Clearly Delirious: May 2007 Archives

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May 31, 2007

Our first drive-in

Home, repossessed home

In our search for a lease house, we have so far looked at...ZERO houses for lease!

We have found a couple nice for sale homes that we're going to look at again tomorrow. One is a foreclosure home that has some obvious problems, even without an inspection. The yard is bigger, though, as is the house. I like the feel of it, but it's priced higher than I'm willing to pay. I'm assuming that we can get it for significantly less than asking, but I'm not sure how low I can offer without getting laughed at.

The other house is smaller, although nowhere near small. The yard is small. It has an extra bedroom that we don't need. The price is right, and would be even better after negotiations. The owner showed us around, and they are ready to move quickly, I think.

We're suddenly in the position of needing to buy a house, fast, since apparently this leasing thing is going nowhere. We purposely left leasing to the last minute, but for buying, we should have started this process months ago. At least we did some looking, at neighborhoods and schools and such, before we chose to lease.

At least I've finally gone from apathy to interest. That's a big step, right?

Posted by me at 9:33 PM | Comments (0)

May 29, 2007

Mother's Day, revisited

I started this post last week, but I haven't had the time or inclination to rehash this crap over the weekend. It needs to be done, though, if only to get it out of my head. In the absence of real friends to talk to, I have to let it out here.

***

I feel the need to talk more about the Mother's Day debacle, partly to get it out of my head, and partly because I imagine it's the only way my husband is going to understand why I'm so upset. God forbid I actually talk directly *to* him.

I wasn't expecting a big gift. In fact, I didn't want one. I don't even really expect much of a gift from Rex at all. After all, it's Mother's Day, and I'm not his mother. What I wanted was for Rex to be the person to tell my girls to greet me with a "Happy Mother's Day!", not my dad. I wanted him to spend some time with them, making me scribbled card or a sappy cut out heart. I wanted him to teach them that it was a day to make mom feel honored, loved and appreciated.

All I felt was forgotten. I'm not sure if Rex even knows if the girls told me to have a happy Mother's Day. He certainly didn't coach them to tell me, my father took care of that. He offered to take the girls to Wal*Mart and meet us at his grandparents house for lunch, so they could pick up a card. I'd rather the girls not know that Mother's Day exists than learn that it's ok to run out halfway through the day and show up 5 minutes later with whatever card was still left on the shelf at the mega mart. I may not have the highest self-esteem, but even *I* know I'm worth more than that.

I've thought of lots of ways he could have dug himself out of this hole, some of them even before he got himself into it. So far, he hasn't taken me up on any one of my ideas, not that I've said them out loud. This is one of those things he has to figure out how to fix himself.

Posted by me at 10:21 PM | Comments (1)

Prison menu

Posted by me at 10:10 PM | Comments (0)

May 25, 2007

One of those stupid things you do when you're young

Except, I'm still not sorry I did it!

Posted by me at 11:09 AM | Comments (0)

May 24, 2007

Self explanatory, I think

Posted by me at 10:09 PM | Comments (0)

Two worlds collide

Posted by me at 12:43 PM | Comments (0)

May 23, 2007

Anyone have a crystal ball handy?

We're getting to crunch time to find another place to live, and even though we made the decision to lease, for some reason we're still looking at sale homes. New contruction *and* pre-owned. No, I don't know what we're thinking.

I'm so sick of not knowing. Not knowing how I'm going to feel about this place in a year. Not knowing if moving to Austin will be possible in a year. Not knowing what the housing market will be like in a year.

The last time I was in this position, I was told to live like this was my life. Which it is. We entrenched ourselves into our community. I made plans for the future of our house, and started implementing them. I dreamed and schemed and pictured my future.

Letting go of those plans and dreams has probably been the hardest part of this move. For the first time in several years, I could see my future, and when we moved up here, suddenly it was gone again. I would get halfway through a plan in my head before I realized that that plan was based on something we didn't have anymore.

Those old dreams have faded, sometimes I can barely remember what I miss so much. I don't have anything to replace them with yet, and that's a new kind of hard. Also, I feel like I've been burned. That if I make plans now, that rug will get pulled out from under me, too. And I know, logically, that that's just life. You make plans, things change, you make new plans. This seems a little more extreme than that, somehow.

Decisions. Too. Hard.

Posted by me at 12:14 PM | Comments (0)

Grandma can sew

Posted by me at 11:37 AM | Comments (0)

May 22, 2007

Catch-up with bullets

I think the only way I'm going to get this done is the short, bulleted version. Here goes:

Rex graduated!
We met our nephews. Within minutes of walking into their house, Katie found the sleeping twin, Karston, and said, "That MY baby." She spent the rest of our visit checking on him, and letting us know if he was awake or asleep. Jamie liked helping out, too. SO cute!
Mother's Day, uh, wasn't. I'm still pissed about it, too. I know it's something I probably just need to get over, but even if I do, I still know something that I'll never be able to forget, and that's going to color our relationship for the rest of my life. That might be a little dramatic. I mean, I did learn some things that I can't unlearn, but they weren't all on Mother's Day.
On our way back into town on Sunday, we dropped Rex off at the airport for a week of training in California.
My van started randomly shutting off while we were in Hosuton. Five times in three days, once on the interstate. On Monday, I took it in to the shop while my dad watched the girls. Then he took Rex's car to the airport and took himself back off to Maryland. It took the dealer THREE DAYS to get my van back to me, two of those to figure out what was wrong with the van. And this was after I TOLD them what was wrong with it. Three days, completely alone, with no car. Yeesh. It wasn't nearly as bad as it could have been.
Jamie has napped more in the past week than the past year.
Jamie, and therefore Katie, has started calling me Mom instead of Mama. There was a time a while back where she tried to call me Mommy, which I totally shot down, but Mom doesn't bother me. It does make me feel a little more like a mature mother, and it makes her seem older too. Maybe we're both coming into our own.

Posted by me at 12:53 PM | Comments (2)

Old enough to shave

Posted by me at 11:30 AM | Comments (6)

May 21, 2007

Empty husk

I've been in a grumpy, pissy, low-patience mood all day. I know what it's from, and it's totally legit, but it isn't the kids fault, and they're the ones who get stuck with me for a big part of the day.

Indigo Girl's post really struck a nerve with me the other day, because on my less than good days, of which I have many, that's how I feel. All done. Empty. Tired. I can't figure out how I got here.

I'm not really in the mood to get too deep right now, but that's how I've been feeling today. Used up, unsure of how I got into this, and why I stay. Taken for granted. Bitter. You know, all the things I don't want to teach my kids to be.

Posted by me at 9:40 PM | Comments (0)

A wee vacation

I had every intention of posting last week. I certainly had plenty of things to write about. In fact, maybe the problem was I had too many things to write about. Stymied by the options, I guess. By halfway through the week, I had no idea where to start, so I decided to just not start at all.

Another week, another chance to do it all right.

Posted by me at 11:33 AM | Comments (0)

A start

Posted by me at 11:33 AM | Comments (0)

May 19, 2007

Better than therapy

Pump it up!

Posted by me at 8:49 PM | Comments (0)

May 10, 2007

Making herself at home on the floor of TRU

Posted by me at 10:00 PM | Comments (0)

I miss it, too

I can't remember what started it, but Jamie started talking about Houston today. She was hoping that the people who bought our house would rent it back to us. She wasn't impressed when I told her that the people who bought are house were living in it, and I doubted they wanted to leave. That they bought our house because they loved it as much as we did. She told me that she missed having a gate she could open and close (our backyard gate) and a great place to ride her trike.

She also asked why we couldn't go back to Houston, and I told her it was because Daddy had a new job here, and we moved here to be near Daddy. That's when she told me that she liked Daddy's old job. I told her that I did, too.

Jamie lets most things roll right off her back. I think this might be the second time she's brought up Houston since right after we moved up here, other than in the context of visits and family. I'm not sure what stirred her pot this time, if it was the little meltdown I had yesterday (although I didn't tell them anything, I just told them I was sad), or if she was just thinking about Houston since we'll be going there tomorrow.

Either way, I told her that I was pretty sure that when we rented a house here, soon, that there would be a place for her to ride her trike. For now, that seems to be enough.

My Dad came into town tonight. Tomorrow, we leave for Houston. Saturday, we meet our nephews for the first time, and then Rex graduates. Sunday, back to Dallas, where we drop Rex off at the airport for a week in Cali for training. Monday, my Dad goes back to Maryland.

Lots of stuff in a little time, most of it awesome.

Posted by me at 9:55 PM | Comments (0)

May 9, 2007

Copycat

Things Katie is learning from Jamie:

"That makes me angry!"

She threw herself on the floor and threw a fake tantrum to do what Jamie does.

Posted by me at 12:24 PM | Comments (0)

It's almost like they were doing what I asked

Posted by me at 11:48 AM | Comments (0)

May 8, 2007

I don't know if it's PMS or what, but I hate my husband and I can't stop crying.

The girls came in and gave me a big hug and held me while I cried, and Katie kept patting me on the shoulder and saying, "Don't worry, Mama."

What am I doing to them, being this way?

Posted by me at 9:42 PM | Comments (0)

Hangin' around

Posted by me at 11:47 AM | Comments (4)

May 7, 2007

More motivation to move. As if I needed it.

This weekend was fun but exhausting.

Earlier in the week, a good friend of mine in Austin asked me if I had any interest in coming to a party at her house. Totally kid friendly, and while I'm not really friends with most of the people there, I had at least met most of them before. Even better? I think I WOULD be friends with a lot of them, if I saw them often enough.

I packed the girls up Saturday morning, and after Tae Kwon Do we made the three and a half hour drive to Austin. The girls were good, most of which I attribute to the movie they were glued to for the first two hours or so.

The party was awesome, a gathering of friends and family and friends with families. Jamie practically disappeared into a herd of girls. They spent so much time on the swings I'm surprised she wasn't walking funny the next day. Katie even wandered off to play, in spite of the crowd of strange kids and adults, either of which would typically have her hanging off my leg like a barnacle. And me, well, I got to talk and talk and talk to adults. There were enough people there that I could talk all night long without torturing any one particular person, except maybe my friend, who may not feel the urge to be near me for a while :)

Sunday, my kids woke up early, despite a three an a half hour sleep deficit for each. Typical. We hung around for a while, and then my friends took us out to find our first geocache. Rex, the girls and I had tried to find one using my navigation system, and when that wasn't accurate enough we bought a more suitable GPS. While that first cache was a bit hilly and muddy, and involved a couple fits out of Jamie, I think the hobby itself will be fun. And after Jamie found the "treasure," she immediately asked to go find another.

After lunch with our friends, we hit the road. The return was even more uneventful, since the girls spent most of it asleep.

And just because it was good to get back, that doesn't mean it's home.

Posted by me at 10:30 PM | Comments (0)

Happy Birthday, Katie!

Posted by me at 8:31 AM | Comments (4)

May 4, 2007

Basket case

Posted by me at 9:47 PM | Comments (0)

May 3, 2007

Arm candy

Posted by me at 3:34 PM | Comments (0)

May 2, 2007

Baby maternity wear

Posted by me at 2:56 PM | Comments (0)

Herman #5

The saga of the Hermans continues.

A couple weeks ago, we lost the smaller of the Hermans, I believe he was #3. Since we call them all Herman, and we haven't informed the girls of any of their deaths, it's hard to keep track.

Jamie has shown a passing interest in the Hermans a few times lately, but usually at inconvenient times, so we haven't really done much with them. Today, though, when she asked to see them, we actually had time. I knew as soon as I got the tank down that Jamie was going to notice that the one Herman was missing, so I preemptively told her of Herman's demise. She wasn't that upset, although as usual she had a lot to say. I'm not sure why I did it, but I suggested we head to PetSmart and get a friend for "Jamie's" Herman. We don't want him to be lonely, after all. I guess I figured that if she was going to take interest in the crab again, the poor sucker shouldn't have to live alone.

And so off we went. Both girls were excited. Jamie kept referring to the dead Herman as mine, so I suggested that the new Herman should be Katie's. They picked a small, incredibly active little guy that almost got away while the salesperson went to get a container. While we were waiting, we watched another crab change to a new shell. Naked crabs are NASTY.

Anyway, Katie is all excited about her crab, Jamie is excited too. The crab is freakishly active, or he was until he found the cave and went to hide out.

Now I just have to keep the damn things alive.

Posted by me at 1:53 PM | Comments (0)

May 1, 2007

Very warm puppy

There are no words for my frustration with Jamie tonight.

Chick-Fil-A included these Mensa for kids puzzles in their kids meals. The cards have little questions, jokes or puzzles on them that you're supposed to decode with a key page. I don't think Jamie's really ready for that yet, so I was just asking her questions and telling her the jokes. Everything was going fine. Until.

The question was: What food do the coded words playfully define? The coded part was "very warm puppy," which I read to her straight off the answer section. She had nothing. And that's ok, it took me a second too. So I started asking her things like, "What's another word for puppy?" and, "What kind of animal is a puppy?" and, "A puppy is a baby...?" She finally got the word dog. Every so often I reminded her that we were looking for a food.

Then we started working on the hot part. I led her. I fed her hints. I got frustrated and we went to brush teeth and read a story. I gave it another try. I finally got her to say the word hot. I asked her what kind of food we could be talking about.

She said peas.

At this point, I was about to put my fist through a wall. I would lead her to say both words close together, but for some reason she still could get "hot dog." At some point, I stood up and told her I was going to take a little walk. As I left the room, she started to cry. Not about the freaking word puzzle, but because she thought I wasn't going to read to her.

That was the point where I lost it. The child will giggle one minute and be crying the next. I yelled a little. I threatened some. I gave her one quick spank. Then I yelled a little more, since spanking obviously didn't help the crying. She is irrational when she cries. I follow about 20 seconds later.

I am not proud.

I left and cooled off while she calmed down. Then I went back, and very nicely told her we were going to try again. And this time I kept my temper. For all the good it did me, since she still wouldn't put the words together. Finally I called Rex in. He failed. He went for something to write with. That pretty much failed. In the end, he basically had to tell her what we wanted.

If you can run Rex out of patience, you have a talent. We just need to find a way to market it.

There are days when I would swear my kid is a genius. She has a memory that amazes me every day. She sometimes says things that I would swear she pulled out of thin air. Other days, I wonder if she was deprived of oxygen in the womb. She can be incredibly obtuse. She hates to do anything "hard," which basically means anything that doesn't come easily to her, physically or mentally. We thought she was stubborn, but then we met Katie.

I love my kid. Really truly love her. But goddamn I can't wait until someone else has to take care of a big part ofher education.

Just another mommy blog