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November 18, 2007
November 18
Today was my due date for the pregnancy I lost back in March.
I'm a little puzzled that I remember that. After all, I only knew I was pregnant for 4 days before I wasn't any more. I was disappointed to lose the pregnancy, but not devastated. I didn't cry, there wasn't any guilt or depression, in fact at the time I learned something important: I really did want another kid. I missed the thought of the baby I wasn't going to have any more, but I wasn't at all concerned that I couldn't have another.
I'm not a particularly sentimental person. I'm not at all religious, and my beliefs are deeply rooted in biology and science. I know all the statistics for losses in early pregnancy, and I know and wholly accept that most of these losses are related to problems with the developing embryo. And while I'm smart enough not to tell a woman who has just experienced miscarriage that it's for the best, I believe it usually is. (It's taken me years to understand that to a mother, the death of a child is NEVER "for the best.")Which is why I'm surprised that the closer I got to that potential due date, the more I thought about what I lost, especially considering that I'm currently 23 weeks pregnant. I would have expected to feel more like I'm replacing something I lost, instead of having something in addition to what I lost.
On a much more shallow note, I can't help but think that if I had kept that pregnancy, I'd be done by now, and wonder if it was a girl.
Posted by me at November 18, 2007 2:51 PM
Comments
*hugs*
You're over the halfway point! You'll have your handsome young man along soon. And he'll fit right into your precious family. You'll see.
Posted by: Beck at November 19, 2007 11:54 AM
I need to live next to you so you can continue giving me daily life affirmations :)
Posted by: Becky 
at November 19, 2007 1:57 PM