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January 26, 2009
Starting now
I've been noticing lately that I don't really spend a lot of time with my kids. I mean, I'm always here, they're (mostly) always here, but they go off and play together, or by themselves, or I'm cooking or showering or in here on the computer or doing one of the many Owen things that requires both hands (nursing, changing, dressing, removing inedible crap from his mouth). What I'm not doing is holding the girls, tickling them, snuggling with them and hearing them talk their silly talk.
Don't get me wrong, I hear them talk all the time. And (as much as I can) I listen to what they have to say and try to answer with real though, and not just a distracted "Yes, dear." Which is really hard, considering the sheer volume of words that come out of those kids' mouths. And I do hug them, and kiss them, and tell them I love them.
I guess what I'm getting at is that I rarely get to give them undivided attention. Pure, unadulterated, me.
I've been feeling it for a while, and trying to add in some games or reading while Owen naps, but something just isn't right.
And then last night, when Katie came down after her bath, Jamie wasn't finished yet, and Owen was already in bed, I got it. I held Katie in a way I realized I hadn't held her in a long time, curled up on my chest and tummy, snuggled in with kisses and silly talk no distractions, even in my head. I didn't feel like I needed to be somewhere, do something, say something.
I can't remember the last time I felt like that, so happy and connected. How long have I been missing out on my kids? I know I used to be so connected to Jamie that we were too close, and now sometimes I feel like I barely know her.
I'm not sure how to get that magic back, but I'm going to try to find it with each of the kids. Not just for them, but for me, too.
Posted by me at January 26, 2009 9:24 AM