« January 2006 | Main | March 2006 »

February 28, 2006

I think I might throw up

Rex got the call. The contract we've been waiting for so we could move has been signed.

Holy shit.

I'm having the same feeling I did when we first went off birth control. We were ready, we had made the decision to have kids, all our ducks were in a row, but the day I went off bc I started wondering if we were *really* ready. I questioned everything.

I'm freaking out now. So many unknowns. So many ways that this could be the wrong decision. For my husband. For my kids. For my parents. For me.

What the hell am I doing??

Posted by me at 8:45 PM | Comments (2)

Because a naked hermit crab looks like a snail with claws

Jamie is in her room, talking Doggie's ear off and banging on the wall. It's only been 20 minutes though *hopes*

Yesterday, I washed Jamie's sheets and the little fleece blanket she sleeps with. We have two blankets that I rotate, one blue with clouds, the other yellow with embroidered ducks on one end. Switching between them has never been a problem, til yesterday. I pulled out the yellow blanket "with ducks!" and laid it over her. She said she didn't like it. When I asked what she didn't like, she pointed at the embroidery.

"But they're ducks!"

She looks closer, "I don't like the snail."

Snail? What freaking snail? Oh, the one that's a quarter inch tall between two of the ducks. I'm pretty sure she didn't know there was a snail on the blanket until just this minute. I told her that Doggie would take care of the snail for her. That's worked so far. She even remembered when I left her for her rest today.

I wonder if this means the hermit crab I was going to get her for her birthday is a bad idea.

Posted by me at 2:32 PM | Comments (2)

My new hobby

Posted by me at 12:30 PM | Comments (1)

February 27, 2006

Backpack! Backpack!

Posted by me at 12:29 PM | Comments (0)

About Katie's duck teether

"The duck has lost all it's cold. We need to put it back in the refrigerlator"

Posted by me at 9:30 AM | Comments (0)

February 26, 2006

She's been so close to walking for so long

Posted by me at 12:27 PM | Comments (1)

February 25, 2006

Leave it to beaver

Katie is trying to gnaw her way out of the crib. I have no doubt that given enough time, she will succeed.

Posted by me at 12:24 PM | Comments (0)

February 24, 2006

You'd never guess he's known as "Grouchy" with his party hat on

Posted by me at 12:36 PM | Comments (0)

February 23, 2006

More motherly angst

Everyone keeps laughing at me and telling me that I'm the one who isn't ready for Jamie to give up her afternoon nap. And they're right.

But more importantly, Jamie needs her afternoon nap. And when neither of us get her nap, we're both grumpy in the evening.

It doesn't help that I don't react well to Jamie's defiance. She's had a few days of nasty backtalking and deliberate acts of rebellion, and I don't take that shit. And if there are hidden reasons for it (sibling jealousy, lack of attention, whatever) I don't really tend to take those into account. I'm more of a surface kind of person.

She alternates her teen-on-Springer immitation with some very sweet acts towards her sister, and towards me. She can be funny. She has an amazing memory that surprises me constantly. She talks constantly, which leads to a few hilarious mis-speaks.

And she recovers instantly from her tantrums and my rebukes. I don't recover nearly so quickly. And if my day starts out bad, a couple giggles don't really lift my whole day from the crapper.

Add that to the contrast between Katie's sweet smiles and hugs, and Jamie and I clash constantly. (Don't get me wrong, Katie isn't perfect. She's clingy and shy and demanding, but in that innocent baby way that's hard to hold against them.)

I'm not sure how to fix any of this. I can't force Jamie to nap, although I do make her stay in her room and "rest" daily, hoping the nap will follow. She doesn't sleep later the morning after a missed nap. She would go to bed earlier, but then she wakes up earlier as well, and that sure as hell isn't going to help my mood.

And only part of the problem is Jamie and her sleep habits, anyway. A big part of it is my relationship with her. I'm not sure how much of this is normal clash, how much is her age (testing limits, etc.), and how much of it is my failings as a mother (lack of patience and understanding, not providing enough amusement and attention, I could go on...).

This too shall pass.

Right?

Posted by me at 9:37 PM | Comments (0)

It only took 13 tries to get a decent smile, in focus

Posted by me at 12:16 PM | Comments (0)

February 22, 2006

I'll still be full the next time we go, in about 5 years

Rex's birthday. Dinner at The Melting Pot. Too full to talk. Too full to breathe.

Damn, that was good.

Posted by me at 9:59 PM | Comments (0)

And this is why I call her "Trouble"

Posted by me at 1:38 PM | Comments (1)

February 21, 2006

Boogers are the new caulk

Jamie asked me what I was doing as I was wiping her boogers off the wall. I explained, and told her we don't wipe boogers on the wall. She agreed, and told me that she now sticks them in the crack between the bed and the wall.

Posted by me at 2:20 PM | Comments (0)

Hand in hand

Posted by me at 12:35 PM | Comments (0)

February 20, 2006

Deep thoughts

Posted by me at 12:00 PM | Comments (0)

I don't even know what I just did

I love when I do something that I have absolutely no understanding of, and it works.

Scheduled posts are now working!

Posted by me at 10:19 AM | Comments (0)

February 19, 2006

A post of substance? We'll see about that!

Friday was not such a good day. One of our horses, one that we've had for 10 years or so, had to be put down.

He was a sweet old guy, fun to ride, well behaved, easy tempered. He was probably 29 or so, but still game. The last time I rode him, I was probably 4 or 5 months pregnant with Katie. One of the reins broke, and after a moment of panic and confusion, I easily got him stopped. He could have taken advantage of the situation and galloped off to the barn (not far away, and I would have been fine, but still, more danger than I was looking for at the time), but he didn't.

He was old, he was going to go sometime, he had a good life with us, he served his purpose well. All that's well and good. It still hurts that he's gone. That he won't be around for my kids to learn to ride on. That his buddy, another old gentleman, is puttering around the pasture alone. I can't quite wrap my mind around the fact that he's gone.

Posted by me at 9:18 PM | Comments (1)

Winter weed

Posted by me at 9:15 PM | Comments (0)

February 18, 2006

Sunny Day

Posted by me at 4:07 PM | Comments (0)

February 17, 2006

Saying goodbye

Alibi, one of our old gentlemen. I already miss you.

Posted by me at 9:00 PM | Comments (0)

February 14, 2006

In the hat of a 60 year old man

Posted by me at 8:02 PM | Comments (0)

February 12, 2006

Anything to keep her busy for a couple minutes

Katie's playing peek-a-boo with my belly button.

Posted by me at 8:11 PM | Comments (0)

Snow Day

Posted by me at 7:12 PM | Comments (0)

February 11, 2006

They look sort of like cave drawings

Posted by me at 10:22 PM | Comments (0)

February 10, 2006

Frazzled

I went to my grandparents house for the evening to see my mother and my uncle and his wife. I meet my mom over there every week or so, but my uncle is in town from Texas. Rex had a test and some quizzes, so he escaped the horror that ensued. I think I'm going to list the issues by subject, rather than on a timeline.

1. Jamie must have gone potty at least a dozen times today. She tends to be a little constipated at times, and will often have a "false alarm" potty run before she goes for real. Even I was starting to wonder if there was something else going on, when my grandmother brought up the issue. At the dinner table. While we were *eating*. My grandmother is a woman who has always been rather highbrow and refined. Me, I tend to be a bit crass. But even I wasn't real keen on discussing my daughters bowel issues at the dinner table.

2. My grandfather tried to feed Katie triple chocolate cake. While my mother and I were yelling, "NO!" I swooped in got the cake when it was half in her mouth. This is the same man who on several occasions has awakened Jamie from hard-won naps, also to a whispered chorus of no's.

3. Jamie had a couple tantrums during dinner. She wanted more meat, I wanted her to eat some of the other food on her plate, which she had already tried and not declared repulsive. I took her into the living room and told her she could come back when she calmed down. After one false start, she seemed to be ok. The she had to make yet another potty run, and knocked over her glass of water. You would have thought she spilled boiling oil on her lap for all the screeching. My mom backed me up on all this. I think everyone else at the table thought I should give in to the little terrorist and let her know that she would own me, as long as company was present. Fuck that!

4. Kidly naplessness. Jamie actually asked to watch Blue's Clues while we were there, likely becuase she was tired and (holy crap!) asking to be put down. My mom laid down with her for a while, but we had to wake her up for dinner. I suspect that prompted some of the tantruminess, since Jamie wakes up from naps cranky in general, and worse when she's forcefully woken. I never did get Katie to fall asleep during the five and a half hours we were there.

5. This one probably isn't my grandmother's fault. Her memory is going, and she often asks the same questions or repeats herself. But I can't even count the number of times she offered food for Katie, even while I was feeding her. Some of her repeats were too close together to be forgetfullness. NO means NO, people.

6. I was in a fog. About the time I left our house, I started feeling tired. Foggy, everything seems to be happening from a bit of a distance, sort of like a buzz groggy.

All in all, it wasn't that bad of a visit, but I feel like I went through the ringer.

Posted by me at 8:58 PM | Comments (0)

For some reason, I just love the dot over the "i"

Posted by me at 1:09 PM | Comments (0)

I hate when my head and my heart disagree

Well, we've decided to move back to Texas. For sure, no doubt, it's gonna happen.

I don't know when or where, but it's going to happen. I'm guessing in the next two months, but obviously I've been wrong before.

I can't wait, and I'm terrified. We need to pick a city - Houston, Austin or Dallas, and I'm afraid to pick the wrong one. Each has some very compelling attributes making it the top choice. We just have to decide which attributes are the highest priority and then go to the city that has the most and highest ones, right?

Ironically, Maryland has every one of the attributes, and yet it's not the right place for us. Which means that picking based on priorities isn't necessarily going to lead us to the right conclusion.

I'm so gun-shy now, since I'm the one who made the decision to try to come up here (with agreement from Rex, of course, but I was the one who pushed for it) and it turned out to be such a rousing success.

I try to keep in mind that if we move somewhere and hate it, we can always move again. Nothing has to be permanent unless we choose for it to be, although at some point being nomadic with kids gets a little ridiculous. I really want to be settled for the next 15 years by the time Jamie starts school, at the latest. I'm already concerned about how she's going to react to moving this time. This time, she's old enough to remember living with Grandpa (a great thing!) which means she's also old enough to miss him.

I think the only thing worse than not knowing what's going to happen is being the person who has to make the decision while at the same time feeling totally unqualified to make it. Of course, being in the position to make the decision is also the best thing about all this. After all, we're getting to choose our own fate to a large degree.

I'm going to need more chocolate.

Posted by me at 9:54 AM | Comments (0)

I hate to think of where she heard this phrase

"Doggy's riding Tana like a pony."

Posted by me at 9:11 AM | Comments (0)

February 9, 2006

Why should the kids have all the fun?

Posted by me at 4:30 PM | Comments (0)

February 7, 2006

Milk. It does a body good.

Posted by me at 3:08 PM | Comments (0)

February 6, 2006

Department of Corrections

We have this preschool workbook that so far, is a lot like a coloring book with directions. Jamie keeps asking for it, saying, "I wanna do my corrections."

Posted by me at 8:53 PM | Comments (0)

As though the sun will burn her right up

Posted by me at 6:30 PM | Comments (0)

February 5, 2006

First Swirly

Posted by me at 8:47 PM | Comments (0)

February 4, 2006

Never, ever, EVER

Wash a disposable diaper.

Never.

Posted by me at 10:27 PM | Comments (0)

Sleep update

I haven't talked about our sleeping situation in a few days. I'm happy to report that since Katie's marathon of screaming, she's been sleeping through without assistance! She wakes up a few times a night and fusses, but puts herself back to sleep without the standing, screaming drama.

Three days of bliss.

I don't know why we didn't do this sooner. Oh, wait, I think we tried :)

Now, why am I almost *more* tired than I was when I was getting up every two hours? Actually, my dad got up with the girls this morning, and there's something about getting to lay in bed while the girls are up that makes me feel more rested, even if I don't really get much sleep during that time.

*****

We did some stroller test driving today. I realized when Katie stood up in her stroller last weekend (yes, she was strapped in) that we were going to need something with a 5-point harness. I figured it would also be nice to have something smaller than the travel system stroller, and with better wheels than the $10 Walmart umbrella.

We've settled on the Maclaren Triumph. I've found last years model for $40 cheaper than the 2006. Even so, the thing is pricey. Having pushed both kids around in a few of the cheaper models, though, we decided youget what you pay for. My only concern now is that the 2005 weighs 1.2 pounds more than the 2006, and I wonder what other differences there may be, since we weren't able to physically test both models.

I'm probably overthinking again, but matters of money tend to give me ulcers.

Posted by me at 10:05 PM | Comments (0)

Messing with macros

Posted by me at 10:05 AM | Comments (0)

February 3, 2006

Bad Mommy moment #827

Why do I resent the demands of my older daughter so much more than those of the baby?

The baby's needs are more constant, usually more draining. It's the baby that's keeping me up at night, tying me down during the day. Jamie rarely wakes me up in the middle of the night, and is always easily returned to sleep.

I always heard that when you decided to have a second child, you worried that you wouldn't love it as much as the first. I never really had that problem. Then, after the baby came along, I started worrying that I loved the new kid more than the first.

Maybe it's that the baby's needs are easier to meet. I *know* how to feed Katie, and I can tell when she's getting tired. I don't have to worry about stimulating her brain, she does that all on her own. Jamie is always asking, "Why?" and saying, "But..." I'm supposed to be teaching her how to do things, but it's just so much easier to get them done by myself. Katie isn't supposed to help with chores, so I have an excuse to do them while she occupied elsewhere. Jamie not only *should* be helping, she also *wants* to.

I don't have any answers, just a boatload of guilt. I *know* I'm doing this wrong, coming at it from the wrong direction, and I can't seem to turn it around. I can't...

I just can't.

Posted by me at 11:07 PM | Comments (1)

Well suited for life in the food-service industry

Posted by me at 9:31 PM | Comments (0)

February 2, 2006

She's an advertiser's dream

Although she's usually more accurate.

"Doob a dollar!" (Do a dollop [of Daisy])

All. Day. Long.

Posted by me at 8:21 PM | Comments (0)

Water Anyone?

Posted by me at 4:44 PM | Comments (0)

February 1, 2006

Splish, splash I was taking a bath

Posted by me at 8:36 AM | Comments (2)

Operation snooze alarm

1:00am - Rex puts Katie back to sleep

1:05-1:15am - Rex puts Katie back to sleep again

2:25-3:35am - Katie screamed like a banshee while I patted, rubbed, scratched, and shushed. I did NOT, however, pick her up or nurse her. At the end, she refused to stay laying down, stretching her arms forward like a cat resisting a bath. For the last 10 minutes or so, I was curled in a ball on the floor. This seemed to calm the constant screaming to intermittent screeches, although she was still standing.

3:35-3:45am - I went back to bed and we watched Katie stand and screech intermittently on the tv.

3:45-4:05am - Katie is eerily silent. She stands. She sits. She plays with Elph Net. She stands some more. I doze, peeking up every minute or so to watch.

4:05am - I open my eyes. Katie is laying down! Rex says she just did it about 20 seconds before. We watch for a couple minutes, then turn off the tv and crash.

5:45am - Katie's up with a pooper. I change her, then we both fall asleep while she nurses.

6:30am - I take Katie back to her crib, and drag my ass back to bed.

7:00-7:45am - Jamie gets up. I get her into my bed and try to convince her to snuggle. It's more like trying to sleep with a happy puppy. Not much rest gotten, but I manage to stay warm under the covers.

8:20am - Katie wakes up. Apparently, unlike her sister, she'll actually make up sleep when she has a bad night.

Posted by me at 8:12 AM | Comments (0)