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December 29, 2005
Some mistakes can't be undone
I feel like about the worst mother in the world right now.
Katie is crawling, pulling up and cruising. A few days ago, she greeted me in her crib standing up. Now she seems to think that standing up in the crib is the thing to do, and it's made trying to get her to nap hell. Every time she wakes up at night, she stands. When I put her down for a nap, if she isn't out cold, she stands and screams. I've been going back in and nursing her back to sleep, but sometimes even that doesn't work too well, and besides, I can't do that forever.
Yesterday, I put her in the crib, told her I loved her and to have a nice nap and left. And listened to her sceram for over half an hour til she gave up.
Today, I put her in the crib asleep, but she woke up and eventually started the screaming. And she just. Kept. Screaming. I thought about going in there and laying her down, but in the past that just pisses her off and breaks my heart. I can't stand seeing her all teary and looking like I'm abandoning her. I finally went in and tried it, and within two minutes, she was silent.
Now I feel like absolute shit for not trying it 30 minutes sooner.
I know that as a parent I'm going to make mistakes. And I know half the time there isn't a right answer anyway. But how am I supposed to get over feeling like I just tortured my kid for half an hour because I didn't think it would work so I didn't try?
God, her face when I went in there.
I really don't think I was ever cut out for this.
Posted by me at December 29, 2005 10:44 AM
Comments
I said those same words to my husband today: "I don't think I'm cut out for parenthood." I feel ya.
Posted by: Beth at December 29, 2005 11:35 PM