August 28, 2008

Wish me luck!

Owen slept much better last night. Thank god. I just wish I knew what causes good vs bad nights, so I could at the very least predict when I'm going to go sleepless.

---

I've decided to flirt with disaster and do a fresh install of MT instead of keeping this upgrade. (Side note: I *just* upgraded to MT 4.2, and 4.21 has already been released. Come on, people!) The server 500 error is somewhat erratic, but there are other inconsistencies as well. I'm ready to just start fresh.

Tonight I'm going to make some backups and get things in place. I'll probably try to do the actual install tomorrow, and then it may take me a few days (who are we kidding? It could be weeks) to get the header, etc. back together. I'll pretty much be happy if I don't lose any content and the picture links still work.

Posted by me at 9:07 PM | Comments (0)

August 27, 2008

The good, the bad and the ugly, in reverse

Last night SUCKED. You would think by the third kid I would know why Owen keeps waking up, or have a better idea of what to do about it. Suggested/possible options so far include letting him cry til he falls asleep (I'm not ready yet) and nursing him back to sleep when he wakes up (doesn't really get me any more sleep, so I'm not really willing to continue feeding him when he really shouldn't need food). Adding solids hasn't helped, and I think may have something to do with the crankier waking (as opposed to pacifier pop-out and turtle wakings).

I actually fell asleep putting him down for a nap, which would have been wonderful if Katie hadn't come in to ask me to sharpen some pencils about 30 seconds later.

---

Since Jamie started school, Katie has been asking me what to do. All. Day. Long. She'll come up and say "I don't have anything in my head." The scary part is that she's the more independent of my girls. I haven't had a lot of errands to run, so we've been spending a lot of time at home, and I can't seem to come up with anything fun, either. Or at least, anything fun that lasts more than 5 minutes. We made Rice Krispies Treats today, which was a BIG mistake. By big, I'm referring to the size of my butt when I'm done eating the entire batch. I'm not even hungry after all that Brie cheese I had for lunch.

Did I mention my big ass?

Anyway, making the treats took all of 10 minutes. Chalk drawing, coloring, Old Maid and amusing the baby took another 8 and a half. I'm too tired to be more creative than that.

---

For Christmas, Rex gave me a card saying I could get a new computer. Specifically, an Apple product, since I had expressed an interest and he was impressed by the service and details when he went to the store to do some research. I didn't take him up on the offer right away, for a bunch of reasons. We were about to move, my laptop was still working fine in spite of it's small hard drive and failing battery, Apples cost about as much as a car, especially the laptops, and I would have to learn a whole new OS/change applications, etc.

I'm running out of excuses now. We're moved and I have an office all my own. I've so totally outgrown my hard drive it's ridiculous, the battery on this beast is toast, and I've lost a fan. The other fan comes on full speed when the laptop gets hot, but never shuts off. It sounds like a jet is taking off from the couch. I can't really justify the cost of an Macbook, but I really shouldn't need a computer on the couch anyway, right? At least, not in a few months when Owen stops sucking me dry so regularly. Plus, I just can't pass up the glory of the giant iMac screen. And then the applications. I'm concerned about the learning curve, but then, I haven't really gotten around to learning most of the photo editing/video editing apps I wanted to anyway. Might as well save time and just do it once.

And so, on it's way to my house from China, is a glorious 24" iMac. I can't believe I let Rex spend so much money on *me*, for something we don't really *need*.

I'm also so excited I could wet myself!

Posted by me at 1:40 PM | Comments (0)

August 25, 2008

Flying solo

Up until Jamie was about two, she was painfully shy. It took her weeks to get off my lap at our playgroup. She would hide behind me when I talked to anyone she didn't know well. It still took her a while to warm up to family on every visit.

Around two, she started turning around. I left her for an hour or so every week while I was at a women's group, and after a few weeks, she was happy to go to them. Sure, the childcare was two doors down from where I was and it was only an hour, but she left me with a smile. The MOMS Club I joined was full of little girls, and Jamie joined the pack. At the mall play area, she would buddy up with other girls without hesitation.

By the time we finally got Jamie into preschool, she was ready. Ready to make friends, ready to leave me, ready to be on her own. She didn't give us a second look the day we dropped her off, and I never once heard a peep about nerves or insecurity. Instead, I heard about how she chased the boys and played with the girls and can we have a playdate with her and her and her?

For weeks I've been hearing about how excited she is to start Kindergarten, and she totally delivered. There were no last minute bedtime nerves. She woke up with a smile, practically ran into the school, and I had to hold her back so I could get a picture of her outside her classroom. The only tears were the ones I was desperately trying to hold back.

When I collected her afterward, she was still smiling, still excited, still happy. She says she made a friend (although she can't remember her name), she made it across two monkey bars before she dropped to the ground, and she really wants to paint. She's ready to walk into the school alone.

I am so proud of my girl.

Posted by me at 9:18 PM | Comments (0)

August 21, 2008

Whoosh

I'm sure I've mentioned before how hard Jamie is to teach. At least, it's hard for Rex and I to teach her. She's apparently such a different person at school that I wouldn't be surprised if she was Super Sponge there. Honestly, I've avoided working with her on a lot of things I should be trying to teach her, from academics to shoe tying. We both get so frustrated that I think it does more harm to our relationship that the little bit she soaks in is worth.

So when it came time to teach her to ride a bike, I was glad I was pregnant. Then recovering. Then I was just always holding the baby. It's been 5 months (of inconsistent practice, I admit) and she still isn't really riding by herself. Actually, she rides by herself, but Rex has to start her, and I stand at the other end to "catch" her as she brakes. She has this interesting habit of flinging herself away the bike as she comes to a stop, instead of just putting her foot down and leaning. It's like she thinks the bike is going to explode when the mph drops to zero, a la Speed. Rex and I are in disagreement as to what comes next. I say you just have to let go, he's still willing to coddle her for a while. (Isn't that supposed to be the other way around? The mommy babies the kids, and the daddy tells them to buck up? Hmm...)

The somewhat surprising development is that she now asks to practice riding, whereas in the beginning she had to be told. She's taken a couple (minor) tumbles, and is willing to get up and try again after a little pep talk. She loves the part when she's whooshing through the air. In this, if nothing else, she wants to be the big girl.

I don't know if it's her maturing, or me, but in the last couple days we've tried some reading and pronunciation. It's been a while since the two of us have made an effort, and I was surprised at the number of words she knows by sight. I was also surprised at her willingness to pronouce letters and put them together, something she would normally flat out refuse. Don't get me wrong, she still balked at some of the words she considers difficult, and she can get really pissy and uncooperative, but I've seen improvement just between yesterday and today. I think she's getting ready to see the words whooshing through her mind.

And the closer she gets, the more she likes the feeling of growing up.

Posted by me at 9:15 PM | Comments (0)

August 20, 2008

I wonder what they would do if I cried all the time?

Tonight was not my finest parenting moment. I swear sometimes I can hear the way I'm talking to the kids, and I still can't stop it. In this case, I was totally justified, but still totally wrong.

Moving on!

Owen would not stay asleep last night. He would *go* to sleep. Then he would scream. And shriek. At least once he sounded like he was in pain. The rest of the time he just sounded pissed off. At one point in the middle of the night, when I had just gotten him to sleep again and he started crying AGAIN, Rex and I just stood there staring at each other.

I feel like I was much less effective last night, but I was still a better parent than I was tonight.

I'm too tired to be upbeat tonight. I'll give it a shot with this one bit from today.

Jamie has these workbooks for preschool skills. She's got all the skills mastered, but she still likes to do the pages. In fact, she seems to like completing pages more than she likes doing them right, but that's another story. So anyway, she can do all the skills, but she can't read the directions yet. Actually, she knows a lot of the words, but not the bigger ones, and she tends to see the first letter of a word and just fill in the rest with something likely. She's really good at faking it, too. If you aren't looking over her shoulder, you would totally think she was reading, when really only half the words are right.

I had the audacity to make her try to read the words for real.

It's always hard to get Jamie to pronounce words. She knows the letter sounds as well as she knows the letters themselves, but she refuses to put them together into a single sound. She finds the whole process hard, and she HATES to do anything hard. I'm not a particularly patient person, but I held myself well in check today. We powered through.

We learned the word pattern. And after that, we pronounced all the other words she didn't already know. And we got through them with relative ease.

And after all that hard work, I had to explain that some words just don't make sense, sound-wise.

Right? Right.

Posted by me at 10:02 PM | Comments (1)

August 18, 2008

It's raining, it's pouring, but only the cat is snoring

Owen is currently rejecting sleep. Loudly.

Also, he barfs more every day.

I've given him solids for four days now, and they seem to be making him sleep worse, not better.

Aren't babies supposed to get easier as they get older? You know, until they start with the back talk and the attitude?

Posted by me at 8:58 PM | Comments (0)

August 17, 2008

What I did on my summer vacation

While the girls were off galivanting around Maryland, I secretly redid their room. I had asked what kinds of things they would like before they left; Jamie said polka dots, and Katie said green. I did get Jamie to say that the pink from her last room would be nice, which was good, since I still had a gallon left :)

Anyway, this is what I came up with as a compromise. The dots are totally removable, thank goodness, so it won't be too hard to "redo" the room when Katie outgrows her love of green.

Posted by me at 9:23 PM | Comments (2)

August 15, 2008

Boy child

Owen has made so many big steps in the last month, I can hardly believe he was a smushy lump just a few short months ago. In just the last week, he's gone from slumping on his chest to full on sitting. He loves it! He'll sit for large chunks of time, playing with the same toys he's drooled on for weeks, but apparently they look new (and tastier!) from his new perspective. He loves the LeapFrog table, minus the legs, and he loves to drive me nuts by playing the alphabet song over and over and over. That kid really has a thing for his letters, since that the one song that's calmed him in the car and to sleep.

Just today, I tried feeding him rice cereal. He tried to convince me he was choking on his first bite, but actually ate a fair amount. He made the sour lemon face a few times, but who can blame him? Rice cereal tastes like cardboard. What an awful introduction to the world of solids. Then again, the kid puts absolutely anything that gets into his hands into his mouth, and he must have tasted something nastier by now.

He's becoming much more deliberate in his grabbing and manipulating. He's finally starting to pick up his pacifier and put it in the right way. Now if only he could put it back in his mouth by himself at night. Since we put him in his crib about a week ago, he's only been eating once a night, but we're up anywhere from a couple to half a dozen times a night putting that damn sucker back in. I'm still getting more sleep than before, partly because Rex is sharing recorking duties with me at night.

Socially, Owen is so much fun. He loves to smile, but when he meets someone new he gives them this emotionless stare. And he just keeps staring until something clicks in his head and he opens up into this big grin. He's been laughing for me for a while, but almost never for anyone else, until this week. He's now giving his father big belly laughs, too. He's much more willing to be set down, now that he's sitting. I can actually get stuff done!

For anyone who worried that I wouldn't love my son as much as my girls based on my posts while I was pregnant? Not to worry. I am absolutely head over heels in love with my little man!

Posted by me at 8:57 PM | Comments (0)

July 14, 2008

And well and truly in charge

It's time to face facts: Owen has become a crappy sleeper. This waking multiple times a night and requiring constant pacifier intervention has been going on too long to be just "a couple bad nights."

I don't know what happened. I was properly impressed by his ability to go 8 or 9 hours in a stretch without waking. I never took it for granted. I survived Katie, I know what sleep deprivation truly is. As far as I know, we didn't change anything that should affect nighttime sleep.

Owen has also learned some new sounds. His favorite: the piercing shriek. He uses it for both good and evil, and it's usually hard to tell the difference unless you're sitting next to him. I feel sorry for the people who sit near us on the airplane next week, since even the happy version is earsplitting.

He's very grabby these days, snatching anything he can get his little paws on and shoving it directly into his mouth. I'm convinced he could sit for short periods, if only he weren't always reaching for his toes and trying to consume them. When I do set him on his bottom and hover to catch him when he lists to one side or the other, he leans forward to suck on my shins, or to either side to latch onto my wrist. I'm starting to wonder if I ooze milk from every pore. One of his favorite positions is flat on his back, one hand in his mouth, the other pulling a foot toward his head. He has laughed, though just a time or two. It sounds like a donkey braying, and it is adorable.

He is beginning to adore his father, and will let Rex put him to sleep with very little fuss.

He is large.

Posted by me at 3:02 PM | Comments (0)

July 10, 2008

Two days in, and I'm ready to lower my standards

I have this huge list of things that I would like to get done while the girls are gone. Granted, most of them are things I wanted to get done even before they left, but the hope is that with two fewer kids it will be easier to knock stuff out. At the very least, running errands is simplier, since I have fewer kids to buckle and handhold and yell at them to STOP TOUCHING THINGS while we shop.

Unfortunately, most of the things on the list aren't errands, they're chores. Chores that require two hands. And some arms. Owen has yet to nap outside of my arms or the car since they left. Part of that is my fault, like today we ran a bunch or errands and so he caught a few catnaps in the car seat, or I let him sleep too long in my arms and he wakes up when I put him down. The rest is him. He's all about the one-on-one attention, even when he's asleep. On the up side, I don't have to divide my attention, and Owen has fairly simple and easy-to-meet needs. Also, I can eat all sorts of crap and I don't have to share.

All this boils down to a long list with way too few things crossed off. The things I have knocked off are the easy stuff. I haven't even bought the paint for either of the kids rooms, and I shudder to think how long it will take me to sort through all the crap in my office and file the box of papers.

Posted by me at 9:21 PM | Comments (0)

July 8, 2008

Freedom

My girls, they are gone.

This is the first time I wanted to follow discretely behind my dad as they were walking away from me at the airport to make sure everyone stayed safe. I know I'm a control freak, but that's bad, even for me.

I can't figure out why this trip is freaking me out so bad. Both girls have gone with my dad before, and for about the same length as this trip. I'm totally looking forward to the break, although it's really not that much of a break since Mr. High Maintenance is still right over there, contemplating his first nighttime snack break. (I should mention that he did awesome on the trips to and from the airport. It almost makes up for keeping me up for an hour after his second early morning feeding. It counts nothing toward prepayment of tonight's expected ordeal. That boy better keep smiling ALL DAY LONG.)

It might be that this is the first time I haven't been desperate for the break from the girls. They've been really good lately. Better than I've had any right to expect, considering the amount of time they have spent entertaining themselves around the house lately. I'm actually looking forward to them getting my dad's undivided attention, attention they so rightly deserve. There's a lot of guilt in me over the horribly uneven division of my attention. Yes, it's the natural progression of things, that older kids do more for themselves and by themselves. It's normal for babies to take lots of time (although my babies tend to be more attention hoggy than average, I think) and require some social concessions.

Still, I feel like I should do better. Could do better.

Bah. Guilt. What a useless, all consuming emotion.

For the next two weeks, the only thing I have to feel guilty about is not missing my girls enough. And the way I feel right now, that's not going to be a problem.

Posted by me at 9:49 PM | Comments (0)

June 30, 2008

High maintenance

Owen is going through this (it goddamn well better be a) phase where he's getting up two or three times a night. If that's not bad enough, on occasion he decides to not so much go right back to sleep. The word we're looking for is ung.

Have I mentioned the part where I get one nap out of him per day where he isn't being firmly held? That one glorious nap he will take laying on the bed only lasts about 30 minutes, but it's the most glorious part of my day. It's probably also the only 30 minutes during the whole day where NO ONE IS TOUCHING ME. I usually use that time to shower, and in spite of my desire to be good to the environment and conserve water and yada yada yada, sometimes I spend a good five minutes just standing there, enjoying the lack of touching.

All this to say, I'm a little tapped out these days. I spend all day long toting Owen's lily white butt around, and when Rex comes home and takes him for a few minutes, I actually wander around sort of aimlessly, trying to figure out what I should do with myself. Finish installing blinds? Laundry? Dishes? Pee? My brain is fried, I can barely speak in complete sentences, and I almost fell asleep in the middle of reading to Jamie this afternoon.

I need a long long nap on a breezy, blue-watered beach.

Posted by me at 10:37 PM | Comments (0)

June 27, 2008

Risk for reward

This post over at Wonderland, got me thinking. I mean, I've thought about our kids being overprotected before, from slapping helmets on kids every time they approach speeds of two miles an hour to outlawing tag in schools for whatever ridiculous reason they came up with.

What made me think was the part where the author chose not to admonish her son to be careful on the uneven sidewalk. I'm sure in the same situation, I would have let my girls run. But I'm also sure I would have called out to be careful, as if they couldn't see the dangers themselves. I just wouldn't be able to keep my mouth shut, wouldn't be able to not do anything I could to spare them pain (as if a warning like that really has any effect, aside from a prophetic one). She makes a good point, though, that not running would be more tragic, and more painful, lifelong, than a skinned knee.

It's so counterintuitive, but I think it's time to let go. It's time to let my kids get hurt.

Posted by me at 2:42 PM | Comments (0)

June 25, 2008

Full of surprises

This week hasn't exactly gone as planned.

It started Monday. Rex takes the girls to TKD, so I try to feed them dinner a little early so they aren't working out on full stomachs. I got fancy and made Mandajuice's roasted cauliflower and chicken cordon bleu that we got from one of those sells-meat-in-a-truck guys. We've had the chicken before, and while it wasn't great, it was edible and we needed to use it. I don't know what happened to it this time. I had the oven a little hotter than the directions called for, but the chicken still wasn't done in the prescribed amount of time, so we went ahead and ate the cauliflower. I pulled the chicken out and couldn't tell if it was done by looking at it and poking it, so I checked it with a thermometer. Done. Finally. I cut it open and watery juice spurted out. It stunk. And the chicken was GREY. It was a soggy breaded, grey ringed blob with a tuft of pink ham in the center.

I threw it out.

Then I got the rest of them out of the freezer and threw them out.

Then I cooked a second dinner. We gave up on TKD, which was fine, since it was test week and Rex had been planning to take the girls on an off night, anyway.

Tuesday started out great. Then I decided to try to put Owen down, instead of holding him through his nap all afternoon. That's where things went south. For the majority of the next three hours, he screamed. He screeched, fought, drooled, yelled and occasionally teased me with a smile. He fell asleep on the way to Rex's office, where I was going to drop off the girls so they could go to the TKD test. That's where the real weird started. As soon as Katie got in Rex's car, her face started to crumple. Just when I thought we had her calmed, she started to bawl outright. Fine, I'll take her home with me. That's when Jamie started to cry. FINE. They can skip the workout and just go for the test.

That's where things picked back up for me, cause I got Chick-Fil-A. I love that place. Sad, I know. Of course, Katie had to pee as soon as we sat down, but I was holding the baby, the get-out-of-potty-free card. Good thing, too, because she didn't go. Then she said she had to go again, but she had already wet her uniform. Kid is weird, she wets just enough to make some room, and then holds it some more. Three times she tried while we were there, and she never went. Well, except for in her pants.

Both girls happily went with Rex after dinner, even though Katie couldn't participate anymore because she wasn't in her uniform. Apparently, they were angels. Then they came home, and Jamie stood on this old chair that was mine when I was a kid. I'm not sure how many times I've told her not to stand on it in the last week, but enough that I sent her to bed without a story. Of course, she had to cry about that. And then she had to tell me she felt sick. She's been lying about that a lot lately.

Today went much better than I predicted, based on a late night with, as usual, no sleeping in. The girls spent hours entertaining themselves with a bucket of change and a couple stools. I didn't ask.

I wonder what tomorrow will bring?

Posted by me at 9:18 PM | Comments (0)

June 22, 2008

No pool for you!

We went to a pool party yesterday for Jamie's "best friend's" birthday. There were quite a few kids there, all under the age of six. There were also quite a few parents there, mostly the moms, sitting around talking, and a couple of the dads. In the maybe two hours the kids were swimming, there were three rescues, the last one being Katie. That party pretty much signed the death warrant on us getting a pool until the kids are entering teenhood.

Posted by me at 9:13 PM | Comments (0)

June 20, 2008

And when the hell did I forget how to smile?

That tweet this morning about losing my shit? I had no idea.

My meltdown was a combination of days of holding Owen with no relief, lack of sleep from his unusual nighttime habits, and yet another screaming fit that seemed to have no reason and no solution. It was just too much. I was trying to figure out who I could call to come help me, just for a few minutes, to entertain my poor daughters who have been so good and so neglected, to hold Owen for just a few minutes so I could *not* hold him and still not hear him scream. And I realized there was no one closer than 250 miles that I knew well enough to see me in the state I was in.

And then I cried harder. Cried because I feel so isolated and alone. Because apparently there's only one person in this town that I consider a good friend, and he was in California. Because I was completely incoherent, and not a single creature in the house even noticed.

I need to make some friends around here, and I know it. But aside from the fact that it's something I'm just not good at, calling people I don't know well to set up, uh, something, it's also something that takes time. There are a few women in this neighborhood that may someday be great friends, but I haven't known them long enough to know them well. We're still in the dating stage, where I don't reveal my true self for fear of alienating every woman withing spitting distance of our house. When do I let loose with the atheism and the computer addiction and the animal science degree that required activities that viewed the wrong way are illegal in some states? When do I let them know that I'm an oversharer, and reveal that I no longer have any hobbies or joys or personality, but I used to be loud and sarcastic and opinionated and obnoxious and I had FUN?

Posted by me at 9:11 PM | Comments (3)

June 18, 2008

Pooped, but not pooped on

I'm watching Jon & Kate, Plus 8, and I'm totally feeling grateful that I only have three kids. Lordy, that's a lot of toddlers.

I let the girls put on makeup tonight. They had a freaking blast! I put some lipstick, eyeshadow, blush and powder on them first, and then I let them go for it. Half an hour later, after about 50 applications of lipstick/gloss, I asked if they were done. The answer was a resounding NO! I don't know how they managed, but they put on a couple more layers of lip gloss before I took a few pictures and stuffed them in the shower. I told Jamie I though it would be a week before all the glitter in the shimmer powder wore off, and she's thrilled.

I put some makeup on too, for the first time in...I have no idea how long it's been. I may have applied gloss last year when we went to a wedding. Maybe. At this month's lady's night (Is that how the apostrophes go? I have a tenuous hold on those things when there's just one, I don't know what happens when they stack.), one of the women gave out some samples of May Kay. I think I applied the right products to the right places, but since I've never once applied eyeshadow and walked out of the house wearing it, I'm not betting any money on it. I actually really like the lipstick. So much so that if I thought I would ever wear *any* lipstick, I would totally buy that color.

Oh, and anyone hanging on the edge of their seats: Katie didn't have any incidents today (I can't call them accidents anymore, I think she knows what's up at this point), and for the first time since Rex left, Owen hasn't shat through an outfit.

Posted by me at 10:42 PM | Comments (1)

June 17, 2008

This is where I vent

I was looking forward to writing a well thought out and potentially amusing post, but since I've now put Owen to sleep for the fourth time tonight, all I have left in me are bullets.

• Owen woke up at 4 for his regularly scheduled feeding last night. Only, come 4:30ish, when I put him back down, he didn't go back to sleep. He didn't go back to sleep after I fed him some more, or after he burped, after he got quiet with the pacifier, or after I held him. I finally put him in bed with me and we were both out like a light. I had hoped the headache I woke up with at 4 would go away when I got back to sleep, but apparently the one hour and seven minutes of sleep I got before Jamie came in didn't cut it.
• Since we were up and ready to go earlier than usual this morning, we walked to the park while it was still cool and overcast. Jamie did a full on splat on the sidewalk. I have no idea what took her down, but oy! did it look painful. She got over it pretty quickly (for her), although she reminds me every now and then that it's still there.
• In spite of being THRILLED to go to the park, within five minutes of being there she was whining about being hot and hungry. Mind you, we haven't been outside in that kind of cool since summer started around here, and it was still nice and overcast.
• After the park, we came home, fed Owen, and then headed out to McDonald's. I asked Katie (twice, I think) to go to the bathroom before we left. Just as we started eating, she was chair dancing, so I took her again. Nothing. She ate, then played, and since she was running around with her knees together, I took her again. By then, her pants were damp, but she still didn't go. I put our afternoon shopping plans on hold (I just washed the carseat LAST NIGHT because she did the same thing to me at TKD), and we went home. I don't know what's up with her, if it's because Rex is out of town, and why she won't pee when she so obviously has to. I do know that threatening her with lost privledges isn't working. She hadn't had an accident in weeks before yesterday.
• Oh, and what's the deal with McDonald's chicken sandwiches? The Grilled Chicken Classic sandwich has MORE calories than the Southern Style Crispy Chicken Sandwich. So I got the Southern Style, cause I love me some fried, well, anything, and it has less calories, right? Except I still feel like I ate worse (worse to me is fattening, not less nutritious). The fries didn't help, but how can I got to McDonald's and not get fries?
• Then we came home and Jamie bitched at me for making her quit her game to go to McDonald's. She's an ungrateful little creature. I've had some talks with her about being grateful and happy with what she has and to stop always asking for more. (Earlier this week, she actually asked to do something again before we had finished doing it the first time.) I don't know how to make it sink in.
• The girls took super long naps today, so I let them stay up late and watch a movie. Wouldn't it be sweet if they would sleep in tomorrow?
• My reaction to any and all stress is to walk into the pantry and shove something in my pie hole. I've been in there a lot the last two days.

Posted by me at 10:54 PM | Comments (0)

June 16, 2008

Sisterly love

So these bunk beds we got the girls? The verdict is still out on whether they were a good idea. They certainly love the things. A little too much. I can't even count the number of times Rex or I have had to go up there and tell them to stop climbing the headboard (Katie, to pull things off the wall, or see Jamie), stop talking, get back in bed, stop passing stuffed animals back and forth and GO TO SLEEP.

Even though we have this huge house, we thought there were some important lessons for the girls to learn from sharing a room. Sharing, compromise, comradarie, how to fight and how to make up - all lessons that will serve them well throughout their lives. Of course, learning those lessons isn't going to come without some stress, on their parts and on ours. For them, it's a lack of alone time and later privacy, and learning to fight fair. For us, it's dealing with bickering and fights when they don't agree, and letting them have some bonding time after lights out that often leads to out and out play.

We tried giving them a few minutes each night to talk after we put them to bed. We would give them a time on the clock to talk until, and then they were supposed to be quiet. And for a while, that worked out fine. Then we would have to yell up to them that time was up. After that, someone would have to go up there. We called it quits when one of us would have to go lay the smack down two and three times a night before they either went to sleep or got smart enough and quiet enough to avoid detection.

Rex has threatened taking the beds apart if they can't go to bed quietly. I'm against that, since I spent months shopping for and agonizing over getting just the right quality and style of furniture. I may have been wrong about bunks being a good idea (and no, I'm not dumb enough that I didn't see some of the pitfalls. We had some of these problems when they were on mattresses on the floor, it's not all a bunk issue), but dammit, we're going to stick with them.

Posted by me at 10:27 PM | Comments (0)

June 13, 2008

And tomorrow, he'll leave for college

For some stupid reason, it took me two and a half months to figure out that when Owen fusses, just a little, he's tired. Snuggle him into my left arm, shove a pacifier in his mouth and he's out in two minutes or less. You would think, by the third kid, I would have gotten a clue just a little bit sooner.

On the other hand, he changes every day. It's been at least a week since he figured out that he can stuff his own hands in his mouth. He sucks and chews on his hands, my hands, my arm, my shoulder...you get the point. I'm expecting to see teeth any day now, and yet horribly aware that this teething thing can go on for months before you see a pearly white. When he's not screaming, he smiles all the time. He slept 9 hours straight last night, but didn't nap more than an hour at a time all day. He prefers to sleep only in someone's arms during the day, but sleeps all night beside the bed. He's given up putting himself to sleep on the floor while life goes on around him. He gets pissed when I turn my face away from him, but spent 20 minutes happily staring at Katie while I made dinner.

He is beautiful and sweet and snuggly.

Posted by me at 8:46 PM | Comments (0)

June 12, 2008

But a good one.

For not having anything to do, this has been a busy week.

Tuesday I got to go to another girl's night here in the neighborhood. I met a couple new women and got to talk to some that I met last month. This time I didn't have to leave early, and Owen doesn't eat until the wee hours of the morning, so I had two guilt-free tasty beverages and loads of conversation with ADULTS.

Wednesday, the kids were all angels. Owen was unscreamy in a way I haven't experienced in weeks. Jamie and Katie were agreeable, nearly tantrum free, and they put a hold on their eternal bickering. We even went to Kohl's and returned and shopped and they were still good. I don't know if I was just more patient since I had a night off and they reacted to it or if it was a fluke. Maybe a should have a few beverages every night for a week to test the theory.

Today is my birthday. Owen decided I should celebrate for extra hours, so he was up a little after 5. Even though he mostly went back to sleep, his presence in the bed kept me half awake for the rest of the morning. I put a movie in for the kids in the hopes of catching a wee nap. Katie was obviously, and Jamie was making noises about not feeling well, so I thought I might get all three kids to nap and I could doze. Turns out Jamie was lying about not feeling well, and spent most of the other kids' nap time squealing, "Look at me! Look at me!" I know the poor kid is a bit neglected, but she's also a huge attention whore. When Rex got home, we went out to dinner and then split TWO desserts. Yummy yum yum.

Maybe that's the key: Finish every day with a tasty beverage and a fancy dessert.

Posted by me at 9:07 PM | Comments (1)

June 9, 2008

Sometimes

Sometimes when I'm holding Owen up against my shoulder, he hooks one arm around my neck and the other around my shoulder. And even though I know it's totally unintentional, it feels just like a hug.

A sweet, wonderful hug.

Posted by me at 12:06 AM | Comments (0)

June 7, 2008

*censored*

I have something I desperately want to blog about, but I can't. It would ruin my kid's if anyone they knew ever read about it, and I just can't take the chance.

I really really want to write about it though, both for advice, and for it's sheer comic value.

Posted by me at 10:26 PM | Comments (0)

June 4, 2008

Scary cool

So most nights, when Owen is feeling the love, he falls asleep a little after 8, and we either hold him until we go to bed, or we stick him on the floor and he actually stays asleep. Wen we go to bed, usually around 10:30 or 11, I wake him up and feed him, hoping for maximum sleepage before he wakes me up for his one (usually) nighttime feeding.

Last night, Rex went to bed a while before me. I stayed up to sew a button back onto a pair of his shorts. How 50's housewife of me, right? Anyway, Owen had been sleeping on his chest, so when he went to bed, he put Owen in his bed. When I went in there half an hour later, I was tired and just didn't feel like getting Owen up. Of course, five minutes after I turned out the light, he started wiggling and snorting, and I thought for sure that his 11 o'clock snack habit was waking him up.

Next thing I knew, it was 3am, and Owen was dead silent. I poked my head in the Pack'n'Play and heard nothing. As much as I know better than to wake a sleeping baby, I put a hand on him. Every times he sleeps extra hours or unexpected times, I'm just sure something has happened. After all, I know better than to put a baby to sleep on his stomach. I know it increases the risk of SIDS. And even though I know the risks are slim, I'm sure that this time my luck has run out. Never mind that Katie was the same way, refusing to sleep on her back. Never mind that she turned out just fine. In a lot of ways, I become a more relaxed and better parent with each baby. In the middle of the night, though, I still sometimes feel this crushing weight of fear on my chest.

Of course as soon as I touched him, he moved just enough to let me know he was alive. He slept another two hours and woke up at pretty much his usual time. After he ate, he went back to sleep until 7:30. Makes me wonder how much more sleep I could be getting if I just shook things up a little every now and then. It also makes me wish he would roll back to front so I could stop being so paranoid.

Posted by me at 9:44 PM | Comments (0)

June 2, 2008

Now we're gonna be RICH

As of yesterday, our lease at our last house has ended. After this last round of utility bills, we'll be officially only supporting ONE household! Whatever will we do with all that extra money?

Oh, yeah, save it for property taxes.

And diapers. My we tiny baby is out of size 1 Pampers. Every time he outgrows a size, I get sad that I'll never use that size again. You'd think I'd be happy to see the end of my diaper days approaching, but I'm just sad that my wee baby is getting closer to angry preschooler, and I'm never going to have a baby again.

On the upside, every day brings him closer to being a real boy, instead of just a blob. Owen was a smiling FOOL today! Head control rules.

Bittersweet.

Posted by me at 10:20 PM | Comments (1)

May 30, 2008

A day in the life

We had an awesome start to the morning. We've apparently resorted to bribery to get the girls to let us sleep in in the morning. Last night, we stopped at Sonic on the way home from Rex and the girls' TKD test (Jamie made green, Rex orange, and Katie got her first orange stripe. So. Proud.) It was late, so I told them we would stop for ice cream if they promised to sleep in the next day.

And they did.

We didn't hear a sound out of them until 8, and it was 8:30 before Rex went to tell them we were up. They were playing quietly in the game room upstairs. On top of that, Owen slept in til almost 8:30. I'm still in shock!

After breakfast, I shaved Pookie again. He looks funny without most of his fur, but I'm drowning in fuzz, here. After I washed off all the extra hair in the shower, we walked over to the last house we lived in to drop off the keys and garage door openers. We are finally rid of that albatross! Three months of paying rent and utilities on a house we were happy to move out of. Rex ended up carrying Katie most of the way home. She was complaining about her stomach. I felt bad, because I had told Rex yesterday and today that she seemed a bit off her game, and then we went on a long, hot walk. In my defense, she was excited to go.

After lunch, Katie felt a bit hot, but she only napped for about two hours. She was really hot by the time she woke up. Of course, that's also about the time Owen decided he wasn't going to be quiet unless there was an actual boob in his mouth. He's normally pretty cool with the pacifier, and happy to lie on the floor as long as he's fed and well rested. Not so much today. Not a good day to get ambitious with dinner. I ate most of mine while walking laps around the kitchen.

Katie's fever broke after a dose of Tylenol, but I imagine I'll be up checking on her a few times tonight. Owen is finally asleep and has been for a couple hours. Better yet, he let me put him down, so I finally get to type with two hands!

Posted by me at 10:33 PM | Comments (0)

May 27, 2008

Because I'm not feeling witty enough for paragraphs

More bullets:

• Owen slept a glorious 8+ hours Saturday night. Six hour nights aren't all that rare these days. I love my boy!


• The girls refuse to sleep in, no matter how hard we run them into the ground, and how late we keep them up. Jamie was so tired she fell asleep while we were at the pool, but didn't sleep a minute past seven all weekend. She won't nap, either. Katie will at least cave in and take a nap, but that doesn't help me when I've stayed up too late playing with my friends, too.


• We had friends in this weekend. Between us, we have 6 kids. They have a lot of fun together (so do the adults!), but it's a little like herding cats. We mostly hung out and talked while the kids played, which is pretty much my idea of a good time, these days.


• We lost a Herman sometime late last week. At least this time I don't have to take the blame. I neither starved, dehydrated or cooked the crab. Katie has been pretty sentimental lately, so I was worried about breaking the news. As it turns out, the kids are so excited about going to get a new crab, they didn't even acknowledge the death of the old one.


• Rex is working nights this week, which means he and I will push our schedule back, but the kids won't. Which is why I'll be heading to bed now.

Posted by me at 10:37 PM | Comments (0)

May 22, 2008

I'll be getting my pink slip any day now

I have completely lost control.

Every night, I say tomorrow is another day. I'll do better tomorrow. And every day, they drive me so nuts I want to put my fist through a wall. I am so not cut out for parenting. I've lost all sense of humor. I don't know how to have fun or be fun. I hold a grudge against my kids for all the shit they put me through.

And then. AND THEN. When I try to do something nice or fun, they make me regret it. If I give them something once, as a treat, they badger me about doing it again forever. The nice stuff always seems to bite me in the ass. But what's life without the fun and nice and the treats?

I'd go into detail about today, but I think I want to forget it.

Posted by me at 10:50 PM | Comments (0)

May 21, 2008

Vacation for who?

I've been really exhausted the last few mornings, and I'm not sure if I'm still catching up from Owen's really bad night a few days back, adjusting to my new thyroid levels, or if it's just the cumulative effects of two months of night wakings. Last night, by the time I finished making teacher gifts, I was pooped. I made some comment about how nice it would be if Owen would just sleep through the night.

And then he did.

He slept for over six and a half hours, from when I finally got to bed until a reasonable (not desirable, reasonable) morning wake-up time. I slept pretty much straight through, too, except for an early morning something's-different alert and then an is-the-baby-dead check.

---

The girls had a field day for their last day of school. An ice cream truck with free popsicles, an Army Hummer, and some outdoor games. Katie was most impressed by getting to go outside to play twice in one day. Jamie was really excited about the two trucks, but I'm not sure what did it for her in the end. I think she really just likes running wilid with her friends and playing with all the little sisters.

I think I was more emotional about leaving the teachers than the girls were. Then again, I'm not sure Katie really has a concept of "summer vacation." Jamie has a better understanding of time, but I think she gets so caught up in the excitement of the moment that it doesn't occur to her to say goodbye.

Jamie has been talking about how now we can go anywhere we want, whenever we want. I don't think she gets that now every day is going to be like Friday's have been all year. Errands, catering to the baby, and occasional fun trips. She's told me that "babies sure are a lot of work," but I'm not sure she's getting that he's a lot of work all the time.

It's time to lower her expectations, and raise mine.

Posted by me at 9:02 PM | Comments (0)

May 20, 2008

Busy busy busy

More bullets, because we've been busy:

• Last night was Katie's music program. She did awesome! I'm always surprised at how well she does up in front of a crowd, considering how shy she is around strangers. Hell, she's shy with her teachers still, and she loves them.
• Flat Stanley has been visiting us for the last week. We didn't manage to go anywhere exciting, although he almost got sandwich at Jason's Deli one day. Katie totally fell for him, though. She's been in tears at least three times today because we have to send him back to Pennsylvania.
• Tonight was Jamie music program and graduation. I'm pretty much dead inside, but even I teared up seeing her on the stage with her cap on. I can't believe she's going to be in kindergarden next year! When did she stop being a baby and start being a kid?
• After graduation, we went to Sonic to get ice cream. Just as we ordered, Katie said she had to go to the bathroom. Yay! for her finally telling us. Boo for there not being any bathrooms nearby. We jumped in the van and got her home in time to go. She threw a fit when we made her go when we got home, which is just classic Katie.
• We finally got the kids in bed around 9:30. Everything was finally quiet (there was one more Flat Stanley fit), and then around 10:15 there was a really loud thump. I was halfway up the stairs by the time the crying started. Katie has now fallen out of her new bed for the first time. I'm guessing she's loving the thing a little less now.
• I've spent a good portion of today getting, assembling and assisting in getting teacher gifts ready. I wish I had come up with a good idea sooner!
• One of Rex's co-workers has invited us to a sort of wedding celebration. It's a formal affair, so of course, no kids. I really want to go, not beause I know the friend, but because it's been so long since we've gotten to go somewhere fancy. There's pretty much no way though, since we have no family and don't know any sitters here yet. Even if we did have a sitter, I'm not sure I'm ready to leave Owen with anyone but family. Even that would be difficult, what with his every five minutes nursing schedule. Le sigh.
• Tomorrow is the last day of preschool. I have some seriously mixed feelings about that. Mostly, I'm just scared.

Posted by me at 10:58 PM | Comments (2)

May 18, 2008

Tattletale

I'm much less angsty than I should be, considering how this evening went. I think perhaps I will sum up with bullets.

• Pretty much every time I've handed Owen over to Rex so I could take care of something, he has turned into a shrieking banshee. Like, completely inconsolable. It takes me a long time to calm him back down. I have no idea what's causing it. It's reminiscent of the carseat problem (that has improved dramatically), and just as frustrating to me.
• This potty thing? With Katie? It is infuriating. For a good month, she was perfect, which is why her continued refusal to hie herself to the bathroom is so frustrating. Tonight, she pooped herself, but it was, um, understandable? I'll let you fill in the blanks. It was when she peed in her room, while we were all up there finishing putting the room together, that got us. She apparently went while she was running around, there was even some on the bottom rung of the ladder. She had been sitting on the toilet not 30 minutes before. I'm stumped.
• Rex picked up Katie's mattress today, so she's getting to sleep in the bunk bed for the first time. She absolutely thrilled. Of course, that didn't stop her from climbing out of it when she was supposed to be going to sleep and picking up some trash the delivery guys left under the bed. Trash that had been there since Thursday, but suddenly needed removal TODAY. This was after they had been told to be quiet three times, including a visit from Daddy. That child is going to drive me insane. More insane, anyway.
• When we moved Katie's old bed (ok, twin mattress on the floor. At least it didn't hurt when she fell out!), I saw what she has done to the wall in the what, three months that we've lived here? I knew some of it was there, but I didn't expect it to be as gross as it was. Boogers, handprints, and I don't want to think about what else. It makes me want to paint.

Posted by me at 10:37 PM | Comments (0)

May 16, 2008

It's the end of a long, long week. Unfortunately, I don't think the worst of it is going to get better with the return of Daddy.

Posted by me at 9:18 PM | Comments (0)

May 15, 2008

It's opposite week

This has been a topsy turvy week.

Owen's been known to have crappy, sleepless days, but not two in a row. He made up for it by sleeping pretty much all day. That's the good part. The bad part is that after two days of him barely dozing, I wasn't about to set him down in case it woke him up. It probably wouldn't have, but I wasn't taking any chances. The result is that my back and butt hurt even more.

Jamie woke up this morning in a bad mood. The kid has been a morning person since the day she was born, but I think I'm finally starting to rub off on her. In addition to her grumpies, this morning she was complaining that her neck hurt. I'm pretty sure that she just slept on it wrong, since a neck rub and some ibuprofen seemed to help. On the way to school, she said she was tired. I told her she should have slept longer, and she said she just woke up too early. Uh, yeah. Whose fault is that? I'd be willing to pay the kids to sleep past 7, but no one's taking. I had every intention of getting her to nap this afternoon, but between needing to strip the room for the furniture delivery and early TKD, it just didn't happen. Which explains why she fell asleep in the van on the way to TKD.

Katie was such a grump this morning that I put her down for a nap less than an hour after dropping Jamie off at school. I was only slightly surprised that she actually went to sleep. I was shocked that I had to go up and get her three and a half hours later. She was just waking up when I went to get her to pick Jamie up.

As for me, well, all the crap comes when you don't have backup. Last night with Owen screaming and fussing. Then he wouldn't wake up when I tried to nurse him when I went to bed. Fourty-five minutes later, the cat yacking in the bathroom woke me up. I was just falling back to sleep when Owen woke up for his (literally) midnight snack. Then he woke up at six, apparently ready to face the day.

Just to screw everything up further, it was close to nine before the girls went to sleep. The excitement (and letdown) of the new furniture arriving. Jamie is thrilled to be up high in the new bunk bed, Katie is teary because we don't have the full mattress so she can sleep in the bottom.

Maybe, just to keep me on my toes, the girls will sleep in tomorrow morning.

Posted by me at 9:46 PM | Comments (0)

May 14, 2008

Even so, I'm ready for a break

Oh, my.

This has been quite a long day. Owen has been awake most of the day, AGAIN. It's not that he's particularly cranky, he's just not sleeping. Yesterday, it was just during the day, and by the time I put the girls to bed, he was ready to sleep. Tonight, I didn't even get that much out of him until about 9:30. He's out cold now, and I'm getting my first break all day. I need a little time to decompress, but at this point I have to choose between alone time and sleep. I haven't decided which will win yet.

The girls have actually been pretty good today. Sure, Katie was jumping on her bed this morning, and kept doing it in spite of me. This afternoon, while they were upstairs playing, Katie went into their bathroom and opened a jar of Eucerin cream. If you don't know what that is, just imagine a small tub of lard. When I went in there, she told me the water wouldn't turn on. Maybe because you're greased like a pig? Luckily, aside from some handprints in the bathroom, the sink area, and the box of wipes in her bedroom that she was trying to open when I went upstairs, she didn't decorate anything that couldn't be wiped up.

To kill time tonight, and mix up bath night a little, we had a little spa night. I mud-masked the three of us, and then we all took a shower while Owen watched. Hmm, that sounds dirty. Then we had a picnic of Lunchables in the living room and watched Cinderella. The whole evening was actually quite enjoyable, and for me, that's saying something.



Posted by me at 10:03 PM | Comments (0)

May 13, 2008

Procrastinator

I sent the girls upstairs with strict instructions to get in pjs, do not pass go, do not play, dance, twirl or frolick. Pottygoing is ok.

They did pretty good. Well, Jamie did great. Katie got stuck trying to get her shirt off because she refuses to do it my way, and hers doesn't always work. She wouldn't let Jamie help her, but she let me help when she was done shrieking. She was pretty quick about getting her diaper and nightgown on after that. I have no idea if she went potty or not. She finally came downstairs.

She climbed up to the table for her snack.

She got up to go potty (unsuccessfully).

She climbed up to the table.

She got down to get a drink.

She climbed up to the table.

I turned around, and she was climbing up to the table again.

That's when I took the snack away. Holy crap, that kid can put off anything.

Posted by me at 10:28 AM | Comments (0)

May 12, 2008

But how will we survive the summer?

Rex redeemed himself on Mother's Day this year. Then he left me alone with three kids while he jetted off to California.

Last year I was pissed not because Rex didn't get me anything, but because he didn't help the girls do something for me. Hell, he didn't even remind them to say Happy Mother's Day. I wasn't mad about the stuff, but because he didn't teach the girls that I'm important.

This year, he let them pick what they wanted to do, and helped them make it. They painted flower pots, and planted seeds for beautiful flowers that they picked out. Jamie brought home a photo album filled with pictures of her year at preschool, and Katie gave me a CD case with a picture, handprint and poem inside. And I got Sonic for breakfast. A vanilla Coke goes a long way towards forgiveness.

Also, all three kids napped. At the same time. I'm not telling the girls, but I think that may have been the best gift.

Now I have to come up with ways to keep the girls occupied and me sane. I'm not sure why an extra two and a half hours a day is so hard to push through, but by bedtime, I'm a shrew. I suspect it has more to do with juggling Owen than having the kids on my own for a week. After all, I used to do this a couple weeks a month, and it wasn't all that difficult. The good news is that adding him into our lives can only get easier as he gets older,

Posted by me at 10:22 PM | Comments (0)

May 7, 2008

Three!



Posted by me at 10:07 PM | Comments (0)

I am an idiot

Jamie has been getting so much more independent lately. Most afternoons when it's nice, she'll ask if she can go outside and blow bubbles, run, play, whatever. (SUCH a big change from the kid who wouldn't sit on the other side of a giant window from me and play in the sandbox! Today, she came in and asked if she could take her ball out to play with. Absolutely!

So why was I so pissed off when I saw that she got the pump out and was (successfully!) adding air to her ball? She wasn't hurting anything, wasn't in any danger, wasn't even making a mess, and yet my first reaction was to yell at her to put the pump away. Is it because I feel I'm being reproached for not having the ball at the correct state of pumpedness? Because I feel guilty for not having anticipated a need? Because I don't want her touching "my" stuff?

I had the same reaction the first time she took it upon herself to get her own snack. She chose something that I would not have chosen (and that, really, isn't supposed to be a regular snack) and for some reason, I was mad. I'm supposed to do that. If she does for herself, what's my job?

Duh. My job is to teach her to do things for herself.

Thank goodness for a sleepy nursing Owen and a closed door. They saved me from being stupid. This time.

Posted by me at 10:02 PM | Comments (2)

May 6, 2008

More monkeys off my back

I've been a little light on the posting. My dad came to visit for Katie's birthday last Wednesday, and he just left this morning. The result is a weird more time/less gets done phenomenon. Naturally, the last couple days, Owen has been sleeping up a storm, but today, when I want to get a few things done that require arms, he's been awake and fussy and only catnapping.

I have this chicken scratch list of things I wanted to blog about, but when I look at it now, each thing seems like it's only a sentence. That, or it happened so long ago, it no longer seems relevant. I have a whole pile of unpublished posts that are the same way, but somehow I just can't let them go. Guess who suffers? That's right, YOU.

Let's see...the Owen update. He's definately getting better about the car, although he still hates stopping, and he still sometimes loses it completely. HOWEVER, he has also slept through entire trips, and even been awake and content at times. He's finally started noticing and being amused by toys. Like, you can lay him on the floor with stuff dangling over him, and distract him from fussiness by jiggling the toys. My boobs are grateful for the distraction.

After 3 years of planning, searching, moving, cursing and procrastination, Jamie is finally getting bedroom furniture. And so is Katie. Lucky second kid! We finally decided on a set from Pottery Barn Kids. I feel so snooty! All of the other kids furniture we looked at was crap, though. I wanted something that would last until they left for college, and possibly beyond. Most of what we looked at didn't seem sturdy enough to make it until next year, much less through high school. Of course, we're paying for the quality, but at least I won't have to look anymore. I can't wait to stop sorting their clothes into piles on the floor.

Tonight, Jamie and I are going shopping for a birthday present for Katie, among other things. I'm going to try to leave Owen here. I can't remember the last time it was just Jamie and I. I think the last time we ended up bitching at each other, so I'm going to try to avoid that this time. I'd like her to remember Mama and Me time as a good thing, not the time where Mama bitches at me alone instead of sharing the angst with my sister.

Posted by me at 3:26 PM | Comments (0)

April 28, 2008

I have new kitten syndrome

My days (particularly ones like today) are filled with Owen, so he's getting a lot more blog time.

I didn't mention it before, because I wasn't sure that it wasn't just my imagination. I think Owen has different colored eyes. I thought they were a bit different, right from the start, but I figured they were just in the process of changing and were browning at different rates. I'm not convinced that isn't the case, but the longer they stay different, the more I wonder if they'll always be that way. I just wish I could get a good picture, but his eyes are so dark the differences just don't show.

The car thing has been getting better. Owen seems to be getting more patient with the positions he hates. He'll actually sit in the bouncer for a whole shower without freaking out, sometimes without vibrating his ass off. In the car, he'll refrain from going postal while we're moving. He totally loses it while we wait in the preschool pick-line, but then calms down again when we start moving. This is a major improvement!

The sleep thing has been hit or miss. He alternates between AWESOME! and bleh. Last night, he only got up once. Today? He's only taken one decent nap. The rest of the time, he wouldn't even stay asleep while I held him. I'm confounded, but I'm hoping I get another good night.

And on that note...

Posted by me at 9:58 PM | Comments (0)

Now if only I could get a picture of it

Owen started smiling!

Posted by me at 1:00 PM | Comments (0)

April 27, 2008

We used to play this game

What's grosser than gross?

Finding matted cat hair around the base of your newborns pacifier.

What's grosser than that?

Sticking it right back into his mouth.

Posted by me at 1:58 PM | Comments (0)

April 25, 2008

Not so much fun

Yesterday, Owen slept something like 19 or 20 hours. He slept in the car and on the floor and in my arms while I shopped. He slept through stoplights and preschool pickup and even in the carseat while we were at home. He slept so much that even with his usual awake time before bed, I was afraid he would be up half the night. He wasn't, though, he slept right on through that too.

Today, he *wanted* to sleep. But he wanted to sleep on me. Most of the times I set him down, he woke up immediately. A few times, he managed to sleep long enough for me to shower or make lunch, but no longer. Normally this wouldn't bother me, but I'm really trying to play with the girls more. I'm with them all the time, but rarely involved with them. I don't want to just be a presence in their lives, I want to be active in their lives. I'm not very good at that. A lot of day, by the time I'm done fetching and butt wiping and cleaning up after and feeding them, I pretty much just want to be left alone to do my thing. I'm not good at being fun and playful, and most of the time it just feels like more work.

So, anyway, both girls were home today, and I had high hopes that we would figure out something that would be fun for all of us. Instead, I spent most of the day holding Owen, feeding Owen, or telling the girls to be quiet so Owen would fall asleep.

Posted by me at 9:49 PM | Comments (0)

April 19, 2008

Having fun always seems to come at the price of our sleep

Last weekend, we went to a rodeo with a bunch of people from the TKD school. Dinner was at 6:30, and the rodeo didn't end until 10. No big deal, right? It's a weekend, the kids don't have to get up early, it's good to break out of your routine, let's have some fun!

Yeah, the little one came and got us up at 6:30. Are you freaking kidding me? I mean, not only did they NEED more sleep, but Rex and I got to bed late, too, and would have loved a little more peace and quiet.

Last night, I got to go to a girls night type thing at a neighbors house. I only knew one of the women there, and it wasn't even at her house, but I got up my nerve and went anyway. And I had a glass of wine or so, and a really nice time. I liked everyone I met (I'm paranoid enough to be nervously wondering if they liked me, too), and I hope I'm invited again, and that we can get us and our kids together in the meantime.

Good grief, I'm desperate-for-a-girlfriend girl in the friend-making dating world. Ugh.

I decided to leave Owen at home while I went out. Once he goes to sleep after an 8ish feeding, he's good til at least 10:30, which is when I usually wake him up to feed him and put him in pj's so we can go to bed. I took my phone just in case, but I wasn't expecting to be needed for a while. And I wasn't. He was still peaceful and sleeping when I got home.

And then I tried to go to bed. He just. wouldn't. stay. asleep. Around 3:00, after nursing him repeatedly and trying to get him to sleep alone, I gave in and let him sleep on me. That bought me three hours straight, and then he was up for the morning, and Rex took him when he got up with the girls.

Since as far as his night was concerned, nothing was out of the ordinary, I can only assume he sensed my fine mood and felt the need to knock me back down a peg.

Posted by me at 10:53 AM | Comments (1)

April 17, 2008

I'm just the bitchy, nagging maid who lives here

You know how sometimes you go back and read your old posts to see what the details of your life were back then, to see the hurdles you've overcome, to see how much things have changed? I started this post *years* ago, and it horrifies me. Horrifies me because every. single. word. still applies.

---

I've been just an observer in my family for a while now.

I take care of what needs to be done, try to make sure the kids have a little fun, but I don't really get involved. I watch them play in the driveway, but I sit and read while they frolic. I don't really play games with them, and while they get their fair share of hugs, I haven't wrestled with them and gotten involved.

I start out every day already on the edge. It only takes an annoyance or two to push me over into bitch mode. Crying is the one behavior that kills me, because I can't get them to stop. I mean, if she were hitting, I could physically stop them, but aside from gagging them, I can't make the crying stop.

I'm a nag. I hear myself correcting them about things that don't really matter, and I can't seem to stop. I take every opportunity that the kids give me to leave them alone (not ALONE alone, but uninvolved in what they're doing).

I spend too much time on the computer. Worse, half the time I'm not really doing anything, just refreshing hoping for something interesting to happen that I can read about.

I think I've decided that I'm entitled to my bad mood. But really, who's entitled to a bad mood that's lasted two or three years? My attitude isn't fair to my kids, it's not fair to my husband, and it isn't fair to me. I have good days, don't get me wrong, but when I look back over the weeks and months, I'm more gloom than sunshine. I tend to remember the bad things and forget the funny, happy times.

Someone needs to slap me outta this. I have the feeling that someone is supposed to be me.

Posted by me at 10:10 PM | Comments (2)

April 16, 2008

I can handle cranky, but I may never drive again

I don't know what's up with Owen today. He's been awake more than asleep, which was normal for my girls, but he's been a super-sleeper.He dozes off, but won't stay asleep. He fusses and cries and won't let go. He screamed for 20 minutes straight on the way home from dinner tonight. He never even stopped to take a breath, and when I finally got him out of the car seat, he was sweaty all over and I was a total wreck.

Posted by me at 8:44 PM | Comments (0)

April 15, 2008

Did I mention how happy I am about the warranty?

Owen must be some kind of baby genius, because he rolled from front to back tonight. Twice! On the floor, so he didn't have the help from uneven surfaces. Unless we have a foundation issue, which doesn't seem so unlikely after the last week.

Saturday night, I tried to turn the heat back on. I hate alternating between running the heat and A/C, but the weather has just been that variable. To avoid cooking the girls and freezing the boy (and me!), I had to do it. Anyway, soon after I turned the heat on, I noticed that what I thought had been a passing low-flying helicopter was actually one of the heating units in the attic. Rex narrowed it down to the downstairs unit, so at least the girls have been warm the last few days. Thank god for new home warranties!

Last week, we had a huge storm with some nice sideways rain. While the girls were waving goodbye to Rex as he drove off for work, I found puddles in the foyer. One of them was at least three feet in from the door. I couldn't figure out where the water came in from, but we're assuming there's a gap in the seal around the door. I'm going to hose the door down when I get a chance so I can tell the warranty guy exactly what he needs to fix. Oh, and the same storm uprooted our baby trees AGAIN.

Posted by me at 9:32 PM | Comments (0)

April 10, 2008

Oh, my

Who let my little girl grow up?



Jamie is officially registered for kindergarten.

Posted by me at 9:08 PM | Comments (2)

April 8, 2008

Just another manic, uh, Tuesday

Today was one of those days that seemed to be going great and then all of a sudden, I'm crying on Rex's shoulder while the kids that drove me to it go back to behaving like real little people again.

We had a play date with a friend of Jamie's from school and her little sister. They had a great time. Such a great time that Jamie was in tears most of the ride home, because she didn't want to leave. Owen was not screaming, for once, and then we got stopped at a light. He was just recovering from that bout of screaming when we hit another light. That pretty much sealed the fate of the rest of the trip home.

I should go back and talk about Katie and her pee. She seems to be regressing from being potty trained. I knew this could happen when we introduced the new baby, but I thought she was far enough from diapers that it wouldn't be a problem. Also, she hasn't started trying to act like a baby herself, so I'm not sure it's related. Anyway, today she leaked a bit before we went to pick Jamie up, so she got fresh panties. Then she wet her pants (she said leaked, but dude, she was soaked) at the friend's house. I could understand that, since we were at a strange place and she was probably involved and not paying attention. I asked her if she had to go more, several times, and she said no. She wet her pants again before we got home. THat would be not 30 minutes from the previous time. I told her if she wet her pants again, I would have to put her back in diapers, and if she's in diapers she can't go to TKD, which means no yellow belt. I thought that would be some good motivation. Less than two hours later, she was wearing wet pants again.

So coming home was a wee bit traumatic for the mother in me. Screaming kid, wet pants, and I was HUNGRY. Owen stopped crying the instant I got him out of his seat. He was even fine when I laid him on the floor so I could start dinner. Katie frickin' smiles at me while I tell her she's going to lose TKD. Jamie is trying to show me what she made in school before I've even set my purse down.

I doubt I'm even making sense any more. All I know is that I was still smiling until I walked in the door, and then I went straight to tears.

Posted by me at 9:36 PM | Comments (0)

April 7, 2008

Copycat

Jamie is such a lemming. I really want her to be an individual, express herself in her own way, but I think her early years of being parented by a control freak worked way too well.

Aside from demanding skirts or tights a lot, and telling me I'm wrong about the weather, she wants my input when she's getting dressed each day. I prefer to help on weekdays, so I know she'll be appropriately attired for preschool, but on the weekends I tell her to choose for herself. (I guide with "pants and long sleeves" or whatever so it's temperature appropriate.) Often, she'll still ask "what goes with a pink shirt," or something to that effect. Here I try to give her an opportunity to make decisions, and she tosses it back to me.

Today, we had the girls make birthday cards for their cousins. Rex wrote out the words for them, and they were supposed to copy them and then make pictures on the blank sides of the cards. Jamie did a good job writing out the whole sentence, Katie, of course needed some help. She ran out of room before they could write the names, so Rex helped her write K².



When Jamie finished her card, I had her bring it to me so I could see her picture. She had gone back and added 2's into her sentence (and not where they made sense.) I asked her why, and she started in with this long explanation that involved something about the twins and next year and then just petered off into nothing. I asked her if she did it because Daddy and Katie did, and after a wee bit of prodding, she finally answered yes.



I expect the monkey-see-monkey-do thing from her younger sister, but I keep hoping Jamie will step up and show some individuality, instead of always looking to others for her personality. I'm afraid that when she gets to school, she's going to be so easily led to do the wrong thing by peer pressure. How can I strengthen her uniqueness and personality to hold up to public school?

Posted by me at 9:38 PM | Comments (2)

April 4, 2008

I wasn't planning to bitch, but, well...

I just made what I thought was my worst pie crust ever. It's actually pretty damn good. Now if only I hadn't cut into the pie before the filling was cool (how the hell am I supposed to resist chocolate?) and set.

I probably should have skipped making the pie in favor of working on the taxes. Have I mentioned that I haven't done our taxes yet? I started, a while back, but stopped when I got to the part where I had to use more than 3 brain cells at once. Also, we're going to take a hit this year, because we made a wee bit of money selling our last house, and we didn't live in it long enough to be able to roll the money into this house. I'm not really excited to see how much we owe.

Wee man is losing his mellowness in favor of some nasty sleep habits. Actually, it's his falling asleep habits that are causing trouble. During the day, he is mostly unwilling to just drift off to sleep. Instead, he fights and screams and rejects everything until finally, he doesn't. Rex and I spend several hours each morning and/or evening trying to soothe him into sleepiness. The good news is that he's still doing pretty well at night, waking for two or three feedings and usually going right back to sleep. The last feeding, at 4 or 5am, is the crapshoot: will he go back to sleep, or stay up and scream for an hour? At this point, if he's asleep when I finish feeding him, I just slide down the bed and let him stay on me. Better than chancing him waking up and wanting to stay that way.

The girls are, well, driving me nuts. Jamie talks all the time, but says next to nothing. I've started calling her Captain Obvious, because, well, she is constantly putting into words what everyone can plainly see. If she isn't narrating our lives, she's asking for something, anything. We do 5 activities, she asks for 6. An hour after breakfast, she asking what she can have for dessert after lunch. I ask her not to do something, she just keeps TALKING and digging herself deeper and deeper into a hole. Katie has rediscovered her stubborn streak, in spades. I tell her to stop doing something and she says, "I didn't!" Ok, kid, I wouldn't have told you to stop if you hadn't done it. Send her to do a 2 minute task, and she comes back 15 minutes later and it's only half done. And yesterday? Four pairs of panties. I'm willing to take the blame for one of the accidents, at least partially, but the other three were all her.

Nuts, I tell you.

On the other hand, they are so sweet with Owen. Katie is constantly, if annoyingly, offering suggestions as to what he needs. They let me know when he's crying or waking up. They try to play with him, totally unaware that he can't figure out what the hell they're doing. When we talk to him, they remind us that he doesn't know how to talk.

Still, nuts

Posted by me at 9:46 PM | Comments (0)

April 3, 2008

I think I can. I think I can!

Have I mentioned that Owen hates his car seat?

I may have to revise that. I think he hates being on his back (unless he's in my arms, then he tolerates it just fine) so much, that the car seat turns him into a screaming devil child, at least some of the time. Putting him in the car is a real crapshoot. Sometimes, he shrieks the entire trip. Sometimes, he starts out fine and works up to screaming bloody murder. Rarely, he is quiet and thoughtful. on a couple spectacular occasions, he has fallen asleep, sometimes without making a peep. The screaming doesn't end in him passing out, which is to say there isn't a damn thing to look forward to when he starts up.

I'm really hoping this is a temporary thing. That he'll outgrow it, or become resigned or something. Today, he lost it while we did a quick run through the grocery store on the way to pick Jamie up from school. We made it about halfway through the store when he started up, but at least I could stuff a pacifier in his mouth and jiggle it to keep him interested. I didn't have time to pull him out of the seat and try to calm him, so I drove most of the way to the preschool with one hand behind me holding the paci in (my daughters refer to this as "skilz.") Why he spits the damn thing out just so he can scream about it is beyond me. He was mercifully quiet on the ride home. And he held it together for most of the trip to, TKD, and most of the trip home. Unfortunately, the last 10 minutes or so were unadulterated hell. The screaming distracted me so badly that I left half our dinner at the McDonald's drive thru, and had to go back. He was just slowing down when we got stopped at a traffic light, at which someone obviously poked him with needles. By the time we got home, I was in tears. I thought I was past that.

Next week, Rex goes back to work, regular hours. I'm terrified that I'm not going to be able to manage our mornings in a way that gets everyone fed, dressed and moderately clean in time for school. I'm going to have to take the boy with me every time I leave the house, something we've been avoiding whenever possible. I'm going to have to keep it together.

Trial by fire, baby!

Posted by me at 9:24 PM | Comments (1)

April 2, 2008

Really looking forward to that first smile

Owen rolled over tonight.

Ok, so I don't think I have some baby prodigy. I'm not even going to count this as officially rolling over, since he did it while he was on the couch, so there was probably some helpful slant. But still. The kid already has the strongest neck muscles of any newborn I've seen. It does mean that I probably shouldn't put him down to nap on on the couch anymore, which kind of sucks 'cause it's so convenient. And also, he's less likely (although not completely safe from) to be stepped on by a big sister.

Last night sucked pretty hard. Owen woke up every time I put him down in the pack'n'play. In just the few days he's slept in there, I've gotten spoiled. While he was in there, he would grunt and squirm and fart and then get quiet, so I never knew if he was waking up or falling asleep. Rex finally took him for an hour or so and got him to go to sleep (eventually) and I was smart and just let him sleep on me for the rest of the morning. That hour or so was the only solid block of sleep I got last night.

He also has a pretty regular fussy period every evening after dinner. I'd say from 6 or 7 until 9 or so. The upside is that he tends toward sleep during the making and eating of dinner. The downside is that there's just about nothing that really calms him down until he's good and ready to be soothed.

Posted by me at 9:11 PM | Comments (0)

March 31, 2008

Chirp chirp

I think three kids is one or two more than I can handle.

It was my turn to put the girls to bed tonight, and when I came downstairs it was to a shrieking, angry Owen. He shouldn't have been hungry, he was being lovingly held and had just rejected the services of the pacifier. So I did the only thing that consistently works: I stuck a boob in his mouth.

So Owen calmed down. And after a while, he took the pacifier and fell asleep, deeply enough that I was starting to think about setting him beside me on the couch.

That's about the time I heard Jamie start whimpering. The whimpering turned to crying and calling for me. Then Katie started crying. By this time, I'm trying to transfer Owen to the couch without waking him up, since the last thing I want is kids screaming at me on two different floors. I run upstairs and find both girls crunched up on their pillows. Apparently, there was a sound. One that Jamie didn't recognize. As far as I can tell, this sound, which may have been a cricket, scared Jamie so bad that her sqeaking and crying woke up Katie, who in typical monkey-see-monkey-do, also started squeaking and crying.

The hell. At least Owen was still sleeping peacefully on the couch when I came downstairs.

Posted by me at 9:15 PM | Comments (1)

March 29, 2008

One week

Owen is the gassiest little thing I've ever seen. A couple times a day, and usually once at night, he becomes impossible to console for any length of time. In fact, about the only thing that keeps him happy is nursing, even if there's no way he could be hungry. If we're lucky, he deflates multiple times and then he's happy as a clam again. If we're not we spend an hour and a half flipping him from one position to another, feeding him gas drops, rubbing his tummy and feeling like we're absolutely useless.

Also, I've never seen someone work so hard to poop. For someone who's emptying himself of a practically liquid product, he grunts and strains up a storm.

I suppose I need to start cutting things out of my diet, but I don't really eat a lot of gassy foods to start with. I'm not sure how I'll survive if I have to give up chocolate, since I'm unable to stop eating it even for the sake of my waistline, much less on the off chance that it's causing problems for Owen. I mean, if I *knew* I could stop, because I wouldn't knowingly cause him pain.

Speaking of chocolate, I still don't understand how I gave birth to a nearly 8 pounds of baby and his associated fluids and placenta, but when I came home I had only lost 11 pounds. And since I didn't have an IV at the hospital, I didn't even have the excuse of being pumped full of fluids. Up until this morning, I had only lost a couple pounds. As of this morning, I'm down 16. I don't know what I was doing in my sleep last night, but I like the results!

We finally had Jamie's birthday party today. It went well, the kids had fun, Jamie was fawned over, Katie was happily included and Owen slept.

Have I mentioned that life is good?

Posted by me at 10:21 PM | Comments (0)

March 28, 2008

Finally, the birth story

I need to get this written before I forget any more of the details. I’ve had a hard time getting anything typed, what with Owen permanently attached to me. So without further ado, the birth story:

I started having contractions around 11 on Friday night. From the beginning, they were more painful than anything I’d had in the past, although they were really just uncomfortable. It was a few hours before they kept me totally awake and I was sure that this was real labor. Around 2 or 2:30, I was uncomfortable enough to get out of bed and move around a bit. While I was sitting on the floor in front of my laptop, they seemed to ease off. I made a couple posts, shut everything down, and climbed back in bed, thinking I might get a little more rest. Even though the contractions had really slowed, I was still pretty sure this was it.

By 3, I was having more intense contractions. Rex woke up when I got back in bed, and I would squeeze his hand each time I had one. They started 11 or so minutes apart, but quickly became a pretty regular 8 minutes apart. They stayed 8 minutes apart until they drove me out of bed around 5:30. Around 6, I got in the shower. I was having more contractions at this point, but I didn’t think they were consistent any more. By the time Rex got out of the shower and packed the car, it was almost 7, so we hung around to hug Jamie. I was in some real pain at that point, and by the time we walked out to the car, I was vowing to reward myself with an epidural for just making it to the hospital, and to hell with this natural stuff.

We headed out in Rex’s Scion xA. He was going a touch over the speed limit, a testament to his concern. About 10 minutes into our 20-25 minute ride, he started running red lights. Apparently the sounds I was making had changed from “mewling cat” (Rex’s words) to something higher pitched and a lot louder. According to him, the contractions were like 3 minutes apart at that point. All I remember was trying not to grab his shifting arm, although at one point he said he was doing about 35 in second gear before I let go.

A few minutes later, I was in pretty much constant pain and losing it. I remember telling Rex that we were going to have to get the seats cleaned when I felt my water break. Next there was a feeling like I was pooping (I don’t think I actually did, this time), and then the feeling moved forward and I was feeling Owen’s head. I think I said something like “Honey, he’s coming! and then I unbuckled the seatbelt, yanked my pants down to my thighs, and pushed out a head. The cord was around Owen’s neck, not tightly, so I pulled it over and wondered what was coming next. The rest of him slid out, and I pulled him up onto my stomach. It was amazing how much better I felt right away. Rex asked if he should stop, and I told him to keep going to the hospital. Owen had cried just enough to let me know he was alive, but he was somewhat blue, and I didn’t have anything to cover him with. I just held on and hugged him until we pulled up to the Women’s Center entrance.

Rex ran in to get someone, and I remember seeing a whole herd of nurses, none of whom knew that I had already *had* the baby. One nurse took Owen from me and started to turn away to say something to someone. I reminded her that I was still attached! They helped me into a wheelchair, pants still around my thighs, and gave me Owen back while they wheeled me into an LDR room. I got to climb into the bed, and they broke the bed down and put up the stirrups like I was about to deliver. I was shaking a lot, aftermath, I guess, plus we were a little chilly. The nurses and doctor finally got clamps and scissors and cut the cord.

The rest was pretty standard. I had never gone through the “after” part without an epidural before. I was kind of surprised by how uncomfortable all that massaging was, but the local and stitches weren’t too bad. I got an Oxytocin shot in one thigh, and then a nasty burning shot of some antibiotic in the other. That thigh had a sore spot still the next day. After an hour or so “recovering,” I walked to the postpartum room. By then, even the other dad standing by the nursery knew that Owen was the car baby, and I was like a celebrity mom :)


Posted by me at 7:35 PM | Comments (4)

March 27, 2008

Owen's firsts

Owen had a few firsts today that give me hope and make me happy:

• For the first time, he fell asleep in the car seat. In the car. And without shrieking himself into exhaustion!
• He fell asleep and stayed asleep on the couch. Sure, he was on his tummy, but it's the first time he's slept NOT on a person since we came home from the hospital. I would feel better if I could put him to sleep on his back, but I got over the freak-out factor when Katie refused to sleep for more than 10 minutes at a time on her back. I don't generally fly in the face of what "they" say, but we all gotta sleep, right?
• He had his first bath. We got lucky and his stump fell off earlier in the day, so it was even a full bath. He wasn't thrilled, but he saved the worst screaming for getting dried and dressed.
• I got the biggest, most beautiful (completely unintentional) smile. And as much as I know he didn't mean it, I'm thrilled I got to see it.

Posted by me at 5:29 PM | Comments (0)

March 25, 2008

And it is good

We're mostly on our own, here.

My dad left on Sunday, before Owen and I got home from the hospital. He had to be back in Maryland to leave for New Jersey Tuesday morning.

My mom left this morning, heading out for an elder hostel in Arizona that starts at the end of the month. She could have stayed a little longer if we had needed her, but I guess we were all ready to sort of move on.

I'm going to miss their help. Hell, I'm going to miss having extra warm bodies that made it possible to leave a room/make lunch/go to the store alone/sleep/breathe. Not to mention the entertainment my parents provided every single day they were here. I'm going to have to figure out how to interact with my own kids again.

Luckily for me, Spring Break is finally over. Jamie went back to school today, and Katie will be back for the first time in two weeks tomorrow. I want to kiss every woman in that place in thankfulness.

Rex is off work for the rest of this week, and will be working nights from home next week, so I'm not totally on my own. This is also good, because I haven't yet figured out how to get the girls ready for school and myself dressed (and potentially clean, too!) in time to get out the door. We have quite a list of things to do this week, and it's going to take both of us to make it happen. Rex has some meetings at work, everyone but Katie has doctor appointments, we have Jamie's birthday party to replan, another birthday party to attend, it goes on and on.

Life goes on.

Posted by me at 8:40 PM | Comments (0)

March 23, 2008

I am a total badass

delivered a 7 pound 12 ounce baby without a single painkiller.

But that is not what makes me a badass. After all, women do that all the time all over the world. It doesn't mean I'm not damn proud, though.

What makes me a badass is that I delivered my own baby. In a car. As we were going through an intersection.

Right now, I am invincible.

Owen Gray
3/22/08, 7:20am
7 pounds, 12 ounces, 21.25 inches

I

Posted by me at 8:57 PM | Comments (4)

March 21, 2008

GET OUT

Wow. I've been really bad about posting. I keep thinking of things to post, and in my head I think I've written them, but apparently I've never actually typed them out.

My parents are still both here, so I've spent a lot less time in the evenings on the laptop, when I actually have time to write. I manage to keep up with email and blogs (sort of) during the day in little bursts.

I'm still pregnant. I'm now, what, 5 days overdue? I've never been in this position before. This kid has missed all the cool dates, too. His due date, his sister's birthday, his uncle's birthday (that would be today), not to mention ANY ONE OF THE DAYS IN BETWEEN.

The sickness that Katie had made it's way through the entire household, minus Rex. There were at least two days during which my biggest accomplishment was breathing. Thankfully, the ick hit us in staggered fashion and by the time it took my mom down, the rest of us were capable of feeding ourselves again. I have the feeling this kid has been hiding out from all the coughing, but I'm better now. I SWEAR.

Posted by me at 9:53 PM | Comments (0)

March 13, 2008

Spring Break starts today

I may be suffering from a severe lack of solitude and the ability to be lazy without guilt, but I'm still incredibly grateful that my parents are here.

Posted by me at 10:04 AM | Comments (0)

March 11, 2008

Yawn

Still no baby. I shouldn't be surprised. In fact, I'm fully expecting this kid to come sometime on Sunday, the way babycenter.com says he will. After all, that's what my other kids did!

Katie has been sick since last Friday. She gets a nightly fever and occasionally heats up at nap time, but otherwise acts normal. Well, normal plus a cough and runny nose. I kept her home from school on Monday, and I'm truly hoping that she doesn't heat up again tonight so she can go back tomorrow for her egg hunt. I really don't want to have to tell her she's missing her egg hunt.

We haven't heard from most of the girls we invited to Jamie's birthday party. The fer sure yes we had has turned into a maybe, I have a definite no, and I have a we-thought-we-couldn't-make-it,-but-now-we-can that I pray doesn't forget. Not a peep from the other three. Rex is considering paying little girls to come. Wow, that didn't sound bad til I typed it. Anyway, I'm going to attend the egg hunts tomorrow and see if I can corner some moms and beat an answer out of them.

Bubba is peeing blood again. Recurring UTI's, not good. I think this solves my dilemma, although it doesn't make it any easier.

I'm starting to wonder if I'm ever going to sleep again, between cat drama, sick kid, and pregnancy. And since I already know what to expect after the kid arrives, I know I'm screwed.

Posted by me at 10:09 PM | Comments (0)

March 6, 2008

It's all over but the waiting (and the packing of the bag)

My mom called last week and asked if I had any idea when the baby would be coming. As though the woman had not been through two pregnancies that ran long and had no idea that babies come when they want, and they rarely inform anyone ahead of time.

I had another appointment today. It sucked, but not because it was painful or embarrassing or I received bad news. It sucked because I only got two pages of my book read. TWO PAGES. Last week was so much better when my doctor was late for my appointment because she was in surgery. I think between the waiting room and the exam room, I had 45 minutes of almost uninterrupted alone time. Today, I was actually back in the van on the way home one minute after my appointment was scheduled to start.

On the upside, everything is looking good. I'm locked up tight, but that's nothing new. The baby is high (no kidding, I think an ENT could probably see feet), but then, Katie was up like that five hours after my water broke.

My dad is out of town for the weekend, and my mom hasn't arrived yet. Inclement weather is predicted for tonight. Maybe the inconvenience will bring him along.

Posted by me at 8:24 PM | Comments (2)

March 3, 2008

Bullets without dots

It was 70 yesterday. It is snowing tonight. Enough that we lost the satellite hours ago. And my dad is talking about snowmen. I'd post pictures, but my hard drive is so full I can barely open new applications, much less fit another picture on it. I need to burn some stuff and delete, but I end up talking/hanging out with the kids/trying to knock stuff off my list instead.

Katie started TKD. She's so tiny! And yet, she's good. Seriously, she can mimic the older kids well enough to correct minor mistakes in form. She can also spin circles like a Tasmanian devil.

I'm still pregnant. In spite of occassionally having contractions whose numbers give me hope, if not their strength. I'm ready to be done, even though I'm still not completely adjusted to the fact that when I'm done, there will be another kid in this house. A boy, to be sure. Hmm. I forgot to mention that. A little over two weeks ago, I had a sonogram to make sure the kid is butt up. He is, and he neglected to make use of the sex change opportunity provided to him by my overactive imagination. I guess that pretty much settles it. On a brighter note, I think we have a name. I'm less thrilled than I ought to be, because the name he'll go by is more a matter of default than a true decision. Not exactly the way I imagined we'd pick a kids name, but I guess what sticks in your head is, well, what sticks in your head.

Posted by me at 10:53 PM | Comments (2)

February 27, 2008

Disconnected

I have, so far, managed to stay within my weight gain goal for this pregnancy. I'm actually impressed, since it's not like I've been eating particularly well. My Sonic habit alone should be kicking my butt. Add that to my obsession with Cadbury Mini Eggs, and the fact that we keep M&M's around constantly to bribe Katie to use the potty. And the Valentine's candy. Oh, and Rex's birthday cake.

You can see why I'm surprised.

---

I spent my kids free hours today waiting at the rental house for the carpet cleaners to come. Not that they weren't well within their window, and once they got there, were quite quick. Too quick, in fact, to feel like I got what I was paying for. I mean, I'm sure I did, but since there was no furniture to move they arrived, cleaned, packed up and left in under 30 minutes.

---

Jamie is supposed to take a bug to school tomorrow. I had planned to look with her this afternoon, but I ended up saving my sanity by forcing a nap instead. By the time the girls woke up, they had to eat and run to TKD and didn't come home til well after bedtime. She and Rex remembered a (dead) grasshopper in the garage. I just went out to collect it. It's huge, nicely dead, and Rex ran over it's head when he brought the girls home. I'm not sending a juicy headless grasshopper to school with my kid. Unfortunately, it's cold outside, and not another bug to be seen.

---

Why is it that whenever you go into a salon to get, say, your lip waxed, they ask you if you want your eyebrows done? I don't think I've once gotten a lip wax without being asked as least once if I wanted my eyebrows done. I don't have faint line eyebrows, but it's not like I have fuzzy caterpillars crawling around up there.

Posted by me at 9:49 PM | Comments (1)

February 25, 2008

Bruised, a little bloody, but not a single contraction

Not that I would recommend twisting an ankle and taking a fall at any time, but I definately don't suggest doing it 37 weeks pregnant. The gimpy walk I developed as I stiffened up over the day just makes me feel more self-conscious than usual, with my leading belly.

On the up side, the baby finally has a carseat installed just for him and the girls are thrilled with their new seating arrangement.

Posted by me at 10:10 PM | Comments (0)

February 11, 2008

By jove, I think she's got it!

This whole thing happens while I'm in the shower.

Katie comes running in butt naked.

"I went pee pee in the potty, Mama!"

"Good job!"

"I get M a M!"

She runs off with the cup of M&M's.

A couple minutes later, she comes running back in, still naked.

"I did a pooper in the potty, Mama!"

"Great job!"

"You need to wipe me, Mama!"

"Can you try to wipe yourself?"

"OK."

She runs off.

A couple minutes later, she runs back in, still naked, carrying a piece of toilet paper.

"I wiped myself real good, Mama!"

"Great job! Now can you go get dressed?"

"OK!"

Posted by me at 12:25 PM | Comments (1)

He who shall remain nameless

Well, I'm now past 35 weeks, and I still don't have a name, or even a list of possible names, for this kid. In fact, I still refer to him as "she" frighteningly often. I still dream about him being a girl. I *know* he;s a boy, I really do. I accept it. I've been buying boy clothes to make it more real. But I can't seem to convince my subconscious.

I'm starting to get desperate. I don't want to go home with "Baby Boy," I don't want to call and email family and friends after the birth and tell them we have a new bundle of joy, and no, I don't know what we're going to call him. Unfortunately, desperation isn't leading to inspiration. Rex hasn't been a whole lot of help, either. I think I spoiled him by coming up with the girls' names on the first shot. We didn't really argue or discuss, we never even considered boys names and we always went with my first idea. I guess I'm spoiled, too.

Posted by me at 12:22 PM | Comments (1)

February 6, 2008

It's all good

Jamie still had a fever when I put her to bed last night, 103 when I checked it when I went to bed. I gave her some Tylenol and gave up hope of having both kids go to school for the day. She woke up cool, but acting uncharacteristically low. I was expecting the fever to come back at any minute. Instead, her funk wore off and she went from asking to stay home to being excited to go to school. Her fever has yet to reappear.

I was relieved, for several reasons. I mean, of course I was happy that my girl felt better. And also happy that I would be able to run the errands I had lined up for yesterday. Also important, though, is that Katie had her first non-crying drop-off this week, since her first two days. And when Jamie wasn't feeling well, Katie was talking about how *she* didn't feel well, so she could stay home, too. I really didn't want to try dropping Katie off without her beloved sister, since I'm sure that would cause some serious tears and trauma.

So I got lucky. Both girls went to school. Both were happy about it. I didn't get any calls from the school, telling me to take my sick kid back. Things got done.

Posted by me at 9:12 PM | Comments (0)

February 5, 2008

Topsy turvy

This has been a weird day. Jamie woke up with a good fever, but acting on the happy, perky side of normal. Katie was perky and happy, too, and NOT sick. I felt like crap, probably because I barely slept last night. The day started in the 60's and went up from there. Then Katie turned into a teary crank. Jamie's energy ran down. We watched a movie, had some lunch and then spent a few minutes outside, enjoying the sunny 70's. I started feeling better. They were obviously winding down. I put them to bed, and they both fell asleep. Then the storm hit. Pea sized hail, high winds, we've dropped 25 degrees so far. I wonder what this evening will bring?

Posted by me at 3:03 PM | Comments (0)

February 4, 2008

The sick has arrived

Jamie is going to miss her first day of school tomorrow. She complained that she didn't feel good "in her head" this afternoon, and fell asleep on the couch just before dinner. The nap alone wouldn't have tipped me off, but her behavior beforehand did. The child never lays on the couch for more than 30 seconds at a time unless something is wrong.

She seemed much better after a two hour nap, hungry, perky, and cool to the touch once again. I thought we might get lucky.

And we did. She made it to linoleum before she lost dinner.

Posted by me at 10:10 PM | Comments (0)

January 29, 2008

Cracking

I think the stress is starting to get to me, even though I don't actually think about all we have going on right now all the time.

Listening to Bubba yowl all day and half the night is driving me insane. I know that it's no picnic for him to be locked in that bathroom, but it's better than being dead, right? Except that he's getting so annoying I'm going to choke him to get him to shut up anyway.

Sunday afternoon, both kids finally took much needed naps. In fact, they SO needed naps that we decided not to wake them up, but I think Rex finally woke Katie up around 6. Naturally, that bit us in the ass when she came out of her room at 9:45 that night with a big smile on her face. Trying to avoid a repeat, when she zonked out this afternoon, I made sure to have her up around 5. I've had to wake her plenty in the past, and she usually wakes up pretty quickly and happily. Not so much today. It took me about 15 minutes to convince her to keep her eyes open, but soon after that she started an hour long crying jag that she wasn't giving up for anything, including dinner. I actually kept myself together much better than usual (read, with Jamie), but goddamn, I really wanted to scream.

And then Jamie. Ahh, Jamie. Remember that Gary Larson cartoon with the kid trying to get into the School for the Gifted? Can you picture a kid trying to put a square peg into a round hole? Over and over, for an hour? That was my evening. Jamie and I had played Uno, and I asked her to put the cards away. I had already stacked them in two even piles, so she really just needed to slide them into the box, but for some reason she just couldn't figure out how to get them in. She just kept doing the same thing over and over. And I held my patience very well, even after she started crying. She needs to learn to figure things out, though. And she needs to learn that just because something is hard, that doesn't mean someone is going to come and do it for her. She hates to work at things that are difficult for her, but she needs to learn to do it anyway.

The final straw for the day is probably the wind. Or maybe that's what put me on edge from the beginning. It finally warmed up around here, but the wind has been crazy. Today, the house lost probably a dozen shingles and something like six panels of the fence blew down. The wind caught the door of my van and smashed it into the mirror of the van next to me so hard it flattened a piece of the trim. Trash and leaves and crap flying around, and it's impossible to keep your hair out of your face. And then there's the sound, the constant whine and the rattle of windows. Today