September 13, 2007
Odd
On the way to TKD tonight, I sat at a stop light next to a man who was apparently trying to pull a gray hair from his hairline. After several pulls, another hand came around his face and made a bunch more violent attempts. I'm not sure if they gave up because the light turned gree, they got the hair, or they sensed I was about to break out my camera.
Passing through another intersection, I saw two older gentlemen sitting in lawn chairs by the side of the road, watching the traffic go by. Of note: aside from the neighborhood on the other side of a six foot iron fence, there are no houses nearby.
Posted by me at 7:15 PM | Comments (0)
June 4, 2007
Maybe that's why I ended up entertaining the kids
Jamie took great interest in my preparations for the wedding we attended this weekend. It may have been the first time I've applied make-up in her presence. She was full of questions, so I thought she would jump at my offer to wear a dab of my perfume, a vanilla oil I've used so sparingly that after 10 years, the bottle is still nearly full. That's how much I love it, so much that I never wear it.
I rubbed a little on my wrists, and then put a dot on Jamie's and had her rub them together. I held out my arm for her to sniff.
She told me I smelled like Play Doh.
Posted by me at 10:00 PM | Comments (0)
May 24, 2007
Self explanatory, I think
Posted by me at 10:09 PM | Comments (0)
April 24, 2007
And he's never heard me fart
Is it odd that I regularly pee in front of two kids and three cats, but I can't even stand to have my husband close enough to hear me go, after 8 years together?
Posted by me at 8:16 PM | Comments (1)
March 5, 2007
Yeah, I thought so.
Is it bad that Katie already points excitedly and yells "McDonalds! McDonalds!" every time we pass one?
Posted by me at 8:04 PM | Comments (0)
November 30, 2006
Finally! The end!
A few days ago, while we were arranging crap in the craphole we live in and the kids were running around like big chickens with tiny little brains, Jamie turned and walked into a sliding glass door. The funniest part was the look on her face. She turned around, looking for who hit her. Then she walked off, shaking her head, still confused. I stood across the room, quietly giggling.
I never said I was a good parent.
Yesterday, we had the sliding door open most of the day, soaking in the lovely warm weather. I kept the screen door closed when I wasn't watching so neither the kids nor the cats would take a flying leap. You might think cats are smarter than that, but Pookie has fallen out of not one, but two second story openings where he should have known better.
I never said my cats were coordinated.
At some point, it got so warm inside that the kids were going to melt in their pj's, so Rex shut the door and I turned on the A/C. A little while later, he went outside to turn on the Christmas lights, and ran right through the screen.
I never said my husband was smart.
Posted by me at 11:52 AM | Comments (0)
August 11, 2006
All set for strippery
Jamie likes to put off, well, everything. Especially getting dressed in the morning and getting into her pj's at night. When she can get away with it, she'll strip off an item, and then run a loop around the house.
The run has now been replaced by a dance. The name changes with each item of clothing added or subtracted from the outfit - "The Shorts Dance" followed by "The Panty Dance," which is, naturally, followed by "The Naked Dance."
The clincher, though, was when she danced away from the tv and then looked back over her shoulder to check out her own ass.
Posted by me at 8:58 PM | Comments (0)
August 6, 2006
Things I never thought I would have to say
"Get your face out of your sister's crotch!"
Posted by me at 11:35 AM | Comments (1)
July 26, 2006
"Blogging"
Rex has been working from home a lot lately, especially since his part of the New Mexico contract is up. I joke with him a lot that he isn't working from home so much as "working" from home. Amazing how much more sarcastic air quotes look in person.
One day I was messing with him, telling him he should go to his "office" and "work" at his "job." Jamie followed him in to give him a hug and shut the door, as usual. Then she came out and told me that Daddy had started "working." It made me giggle, even though Rex confessed to coaching her.
He wasn't coaching her later, though when she came over to tell me that she had been entertaining herself jumping his "golf shoes." Still not sure what was up with that, since she really had been jumping golf shoes :)
Posted by me at 10:00 PM | Comments (0)
July 20, 2006
Only Rex could have done it faster
The girls were up a little late tonight while we got some long awaited home repairs done. They were doing laps around the couch, giggling and tickling chasing and playing. As Katie toddled past me in front of the couch, I whispered, "Want a boobie?" You've never seen a kid turn so fast and smile so big!
Posted by me at 9:09 PM | Comments (0)
July 15, 2006
Not that there's anything wrong with that!
The first time my dad came down here to visit, he and Jamie planted a little garden on the side of the house. Just a few yellow squash, a couple zuchinni, a short row of beans, one tomato, some sunflowers and a row of Zinnias for color. So far, I've harvested one bug-eaten tomato and two beans. Oh, and the flowers are up and bee-you-tee-ful.
The sunflowers have the excuse of not getting enough sun.
The squash and zuchinni popped up out of the ground and have flowered like crazy, but all male flowers that do nothing but look pretty.
The tomato is crazy tall and has had some flowers, but no fruits.
The bean plants are short, but finally produced a couple tiny but tasty beans.
I have gay vegetables.
Posted by me at 5:24 PM | Comments (0)
July 6, 2006
Feminine products: The ultimate toddler entertainment
Tampons get all the credit for my daily shower escapes since 2003.
It's been a rare month that I've had use for products, so once Jamie learned to sit up and move around a bit, I made sure there was nothing dangerous in the vanity cupboards and I let her go to town.
By the time we got to Maryland, Jamie was old enough to occupy with Sesame Street, Clifford or Dragon Tails. Once Katie came along, I'd stuff the bouncer in the bathroom with me and pray that peeping through the shower curtain every 2 minutes would keep her happy. Then Katie learned to move, and I provided Jamie with all sorts of toys to entertain Katie with (packs of toilet paper worked best). Had there been enough room in the bathroom with me, you can bet I would have just opened the cabinets and let them go at it.
We're back in a house with a huge bathroom and cupboards filled with all sorts of booty that I still have no use for. Jamie spent days carrying the ob instruction page around with her, showing off her "list." Katie is learning about cleaning up your toys by helping put the tampons back in the box every day. Jamie counts panty liners. Today, they "scrubbed" the outside of the shower doors with panty liners. I just wish Jamie had had some Clorox Clean-Up.
They should just stock Tampax in the toy aisle at Walmart, as far as I'm concerned.
Posted by me at 9:39 PM | Comments (0)
June 7, 2006
One day she'll say it to the wrong person, and CPS will come collect the kids
The kids love pony rides.
I mean, sure, they love them on real horses, but they also like that thing where you cross your legs and they sit on your foot and you bounce them. Katie likes riding so much, she'll even do the bouncing for you.
I was sitting on the floor with my knees pulled up talking to Rex, and Katie came over, grabbed my knee and started bouncing. I laughingly commented to Rex that it looked like the baby was humping my leg, since, well, she was.
As usual, Jamie wanted what the baby wanted. "Let's do some of that baby humping!"
Hmm. Let's not.
Posted by me at 11:15 PM | Comments (0)
February 12, 2006
Anything to keep her busy for a couple minutes
Katie's playing peek-a-boo with my belly button.
Posted by me at 8:11 PM | Comments (0)
February 4, 2006
Never, ever, EVER
Wash a disposable diaper.
Never.
Posted by me at 10:27 PM | Comments (0)
October 25, 2005
Maybe tomorrow she'll sing about the spleen
While I was making dinner tonight, Jamie was running around the table singsonging "Large intestine, large intestine!" over and over.
I imagine she learned the words from her book about farts (I'm not sure you should even ask), but she hasn't read that book in a couple days. I don't remember a single instance of me discussing any organs with her, gastrointestinal or otherwise.
I really can't begin to understand the workings of her mind, especially since my brain is currently non-functional.
Posted by me at 9:15 PM | Comments (0)
October 14, 2005
Teeny, tiny nipples
Tonight Jamie decorated her shirt at dinner. In an effort to keep her from smearing taco juice across the rest of the house, I took her shirt off, and left her topless since PJ time was a mere 30 minutes away.
As I stood in the bathroom flossing for my adoring audience, Jamie started plucking at her nipple and repeating, over and over, "I have a teeny, tiny nipple."
Posted by me at 9:15 PM | Comments (0)
September 19, 2005
It's all about the benjamins, baby
We sold my old treadmill tonight. We all went out to load it into a Jeep Cherokee. I stood holding Katie, keeping an eye on Jamie to make sure she didn't get squished while the menfolk did their business. Jamie started crying as soon as they picked it up and started shoving it into the Jeep.
She stopped as soon as Rex handed her the pile of 20 dollar bills we got for it.
Posted by me at 8:59 PM | Comments (0)
September 12, 2005
Ice ice baby
This evening, I experienced not just one of those ya gotta laugh moments, but two.
Rex was on a conference call back in the bedroom. He didn't actually have to talk, but he was trying to listen, so I tried to keep the kids out of his hair. I handed him Katie during the first potty emergency. Then I took the kids into the living room, and got them both into their pj's. Katie must have been exhausted, because she started her nothings-gonna-shut-me-up-but-a-boob screeching. I started nursing her, and wave two hit. I could have handed her off to Rex again, but I knew she'd scream like a banshee and he wouldn't be able to hear a thing, so I took her to the bathroom with me. This isn't the first time I've taken her in with me, but it is the first time I breastfed while taking a dump.
That ignominity over, I got Jamie the cup of ice water she had been asking for and herded her back to the living room. I settled onto the couch and switched Katie to the other side to prepare for my poetic reading of Bambi. That's when Jamie dumped her cup of ice water. On the couch. In my crotch.
It took a while for the cold to soak through, but by this time, Katie was nearly out cold. I couldn't shriek, I couldn't jump up and run, I couldn't do anything but pick the ice cubes out from under my butt and toss them into the kitchen for the cat to chase.
Posted by me at 9:37 PM | Comments (0)
September 3, 2005
Superstah!
My younger daughter is a yacker. I suspect she is my punishment for my first child's pristine shirtfronts. Katie can puke up an entire meal, and as soon as you get that cleaned up, she gives you some more. And then a little bit more, just so you don't get complacent with the spit rag. The longer she keeps it, the worse it smells.
My husband and I were sitting on the couch, watching Katie repeatedly empty the contents of her stomach on the floor, the couch, her clothes and my hand. I sniffed my hand and then jerked back at the stench.
Somehow he was laughing at me as he looked at me like I was crazy, which no doubt I am.
"I feel compelled to sniff it. Like when you sniff your armpits or put your finger up your butt and sniff it. I can't help it!"
"That doesn't smell as bad."
"The milk?"
"No, my butt."
"You'd rather sniff your butt than yak?"
"Yes."
He never once denied that he sniffs his butt, though.
Posted by me at 3:45 PM | Comments (0)