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July 8, 2008
Freedom
My girls, they are gone.
This is the first time I wanted to follow discretely behind my dad as they were walking away from me at the airport to make sure everyone stayed safe. I know I'm a control freak, but that's bad, even for me.
I can't figure out why this trip is freaking me out so bad. Both girls have gone with my dad before, and for about the same length as this trip. I'm totally looking forward to the break, although it's really not that much of a break since Mr. High Maintenance is still right over there, contemplating his first nighttime snack break. (I should mention that he did awesome on the trips to and from the airport. It almost makes up for keeping me up for an hour after his second early morning feeding. It counts nothing toward prepayment of tonight's expected ordeal. That boy better keep smiling ALL DAY LONG.)
It might be that this is the first time I haven't been desperate for the break from the girls. They've been really good lately. Better than I've had any right to expect, considering the amount of time they have spent entertaining themselves around the house lately. I'm actually looking forward to them getting my dad's undivided attention, attention they so rightly deserve. There's a lot of guilt in me over the horribly uneven division of my attention. Yes, it's the natural progression of things, that older kids do more for themselves and by themselves. It's normal for babies to take lots of time (although my babies tend to be more attention hoggy than average, I think) and require some social concessions.
Still, I feel like I should do better. Could do better.
Bah. Guilt. What a useless, all consuming emotion.
For the next two weeks, the only thing I have to feel guilty about is not missing my girls enough. And the way I feel right now, that's not going to be a problem.
Posted by me at July 8, 2008 9:49 PM