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May 23, 2007
Anyone have a crystal ball handy?
We're getting to crunch time to find another place to live, and even though we made the decision to lease, for some reason we're still looking at sale homes. New contruction *and* pre-owned. No, I don't know what we're thinking.
I'm so sick of not knowing. Not knowing how I'm going to feel about this place in a year. Not knowing if moving to Austin will be possible in a year. Not knowing what the housing market will be like in a year.
The last time I was in this position, I was told to live like this was my life. Which it is. We entrenched ourselves into our community. I made plans for the future of our house, and started implementing them. I dreamed and schemed and pictured my future.
Letting go of those plans and dreams has probably been the hardest part of this move. For the first time in several years, I could see my future, and when we moved up here, suddenly it was gone again. I would get halfway through a plan in my head before I realized that that plan was based on something we didn't have anymore.
Those old dreams have faded, sometimes I can barely remember what I miss so much. I don't have anything to replace them with yet, and that's a new kind of hard. Also, I feel like I've been burned. That if I make plans now, that rug will get pulled out from under me, too. And I know, logically, that that's just life. You make plans, things change, you make new plans. This seems a little more extreme than that, somehow.
Decisions. Too. Hard.
Posted by me at May 23, 2007 12:14 PM