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January 31, 2006

Burning the candle from the middle

Katie will be 9 months old next week, and in that time I think I've slept through the night once.

This has got to stop.

This weekend, if not sooner, we'll be letting her cry herself back to sleep. A lot of you probably thing it's about damn time, letting her learn to sooth herself, and you're right. The problem has been that ever since she learned to pull up, she'll be up and standing at the end of the crib before she's even fully awake, and every other time we've tried to let her get back to sleep on her own, she's never so much as laid back down. I'm not sure if the problem is that she's out of it and doesn't really know how to get down, or she's just more obstinate than I am. She's old enough to learn to get herself back down, and old enough to learn that I'm going to win.

I hope.

I'd love to do this some other way. I've taken into account sickness, reflux, hunger and teething. But I'm at the point where my lack of sleep is going to make me do something irrational. I think it's been a big contributor to whatever level of depression I've been experiencing. (That's my hope at least, that I'll get more sleep and my personal dark cloud will lift a little.) I'm hoping that I'll be a better parent, particularly to Jamie, who's mere presence irritates me, mostly in the morning when I'm at my worst.

I'm pinning a lot of hope on this sleep thing.

Let's hope it works.

Posted by me at 8:55 PM | Comments (0)

Park day

Posted by me at 4:13 PM | Comments (0)

January 30, 2006

Profiles

Posted by me at 9:56 PM | Comments (0)

January 29, 2006

Life in a bubble

Posted by me at 8:41 PM | Comments (0)

January 28, 2006

Look at that hair blow in the breeze!

Posted by me at 8:33 PM | Comments (0)

According to her, Kenny Chesney said this one

"Basketball chicken in a pickup truck."

I assume this comes from a song, very likely a Kenny Chesney song, but I haven't figured out which one yet.

Posted by me at 8:29 PM | Comments (0)

I feel like such an ungrateful bitch

This whole knowing-we're-moving-but-not-knowing-where-or-when thing is getting old. I'm tired of trying to answer questions that I have no answers for. I'm tired of trying to think of the answers. I'm tired of trying to make decisions without all the information. Hell, I don't even know what information I need anymore.

I'm developing a grudge against living in this inconvenient place. And then I've got a guilt complex because this inconvenient place is a lot better than a lot of people have it. When did I become so socially concious, dammit? It must have come with the political correctness that I can't seem to shake, even though it's obliterating every last ounce of my uniqueness and personality.

Back to this house, and the ways that it pisses me off. I have a ton of gear from when Jamie was a baby that I can't use. I can't find it in the pile of boxes in the basement, it won't fit where I can use it or I don't even remember I have it. I can't leave things that I use often out where I can get to them, because there isn't enough space. I'd love to have a craft area for Jamie, and even one for me, but there's no room for that either. My baby is sleeping in the office, for god's sake. I can't even print when she's sleeping. I don't even have a place to leave the infant seat that isn't in my way. And the high chair? It lives in the middle of the kitchen. It's a good thing it's on wheels, because I'm constantly pushing it around as I move around the kitchen to cook. Most of my pots, pans and kitchen gear are packed away. We have the basics upstairs, but when I want to get creative, I can't find the stuff I need.

I don't even like to think of all the things that need to be babyproofed. I'm not anal about having everything perfectly safe, but Jamie was such a good kid we didn't do a single thing when we moved in here. There are matches in drawers the kids can get to, glassware in the cabinets that even the baby can reach, no way to rope off the kitty litter (eew!) and I'm using storage bins to keep Katie out of the octopus of electrical cords by the couch.

A lot of this comes back to wanting what we left. Logically, I know that a bunch of the things that drive me nuts here aren't going to go away even if we slipped right back into our old life. I'd still have the two kids, after all. But when I compare now to then, it seems like I'm always saying, "This wouldn't be a problem in our old house." Of course, the longer we're here, the less true that becomes. After all, Katie has already outgrown some of the bigger baby gear. I won't have to worry about stashing the infant seat soon. It just seems like being here is making my life such a pain in the ass, and by the time we actually move I won't be able to use all the things that could have made my life so much easier.

I resent that. A lot.

Posted by me at 8:28 PM | Comments (0)

January 26, 2006

Sometimes so many go over, you'd think we lived in a war zone

Posted by me at 9:20 PM | Comments (0)

While SHE'S watching ME go to the bathroom...

"I need some privacy!"

Posted by me at 6:19 PM | Comments (2)

January 25, 2006

It won't be long now!

Posted by me at 2:44 PM | Comments (0)

January 24, 2006

Sittin' on the dock of the bay

Posted by me at 3:11 PM | Comments (0)

January 23, 2006

Just chillin' in ma chair

Posted by me at 9:09 PM | Comments (0)

January 22, 2006

New boobie dismount

Katie has perfected a new dismount from my boob.

Instead of just pulling off and watching tv or Jamie or lolling back like she's boneless, she's started rolling into me, onto her stomach. From there, she scooches back until her knees are ono the couch, sits straight up and grins liike she just pulled off a double salto with a half twist and stuck the landing.

I wonder what she'll come up with next?

Posted by me at 9:28 PM | Comments (0)

Another fabulous day

Posted by me at 9:07 PM | Comments (0)

January 20, 2006

Tidbits

There are a few things that bother me about cell phone users. People who talk on the phone while they're interacting with others. People who can't talk and drive at the same time (ok, that's most of us). People who talk on the phone while they're supposed to be talking to me.

And now, those Sprint/Nextel walkie talkie phones. All through dinner tonight, I kept hearing the cheeping sound of someone's walkie talkie. Apparently, someone was having an entire conversation. I couldn't hear any of the talking, just random cheeps. FOR AN HOUR.

Posted by me at 8:59 PM | Comments (0)

Not even 3, and she's already hooked

Really, they gave her the leftover milk from my hot chocolate or something. But then she had just a little of Rex's coffee, cause he can't say no. Ever.

Posted by me at 8:56 PM | Comments (2)

Apparently this is a saying from one of my grandmother's

And then my dad taught it to Jamie. Nothing like seeing a two-year-old running around with a kid-sized broom, yelling, "I'm going to potch you on the toadie!"

Posted by me at 4:06 PM | Comments (0)

January 16, 2006

Apparently you *can* catch germs from the internet

It's been a while.

I got a new laptop last week, and I'm still trying to transfer all my files and load all my software and make this thing more than an internet ready doorstop. I'm getting closer on everything but moving the files. I need to take both laptops back to the office and plug them directly into the router so the files transfer faster, but the only time I really have the time to do that is when Katie is sleep, and guess where the crib is?

I've also been sick since Friday afternoon. It started as a sore throat that got worse the more golf Rex played. I called him partway through the day and told him it would be a crime to waste a 60 degree January day at the office. My Dad was playing hooky, too, so they went and played a round at the course nearby. The sore throat got wickedly worse overnight, and then for the most part disappeared. In it's place came nausea, coughing and phlegm. Even two mornings of sleeping in didn't fix me, they just confused me and made it harder to actually sleep at night.

Both girls have some good coughing going on as well, which hasn't made sleeping at night any easier.

***

Jamie has started telling me (repeatedly, cause that's what she does) that she doesn't want Katie anymore, and that she doesn't love her. I know she doesn't really mean it, and that it's mostly a reaction to Katie trying to touch *everything* that Jamie owns. The irony, of course, is that Jamie has no qualms about taking and playing with every toy that Katie owns. Absolutely nothing in the house is more interesting than what Katie is touching. Still, it's sad to hear her say such hurtful things. I'm glad Katie doesn't get it yet.

To be fair, I should say that Jamie is generally kind and loving to Katie. She gives her hugs, tries not to break her, and even in the midst of a toy coup doesn't hit or hurt.

***

The longer we live here, the harder it's going to be to leave. The cold isn't getting any better, although those beautiful days last week made me reconsider for about 5 minutes. It's the people I'm starting to get attached to. One of the reasons I wanted to go back to Houston specifically were the friends I'd finally made in our neighborhood. The playgroups, Bunko, my neighbor across the street who moved, but not too far away. I've now found some mom's in Clarksburg that I'm really starting to fall for. I've started getting closer to some of the women in my women's group.

Sometimes I think I should start pulling away now, since we've made our decision. On the other hand, I'm still enjoying getting to know these women, and I don't really have any idea when we're leaving, so I think I'm just going to live in the moment.

I just wish, in this moment, I didn't feel like ass.

Posted by me at 7:36 PM | Comments (0)

January 11, 2006

I get the reindeer, but where did the hill come from?

I usually buy Nestle bottled water from Sam's, 'cause it's the cheapest. (Please don't judge my intelligence based on the fact that I buy bottled water. It's a quirk, not an indicator of my snobiness, I swear!) This time, Deer Park water was the same price, and the cases were at an easier height to pick up. Somehow, in Jamie's world, it's "Reindeer Hill" water.

I don't suppose it makes any less sense than Deer Park.

Posted by me at 10:03 PM | Comments (0)

I wasn't going to do the De-Lurking thing...

...but I just can't resist.

I'm guessing I'll get a deuce or less, which is sad, because all of my friends live in my laptop.

Maybe my new laptop will come with more friends included. Dell should list that as an option.

Posted by me at 9:57 PM | Comments (1)

It's legal if she handcuffs herself, right?

Posted by me at 9:34 PM | Comments (1)

January 9, 2006

Bibbity Bobbity Boob

I've finally given up. Katie wins again. The left boob has been abandoned.

Katie has been showing her displeasure with Lefty for a long time. She nurses for a couple minutes, then pulls off and stares across the room, no doubt dreaming of the good ol' days with Righty. She might be persuaded to nurse for another minute or so before she repeats the act. If I'm feeling patient, we might try that whole procedure a few more times.

I don't have any problems getting her to eat on the right side. On the rare occasion when a marching band passes through the living room, she might turn her head to look, but for the most part she's camping out there until she falls asleep or I pop her off.

Over the last 8 months, Lefty has gotten less and less action. I stopped worrying about alternating, tried to avoid the awkwardness of nursing her on that side in bed (for some reason, we just can't get comfortable) and didn't even bother when we were out of the house.

Yesterday, I didn't make use of Lefty a single time.

So now, at least one of my boobs can go back to it's normal (after 2 kids) perky self, while the other's weight pulls me in ever tightening right hand circles.

Posted by me at 9:09 PM | Comments (0)

It's the Wicked Witch of the East!

Posted by me at 8:00 AM | Comments (0)

January 8, 2006

Sleeping sickness

Once again, Jamie had the illness that wasn't. About 24 hours of fever, one puking and she's good as new. I'm still a bit paranoid every time she coughs, expecting vomit to come shooting towards me in a Dorito-scented gush.

Katie's middle-of-the-night sleeping is improving. We're having to get up with her less either because she isn't waking up, or when she does, she occasionally doesn't bother to stand. She's replaced keeping me up in the night with getting up much earlier in the morning. I'm not entirely sure which is worse. She's also going down for naps easier, without always being nursed to sleep. I guess that means things are better, since she's learning a valuable skill. I need to teach her to read the clock and stay quiet til 7 like we did with Jamie.

Tomorrow, Rex goes back to work for FIVE WHOLE DAYS IN A ROW. I think I'm gonna die.

Posted by me at 9:16 PM | Comments (0)

Some bastard hit my van, and didn't even have the decency to leave a note

I just noticed it today, so I'm not even sure where it happened. They would have to hit the vehicle that I'm fiscally obliged to keep for the rest of it's natural life.

Posted by me at 7:59 PM | Comments (0)

January 6, 2006

Now, with a pop-up timer!

Posted by me at 10:07 PM | Comments (2)

It's going to be a while before I can look a Dorito in the eyes again

Once again, with absolutely no warning signs, Jamie puked as she was being put to bed. By the time I got her and the bed changed and was tucking her in again, she had a fever and was actually acting tired. Now that's a sign of illness in my kid.

The last time this happened, she threw up twice in two days, both times without warning, and had a fever for maybe 24 hours. She never acted at all out of sorts.

After a week of tantrums, whining, crying, not much sleep, making an effort to be more attentive, screaming, good naps and terrible naps, I was looking forward to a nice, uneventful weekend.

Now I'm just hoping the puking doesn't spread.

Posted by me at 9:29 PM | Comments (0)

January 5, 2006

I love being able to take pictures of the sky without any distractions

Posted by me at 10:27 PM | Comments (0)

Not even 3 and she's already shallow

"I love all these houses 'cause they're really 'spensive."

Posted by me at 2:50 PM | Comments (0)

January 4, 2006

An advertisers best friend

Jamie has a thing for the Aflak duck. Well, maybe just the word "Aflak." In any case, she's taken to saying loudly, in public, "Aflak. Ask about it at work!"

Posted by me at 9:41 PM | Comments (0)

Tidbits

I am so goddamn sick and tired of being TOUCHED.

Posted by me at 9:37 PM | Comments (0)

(Out of focus) sisters

Posted by me at 9:27 PM | Comments (0)

January 3, 2006

And I didn't even sneak in a trip to Starbucks

Barnes and Noble is kind enough to have storytimes for kids. I've never been, since the day and time conflict with another activity (One for me, that includes cheap, on-site babysitting. Call me selfish.) My normal activity wasn't meeting today, so I modified my escape plan.

Between Jamie and Katie, we almost didn't get out. Jamie is re-adjusting to life during non-holidays, and the adjustment involves a lot of screaming and crying. Katie is still trying to sleep only on my boob or in the car. Naturally, I finally got her to sleep about half an hour before we needed to leave. And naturally, she woke up after 30 minutes, catching just enough of a nap to make us about 15 minutes late, but not getting the good solid rest she needed.

So, we drive 30 minutes, park nearby and walk fast. And it was still over by the time we arrived. I drove an hour for a 15 minute storytime that we missed.

I don't think I'll be trying too hard to make that event again.

Posted by me at 8:28 PM | Comments (0)

I didn't mean to dress them all twinky

Posted by me at 8:09 PM | Comments (0)

January 2, 2006

I love the Fisher-Price Aquarium

Katie's still in her PJ's, and it's after noon. What a lazy lush!

Oh, wait, she's in her PJ's because I didn't have an appropriate clean clothes to put her in. I guess that makes me tha lazy bitch.

I'm not sweating it, though. I got her to sleep, without nursing her, and without any crying. I hummed a little, I patted a little, and I stood a while, and it worked. I'm not usually patient enough (or she isn't) to get her to sleep. That, and sometimes she spends all her energy trying to throw herself sideways in my arms and suck through my shirt.

I'm on a temporary mothering high!

About to be brought down by the fact that I'm typing this here instead of playing with Jamie. Of course, I'd be more likely to play with her if she would stop the constant speaking of nothing.

Posted by me at 12:54 PM | Comments (2)

January 1, 2006

It says so right on the box

Why do family members insist on giving my kid age-inappropriate toys?

I understand that they think she's smart. I'll agree that she's probably above average intelligence (what parent doesn't think that?), but I hardly think she's the genius they make her out to be. That's still no reason to be buying toys that are designed for kids over a year ahead of her.

I know that one of the reasons the age ranges are stated on the product is due to safety concerns, and you have to take those with a grain of salt. Small parts are much more of a concern with very oral kids, and Jamie was never oral, so I don't worry too much about those. Of course, there are also electrical safety concerns, and then there's just plain skills. When you buy my not-yet-3 year old a toy for kids 4-10, you're setting her up for failure. Maybe she's a video game savant, or maybe she's just going to get really frustrated because she doesn't have the hand-eye coordination to play the games yet, not to mention the number/letter recognition.

Now that I think about it, I'm not sure I want her playing video games at this age anyway. Don't get me wrong, we had an Atari when we were kids. But not a handheld game that we took with us everywhere, to the point where we ignored the world around us. I see way too many kids who are paying video games in restaurants, instead of participating in family conversation. Or playing games every time they get in the car, even for short trips. And I'll admit that we have a DVD player for in the car, but we never turn it on unless we're going to be in the car a long time, and even then, usually only one way on a 3-hour-each-way trip, and only for an episode or two of Blue, not the whole trip. The rest of the time is spent singing, using her imagination with a few toys, talking to us, napping or looking out the window.

Hmm. This rant has changed direction. Back on track. She was also given a puzzle that's way above her comprehension. I have no problems with the puzzle, except for the fact that it's way too advanced, and it just frustrates her. In fact, I wanted her to get some puzzles, but maybe ones with fewer pieces. One that didn't take my husband and father a decent amount of time to do.

In any case, now I have to write a thank you note for a really nice toy that neither Jamie or I are ready for her to have. A toy that, with it's accessories, probably cost more that all the things we got for Jamie this year. (By choice, not due to lack of funds. She's not even 3, she doesn't need hundreds of dollars worth of toys.)

It's so much harder to sound appreciative when I'm up here on my high horse.

Posted by me at 9:50 PM | Comments (0)

Toys, at rest

Posted by me at 8:44 PM | Comments (0)