and often contains fire ants.) The horses would be such a blast when the kids got older. (Of course, the "kid" horses will be dead by then, one already is!) So would the creek, and the pine trees and the trails and the chores. It's so hard to leave these things that I love and hate with the same thought.

Of course, I'm pretty sure Texas is where we need to be. I can feel winter coming already.

Posted by me at 4:33 PM | Comments (0)

April 10, 2006

Today was a good day

I really think it had a lot to do with the weather.

It's no secret that I'm a sunny, warm weather kind of girl. Today only got into the mid 60's, but we were outside, playing in the mulch, feeding the geese (that we aren't supposed to feed. Suck it.), walking around and just sitting in the grass. We even ate a picnic dinner out in the barn while Dad took a break from loading hay.

All of this wonderfulness may have had something to do with Jamie being an angel at lunch. Apparently, Macaroni Grill is a little more formal than I remembered, and I don't think they were thrilled to have two slightly frumpy women come in with 4 kids 3 and under between us. Katie was pooped at this point, since she was about 2 hours past due for her first nap, and the bread was only going to hold her off for so long. We survived, then headed back to the playground area for some more sun.

I can't even think of a lowpoint for the day. So on that note, I'm going to bed :)

Posted by me at 9:46 PM | Comments (1)

April 8, 2006

I call her Mo. Mo Lasses.

An addendum to my food woes with Jamie:

She eats so slowly. So. Slowly.

If I ask her if she's full, she says no. When she continues to eat at the inverse of the speed of light, I go to take her plate away. She protests and takes a bite. Half an hour later, she might actually be done.

So do I listen to her words, or follow her actions? Is this a control thing, or just her inability to pay attention to anything for more than 3 seconds at a time?

Or should I fund her college account with the money we make from producing Ripley's Slowest Eater?

(Grr. MT ate my entry. It sounded better the first time.)

Posted by me at 9:11 AM | Comments (0)

April 7, 2006

That's what I get for sleeping

Katie took her first steps today. I know this because Jamie and my dad told me. Well, and because she took some more steps later in the day. Anyway, the point is that I missed them.

I should be more broken up about it, I suppose, except that for all I know, she's been walking around in her crib for weeks. And I got to see plenty of other steps today, although she's being perverse and only seems to walk in the presence of my dad.

I feel more badly for Rex, who not only missed her first steps, but won't be around for another week. If Katie keeps walking a little bit every day, she could be toddling around quite competently by next week. I know he hates to miss this kind of stuff.

This is coming off like a downer post, but I don't mean it to be. I'm tickled that Katie has finally started walking. I guess that I've been expecting it for so long that it's not really a surprise.

Posted by me at 9:38 PM | Comments (3)

April 5, 2006

Where I allude to my checkered past

Rex is back in New Mexico. He'll be gone until next Thursday, and I think I'm really going to miss him over the weekend. I mean, I miss him during the week, but we're used to him not being around for the better part of the day.

We went on a little tour of PETsMART today with the MOMS Club. We had a HUGE herd of kids under 5. Jamie and I have spent a lot of time in PETsMART's for one reason or another (ok, ok, I worked in one. Well, in the vet clinic in one.) we had already seen everything our guide showed us. The neat part was that he got out a few of the creatures for the kids to touch. A giant hermit crab, a very calm and relaxed guinea pig, and a blue-tongued skink.

As an added bonus, a bunch of us headed over to BK for lunch and decompression.

And this brings me to something about the way Jamie eats.

Jamie never admits to being full while there is food on her plate. I've never made her clean her plate, and I've always tried to be clear that she can stop eating when she gets full. But if you put a whole burger in front of her, she'll finish it. If you put half a burger in front of her, she'll finish it, but tell you she had enough if you offer her more.

I try to be careful about putting too much in front of her now. I'd rather get her seconds, thirds and fourths than have her eating food she isn't hungry for because for some reason she thinks she should.

I've watched some of the other kids eat lunch, and they don't seem to have any need to finish anything. They graze, leaving the table to play and coming back for bites every now and then. Jamie sits at the table until she finishes her meal. (I'm not complaining about this. I actually think it's more polite, and it certainly makes for nicer family meals at home.) Some of the kids eat two bites and call it a meal, others eat considerably more, sometimes all of one thing and none of another, or some of everything.

I'm trying very hard not to pass on my eating issues. Seems like I'm failing already.

Posted by me at 10:33 PM | Comments (0)

April 2, 2006

Touching on deep thoughts

Holy crap am I tired.

I shouldn't be. The time change is in my favor right now. My dad got up with the kids this morning, and I got to stay in bed really late. Reeeeally late.

Of course, Katie got me up 3 times. And most of my "sleep in" time was interrupted by Jamie or Katie crying and laughing. I'm not a deep sleeper when it comes to my kids, and I don't fall back asleep easily for anything.

I went to a baby shower for a friend I haven't gotten to see much of in the last 5 years. She got married soon after me, but not long after she moved to Hawaii. I haven't seen her since her wedding, so it was great to reconnect, even if it was in a room full of other people, many of whom were doing the same thing.

I feel the need to note how jealous I am of her living in Hawaii. And of how much she's travelled in the last 4 years. I swear she's been everywhere! Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for her. Sometimes I just want to *be* her.

After the shower, we met my mother at the mall for dinner and some running around. The germy play area was closed, so the girls spent a bunch of time climbing up and down stairs and looking at the fountains. It occurs to me that even though I know nearly every detail of Jamie's life, I don't really know how to talk with her, and I haven't found a way to play with her that she and I both enjoy. I feel so awkward when I'm not taking care of needs or discipline.

I need to think some more on that, but right now, I'm too tired and out of it to be making rational decisions.

Posted by me at 9:33 PM | Comments (1)

March 16, 2006

Frustration, privacy and killjoy

Katie got her pants of today in under 5 minutes while she was standing right next to me. I didn't even see it happen.

It was quite funny.

It's also sad. My 10 month old takes her pants off with fewer tears and more skill than my 3 year old.

Jamie adamantly refuses to solve her own problems. She might try something half-assed once, and then she dissolves into tears. When I tell her to try again, she makes the motions, but puts no effort behind it. Most of the time, she won't even look at what she's doing. By this time, she's usually so tearful and distraught I don't even think she can hear me.

I've told her that I'll help her, if she asks politely and without crying. I've sent her to her room to calm down. I've asked her to calm down and pay attention to what she's doing. I've threatened that we'll have to stay home from wherever we're headed that day. I've taken away watching Blue before her nap.

Is this a stage, or a facet of her personality? I'm sure I need to try yet another approach with her, but for the life of me, I can't figure out what. It doesn't help any that patience and creativity aren't my strong suits, either.

***

Jamie started using the word "privacy" a while back. While she and Katie were standing in the doorway watching me go to the bathroom, she would tell me she needed some privacy. Of course, she screamed like a banshee when I closed the door and gave her some.

In the last week or two, she's started closing the door when she goes to the bathroom, because she can, "Do it by myself!" If only doing it by herself included wiping! Now she goes in, closes the door, pees in the dark and then calls for me. When I arrive, she asks me who I am, and then tells me I'm her butt wiper. I think I'll add that to my résumé.

It's not all about privacy, though. She also goes into her room and closes the door a lot. Most of the time, she's reenacting her current favorite episode of Blue's Clues. She expects me to knock, and then she greets me with a, "Pleased to meet you!" and a handshake. It's very cute and polite.

***

I'm having a hard time relaxing and enjoying the kids, still. The things that amuse Jamie (and often my dad and Rex) rarely even make me smile. I'm starting to think I'm dead inside. Granted, I've never been one to giggle at potty humor, but I'm having a hard time finding joy in Jamie's joy. Oddly, I don't have quite the same problem with Katie. I'm hoping that a lot of this is a reaction to the less savory parts of Jamie's personality, and as she gets herself under control and throws fewer tantrums, I'll hold less of a grudge against her good moments. It's very hard for me to change track from the recipient of all her anger to the audience for her humor.

Or maybe I really am dead inside.

Posted by me at 11:54 AM | Comments (3)

March 15, 2006

Poor disposable pet

God, I love having a laptop with a functional battery!

I went ahead and got Jamie a hermit crab and all it's accoutrements. It's all set up in it's little habitat and hidden down in the basement.

I really hope Jamie likes the crab. This isn't something she's asked for, just something that I hope she'll like. Now that I think about it, maybe we should have hyped the crab, or at least talked about them and made them seem exciting. I'm also hoping that having the crab in her room at night, clicking around in the dark, isn't going to scare her. Jamie doesn't usually scare easily, with the exception of this book. She actually asked Rex to take the book out of her room, even though the googly eyes weren't pointed in her direction.

The crab has already proven to be brave and active. Let's hope I can keep him alive at least until Jamie tires of him!


Posted by me at 10:27 PM | Comments (2)

March 8, 2006

She eats at the speed of molasses in a Siberian winter

It's a wonder I can sit through lunch with Jamie anymore. It's no longer a meal, so much as stage for her to speak on while I eat and she fondles food.

Yesterday, I had already eaten, so I sat in the living room (it's connected to the kitchen. I could see her head, but not the actual food.) while she "ate." She spent some time talking to herself, talking to me, talking to the wall. I heard her metion something about cereal. There was water spilled on her shirt. I heard her fork tinkling in her cup.

After the fork in the cup, I went in to see how much she had left. This is about 40 minutes into the meal. Her strawberries were floating in a bowl of water, her "cereal." She had barely touched the mac'n'cheese. Her fork was still stewing in the cup. I convinced her to eat the strawberries minus the water, and somehow managed to get her to admit that she wasn't really hungry so I could put the mac'n'cheese in the fridge. (Although we've never made her clean her plate, Jamie usually refuses to admit a meal is over until she's eaten everything. I can get her to tell me when she's still hungry, but I don't think she has ever said she was full.)

Almost an hour later, lunch was over. Just enough food was consumed to keep her alive an actual nap.

Posted by me at 9:45 PM | Comments (4)

February 28, 2006

Because a naked hermit crab looks like a snail with claws

Jamie is in her room, talking Doggie's ear off and banging on the wall. It's only been 20 minutes though *hopes*

Yesterday, I washed Jamie's sheets and the little fleece blanket she sleeps with. We have two blankets that I rotate, one blue with clouds, the other yellow with embroidered ducks on one end. Switching between them has never been a problem, til yesterday. I pulled out the yellow blanket "with ducks!" and laid it over her. She said she didn't like it. When I asked what she didn't like, she pointed at the embroidery.

"But they're ducks!"

She looks closer, "I don't like the snail."

Snail? What freaking snail? Oh, the one that's a quarter inch tall between two of the ducks. I'm pretty sure she didn't know there was a snail on the blanket until just this minute. I told her that Doggie would take care of the snail for her. That's worked so far. She even remembered when I left her for her rest today.

I wonder if this means the hermit crab I was going to get her for her birthday is a bad idea.

Posted by me at 2:32 PM | Comments (2)

February 23, 2006

More motherly angst

Everyone keeps laughing at me and telling me that I'm the one who isn't ready for Jamie to give up her afternoon nap. And they're right.

But more importantly, Jamie needs her afternoon nap. And when neither of us get her nap, we're both grumpy in the evening.

It doesn't help that I don't react well to Jamie's defiance. She's had a few days of nasty backtalking and deliberate acts of rebellion, and I don't take that shit. And if there are hidden reasons for it (sibling jealousy, lack of attention, whatever) I don't really tend to take those into account. I'm more of a surface kind of person.

She alternates her teen-on-Springer immitation with some very sweet acts towards her sister, and towards me. She can be funny. She has an amazing memory that surprises me constantly. She talks constantly, which leads to a few hilarious mis-speaks.

And she recovers instantly from her tantrums and my rebukes. I don't recover nearly so quickly. And if my day starts out bad, a couple giggles don't really lift my whole day from the crapper.

Add that to the contrast between Katie's sweet smiles and hugs, and Jamie and I clash constantly. (Don't get me wrong, Katie isn't perfect. She's clingy and shy and demanding, but in that innocent baby way that's hard to hold against them.)

I'm not sure how to fix any of this. I can't force Jamie to nap, although I do make her stay in her room and "rest" daily, hoping the nap will follow. She doesn't sleep later the morning after a missed nap. She would go to bed earlier, but then she wakes up earlier as well, and that sure as hell isn't going to help my mood.

And only part of the problem is Jamie and her sleep habits, anyway. A big part of it is my relationship with her. I'm not sure how much of this is normal clash, how much is her age (testing limits, etc.), and how much of it is my failings as a mother (lack of patience and understanding, not providing enough amusement and attention, I could go on...).

This too shall pass.

Right?

Posted by me at 9:37 PM | Comments (0)

February 10, 2006

Frazzled

I went to my grandparents house for the evening to see my mother and my uncle and his wife. I meet my mom over there every week or so, but my uncle is in town from Texas. Rex had a test and some quizzes, so he escaped the horror that ensued. I think I'm going to list the issues by subject, rather than on a timeline.

1. Jamie must have gone potty at least a dozen times today. She tends to be a little constipated at times, and will often have a "false alarm" potty run before she goes for real. Even I was starting to wonder if there was something else going on, when my grandmother brought up the issue. At the dinner table. While we were *eating*. My grandmother is a woman who has always been rather highbrow and refined. Me, I tend to be a bit crass. But even I wasn't real keen on discussing my daughters bowel issues at the dinner table.

2. My grandfather tried to feed Katie triple chocolate cake. While my mother and I were yelling, "NO!" I swooped in got the cake when it was half in her mouth. This is the same man who on several occasions has awakened Jamie from hard-won naps, also to a whispered chorus of no's.

3. Jamie had a couple tantrums during dinner. She wanted more meat, I wanted her to eat some of the other food on her plate, which she had already tried and not declared repulsive. I took her into the living room and told her she could come back when she calmed down. After one false start, she seemed to be ok. The she had to make yet another potty run, and knocked over her glass of water. You would have thought she spilled boiling oil on her lap for all the screeching. My mom backed me up on all this. I think everyone else at the table thought I should give in to the little terrorist and let her know that she would own me, as long as company was present. Fuck that!

4. Kidly naplessness. Jamie actually asked to watch Blue's Clues while we were there, likely becuase she was tired and (holy crap!) asking to be put down. My mom laid down with her for a while, but we had to wake her up for dinner. I suspect that prompted some of the tantruminess, since Jamie wakes up from naps cranky in general, and worse when she's forcefully woken. I never did get Katie to fall asleep during the five and a half hours we were there.

5. This one probably isn't my grandmother's fault. Her memory is going, and she often asks the same questions or repeats herself. But I can't even count the number of times she offered food for Katie, even while I was feeding her. Some of her repeats were too close together to be forgetfullness. NO means NO, people.

6. I was in a fog. About the time I left our house, I started feeling tired. Foggy, everything seems to be happening from a bit of a distance, sort of like a buzz groggy.

All in all, it wasn't that bad of a visit, but I feel like I went through the ringer.

Posted by me at 8:58 PM | Comments (0)

February 4, 2006

Sleep update

I haven't talked about our sleeping situation in a few days. I'm happy to report that since Katie's marathon of screaming, she's been sleeping through without assistance! She wakes up a few times a night and fusses, but puts herself back to sleep without the standing, screaming drama.

Three days of bliss.

I don't know why we didn't do this sooner. Oh, wait, I think we tried :)

Now, why am I almost *more* tired than I was when I was getting up every two hours? Actually, my dad got up with the girls this morning, and there's something about getting to lay in bed while the girls are up that makes me feel more rested, even if I don't really get much sleep during that time.

*****

We did some stroller test driving today. I realized when Katie stood up in her stroller last weekend (yes, she was strapped in) that we were going to need something with a 5-point harness. I figured it would also be nice to have something smaller than the travel system stroller, and with better wheels than the $10 Walmart umbrella.

We've settled on the Maclaren Triumph. I've found last years model for $40 cheaper than the 2006. Even so, the thing is pricey. Having pushed both kids around in a few of the cheaper models, though, we decided youget what you pay for. My only concern now is that the 2005 weighs 1.2 pounds more than the 2006, and I wonder what other differences there may be, since we weren't able to physically test both models.

I'm probably overthinking again, but matters of money tend to give me ulcers.

Posted by me at 10:05 PM | Comments (0)

February 3, 2006

Bad Mommy moment #827

Why do I resent the demands of my older daughter so much more than those of the baby?

The baby's needs are more constant, usually more draining. It's the baby that's keeping me up at night, tying me down during the day. Jamie rarely wakes me up in the middle of the night, and is always easily returned to sleep.

I always heard that when you decided to have a second child, you worried that you wouldn't love it as much as the first. I never really had that problem. Then, after the baby came along, I started worrying that I loved the new kid more than the first.

Maybe it's that the baby's needs are easier to meet. I *know* how to feed Katie, and I can tell when she's getting tired. I don't have to worry about stimulating her brain, she does that all on her own. Jamie is always asking, "Why?" and saying, "But..." I'm supposed to be teaching her how to do things, but it's just so much easier to get them done by myself. Katie isn't supposed to help with chores, so I have an excuse to do them while she occupied elsewhere. Jamie not only *should* be helping, she also *wants* to.

I don't have any answers, just a boatload of guilt. I *know* I'm doing this wrong, coming at it from the wrong direction, and I can't seem to turn it around. I can't...

I just can't.

Posted by me at 11:07 PM | Comments (1)

February 1, 2006

Operation snooze alarm

1:00am - Rex puts Katie back to sleep

1:05-1:15am - Rex puts Katie back to sleep again

2:25-3:35am - Katie screamed like a banshee while I patted, rubbed, scratched, and shushed. I did NOT, however, pick her up or nurse her. At the end, she refused to stay laying down, stretching her arms forward like a cat resisting a bath. For the last 10 minutes or so, I was curled in a ball on the floor. This seemed to calm the constant screaming to intermittent screeches, although she was still standing.

3:35-3:45am - I went back to bed and we watched Katie stand and screech intermittently on the tv.

3:45-4:05am - Katie is eerily silent. She stands. She sits. She plays with Elph Net. She stands some more. I doze, peeking up every minute or so to watch.

4:05am - I open my eyes. Katie is laying down! Rex says she just did it about 20 seconds before. We watch for a couple minutes, then turn off the tv and crash.

5:45am - Katie's up with a pooper. I change her, then we both fall asleep while she nurses.

6:30am - I take Katie back to her crib, and drag my ass back to bed.

7:00-7:45am - Jamie gets up. I get her into my bed and try to convince her to snuggle. It's more like trying to sleep with a happy puppy. Not much rest gotten, but I manage to stay warm under the covers.

8:20am - Katie wakes up. Apparently, unlike her sister, she'll actually make up sleep when she has a bad night.

Posted by me at 8:12 AM | Comments (0)

January 31, 2006

Burning the candle from the middle

Katie will be 9 months old next week, and in that time I think I've slept through the night once.

This has got to stop.

This weekend, if not sooner, we'll be letting her cry herself back to sleep. A lot of you probably thing it's about damn time, letting her learn to sooth herself, and you're right. The problem has been that ever since she learned to pull up, she'll be up and standing at the end of the crib before she's even fully awake, and every other time we've tried to let her get back to sleep on her own, she's never so much as laid back down. I'm not sure if the problem is that she's out of it and doesn't really know how to get down, or she's just more obstinate than I am. She's old enough to learn to get herself back down, and old enough to learn that I'm going to win.

I hope.

I'd love to do this some other way. I've taken into account sickness, reflux, hunger and teething. But I'm at the point where my lack of sleep is going to make me do something irrational. I think it's been a big contributor to whatever level of depression I've been experiencing. (That's my hope at least, that I'll get more sleep and my personal dark cloud will lift a little.) I'm hoping that I'll be a better parent, particularly to Jamie, who's mere presence irritates me, mostly in the morning when I'm at my worst.

I'm pinning a lot of hope on this sleep thing.

Let's hope it works.

Posted by me at 8:55 PM | Comments (0)

January 22, 2006

New boobie dismount

Katie has perfected a new dismount from my boob.

Instead of just pulling off and watching tv or Jamie or lolling back like she's boneless, she's started rolling into me, onto her stomach. From there, she scooches back until her knees are ono the couch, sits straight up and grins liike she just pulled off a double salto with a half twist and stuck the landing.

I wonder what she'll come up with next?

Posted by me at 9:28 PM | Comments (0)

January 16, 2006

Apparently you *can* catch germs from the internet

It's been a while.

I got a new laptop last week, and I'm still trying to transfer all my files and load all my software and make this thing more than an internet ready doorstop. I'm getting closer on everything but moving the files. I need to take both laptops back to the office and plug them directly into the router so the files transfer faster, but the only time I really have the time to do that is when Katie is sleep, and guess where the crib is?

I've also been sick since Friday afternoon. It started as a sore throat that got worse the more golf Rex played. I called him partway through the day and told him it would be a crime to waste a 60 degree January day at the office. My Dad was playing hooky, too, so they went and played a round at the course nearby. The sore throat got wickedly worse overnight, and then for the most part disappeared. In it's place came nausea, coughing and phlegm. Even two mornings of sleeping in didn't fix me, they just confused me and made it harder to actually sleep at night.

Both girls have some good coughing going on as well, which hasn't made sleeping at night any easier.

***

Jamie has started telling me (repeatedly, cause that's what she does) that she doesn't want Katie anymore, and that she doesn't love her. I know she doesn't really mean it, and that it's mostly a reaction to Katie trying to touch *everything* that Jamie owns. The irony, of course, is that Jamie has no qualms about taking and playing with every toy that Katie owns. Absolutely nothing in the house is more interesting than what Katie is touching. Still, it's sad to hear her say such hurtful things. I'm glad Katie doesn't get it yet.

To be fair, I should say that Jamie is generally kind and loving to Katie. She gives her hugs, tries not to break her, and even in the midst of a toy coup doesn't hit or hurt.

***

The longer we live here, the harder it's going to be to leave. The cold isn't getting any better, although those beautiful days last week made me reconsider for about 5 minutes. It's the people I'm starting to get attached to. One of the reasons I wanted to go back to Houston specifically were the friends I'd finally made in our neighborhood. The playgroups, Bunko, my neighbor across the street who moved, but not too far away. I've now found some mom's in Clarksburg that I'm really starting to fall for. I've started getting closer to some of the women in my women's group.

Sometimes I think I should start pulling away now, since we've made our decision. On the other hand, I'm still enjoying getting to know these women, and I don't really have any idea when we're leaving, so I think I'm just going to live in the moment.

I just wish, in this moment, I didn't feel like ass.

Posted by me at 7:36 PM | Comments (0)

January 9, 2006

Bibbity Bobbity Boob

I've finally given up. Katie wins again. The left boob has been abandoned.

Katie has been showing her displeasure with Lefty for a long time. She nurses for a couple minutes, then pulls off and stares across the room, no doubt dreaming of the good ol' days with Righty. She might be persuaded to nurse for another minute or so before she repeats the act. If I'm feeling patient, we might try that whole procedure a few more times.

I don't have any problems getting her to eat on the right side. On the rare occasion when a marching band passes through the living room, she might turn her head to look, but for the most part she's camping out there until she falls asleep or I pop her off.

Over the last 8 months, Lefty has gotten less and less action. I stopped worrying about alternating, tried to avoid the awkwardness of nursing her on that side in bed (for some reason, we just can't get comfortable) and didn't even bother when we were out of the house.

Yesterday, I didn't make use of Lefty a single time.

So now, at least one of my boobs can go back to it's normal (after 2 kids) perky self, while the other's weight pulls me in ever tightening right hand circles.

Posted by me at 9:09 PM | Comments (0)

January 8, 2006

Sleeping sickness

Once again, Jamie had the illness that wasn't. About 24 hours of fever, one puking and she's good as new. I'm still a bit paranoid every time she coughs, expecting vomit to come shooting towards me in a Dorito-scented gush.

Katie's middle-of-the-night sleeping is improving. We're having to get up with her less either because she isn't waking up, or when she does, she occasionally doesn't bother to stand. She's replaced keeping me up in the night with getting up much earlier in the morning. I'm not entirely sure which is worse. She's also going down for naps easier, without always being nursed to sleep. I guess that means things are better, since she's learning a valuable skill. I need to teach her to read the clock and stay quiet til 7 like we did with Jamie.

Tomorrow, Rex goes back to work for FIVE WHOLE DAYS IN A ROW. I think I'm gonna die.

Posted by me at 9:16 PM | Comments (0)

January 6, 2006

It's going to be a while before I can look a Dorito in the eyes again

Once again, with absolutely no warning signs, Jamie puked as she was being put to bed. By the time I got her and the bed changed and was tucking her in again, she had a fever and was actually acting tired. Now that's a sign of illness in my kid.

The last time this happened, she threw up twice in two days, both times without warning, and had a fever for maybe 24 hours. She never acted at all out of sorts.

After a week of tantrums, whining, crying, not much sleep, making an effort to be more attentive, screaming, good naps and terrible naps, I was looking forward to a nice, uneventful weekend.

Now I'm just hoping the puking doesn't spread.

Posted by me at 9:29 PM | Comments (0)

January 2, 2006

I love the Fisher-Price Aquarium

Katie's still in her PJ's, and it's after noon. What a lazy lush!

Oh, wait, she's in her PJ's because I didn't have an appropriate clean clothes to put her in. I guess that makes me tha lazy bitch.

I'm not sweating it, though. I got her to sleep, without nursing her, and without any crying. I hummed a little, I patted a little, and I stood a while, and it worked. I'm not usually patient enough (or she isn't) to get her to sleep. That, and sometimes she spends all her energy trying to throw herself sideways in my arms and suck through my shirt.

I'm on a temporary mothering high!

About to be brought down by the fact that I'm typing this here instead of playing with Jamie. Of course, I'd be more likely to play with her if she would stop the constant speaking of nothing.

Posted by me at 12:54 PM | Comments (2)

January 1, 2006

It says so right on the box

Why do family members insist on giving my kid age-inappropriate toys?

I understand that they think she's smart. I'll agree that she's probably above average intelligence (what parent doesn't think that?), but I hardly think she's the genius they make her out to be. That's still no reason to be buying toys that are designed for kids over a year ahead of her.

I know that one of the reasons the age ranges are stated on the product is due to safety concerns, and you have to take those with a grain of salt. Small parts are much more of a concern with very oral kids, and Jamie was never oral, so I don't worry too much about those. Of course, there are also electrical safety concerns, and then there's just plain skills. When you buy my not-yet-3 year old a toy for kids 4-10, you're setting her up for failure. Maybe she's a video game savant, or maybe she's just going to get really frustrated because she doesn't have the hand-eye coordination to play the games yet, not to mention the number/letter recognition.

Now that I think about it, I'm not sure I want her playing video games at this age anyway. Don't get me wrong, we had an Atari when we were kids. But not a handheld game that we took with us everywhere, to the point where we ignored the world around us. I see way too many kids who are paying video games in restaurants, instead of participating in family conversation. Or playing games every time they get in the car, even for short trips. And I'll admit that we have a DVD player for in the car, but we never turn it on unless we're going to be in the car a long time, and even then, usually only one way on a 3-hour-each-way trip, and only for an episode or two of Blue, not the whole trip. The rest of the time is spent singing, using her imagination with a few toys, talking to us, napping or looking out the window.

Hmm. This rant has changed direction. Back on track. She was also given a puzzle that's way above her comprehension. I have no problems with the puzzle, except for the fact that it's way too advanced, and it just frustrates her. In fact, I wanted her to get some puzzles, but maybe ones with fewer pieces. One that didn't take my husband and father a decent amount of time to do.

In any case, now I have to write a thank you note for a really nice toy that neither Jamie or I are ready for her to have. A toy that, with it's accessories, probably cost more that all the things we got for Jamie this year. (By choice, not due to lack of funds. She's not even 3, she doesn't need hundreds of dollars worth of toys.)

It's so much harder to sound appreciative when I'm up here on my high horse.

Posted by me at 9:50 PM | Comments (0)

December 30, 2005

All about piss

Jamie pissed herself twice today, both times mid tantrum.

One of the cats pissed on her bed.

I'm pissed.

I'm hoping to hell Jamie is just overtired from a week without decent nappage and a totally wacky schedule. Today was not the best of days, potty training aside.

And the cat. This is like two days after one of them shit on Jamie's bed. I've never had a cat shit on a bed to diplay displeasure before. I'm assuming it's the same cat that occasionally pees around here. Well, it used to be occasional. If I were 100% sure which cat it was, I might have to do something about it, so I'm almost glad to have a little doubt. I haven't figured out why they pick her bed, since she rarely bothers the likely culprit. She knows he's a grouchy fatass.

I'm generally irritated by crying babies, cranky preschoolers and ungrateful pets. And I have very little control over any of them.

Posted by me at 7:03 PM | Comments (0)

December 29, 2005

Some mistakes can't be undone

I feel like about the worst mother in the world right now.

Katie is crawling, pulling up and cruising. A few days ago, she greeted me in her crib standing up. Now she seems to think that standing up in the crib is the thing to do, and it's made trying to get her to nap hell. Every time she wakes up at night, she stands. When I put her down for a nap, if she isn't out cold, she stands and screams. I've been going back in and nursing her back to sleep, but sometimes even that doesn't work too well, and besides, I can't do that forever.

Yesterday, I put her in the crib, told her I loved her and to have a nice nap and left. And listened to her sceram for over half an hour til she gave up.

Today, I put her in the crib asleep, but she woke up and eventually started the screaming. And she just. Kept. Screaming. I thought about going in there and laying her down, but in the past that just pisses her off and breaks my heart. I can't stand seeing her all teary and looking like I'm abandoning her. I finally went in and tried it, and within two minutes, she was silent.

Now I feel like absolute shit for not trying it 30 minutes sooner.

I know that as a parent I'm going to make mistakes. And I know half the time there isn't a right answer anyway. But how am I supposed to get over feeling like I just tortured my kid for half an hour because I didn't think it would work so I didn't try?

God, her face when I went in there.

I really don't think I was ever cut out for this.

Posted by me at 10:44 AM | Comments (1)

December 16, 2005

I just don't understand why people buy so many toys, when the real fun is in the packaging








Posted by me at 9:27 PM | Comments (0)

November 30, 2005

There's way less barf, but it smells soo much worse

Katie's personality has taken a turn for the better. Sort of.

When we brought her home from the hospital, she was so easy. She slept lots, cried little, ate fine, if less vigorously than her older sister did. This lasted longer than it did with her sister, maybe close to a month. Then the reflux started, the barfing, the crying, the general unhappiness.

The last month or so has seen a marked improvement in the barfing and the unhappiness. It's also seen a lot of motor activity progression. Katie wants to move, but she's not quite capable. She wants to pull up on everything, but most things don't have handholds at the right level, so sometimes she gets stuck on her knees or with her legs twisted. That pisses her off. When she's sitting, she wants to move, so she rolls forward onto her tummy, but she hasn't mastered crawling just yet, so she's just stuck on her stomach. That makes her mad. When she's standing, she wants to be climbing or moving, but there isn't always anything to climb or handholds to move. That makes her angry. Any time I'm within range, she grabs my hair or my shirt, my bra or my pants, occasionally just a handful of skin, and one time my jugular. That ticks me off, particularly when it's painful.

She's a much happier kid, when she isn't peeved by her limitations. There's more yelling, but less crying. More screeching, but usually with comprehensible reasons. And sometimes, she's just downright happy. At the very least, you can make her smile by helping her stand, and sit, and stand, and sit.

Posted by me at 8:32 PM | Comments (0)

November 29, 2005

And did I mention we started potty training?

Rex has been off work for a week.

Slowly, day by day, I've felt a lot of my tension and anger and stress melt away. I feel almost like me again. Apparently, I'd be a great SAHM if I had a second full time parent home with me.

Of course, sometimes it's hard to watch Jamie prefer Rex for everything. To in fact fight me, because she wants Daddy to do it. The hardest was when she fell on the sidewalk and turned to him to make it better. She still shows me affection, when she can take time out of her busy Daddy-adoration schedule. And Katie, well, she knows which body her boob is buttered on.

Rex goes back to work tomorrow.

Will the stress build up slowly, or will it hit me all at once when the girls wake up tomorrow? Does the fact that a week with another parent here relieved the stress mean that it's not depression? If the stress comes back fast, and this is just who I am, not a treatable condition, how am I going to make it through the next 18 years? Are the girls going to eat me alive?

Posted by me at 8:14 PM | Comments (0)

November 15, 2005

And I used to think one kid was hard

Jamie is off with my dad for the night. A full 24 hours to recover from the hitting and arguing of right before she left.

She's surprisingly good at throwing phrases back in my face at appropriate times. Things like "No, that's MY 'pinion!" and "Not for disCUSsion!" and "Don't spank me!" All at the top of her lungs. Occassionally in public.

It really pushes my buttons.

So tonight, I just have to deal with the somewhat cranky baby. And tomorrow, I can nap into the morning, and I would, if I were the napping sort. And when Katie is sleeping, I'll be free to fuck off on the internet without feeling guilty about ignoring Jamie while I decompress.

Posted by me at 8:46 PM | Comments (0)

November 14, 2005

Detachment

I'm starting to think there's something wrong with me. I was making dinner, and I looked down at Jamie, and it was like I hadn't seen her in a long time.

Jamie and I haven't had the best relationship lately. I seem to spend most of my time telling her not to do something. Or to stop crying. Or I'm busy with Katie. Or I'm still sleeping. Or she should be sleeping. On top of that, she's been argumentative and a crybaby and a general pill a lot of the time.

And I've been strangely detached.

I don't know if this is because of her mood or mine. It might be because I don't know how to interact with a 2 and a half year-old. I'm sure part of it is the adjustment of having Katie. And some of it is my addiction to the internet. Also, I've forgotten how to have fun. Add be fun.

People always talk about the joy they get from their children, from seeing them learn and grow, seeing old news through new eyes. I'm not getting that. Sure, sometimes she's funny, on purpose and by accident. But I get bored pushing her on the swings at the park. And walking her up to the slides. I don't want to play silly games, and I'm tired of coloring. Thank god her imagination is taking over and she's starting to amuse herself, because I'm going nuts.

I don't seem to have the same issues with Katie. Maybe because her needs are different, more "chores" and fewer games. Her crying still bothers me most of the time, although every now and then I seem to be able to sort of hear it from a distance. I don't know if that's a good or a bad thing.

Is this a phase? Are she and I just butting heads? Am I depressed and need therapy or meds? I wish I knew. I don't want to irreparably damage my relationship with my daughter before we really get started.

Posted by me at 9:28 PM | Comments (0)

October 29, 2005

Is there such a thing as G-rated S&M?

Domestic bliss looks like this: Me, on my knees and elbows on the floor, holding Katie on her feet in front of me while she pulls my hair out of it's ponytail. Jamie climbs up on my back and starts riding me like a pony. Jamie blows raspberries at Katie, Katie giggles and yanks out more hair.

It was like a picture of bliss.

Posted by me at 4:17 PM | Comments (0)

You can tell she's the second kid by the toys she gets

My kids were born backwards.

I don't mean breech, although Jamie wanted to give that a try. I mean the kid who put nothing in her mouth as a baby and toddler should have been born second, so when the older kid was playing with choking hazards I wouldn't have to pay much attention. I couldn't get Jamie to put teething equipment in her mouth so she could soothe herself. She wouldn't even feed herself food until she was almost a year old, and I tried everything, including Twizzlers!

Katie, on the other hand, will put anything in her mouth. She'd teeth on a frozen flagpole if we had one. She's already put food into her own mouth, and I think has figured out how to repeat that purposefully.

I have two problems with this. First, it's icky. I don't want her putting dirty stuff in her mouth, and I don't want her slobbering and spitting up all over everything. Toys that made it through Jamie's babyhood in mint condition have become repulsively smeared with curds and whey. Second, I've become very lax in what I let Jamie play with. She has a huge change collection. I recklessly buy toys rated for kids over 3, if I think she can grasp their concepts and it's a safety rating thing. Jamie's pretty good at cleaning up her crap, but she's not paranoid about all the little pieces that Katie wants to shove into her gaping craw.

On top of the small pieces issue, I've become generally more lax about parenting, thank god. I was a little over the top as a first-time mom (is this news to anyone?) My toy selection rules have been reduced to: if it occupies her, isn't likely to cause her to bleed, and is either edible or would be difficult to swallow whole, she can have it.

Yesterday's list alone contained:




• A Nestle Chocolate Chip Bag. The giant Sam's size bag. I did zip it shut so she couldn't pull it over her head.


• The wisk attachment to the KitchenAid.


• A sheet of twist ties. These went straight into her mouth.


• A truck from my dad's childhood. Sharp metal edges, pinch factors, loose pieces and all metal construction. I'm not even sure it's safe for my husband, much less my babies.


• Poker chips.



It'll be a miracle if she makes it to 10.

Posted by me at 10:12 AM | Comments (0)

October 28, 2005

It's a good thing she's cute...

Katie barfed on my mouth today. My lightning reflexes saved me from a mouth full of apple, kiwi and mango, which is a good thing, 'cause I don't like mango.

Posted by me at 3:21 PM | Comments (0)

October 25, 2005

Maybe tomorrow she'll sing about the spleen

While I was making dinner tonight, Jamie was running around the table singsonging "Large intestine, large intestine!" over and over.

I imagine she learned the words from her book about farts (I'm not sure you should even ask), but she hasn't read that book in a couple days. I don't remember a single instance of me discussing any organs with her, gastrointestinal or otherwise.

I really can't begin to understand the workings of her mind, especially since my brain is currently non-functional.

Posted by me at 9:15 PM | Comments (0)

October 23, 2005

Just sit right back and you'll here a tale..

Rex has always had trouble remembering the words to typical kids songs. When Jamie was a baby, he sang Christmas carols to her in the middle of the night to soothe her back to sleep. He came up with the oddest things for "Hush little baby...", although he could keep that song going forever. I think he might have branched into TV theme songs.

Katie prefers that he hum the theme to Star Wars.

Lately, he's brought back a couple of old favorites, namely Gilligan's Island and TheBrady Bunch. Katie's still not buying it, but Jamie is in love. She particularly loves the version of The Brady Bunch that's about her and Katie.

Tonight, before bed, She started singing Gilligan's Island all by herself. She started in the middle, but from there to the end she was dead on, except for the "Professorman Maryann, here on Gilligan's Isle!"

Posted by me at 9:59 PM | Comments (0)

October 21, 2005

She doesn't just love me, she *really* loves me!

Jamie will easily tell me that she loves me, if I ask. I don't have to tell her what to say, I just have to ask her to "Tell me." She almost never offers those loving words to me, and sometimes it stings a bit when she offers those words to her dad without prompting, although I know she loves me.

But today. Today she offered those words without a request. And she did one better, adding a word to the phrase that I've never used with her. Today, she climbed up on the couch, scooched right up beside me, looked up and said, "I really love you."

Posted by me at 8:28 PM | Comments (0)

October 20, 2005

This post is all about poop

There are a few things about parenting that are truly disgusting. Booger picking, diapers, potty training, drool and puke, to name a few. A lot of them become so commonplace that you forget how gross they really are. Diapers are no big deal after a while. Booger removal beomes an art form. Even sitting on the floor next to the toilet wiping my child's ass is losing it's nasty factor.

Up until this point, I think the worst thing I've had to deal with was pulling a turd that was stuck half up Jamie's ass out for her. I grasped it with a wipe, but it wasn't enough to keep from feeling it's shape and texture. I imagine you get the point.

The other day, I found a hair in Katie's diaper. This in itself isn't unusual, since we have 3 cats and their damn fur gets into everything. But this hair wouldn't wipe off. I grasped it, along with the slimey poop that was coating it, with a wipe. It didn't pull off. I tugged. It tugged back. This hair was stuck inside. I finally got a good grasp on the offending hiney hair and started drawing it out. This wasn't a cat hair. It was a long, curly, shoulder length refugee from MY head.

I'm still skeeved out just thinking of it.

Posted by me at 9:11 PM | Comments (0)

October 18, 2005

Hay is for horses

When my Dad and Jamie go out on their morning excursions, they often go visit the horses. Sometimes they have something to feed them, or they just go to say hi.

The horses are in two pastures. The fat, gain-weight-breathing horses are in a acrappy pasture, trying to lose weight and failing miserably. The old, skinny horses are in the better pasture, and they're gaining weight, but not quite fast enough. My dad stuck a trash can of feed and two pans out in their pasture, so we can feed them up a little for winter. Thhey set this up over a weekend, and he let me know that it was out there so we could help out and have something nice to do outside. He told me all I have to do is open the fence, and Jamie takes care of the rest.

It's the cutest thing. I open the fence. Jamie walks into the pasture, checks each of the pans and dumps the water out if necessary. Then she walks over to me at the trash can, and I hand her a scoop of feed. She loads one pan up, and comes back for the second scoop. After she brings the scoop back to me, she starts calling for the horses.

It's neat to see her doing these little chores. She enjoys doing it, and she's so confident and grown up. I don't really know how to describe it.

She laid down on top of me today, and I marveled again that I grew this *person* in my own body.

Posted by me at 9:38 PM | Comments (0)

October 17, 2005

I'm in trouble

While we were standing in front of shelves of Tide at Target Jamie said "cold water." It took me just a minute to notice that she was standing in front of the bottles of Tide for cold water.

Can she read, or does she just watch too much tv? Either way, I'm fucked!

Posted by me at 9:40 PM | Comments (0)

October 16, 2005

Who's crying now?

Rex made the mistake of commenting that we were having a nice, peaceful evening. Both kids were down without a fight, we have nothing to do but jack off until Desperate Houswives comes on, and no crisis to avert. Less than a minute later, Katie started crying.

We've started letting her cry it out when she wakes up after we've put her to bed. Often, we let her cry to fall asleep at night, and even for naps when I can't get her to fall asleep any other way, and she's obviously cranky and needs something I can't seem to give her.

It breaks my heart every time.

I can't stand to hear my babies cry. Now that Jamie is older and can make some choices about what to cry about, I don't mind her crying so much. It's more annoying than anything. But when she was a baby, it used to tear me up. I'm only slightly better with Katie. I can let Katie cry for a couple minutes while I go to the bathroom, or to keep from burning dinner, although I don't like doing it. I understand that it won't hurt her. But at night, or for naps, I *can* fix it. I often don't have anything that's really more pressing. It's very hard to let the logical part of my mind that says she needs to learn to soothe herself and fall asleep on her own to overrule my heart.

Posted by me at 8:15 PM | Comments (0)

October 14, 2005

Teeny, tiny nipples

Tonight Jamie decorated her shirt at dinner. In an effort to keep her from smearing taco juice across the rest of the house, I took her shirt off, and left her topless since PJ time was a mere 30 minutes away.

As I stood in the bathroom flossing for my adoring audience, Jamie started plucking at her nipple and repeating, over and over, "I have a teeny, tiny nipple."

Posted by me at 9:15 PM | Comments (0)

October 13, 2005

Frozen Twinkies are more filling

I read something a while back that said stress makes women eat foods like chocolate and comfort junk. I can't remember much more than that, but that was the gist.

I noticed in the weeks after I read it that every time I put Jamie down for a nap after a stressful morning, I walked straight towards the junk food stores. Ice cream, M&M's, chocolate milk, whatever I could find.

Tonight, the calming crap of choice was M&M's. After listening to the demons of hell releasing themselves from my daughter through her vocal cords, I needed a little endorphin releasing chocolate wrapped in a candy shell.

Posted by me at 9:39 PM | Comments (0)

October 11, 2005

Living in the moment

I caught a glimpse of what motherhood should be about tonight. I was putting my older daughter to bed, and for a couple minutes, a couple precious minutes, I was in the moment. We were laughing and singing and kissing, and I wasn't worrying about the things I had to do when I left her room, or hurrying so I wouldn't miss something on TV, or rushing because my younger baby was screaming in the other room.

I need to get back to those couple minutes. There's no reason for me to always be trying to get to the next moment, as though the current one isn't good enough.

Posted by me at 8:44 PM | Comments (0)

October 4, 2005

Today...

really wasn't such a bad day. But somehow by the end of it, it feels like I've been put through the wringer.

Lately, it seems like every day has been one of those days.

Posted by me at 8:04 PM | Comments (0)

October 3, 2005

Voyeur Mommy

I bought one of these

yesterday. Well, one just like it, anyway. I saw them at Sam's a while back, and almost bought it then, so we could see what it is that Jamie does at night that makes so much noise. And so I could see when she was jumping off her bed at naptime :)

I hooked it up last night, and then Rex and I couldn't get to the tv fast enough to see what she was doing. For about 30 minutes, we sat and watched our daughter mostly stare at the camera, until it appeared she had fallen asleep.

And this is what we call an evening of fun in the Spell household.

Posted by me at 9:14 PM | Comments (0)

October 2, 2005

Flowers for Mama

Whenever my father gets up with my daughter, they go out and do "chores" in the morning. I put chores in quotes, because Jamie's just having fun while my dad gets things done and teaches her about nature. They've planted a garden or two, lots of flowers, pick deadheads (one of Jamie's favorites) or check on the horses. I love that Jamie learns about growing things and such, and my dad loves getting to spend time with his grandaughter when she's at her best.

Every time they come in the house, Jamie brings me something. A leaf, a flower, or even a blade of grass. My dad teaches her the name of the plant, if he knows it, and she teaches it to me. It's cute, although I'm never sure how long I have to keep a dead leaf so as not to offend her :)

Even better than getting to learn the names of all these plants was learning that picking something for Mama is all Jamie's idea. Aparently, every time they go out, she asks to pick something for me. As tough as she can be to live with day to day, it's very uplifting to know that she thinks about me in a nice way when I'm not around.

Posted by me at 8:50 PM | Comments (0)

September 16, 2005

Too good to be true

It was too much to ask.

Katie went down for a nap while Jamie was watching her pre-nap Blue's Clues. The fact that things were going well pretty much guaranteed Jamie wasn't going to do much sleeping during her "nap".

When I put Jamie in bed, she was rolling and wiggling and kicking and talking and banging on the wall. Not good signs. I left, pulling the door shut behind me and there was no screaming. Didn't hear much when I went back to the living room. At this point, I turned the tv on, so she may have been talking to her buddies but I couldn't hear it. This is not a problem, sometimes it leads to sleep, sometimes not, but at least it buys me an hour of peace.

Then I heard a crash. More like a thump or a bang.

Then the baby started making noise.

I got Katie out of the crib, and opened Jamie's door. There she was, standing at the end of her bed, and as soon as she saw me she started crying. I asked her what happened, and she said she fell. Then I asked her if she had been jumping on the bed, and she said yes. (This is sometimes misleading. Sometimes she says what youwant to hear.) I stuffed her back in bed, kissed her ouchie, haven't heard a peep since.

Even better, the baby allowed me to nurse her back to sleep!

Posted by me at 2:37 PM | Comments (0)

September 15, 2005

I have a secret...

Jamie loves to help with her baby sister. She's shown no real anger or jealousy towards Katie, although she wants to do all the things Katie does. Katie gets tummy time? Jamie has to have some. Katie's in the Boppy? Jamie wants her turn! We recently brought the highchair into the house, and Jamie was obsessed with it for about a week.

One of the cutest and most annoying things she does is help change Katie's diapers. She wants to do one of the tabs. She starts throwing a fit as soon as you lay Katie down, as if I've said she can't do it. I want her to be involved with her sister and help out, so I almost always let her do the damn tab. It's annoying only because I could be done so much faster if I did it.

So sometimes, when Jamie is in another room and occupied, I change Katie's diaper all by myself.

Posted by me at 1:32 PM | Comments (0)

September 13, 2005

The upside to 3:30am

I love when I'm taking my baby back to bed in the middle of the night, and I grab her under the arms to hoist her up to my shoulder. Then when I put my arms under her butt and around her back, her arms naturally fall around my neck. I know she doesn't know how to reach out and hug me yet, but that sure feels like love.

Posted by me at 9:05 PM | Comments (0)

September 7, 2005

Do we dare roll the dice?

I have a dilemma.

It's not something that needs to be decided today, but I have my reasons for wanting to make it sooner rather than later.

My dilemma is this: are we going to have a third kid?

My reasons for wanting to make the decision now? Stuff, stuff and more stuff. have I mentioned all the stuff I could get rid of if I was sure I didn't want another?

My husband says no, for a number of reasons. I was not a fun pregnant woman during my second pregnancy. I haven't been a particularly fun person that last 4 months. He wants more sex than the children currently allow.

I'm not sure if I want a third kid, but I'm not ready to say that I don't. On the one hand, the screaming is starting to get to me. The two-year-old screams and cries about everything. I mean everything, regardless of weather the situation warrants it. The baby has been having some issues lately, too. I think she used to have some mild colic, but now someone stabs her to death several times during the day. She's quite happy when she's not releasing the demons of hell upon my ears. There are an awful lot of days I go to bed thinking I'm just not cut out for this parenting thing.

But then I see my friend, a woman I've know since I was 11. She has three kids, almost 6, almost 4 and 7 months. I see her older kids playing together. I see her getting to spend time with her third kid as a baby, and getting to enjoy it. She has the knowledge to not be freaked out by the whole baby thing, but she isn't bogged down trying to entertain an older kid whose come to see her as his only playmate. Sure, parts of her life are hectic, taking the older kids to school, preschool and activities, and the baby has had to learn to sleep on the run, but even she will admit that she's enjoying this baby as a baby much more than she did the first two.

Back to the first hand. My first pregnancy was relatively easy, I was healthy, my daughter was and is healthy, and my body escaped unscathed. My second pregnancy was emotionally draining but physically uneventful. My second daughter was and is healthy, and aside from being a bit softer, my body is still close to the same. It seems that a third would be tempting fate. The terrifying consequences - genetic defects, high risk pregnancy and birth, stretch marks or the most frightening, multiples - are almost too much to comtemplate.

*************

I wrote most of this post a couple days ago. I still haven't made a decision on the third kid yet, but I think I've decided to go through the things that we are done with up to this point. I'm sure there must be hurricane victims that can use this stuff right now, and that's more important right now than holding onto it on the off chance we'll have another kid.

Posted by me at 3:02 PM | Comments (0)

August 31, 2005

Does Dr. Scholl's make diapers?

Yesterday I took the kids to the playland at the mall. While we were there, I kept smelling feet. The people around me changed, so I was getting the idea that it wasn't any one of them in particular. I sniffed my daughter's sandals. Nothing more than the usual light foot odor. I started to wonder if it was me, but my shoes didn't stink either. We left and I forgot about it.

That evening, while we were sitting on the couch, I smelled it again. I made my husband sniff my foot, because that's why you get married, right? You have to have someone around to tell you when you stink or when your outfit makes you look more whorish than sexy or when the front of your hair looks fine but the back looks like a rat's nest. So he sniffs my feet. Nothing but normal foot smell, nothing extraordinarily foul. We go to bed.

I got up at 1 to feed the baby. I opened the door to our bedroom and stepped into the hallway. And there it was again. The door to the baby's room was open, so I can only assume that my beautiful, adorable, sweet baby girl smells like feet.

Posted by me at 8:28 AM | Comments (0)