June 20, 2008
And when the hell did I forget how to smile?
That tweet this morning about losing my shit? I had no idea.
My meltdown was a combination of days of holding Owen with no relief, lack of sleep from his unusual nighttime habits, and yet another screaming fit that seemed to have no reason and no solution. It was just too much. I was trying to figure out who I could call to come help me, just for a few minutes, to entertain my poor daughters who have been so good and so neglected, to hold Owen for just a few minutes so I could *not* hold him and still not hear him scream. And I realized there was no one closer than 250 miles that I knew well enough to see me in the state I was in.
And then I cried harder. Cried because I feel so isolated and alone. Because apparently there's only one person in this town that I consider a good friend, and he was in California. Because I was completely incoherent, and not a single creature in the house even noticed.
I need to make some friends around here, and I know it. But aside from the fact that it's something I'm just not good at, calling people I don't know well to set up, uh, something, it's also something that takes time. There are a few women in this neighborhood that may someday be great friends, but I haven't known them long enough to know them well. We're still in the dating stage, where I don't reveal my true self for fear of alienating every woman withing spitting distance of our house. When do I let loose with the atheism and the computer addiction and the animal science degree that required activities that viewed the wrong way are illegal in some states? When do I let them know that I'm an oversharer, and reveal that I no longer have any hobbies or joys or personality, but I used to be loud and sarcastic and opinionated and obnoxious and I had FUN?
Posted by me at June 20, 2008 9:11 PM
Comments
Making new really good -in person- friends is so hard. At least if you are me. My closest true friends are all at least 3 hours away.
I'm sure that your fun self is still there, she's just catching up on her sleep while you deal with all the rest that's going on in your life right now.
Posted by: anna at June 21, 2008 8:53 AM
Have you tried any hands off baby aids like a swing? Or would that be too much like riding in a car seat?
I remember with Andrew we actually didnt use his swing very often at all, but the few times we did were in desperation and it would actually appease him a bit.
Posted by: Bec at June 21, 2008 8:01 PM
We've tried the swing a couple times, when he was angry and when he was calm. Pissed him off. I'm willing to give it another go, but I'm not holding my breath. The car seat itself doesn't actually piss him off at this point, thank god. He still has fits in the car, but then, he has fits at home, too. The upside is that when he's pissed off in the car seat, getting him out usually makes him happy. Of course, it sucks when you're 20 minutes from home :)
He's relatively high maintenence, and I'm mostly ok with that, but I also really look forward to the occasional break :)
Posted by: Becky 
at June 22, 2008 9:10 PM