August 27, 2008
And apparently doesn't give a damn
Me: Who was that girl you were holding hands with?
Jamie: Call her Hannah. That's not her name, though.
M: What is her name?
J: Just call her Hannah!
M: Why can't we call her her real name? What's her real name?
J: I frankly don't know her name.
Posted by me at 2:37 PM | Comments (0)
August 19, 2008
Liar, liar shorts on fire
I walk in to the living room after taking my shoewr.
J: I don't feel good.
M: What's wrong?
J: I've been coughing and coughing.
M: (I haven't heard a sound, but maybe while I was in the shower?) I'll listen for it and see what we should do.
J: Can I play [on the computer?]
M: Ok.
Jamie plays for a while. Katie asks for a turn, and I say ok.
J: I don't feel so good. My head hurts.
M: (Starting to get suspicious. I haven't heard a single cough, yet.) Does it really hurt, or are you just making it up?
J: It really hurts.
M: Why don't you go upstairs and lay down.
J: No, I'll just lay down right here. (She hangs over the back of the couch and watches Katie play.) Mama, don't you get to watch a movie when you don't feel good?
Ah! We've reached the root of the matter. It was as I suspected. She barely ate lunch, which is unusual, but has otherwise shown no other symptoms besides a pathethic look that disappears as soon as she turns away from me.
Posted by me at 10:52 AM | Comments (0)
June 13, 2008
I better watch every word I say
So that story that goes with the Candy Land game? Jamie read it. Except she didn't read it, she memorized it. In the dozen or so times Rex and I have read it to her, she's memorized it so well I had to watch her "read" it to know she wasn't really reading.
Posted by me at 8:36 PM | Comments (0)
May 14, 2008
And we weren't even out working in the yard
Jamie is in the other room, singing "Swing low, sweet chariot". She knows more of the words than I do.
Posted by me at 4:09 PM | Comments (0)
May 11, 2008
Sums up my feelings about cleaning
"Mama, why are you cleaning the kitchen? There's not going to be a birthday party."
Posted by me at 10:38 AM | Comments (0)
April 25, 2008
Growing up in a modern world
Jamie was driving her shopping cart around the downstairs.
J: "I need to find Chuck E. Cheese!"
K: "You have a map!"
J: "No, I don't have GPS!"
Posted by me at 9:40 PM | Comments (0)
February 2, 2008
I finally did something right!
We told Jamie that we had bought a new house that we would be moving into soon. She'd been through this particular house plenty of times, but I guess not recently enough to have made an impression. We took the first load of stuff over yesterday, and as we pulled into the garage, she said, "Mama! This was just the house I wanted!"
Posted by me at 9:34 AM | Comments (0)
January 30, 2008
We need more soap
The girls are in the tub. I'm sitting close by, listening to them play (and fight). Jamie asks Katie where her thinking cap is. I whisper the first thing that comes to mind, so quietly that I know she didn't hear. And then I hear Jamie say,
"Up my butt?"
And I know she must be mine.
Posted by me at 6:34 PM | Comments (0)
January 14, 2008
Aren't we all
"Katie, you're so good when you do what I want."
Posted by me at 3:19 PM | Comments (0)
December 12, 2007
She just busted this one out of nowhere
"Eight lords a milking!"
Posted by me at 4:02 PM | Comments (0)
November 28, 2007
At least I'm still young and smart
On the way to preschool this morning, I was informed that one time, when Daddy took Jamie to school, he opened the wrong back door in the drop-off line. I think I need to work a little more on this "no tattling" thing. After the girls spent a few minutes collaborating each others stories, they started to speculate on WHY Daddy would do such a thing.
Apparently, it's because he's old. Old and forgetful.
I wonder what they say about me when I'm not around?
Posted by me at 9:56 AM | Comments (0)
November 27, 2007
Good thing I have a rudimentary knowledge
Yesterday, Jamie said she read Goodnight Moon in Spanish class and she learned how to say moon and stars. Only when I asked her how to say them, she told me she had forgotten already.
Today, they must have reviewed, because she said she remembered how to say them. "Australia" and "something that sounds like Uno!"
(For those of you who took German, star is "estrella" and moon is "luna.")
Posted by me at 2:18 PM | Comments (0)
November 11, 2007
Bubba Gump, reborn
J: "All cheese is queso. Cheddar. Swiss. American. Pepper Jack. It's all called queso."
R: "Fried shrimp. Boiled shrimp. BBQ shrimp. Shrimp Kabobs. Shrimp with rice."
Posted by me at 11:26 AM | Comments (0)
October 10, 2007
It comes from Sonic, too
Last night, we had chicken for dinner. Jamie proudly told me, "Chicken comes from chickens!"
So I asked her where beef comes from.
"Cows!"
And pork?
"Pigs!"
What about hamburger?
And Katie yelled, "McDonalds!"
Posted by me at 12:27 PM | Comments (0)
October 8, 2007
Four seasons
"If I get all the balls up against the wall, I'll be the winter!"
Posted by me at 9:09 PM | Comments (0)
October 3, 2007
Rainy Day
"The trees lean over to make a beyoootiful umbrella for the van."
Posted by me at 9:16 AM | Comments (0)
September 19, 2007
Well, he is!
As Jamie's preschool teacher was loading her into the van, she made a comment about how cold Jamie's hands were. I replied that she's cold like me, while her sister is hot blooded like her daddy. To which Jamie replied:
"Daddy is furry, like a cat!"
Posted by me at 2:05 PM | Comments (1)
September 5, 2007
Well, how else would it get in there?
After I told Jamie I have a baby in my belly...
"Mama, why did you eat a baby?"
Posted by me at 10:26 AM | Comments (0)
July 18, 2007
She messes with mine every day
Jamie asked me to read her a book this evening, and I told her that I would read it for bedtime instead.
"Mama, you're messing up my mind!"
Posted by me at 8:56 PM | Comments (0)
May 1, 2007
Confusing, since she doesn't own any swimwear decorated with vegetables
"Mama, does the coverup go with the one piece suit, or the zucchini bottoms?"
Posted by me at 12:32 PM | Comments (0)
April 29, 2007
At least she's honest!
"We're going to the park for a picnic."
"We should drive."
"Why do we need to drive?"
"Because it's far, and I'm going to complain."
Posted by me at 9:41 PM | Comments (0)
April 27, 2007
Thank goodness the questions ended there
"Do mommies and daddies start out as little babies?"
Posted by me at 3:17 PM | Comments (0)
April 19, 2007
At least balloons are cheap!
*all wrapped up in a blanket*
"I'm pretending I'm going to marry someone. With a balloon!"
Posted by me at 9:33 PM | Comments (0)
March 11, 2007
Watching NASCAR
"Mama, it's a police car!"
"It's called the pace car."
"Is it full of paste?"
Posted by me at 3:24 PM | Comments (0)
February 12, 2007
My very own little nut
"Sometimes you feel like a nut..."
Posted by me at 9:44 PM | Comments (1)
February 3, 2007
After finding a penny in a parking lot
"Did someone put that penny there for a kid who has a piggy bank?"
Posted by me at 9:53 PM | Comments (0)
December 24, 2006
Whispered
"I'm not supposed to tell you that we got [deleted] for Daddy."
Posted by me at 2:49 PM | Comments (0)
December 16, 2006
She said she learned it on tv, but I can't place the line
"This steak is too juicy for words!"
Posted by me at 9:41 PM | Comments (0)
December 8, 2006
At least I'll make my Christmas budget
"What would Katie like for Christmas?"
"A shirt."
"What would you like?"
"Socks"
It bears mentioning that this is the second time she's asked for socks. And that she already has plenty. Maybe it's time to get funky socks, instead of the Old Navy basic white.
Posted by me at 10:31 PM | Comments (0)
November 29, 2006
Eww
"Katie, here's a maggot marker!"
Posted by me at 9:13 PM | Comments (0)
November 16, 2006
Sugar and Spice
Any time it starts to rain while we're outside:
"It's ok Mama, I won't melt!"
Posted by me at 9:49 PM | Comments (0)
September 24, 2006
And she's right, too
"Mama, don't fall asleep on the table."
"Why not?"
"Because you're not that kind of woman!"
Posted by me at 8:04 PM | Comments (0)
August 12, 2006
People are going to wonder just what kind of household we're running here
"Hey! It's so...HARD...to get it up!"
(She was trying to push her Fla-Vor-Ice up, I swear!)
Posted by me at 7:59 PM | Comments (0)
July 22, 2006
Time to be more careful with what I say
"Shut it, Katie"
Posted by me at 4:43 PM | Comments (0)
July 19, 2006
She was standing in the kitchen with me the whole time
J: Mama, where's my scoop?
Me: I think I put it away. Did you look for it?
J: Is it in the drawer?
Me: Nope.
J: Mama, I can't find it. I looked everywhere!
Posted by me at 3:05 PM | Comments (0)
July 3, 2006
Which do you think will be a bigger hit at the preschool kegger?
Sure some people's two year old can count to 50, and someone else's three-and-a-half year old can count to 100.
But mine? Mine can sing the Star Bangled Banner while she goes to the bathroom.
Beat THAT!
Posted by me at 5:47 PM | Comments (0)
June 13, 2006
NASCAR savant
I was impressed, although not surprised, when Jamie Shouted, "Lowe's!" as we passed a Lowe's delivery truck on the road.
I was impressed AND surprised when she followed that with, "Jimmy Johnson drives the Lowe's racecar."
Posted by me at 4:35 PM | Comments (0)
June 7, 2006
One day she'll say it to the wrong person, and CPS will come collect the kids
The kids love pony rides.
I mean, sure, they love them on real horses, but they also like that thing where you cross your legs and they sit on your foot and you bounce them. Katie likes riding so much, she'll even do the bouncing for you.
I was sitting on the floor with my knees pulled up talking to Rex, and Katie came over, grabbed my knee and started bouncing. I laughingly commented to Rex that it looked like the baby was humping my leg, since, well, she was.
As usual, Jamie wanted what the baby wanted. "Let's do some of that baby humping!"
Hmm. Let's not.
Posted by me at 11:15 PM | Comments (0)
June 2, 2006
I never thought buying bulk hamburger would be so funny
Jamie asked me what I was planning to do with my "big chub." There's something so wrong about that phrase coming out of the mouth of a three year old!
Posted by me at 11:24 PM | Comments (0)
June 1, 2006
Most of our problems would be solved if she'd go back to not talking
Jamie has issues minding her own business. I've been telling her to not worry about what her sister is doing, that I'll take care of her. Today, I get, "She's over by the tv. She's about to push a button. You should tell her no."
I guess I've gotten through to her on the MYOB part (sort of). Now we need to go back to Stop Telling Me What To Do.
Posted by me at 4:03 PM | Comments (0)
May 21, 2006
I can't wait til they ask her about her body parts in preschool
First she was dancing around saying, "I'm naked, I'm naked!"
Then she started rubbing her chest, muttering, "These are my boobies."
So I guess it was inevitable that she started pinching her nipples and exclaiming, "Nipples! These are my nipples, Mama!"
Posted by me at 9:47 PM | Comments (0)
April 10, 2006
Her version of "Mr. Mom"
"There's gum in Bubba's hair, sweet 'tatoes in his lazy chair.."
Posted by me at 9:29 AM | Comments (1)
April 9, 2006
Daddy's girl
"Your boobs are big!"
Posted by me at 9:28 AM | Comments (0)
April 3, 2006
Rex sure was surprised to hear it
"Mama goes all the way!"
(Before you call Child Protective Services, she means I go all the way down the crooked road home, instead of taking the shortcut.)
Posted by me at 9:15 PM | Comments (0)
March 18, 2006
Whatchu talkin' 'bout, Mama?
Jamie to Katie:
"Slip me some skin."
"Smoooooth."
Posted by me at 9:15 PM | Comments (0)
March 4, 2006
So does she, or doesn't she?
"I know how, but I just don't know how."
Posted by me at 6:59 PM | Comments (0)
March 1, 2006
While she was eating lunch
"I love fiber!"
Posted by me at 12:28 PM | Comments (0)
February 27, 2006
About Katie's duck teether
"The duck has lost all it's cold. We need to put it back in the refrigerlator"
Posted by me at 9:30 AM | Comments (0)
February 21, 2006
Boogers are the new caulk
Jamie asked me what I was doing as I was wiping her boogers off the wall. I explained, and told her we don't wipe boogers on the wall. She agreed, and told me that she now sticks them in the crack between the bed and the wall.
Posted by me at 2:20 PM | Comments (0)
February 10, 2006
I hate to think of where she heard this phrase
"Doggy's riding Tana like a pony."
Posted by me at 9:11 AM | Comments (0)
February 6, 2006
Department of Corrections
We have this preschool workbook that so far, is a lot like a coloring book with directions. Jamie keeps asking for it, saying, "I wanna do my corrections."
Posted by me at 8:53 PM | Comments (0)
February 2, 2006
She's an advertiser's dream
Although she's usually more accurate.
"Doob a dollar!" (Do a dollop [of Daisy])
All. Day. Long.
Posted by me at 8:21 PM | Comments (0)
January 28, 2006
According to her, Kenny Chesney said this one
"Basketball chicken in a pickup truck."
I assume this comes from a song, very likely a Kenny Chesney song, but I haven't figured out which one yet.
Posted by me at 8:29 PM | Comments (0)
January 26, 2006
While SHE'S watching ME go to the bathroom...
"I need some privacy!"
Posted by me at 6:19 PM | Comments (2)
January 20, 2006
Apparently this is a saying from one of my grandmother's
And then my dad taught it to Jamie. Nothing like seeing a two-year-old running around with a kid-sized broom, yelling, "I'm going to potch you on the toadie!"
Posted by me at 4:06 PM | Comments (0)
January 11, 2006
I get the reindeer, but where did the hill come from?
I usually buy Nestle bottled water from Sam's, 'cause it's the cheapest. (Please don't judge my intelligence based on the fact that I buy bottled water. It's a quirk, not an indicator of my snobiness, I swear!) This time, Deer Park water was the same price, and the cases were at an easier height to pick up. Somehow, in Jamie's world, it's "Reindeer Hill" water.
I don't suppose it makes any less sense than Deer Park.
Posted by me at 10:03 PM | Comments (0)
January 5, 2006
Not even 3 and she's already shallow
"I love all these houses 'cause they're really 'spensive."
Posted by me at 2:50 PM | Comments (0)
January 4, 2006
An advertisers best friend
Jamie has a thing for the Aflak duck. Well, maybe just the word "Aflak." In any case, she's taken to saying loudly, in public, "Aflak. Ask about it at work!"
Posted by me at 9:41 PM | Comments (0)
December 26, 2005
When the cats are away, Grandpa will...
Torture the kids?
"Grandpa puts Katie to bed. She cries and screams her head up!"
Posted by me at 11:12 PM | Comments (0)
December 22, 2005
On morning
"Oops, the dark went down!"
Posted by me at 7:24 AM | Comments (0)
December 8, 2005
I've been so goddamn careful about what I say
But when Jamie knocked some food off her plate and onto her chair, I knew exactly where she got it when she said, "Jesus crap!"
I hid behind her chair laughing silently for like 5 minutes. Even funnier than hearing those words coming out of her mouth is the fact that I've never used that exact expression. I use crap as a catch-all epithet, and Jesus when I'm pissed, but I have yet to put them together.
Posted by me at 9:35 PM | Comments (0)
I've become a spectator sport
"I could come here and watch you go potty every day."
Posted by me at 7:55 AM | Comments (0)
December 6, 2005
It's a little early for her to be making these lifestyle choices
Referring to her baby sister, who was leaning against my knees: "She's lookin' for something to eat right down 'tween your legs"
Posted by me at 9:38 PM | Comments (0)
December 4, 2005
You can run but you can't hide
"Run for your lice!"
Posted by me at 6:12 PM | Comments (0)
Shut da door
Dad: Do you remember how to say 'I love you' in French?
Jamie: I love you in French!
Posted by me at 6:09 PM | Comments (0)
December 1, 2005
I can't believe I forgot to mention this one
Jamie has taken to referring to her father as "Clifford, the Big Red Dog."
Posted by me at 8:45 PM | Comments (0)
To the toilet, as she flushed
"Come back later, water!"
And then as the bowl refilled:
"You came back!"
Posted by me at 7:28 AM | Comments (0)
November 26, 2005
To my dad, as he was going out the door
"I assume I'll see you later?"
Posted by me at 9:46 PM | Comments (0)
November 22, 2005
I'm sure your father feels the same way
"I love your boobie. It's so nice and pink!"
Posted by me at 8:50 AM | Comments (0)
November 21, 2005
Why yes, yes I am
Verizon is laying just over a half mile of fiber to our house so we can have real broadband. They're doing this free to us. Verizon is my new best friend.
We took cookies up to the guys burying the fiber. "Mama, you're getting fiber. Now you're happy."
Posted by me at 9:37 PM | Comments (0)
November 13, 2005
She's recently become obsessed with this song
"Baa baa black sheep, have you any mold"
Posted by me at 4:08 PM | Comments (0)
November 11, 2005
I've got to start watching my mouth, or she's going to grow up and buy American
"Jesus Chrysler!"
Posted by me at 7:42 AM | Comments (0)
November 9, 2005
Yuk. Prune flavored croutons?
"I want some more prune-tons"
They were really good homemade croutons, if I must say so myself!
Posted by me at 10:06 PM | Comments (0)
November 7, 2005
She's starting to sound like my grandmother
"My, my, Mama" - I'm still not sure what she was talking about, or where she got the expression.
And the other evening when we were leaving my mother's house, she told everyone, "It was nice to see you all." She's so damn polite, and I don't know where she got it from!
Posted by me at 10:55 PM | Comments (0)
November 3, 2005
Are they born knowing about Halloween?
At playgroup today, I was talking with the other moms about potty training. (Hey, it playgroup. What do you thing we talk about?) I mentioned that I'm not above bribery, and that our treat of choice is M&M's. Their instantaneous, small enough that I don't mind giving them to her numerous times a day, if she's going to put out for the potty and it gives me an excuse to buy bags of candy that I would normally avoid like the plague. Another woman mentioned Chuck E Cheese as her potential reward (she has yet to need it). Jamie overheard, and started throwing basketballs through the hoop, yelling "Treet or Trees!" after each throw.
The true irony here is that we didn't go Trick-or-Treating this year, and I never mentioned what she was missing, but she still managed to come up with a similar phrase on her own.
Posted by me at 9:43 PM | Comments (0)
All of my best ideas aren't even mine
I think I want to steal another good idea. The first was for a (somewhat) daily picture category, which isn't exactly a unique idea, but I might not have made one if I hadn't seen it on dooce first. I liked the idea because it's motivation to log into this site and post something every day, which hopefully translates into more non-picture posts, and it's also motivation to try to take some pictures aside from those I take to document my kid's lives. Lord knows I need a hobby.
The other idea is Mommy Matter's "quip du jour," a place the author records funny things her kids say during the day. I try to record some of the funnier things Jamie has said, but I'm already forgetting some of the cute things she screwed up. Some of them are common to a lot of kids when they start to talk, and some are specific to my kid.
In light of my own lack of creativity, and the convenient-for-my-purposes phrase, "Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery," I bring you the Daily Dose of Jamie!
Posted by me at 8:56 PM | Comments (0)