Congratulations. A healthy baby boy... what a gift and a blessing.

Deep breath. Time for the hard part of this comment.

This entry was really, really hard for me to take. I work hard at pushing down the feelings of jealousy when people I know get pregnant -- it always stings just a tiny bit, because I ache so badly for another child, because I've been denied that positive test so many times, but I know, it's not about me. My friends aren't stealing my chance at pregnancy, they're just getting blessings of their own. I'm happy for them. I'm throwing baby showers and bringing meals and loaning out the baby stuff I have no need for, and I'm just delighted every time a friend brings home a new child.

But... I can't deal when someone acts like they aren't grateful for the gift of another child. And you just called your son "a damn boy." You just cursed your own child, for the crime of having a Y chromosome. I'm sorry, but I can't let that pass without comment. It hurts too much, when I've suffered for so long and have had to accept that I likely will not have another child, boy or girl, to see you dismiss your unborn baby so cavalierly... because you don't have the right clothes!

And it hurts me, too, because I am the mother of a boy. I always thought I wanted a daughter, I still dream of having a daughter, but I wouldn't trade my son's kisses for anything in the world. There is something amazing and magical about the relationship between a mother and her son, and you are so lucky that you'll soon get to experience it. So lucky. You have no idea.

I'm sure you didn't really mean to curse your son, but words hold power. Your son is a blessing, and I hope that you'll soon be able to feel thankful for him.

I've spent the past couple days trying to come up with an answer that both adequately describes my position and doesn't attack you.

***

If it makes you feel any better, I'm more than a little appalled at my reaction, too. I can't change how I feel, though, any more than you can wipe the open mouthed look of horror off your face when you read it.

I had a picture of how I thought my family was going to look and feel in my head, and now I have to majorly adjust it. Part of the point of my post is that I had the opposite picture in my head 5 years ago, and what I got was *at least* as amazing as the picture that I lost when I found out my first child was going to be a girl instead of a boy. I have no doubt that this boy will be just as loved, and that my family will adjust around a boy as easily as it would have a girl. That doesn't mean I can't be disappointed now.

I remember, back before you realized that fertility might be an issue for you, that you were concerned about the date you conceived and birthed your next child. You actually considered putting off trying to conceive based on the Chinese zodiac. And let's face it, back then, you didn't have anything better to worry about. It's only now that you've had problems conceiving at all that you're sensitive to the shallowness of hoping for anything but healthy and normal.

I don't expect you to hold back in your comments and feelings. But don't expect me to be less than honest about mine, either. The roller coaster you experience monthly may be different from mine, but that doesn't mean I'm not on a hell of a ride myself.